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Full speech
As I'm a Gentleman, and and elder brother— You wrong me Sir, I will swear out my swear, as I am a Gentleman I must, and will swear. How? Do you think I have no more? by my— Nay, you shall hear me, by — Ante. stops his mouth. By my— by— my indad law. Say you so? [The Scholar offers to salute Loveall who regards him not] My name Sir? why Sir? I am not ashamed of my name Sir. My name is Sir M. Mung. Sir. A poor elder brother Sir. And yet not very poor neither Sir. Heir to six, or seven hundred a year Sir. My father is a Gentleman Sir. I have and Uncle that is a Justice of Peace Sir. I can borrow his white Mare when I please sir. She stood him in thirty pieces sir. Nay I have done now, I did but try how I could quarrel a little. Anteros. As I am a gentleman, and and elder brother, I am almost choked. Why so? Sir I desire you to pardon me, I must not swear yet, my General will give the word when I must vent. It may be so. Yes Sir, I have hunted, and hawked, there about Sir in my days, and been in Sara's he e too Sir, I was at the last horse raze, Sir, when Veluet-heeles, and Currants run Sir, I have some reason to remember it, I am sure, I was cheated of twen ty pieces there, I'll swear unto you Sir as I'm a Gentleman, and and elder Brother, I'm a very fool— Nay but conceive me Sir. I was a very fool (as I said before) to be drawn in after that manner, I would feign see the best cheater of them all, gull me of so much now. Thank you sir. [They shake hands, he feels him by the nose end.] Nay, I shall do well in time. As I'm a Gentleman, and and elder brother— Arrest me Sir? soft, and easily Sir, more words to a bargain; s'duds! I think my sword be mortil'd into a snail, [He flies back and offers to draw] I cannot entreat him out of his shell. Arrest me Sir? As I'm a Gentleman, and and elder bro there, I owe no man a farthing that I mean to pay him. Nay come Sir, I am fleshed now i'saith. Friends Sir? I know not whither you be my friend, or no; I am sure you use no friendly language. Nay Sir, as soon as my father die, (which will not be long I hope, for he lies sick now) I'll go to Londorn, and learn to quarrel there, for a year or two, and then come down again, and practice amongst my Tenants. I hope you are not angry? What's the matter? but is this true? Where will you hide me sir? I'll go into the chest too.
Plot summary
Plot — The Rival Friends
With Placenta’s help, Constantina disguises herself as a boy and leaves her father’s house in search of her missing love, Cleopes; she leaves a former boy-actor in her place. The friends Neander and Lucius both love Pandora, but she cannot decide between them. Each asks old Lively to help him win her love, not for himself but for his friend. Favouring Lucius, Lively plans to arrange a bogus wedding that will remove Neander from the rivalry, leaving Pandora for Lucius, without being subsequently binding. The ‘boy’ whom Lively selects to pose as Neander’s bride is actually Constantina; but he allows the wedding to go ahead even after discovering her identity. Meanwhile Placenta advises Pandora to make her lovers jealous by pretending interest in someone else, so she woos the page Endymion. When she learns that Neander is married, and when Lucius claims to be a eunuch, she transfers her affections to Endymion in earnest. It emerges that Lucius has jilted Endymion’s sister Isabella, who subsequently disappeared. Constantina is brought in apparently dead, killed by Neander, and her brother Love-All recognizes her. In fact, she is only injured, and revives, calling for Cleopes. Neander admits that he is Cleopes: he had wooed her, but became more interested in Pandora, and feigned a voyage overseas; he then returned with a new identity to pursue Pandora. Love-All wants to know who was pretending to be his sister while Constantina has been out of the house; the ‘boy’ is brought in, and is recognized as the absent Isabella. Lucius agrees to marry her, waiving a dowry, and Pandora is allowed to marry Endymion. In one sub-plot, Lively’s house, a parsonage, will revert to the church upon his death. Pandora’s father, Justice Hook, has the living in his gift, and has promised it to whoever marries his other daughter, the deformed Ursely. Suitors flock to Hook’s house, but Lively intends to outlive them. While Hook is interviewing the candidates, Lively feigns death and names Hook his heir, but comes back to life when Hook rushes off to take possession of the property. Ursely herself wants to marry the misogynistic Anteros, and Anteros overhears Hook acceding to her wishes. To win the compliance of Anteros’ father Terpander, Hook surrenders a mortgage on his lands, which Anteros destroys. Placenta then reveals that the marriage cannot take place: Ursely is Anteros’ sister, given up at birth by her mother to simulate the results of a phantom pregnancy to Hook’s wife.…