in The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled — Jonson, Ben
Metadata
Play
The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled
Author
Jonson, Ben
Year (catalogued)
1640
First performance
1632
Decade
1640s
Genre
Comedy
Play type
Adult Professional
Company
King's Men
Speech prefix(es)
Pan. | Pan:
Words
424
Characters
2253
Typicality
0.26 (cosine to cluster centroid)
TCP id
A72473.23
BritDrama no.
2385
Cluster
Cluster 6 — Battlefield messengers & soldiers
Important excerpts
No keyword-matching excerpt could be extracted (the cluster label doesn't share vocabulary with this character's speech).
Full speech
OF you must look for the nine deadly Sims, In the Church books, Doge'; not the 'high Constables; Nor in the Counties: Zure, that same Zin Valentine, He was a stately Zin: and he were a Zin, And kept 'brave house. You are a shrewd antiquity, neighbour Clench! And a great Guide to all the Parishes! The very Bellwether of the Hundred, here, As I may zay. Mr. Tobias Turf, High Constable, would not miss you, for of score nus, When he doe' scorse of the great Charty to us. Mr. High Constable comes. Out cept Kenned, for there they landed All Gentlemen, and came in with the Conqueror, Mad Julius Caesar; who built Dover -Castle: My Ancestor To Pan, Beatrice the first Ketle-drum, Avore 'hun, here vrom Dover on the March: Which piece of monumental copper hangs Up, scourd, at Hammersmith yet; for there they came Over the Thames, at a low water mark; Vore either London, I, or Kingston Bridge— I doubt were kursind. I'll have the jovial Tinker for To. Pans sake. I zay, John Clay, keep still on his old gate: Wedding, and hanging, both go at a rate. A right good man! when he knows right, he loves it. For the passion of man, hold Gentleman, and Puppy. A man is a man, and a beast's a beast, look to't. Faith neighbour Medlay, I durst be his burrough, He would not look a true man in the vace. Dick: Toter! H'was one o'the Weights o'the City. I have read o'hun: He was a fellow would be drunk, debauched— And he did zet un i'the stocks indeed: His name Vadjan, and a cunning Toter. Mine was a merry Greek, To-Pan, of Twyford: A jovial Tinker, and a stopper of holes; Who left me mettall-man of Belsise, his heir. I, or the Squire their son, Tripoli Tub. Why, you can tell us by the Squire, Neighbour, Whence he is called a Constable, and whaffore. Pray luck he speed Well in the business, between Captain Thums, And him. He must, warrant we can all take corpulent oath, We zaw one go in there. Here be some on us, Are called the witty men, over a hundred; A Masque, what's that? Do not dispute with him, he still will win. That pays for all. Yes every Barber, every Cutler has it. All the postures Of the trained bans o'the Country. And all their Captains. He cannot choose. This is gear made to fell. Or Bevis, or Sir Guy. Who were high Constables both.
Plot summary
Plot — The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled
Probee and Damn-Play are sent on stage by the audience to bargain for a good play; what they get is The Magnetic Lady. They watch the play and comment on it between the acts. Visitors flock to Lady Loadstone’s house, some brought by her lodger, Compass, others to pay court to her sickly but wealthy niece, Placentia Steel, on her birthday. By the terms of her parents’ will, Placentia’s marriage portion of £16,000 is to be paid when she marries, but until then is held by her uncle, Interest. There are several suitors, including Practice the lawyer and Silkworm the courtier. Lady Loadstone initially prefers Practice, but the prospect of being made a countess through a friend at court converts her to Silkworm’s suit. Palate also promotes Silkworm, pointing out that Practice is already engaged to the servant Pleasance. Interest is trying to arrange a marriage between Placentia and Bias, who is a younger brother and will be content to accept less than the full dowry. Ironside, Compass’s brother, wounds Silkworm in a violent altercation at dinner, and Compass persuades the courtier to seek redress in a duel rather than at law; Bias hopes that Silkworm will be killed and the court rid of a nuisance, but in the event he merely talks to Ironside about valour. Placentia turns out to be pregnant, and the suitors back off; Practice asks Compass to help him marry Pleasance instead. Compass learns that Pleasance and Placentia were swapped for one another in their cradles, and uses the blank licence obtained by Practice to get himself married to ‘Pleasance’. His bride then disappears, and turns out to have been abducted by Polish, her supposed mother, who is trying to conceal the baby swap. The steward Needle pretends to suffer from walking and talking in his sleep, and persuades Interest that a ghost, in love with him, has hidden treasure in the garden. Interest goes looking for it and falls into a well. The false Placentia gives birth. Convinced that the pregnancy was only malicious gossip, Bias agrees to marry her, and Interest promises to pay him the dowry. Compass makes his peace with Practice with the gift of a court office and has Interest arrested. Polish confesses the exchange of infants, which leaves Interest obliged to pay the money twice over, to Compass in respect of the true Placentia and to Bias in respect of the false one. Fortunately for him, Polish also admits that the pregnancy was genuine, so Bias backs out of the marriage. Lady Loadstone and Ironside…