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Full speech
What if I take this way? It may be I shall find them in the grove, Whither they oft resort— but stay, perchance They may be in the arbour that does look Into the forest. Ah? How Like unto this Dazy was I once While I did live recluse! my innocent heart Like to this little Globe of gold, enclosed Within the whiteness of my thoughts, was safe From all the violence that Love, or shame His child could do: but when his warmer beams Displayed that Ivory guard, and laid me open Unto the tyranny of his assaults, I was — but I will sigh out all the rest. Ah Lucius. Why Lucius? Neander is as deer to me as he. Dost thou not blush to speakt * thou shame of woman? But here he comes, I will address my self. Enter Nean. With all the winning Graces that I have To entertain him. Dearest love Neander. The welcomest man alive. Whither dost thou turn So cruelly from her that loves thee more Then her own soul? are you not well good Sir? But am I thus despised? But pray thee speak Neander, am I so Deformed grown of late, for to deserve All this neglect? Lucius, were you so nigh, and not discovered? All hail, but whither in such haste my love? If thou dost love me stay a little. A thief? But why a Thief? Speak. The nearest way unto the graven. Let it be speedy then good Lucius. Where's that? Why dost not open then And let me in? — O if they live so here, Farewell for ever to the upper world. Stay Lucius. It's I that will be gone, the most unhappy Of all, on whom nature hath written woman; Forsaken Constantina, thou and I Will have a Dialogue in tears anon. Exit. Placenta, you have herd my cares, my griefs And which hath caused them all, you know my love, Now by those tender years, by that first ray Of blessed light these infant eyes received Upon those vigilant knees, I do conjure thee Forsake me not in these my Misery's Y'aue herd my sick ness, It's the physician must prescribe the medicine And not the patient. By all my vows it will; Nor am I much solicitous in the choice, So I have one. I am a woman, and may learn in time. I fear I cannot, it's too hard a Province: But what will this advantage me I pray you? Why I will try I say. Indeed Placenta As you are now, you'd need to fell them deer, It is a rare commodity, your Shop Affords not many of them. Sure I think I can, If needs require. And what to me? It rather not becomes Endymion, A Youth of that same mould and symmetry To be so bashful before a Gentlewoman: As for thy Master I disclaim his love As one unworthy. And with his love, all the whole world of men, Except been thee my soul: why fliest thou me? Oh most redolent! Aurora's spiced bed is not more sweet, Not all the odours of the early East. How? but mock thee sweet? By all the Cupid's in thy face, I love thee Beyond the expression of a woman's tongue. By this same nest of kisses I protest— What wouldst thou more? But canst thou love me then? Ay me! what mean you Sir? Now fie upon you Sir, you've spoiled my linen. Pray Heavens no body saw us: good Placenta Re-edify what is amiss. Fair Sir, This may seem lightness in me. But Sir, Let me entreat you for to entertain A better faith of her that is your servant, Give it the right name Sir, and call it Love. Sweet shall I crave? Endymion, Exit Plam. Another kiss; lo thus I will revenge She kisses Endym. My self on those two frozen Lovers; thus, And thus, and thus — Revenge, how sweet thou art Unto a woman! And canst thou love me, sweet Endymion? These kisses He kisses her Redit in scenam ̄ Plam. Have not that masculine relish yet me thinks, Which I enjoyed in the manly embraces Of Lucius, or Neander. Were all odours lost, And beggared Nature had not sweets enough to embalm the dying Phoenix left, from hence From this same lip, She might restore her self. Once more sweet— Two pendant Cherries when some gentle gale Makes them to kiss, meet not with such a touch! Alas.—Sweet Gen tlemen.— She lays hold on Neanders arm. Rather let all your fury end in me, See here my naked breast employ your valours: Why do you stand and gaze one on another? What is the naked bosom of a Virgin A spectacle of such terror? if it be, And that the fight of it hath cooled your bloods, Then hear me speak: you Lucius may remember That ancient stock of love, those many vows, Those many tears, those many longings, which Have passed betwixt us: nor can you justly style it A fault of mine, that Time is now so old And yet does see us two; but partly yours Partly my athers nearness (for I must not Give it the name it merits, Covetousness) Who seeing your so fervent love unto me, Did strive to thrust me out with nothing, or At least with such a portion, as you liked not; While thus I wavered, betwixt hope, and fear, It fortuned, that this Gentleman Neander Became your Rival who had not long been here, Not long solicited, but I (shame of women) Began to love ye both, and which is more