in The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled — Jonson, Ben
Metadata
Play
The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled
Author
Jonson, Ben
Year (catalogued)
1640
First performance
1632
Decade
1640s
Genre
Comedy
Play type
Adult Professional
Company
King's Men
Speech prefix(es)
Pol.
Words
447
Characters
2304
Typicality
0.47 (cosine to cluster centroid)
TCP id
A72473.23
BritDrama no.
2385
Cluster
Cluster 1 — Wives, widows & intimate counsel
Important excerpts
No keyword-matching excerpt could be extracted (the cluster label doesn't share vocabulary with this character's speech).
Full speech
Madam, if he had couched with the Lamb, He had no doubt been stirring with the Lark: But he sat up at Play, and watched the Cock, Till his first warning chid him off to rest. Late Watchers are no early Wakers, Madam; But if your Ladyship will have him called—. I am gone. Stirring betimes out of his bed, and ready. No Madam, he is gone. I met the Porter, and have asked him for him; He says he let him forth and hour ago. Gone with his Master. Madam, to Kentish Town, we are God at length; But, by the way we cannot meet the Squire: Nor by inquiry can we hear of him. Here is Turf is house, the father of the Maid. Who keeps the house here? I ask then, who's within? Look forth, and speak. Into the street, here. Come before my Lady. Madam, these tidings are not much amiss! For if the Justice have the Maid in keep, You needs not fear the marriage of your son. Didst thou never hear, my Lady had a son? The maids, and her half- Valentine have plied her With curtsy of the Bride-Cake, and the Bowl, As she is laid a while. Madam, your worthy son, with duteous care, Can govern his affections: Rather then Break off their conference some other way, Pretending ignorance of what you know. I smile to think after so many proffers This Maid hath had, she now should fallen to me: That I should have her in my custody: It but a mad trick to make the essay, And jump a match with her immediately: She's fair, and handsome: and she's rich enough: Both time, and place minister fair occasion: Have at it then: Fair Lady, can you love? A toy, which women use. We will not stand discoursing o'the toy: The way is short please you to prov't Mistress? It's thus, fair Maid: Are you disposed to marry? Are you to grant? I see the wench wants but a little wit; And that defect her wealth may well supply: In plain terms, tell me, Will you have me Awdrey? I can give you A silken Gown, and a rich Petticoat: And a french Hood. All fools love to be brave: I find her humour, and I will pursue it. You shall Squire. I'll perform it with all care, If all my Ladies Wardrobe will disguise her. Come Mistress Awdrey. Hee'll meet us by and by, where he appointed: You shall be brave anon, as none shall know you. For that I made Bold with your Ladyships Wardrobe, but have trespassed Within the limits of your leave— I hope.
Plot summary
Plot — The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled
Probee and Damn-Play are sent on stage by the audience to bargain for a good play; what they get is The Magnetic Lady. They watch the play and comment on it between the acts. Visitors flock to Lady Loadstone’s house, some brought by her lodger, Compass, others to pay court to her sickly but wealthy niece, Placentia Steel, on her birthday. By the terms of her parents’ will, Placentia’s marriage portion of £16,000 is to be paid when she marries, but until then is held by her uncle, Interest. There are several suitors, including Practice the lawyer and Silkworm the courtier. Lady Loadstone initially prefers Practice, but the prospect of being made a countess through a friend at court converts her to Silkworm’s suit. Palate also promotes Silkworm, pointing out that Practice is already engaged to the servant Pleasance. Interest is trying to arrange a marriage between Placentia and Bias, who is a younger brother and will be content to accept less than the full dowry. Ironside, Compass’s brother, wounds Silkworm in a violent altercation at dinner, and Compass persuades the courtier to seek redress in a duel rather than at law; Bias hopes that Silkworm will be killed and the court rid of a nuisance, but in the event he merely talks to Ironside about valour. Placentia turns out to be pregnant, and the suitors back off; Practice asks Compass to help him marry Pleasance instead. Compass learns that Pleasance and Placentia were swapped for one another in their cradles, and uses the blank licence obtained by Practice to get himself married to ‘Pleasance’. His bride then disappears, and turns out to have been abducted by Polish, her supposed mother, who is trying to conceal the baby swap. The steward Needle pretends to suffer from walking and talking in his sleep, and persuades Interest that a ghost, in love with him, has hidden treasure in the garden. Interest goes looking for it and falls into a well. The false Placentia gives birth. Convinced that the pregnancy was only malicious gossip, Bias agrees to marry her, and Interest promises to pay him the dowry. Compass makes his peace with Practice with the gift of a court office and has Interest arrested. Polish confesses the exchange of infants, which leaves Interest obliged to pay the money twice over, to Compass in respect of the true Placentia and to Bias in respect of the false one. Fortunately for him, Polish also admits that the pregnancy was genuine, so Bias backs out of the marriage. Lady Loadstone and Ironside…