IRONSIDE

Troth, brother Compass, you shall pardon me; I love not so to multiply acquaintance At a meals cost, it'll take off o'my freedom So much: or bind me to the least observance. Sir I confess you to be one well read In men, and manners; and that, usually, The most ungoverned persons, you being present, Rather subject themselves unto your censure, Then give you least occasion of distaste, By making you the subject of their mirth: But (to deal plainly with you, as a brother) When ever I distrust i'my own valour: I'll never bear me on another's wit, Or offer to bring off, or save my self On the opinion of your Judgement, gravity, Discretion, or what else. But (being away) You're sure to have lesse-wit-worke, gentle brother, My humour being as stubborn, as the rest, And as unmannageable. But, brother, I have seen A Coward, meeting with a man as valiant As our St. George (not knowing him to be such, Or having least opinion that he was so) Set to him roundly, I, and swinge him soundly: And i'the virtue of that error, having Once overcome, resolved for ever after To err; and think no person, nor no creature More valiant then himself. Compass, I know that universal causes In nature produce nothing; but as meeting Particular causes, to determine those, And specify their acts. This is a piece Of Oxford Science, stays with me ere since I left that place; and I have often found The truth thereof, in my private passion: For I do never feel my self perturbed With any general words against my profession, Unless by some smart stroke upon my self They do awake, and stir me: Else, to wise And well experienced men, words do but signify; They have no power; save with dull Grammarians, Whose souls are nought, but a Syntaxis of them. This is a strange put-off! a reverend youth, You use him most surreverently me thinks! What? call you him? Palate Please? or Parson Palate? Who made this EPIGRAM, you? But what's the other Character, DOCTOR Rut? What mad woman have they God, here, to bore? If she had a wit, Death has gone near to spoil it, Assure your self. Never, where a beam Of so much favour does illustrate it, Right knowing Lady. As you have done here? T'invite your friend, and brother to a feast, Where all the Guests are so mere heterogene, And strangers, no man knows another, or cares If they be Christians, or Mahometans! That here are met. Yes, and with whom I eat. I may dispute, And how shall I hold argument with such, I neither know their humours, nor their heresies; Which are religions now, and so received? Here's no man among these that keeps a servant, To'inquire his Master of: yet i'the house, I hear it buzzed, there are a brace of Doctors; A Fool, and a Physician: with a Courtier, That feeds on mulberry leaves, Like a true Silkeworme: A Lawyer, and a mighty Money-Baud, Sir Moath! has brought his politic Bias with him: A man of a most animadverting humour: Who, to endear himself unto his Lord, Will tell him, you and I, or any of us, That here are met, are all pernicious spirits, And men of pestilent purpose, meanly affected Unto the State we live in: and beget Himself a thanks, with the great men of the time, By breeding Jealous in them of us, Shall cross our Fortune's, frustrate our endeavours, Twice seven years after: And this trick be called Cutting of throats, with a whispering, or a penknife. I must cut his throat now: I'am bound in honour, And by the Law of arms, to see it done; I dare to do it; and I dare profess The doing of it: being to such a Rascal, Who is the common offence grown of mankind; And worthy to be torn up from society. Why? will you Entreat your self, into a beating for him, My courteous brother? If you will, have at you, No man deserves it better (now I think on't) Then you: that will keep consort with such Fiddlers, Pragmatic Flies, Fools, Publicans, and Moathes: And leave your honest, and adopted brother. Run away Like Cimici, Into the cranies of a rotten bedstead. Pray heaven they be not frighted from their stomachs: That so my Ladies Table be disfurnished Of the provisions! Pox upon your women, And your half man there, Court-Sir Ambergris: A perfumed braggart: He must drink his wine With three parts water; and have Amber in that too. Cannot he drink In Orthodox, but he must have his Gums, And Panym Drugs? Peace to you all Gentlemen, Enter Iron side. Save to this Mushroom; who I hear is menacing Me with a Challenge: which I come to anticipate, And save the Law a labour: Will you fight Sir? Oh, that's to save your doublet; I know it a Court trick! you had rather have And Ulcer in your body, then a Pink More in your clothes. Sir I not mean To put it off for that, nor yet my doublet: You have cause to call me Coward, that more fear The stroke of the common, and life giving air, Then all your fury, and the Panoply. Which, who hath not, Is justly thought a Coward: And he is such. I do that too, But did not learn it there; I think no valour Lies for a private cause. And which of these so well-pressed resolutions Am I to encounter now? For commonly, Men that have so much choice before them, have Some trouble to resolve of any one. In a most strange discovery. Where's Compass? The slip is his then. A grave head! Gi'n over to the study of our Laws. And you to mind a wise. He shall not think on't. And that's and office, you know how to stir in. Which are (indeed) The ends of a gowned man: Show your activity, And how you are built for business. All is one, Hee'll make Reversion a Possession quickly. To a Lawyer, That can make use of a place, any half title, Is better then a wife. He is to occupy and office wholly. It will be and Act Worthy your justice, Madam. A little sovus in the water: Needle saved him. Faith I will bail him, at mine own apperill. Varlet, be gone: I'll once ha'the reputation, To be security for such a sum. Bear up Sir Moath. Your Nieces portion; in the right of his wife. You'll pay it now, Sir Moath, with interest? You see the truth breaks out on every side of you. And embrace you, Lady, and your goodness, And vow to quit all thought of war hereafter; Save what is fought under your colours, Madam. And take in these, the forlorn Couple, with us, Needle, and's Thread, whose portion I will think on; As being a business, waiting on my bounty: Thus I do take possession of you, Madam, My true Magnetic Mistress, and my Lady. Why, is it any matter in what fashion A man deliver his letters, so he not open them?