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Full speech
Fair Nymph, God save you. Nay but sweet Lady Forbear the encounter. You see I walk, look fresh, and laugh. (would, would, he) Symptoms of one that is not very sick. You're troublesome. Would, would, he, 'tis pretty, very pretty * How scurvily does sorrow laugh? (would, would, he) aside. Most excellent, beyond compare (would would, he) Why do you follow me? I do not fell complexion Lady, nor Have I the art to cure the tympany, I have no great devotion to the tub Nor the hight house, as yet, what are you rampant? What shall I answer? Madam, If you have spoke all that you mean to speak And have no greater business, I desire I may crave pardon, I must take my leave, I have affairs expect me. Oh misery! That which I long for most, I fly from farthest. Where shall I find my Lucius? My divining soul Tells me that Lucius is not far from hence. Redit in sce nam Neander. Would! it is he, I will observe a little Would? does he embrace her? sure it cannot be. Who is't dares say I must not love this man? Lucius! They embrace and so go out. Why do you weep and sighs so boy? no more. But see my Lucius. I must quite altar my discourse, my garb, And all my actions. Hence dull melancholy, I now must find a face that must out-smile A morn in June. Lucius, a thousand hails. What means this strange and ponderous eye? As though you were to take our Altitudes Lucius? what? and do you smile? faith speak. How dost thou Like my Choice? perhaps you wonder At this so sudden match; but (Friend) you see What Love and a fair Gentlewoman can do. What muse you on So deeply Lucius? does your first sons name You shall beget on the most fair Pandora Perplex you now? come on, I'll answer for you, He shall be called Fortunate. Why pray thee sweet? I do not apprehend him. What shall I answer? I am i'th briers. Most excellent dissembler! As though you know not Constantina sir. It's. Now all the Gods! where is he? Would? It cannot be, 'tas no affinity With truth; It must not be believed good Lucius. Ah Lucius! must he not die? Woman forbear. Most impudent woman, Did not our eyes behold it? If it be so, Pandora, we crave pardon. And do restore him life; but now (fair soul) If thou dost aim to reach a life so happy So full of all content, that thou mayest fit Within thy Sphere (Like Venus) and look down On all thy Sex, and pity them; love this man. Love this man. For as for my self I am Already furnished with a Mistress, see My wife here— Sweetest wife. Lucius forbear. It is a woman. But see she breathes again. Shall I be vanquished thus Plac. In friendship? But I will once more to Lively. Plac. And see what further counsel he will give me, Endym. Fair wife let's go—Rise up you villain boy; Lucius farewell. Villain. Oh that thou hadst As many lives as hairs, that I might be And age in killing thee, that I might score up Each passing minute with a life: — But speak, How durst thou thus abuse me? No, didst thou not know it? But thou shalt know thy self to be a man, One that can die. How poor is this revenge? hast thou any children, Or kinsfolks (speak) that I may kill them too? Would? wilt thou not answer? how durst thou offer this? Better then I? that word Does merit death though thou hadst been preserved White from thy cradle to this hour.— Dost thou love Lucius? would? Live; no, no thou must not; Thou mightest have killed my father, broke the urn Wherein my mother's ashes sleep, far cheaper. But for his sake, thus much I'll grant thee, choose The manner of thy death—shall I take off thy head? Or hadst thou rather die upon the point? Think quickly, nay be instant. Well thou hast it. But see that it be speedy. Would? is this Lucius? I must Defer my joust revenge I see a little. He must not know that I am angry, not How I am gulled. Thou owest thy life unto my Lucius. I am not now at leisure for to kill thee. What thou deservest villain. But will you live if I do presently Make a divorce betwixt you and Neander? And place you in the arms of him you so Love, and adore, your Cleopes? Thou'rt all divinity, indeed I cannot. See where Pandora comes; but now I can. Behold my Lucius. Lucius, Thou shalt not overcome; disguise farewell. Oh thou that art the shame of all thy sex, Fair Constantina, yet not half so fair As virtuous, here behold thy Cleopes; Neander's