I loved ye with and equal flame, (but see What Pageants Cupid can play!) it chanced (Contrary to all men's expectations) That by degrees such a strong tie of friendship Did grow betwixt ye, that each of ye refused (For his friends sake) what then was proffered you, My love; while I bewailed my Misery's Unto this Midwife here, my friend, and grieved At this my harder fortune—Good Placenta She weeps. Give them the rest. Would I could call it false—But otherwise Then was expected hath it prospered. She weeps. Oh me! and Eunuch? Ah! Hands off thou outside of a man; and thou Ʋ xorious creature, I do crave no aid From you, forbear. I am not well Placenta, let us go Into your house a while. How? Your service sir? You can do nothing, nor do I expect it. But if your love towards me be worthy, lend me Your Page, but for and hour. Then sir adieu. Behold That treachery repaid him. Is this your father sweet? Sir fear not that, I will entreat my father. Placenta, run, See if my father be within,—I know Ex. Plam. (Most worthy sir) that I shall win him to it. Most reverend sir, wilt please you To walk into the pastures, peradventure There we shall meet my father. Ah! Yes. I do confess I am a woman; see, Here is the man has won what you have lost; Stout soldiers sure, that when the City gates Were open to ye, durst not enter in. Father. Sir I beseech you hear me. And let me have your approbation In this young Gentleman for my husband. Are they not there Placenta? Content; Endymion, wil't please you to accompany us? Exeunt. Is this your wife? I judge her happy who so ever she is, But tell me dearest, did thy Master Lucius. Once love thy sister Isabella so, Whom now he has forsaken? Troth Lucius, I do pity you, that do Spend so much breath unto so little end, What needs all these deep protestations? I care not this for all your love, nor yet For your friend Janus there with the two faces; Nor do I think you men. Neander, — Lucius, — Ah by that Monster of my love, your friendship, Lucius, by these eyes of mine, which thou A thousand times and more hast dared to liken Unto the brighter star of Venus, which Is both the Prologue and the Epilogue Unto the glorious Sun: By thine own eyes Which are two clearer stars, I do conjure thee Forbear to prosecute such a revenge Upon this innocent Boy: for here I swear By all those blessed powers, which know our thoughts, I never loved him.
Plot summary
Plot — The Rival Friends
With Placenta’s help, Constantina disguises herself as a boy and leaves her father’s house in search of her missing love, Cleopes; she leaves a former boy-actor in her place. The friends Neander and Lucius both love Pandora, but she cannot decide between them. Each asks old Lively to help him win her love, not for himself but for his friend. Favouring Lucius, Lively plans to arrange a bogus wedding that will remove Neander from the rivalry, leaving Pandora for Lucius, without being subsequently binding. The ‘boy’ whom Lively selects to pose as Neander’s bride is actually Constantina; but he allows the wedding to go ahead even after discovering her identity. Meanwhile Placenta advises Pandora to make her lovers jealous by pretending interest in someone else, so she woos the page Endymion. When she learns that Neander is married, and when Lucius claims to be a eunuch, she transfers her affections to Endymion in earnest. It emerges that Lucius has jilted Endymion’s sister Isabella, who subsequently disappeared. Constantina is brought in apparently dead, killed by Neander, and her brother Love-All recognizes her. In fact, she is only injured, and revives, calling for Cleopes. Neander admits that he is Cleopes: he had wooed her, but became more interested in Pandora, and feigned a voyage overseas; he then returned with a new identity to pursue Pandora. Love-All wants to know who was pretending to be his sister while Constantina has been out of the house; the ‘boy’ is brought in, and is recognized as the absent Isabella. Lucius agrees to marry her, waiving a dowry, and Pandora is allowed to marry Endymion. In one sub-plot, Lively’s house, a parsonage, will revert to the church upon his death. Pandora’s father, Justice Hook, has the living in his gift, and has promised it to whoever marries his other daughter, the deformed Ursely. Suitors flock to Hook’s house, but Lively intends to outlive them. While Hook is interviewing the candidates, Lively feigns death and names Hook his heir, but comes back to life when Hook rushes off to take possession of the property. Ursely herself wants to marry the misogynistic Anteros, and Anteros overhears Hook acceding to her wishes. To win the compliance of Anteros’ father Terpander, Hook surrenders a mortgage on his lands, which Anteros destroys. Placenta then reveals that the marriage cannot take place: Ursely is Anteros’ sister, given up at birth by her mother to simulate the results of a phantom pregnancy to Hook’s wife.…