vanished; why do you wonder so? I do confess I loved that Gentlewoman, And for her love I took on this disguise, And here for thine I put it off again, And on my bent knee do beg my pardon For all the wrong I've done thee Let me embrace thee Thou instrument of all our good. True. But is he gone? he must not so escape me. Ex. Nean. Take half. I will divide my gifts betwixt ye — there. Thou Temple of Virtue, fairest Constantina. — She lives again, Oh miracle of women! O hated name, Enough t'infect the world, but that it comes Out of those lips. Art thou not softened yet Neander? Would? Hadst thou and heart cut out 'oth Diamond rock, Sure this would melt it. Oh constant virgin! Lucius, take truce with wonder, I am Cleopes, And I do hope though now I wear that name, As deer to thee as when I herd Neander. You may remember when as first the beauty Of fair Pandora did attract your eyes To wonder, and to love, that I was then A busy wooer unto Constantina: But so it pleased Cupid, that while I Drew out a languishing and lukewarm suit To her, the vigour of Pandora's beams, (As does the Sun unto our culinar fire) Did quite extinguish that same petty flame. Thinking it vain t'attempt her in that shape, I presently did take some discontent, And feigned a journey into Belgia, And not long after took on this disguise, And returned hither; where I have remained Your Rival, and capital friend together: And (which I wonder at the most) unknown: You have my Metamorphosis. But sweet, How camest thou pray thee, unto M r Lively? And by what tricks did he inveigle thee Unto this contract, since thou didst not know That Cleopes was there invisible? But now Pandora, why Stand you so dully here, and do not fly Into his strict embraces, who alone Loves you, and who alone deserves your love? Brother, All health, all happiness.
Plot summary
Plot — The Rival Friends
With Placenta’s help, Constantina disguises herself as a boy and leaves her father’s house in search of her missing love, Cleopes; she leaves a former boy-actor in her place. The friends Neander and Lucius both love Pandora, but she cannot decide between them. Each asks old Lively to help him win her love, not for himself but for his friend. Favouring Lucius, Lively plans to arrange a bogus wedding that will remove Neander from the rivalry, leaving Pandora for Lucius, without being subsequently binding. The ‘boy’ whom Lively selects to pose as Neander’s bride is actually Constantina; but he allows the wedding to go ahead even after discovering her identity. Meanwhile Placenta advises Pandora to make her lovers jealous by pretending interest in someone else, so she woos the page Endymion. When she learns that Neander is married, and when Lucius claims to be a eunuch, she transfers her affections to Endymion in earnest. It emerges that Lucius has jilted Endymion’s sister Isabella, who subsequently disappeared. Constantina is brought in apparently dead, killed by Neander, and her brother Love-All recognizes her. In fact, she is only injured, and revives, calling for Cleopes. Neander admits that he is Cleopes: he had wooed her, but became more interested in Pandora, and feigned a voyage overseas; he then returned with a new identity to pursue Pandora. Love-All wants to know who was pretending to be his sister while Constantina has been out of the house; the ‘boy’ is brought in, and is recognized as the absent Isabella. Lucius agrees to marry her, waiving a dowry, and Pandora is allowed to marry Endymion. In one sub-plot, Lively’s house, a parsonage, will revert to the church upon his death. Pandora’s father, Justice Hook, has the living in his gift, and has promised it to whoever marries his other daughter, the deformed Ursely. Suitors flock to Hook’s house, but Lively intends to outlive them. While Hook is interviewing the candidates, Lively feigns death and names Hook his heir, but comes back to life when Hook rushes off to take possession of the property. Ursely herself wants to marry the misogynistic Anteros, and Anteros overhears Hook acceding to her wishes. To win the compliance of Anteros’ father Terpander, Hook surrenders a mortgage on his lands, which Anteros destroys. Placenta then reveals that the marriage cannot take place: Ursely is Anteros’ sister, given up at birth by her mother to simulate the results of a phantom pregnancy to Hook’s wife.…