GRIPE

Cousin Nice, and my man Thirsty. No. Thy mind runs all oth' pot. Be drowned in holy-water. I pree thee good Nice, dispatch, dispatch. Pox of Crows and numbers. If thou hadst given her a piece of carrion, she would have cried again. Away. Why, let her croak the downfall of his house. Whats that to me? prithee good Nice make haste. Now, Valentine, Hast all things ready? how now—a gain? Mew. Beat her off, dash out her brains. Good Nice be not so curious. Are all things ready, Valentine? this fool troubles me worse then the gout. What? through the bone? Oh-oh-giue me my money. This medicine's worse then any gout. O good Valentine, your tent's too long—too long. Nay, good Valentine: would not a sixpenny nail serve? Nay, good Valentine:— even do thy will. Come-come-Valentine. Oh-neuer was man so far in my bonds, as I am in this Physicians. He has nailed me to him. That every whore in London, were but in my case now. Why Valentine— O he's come. How now? are you returned? where's my mor gage? out Villains, where's my mortgage? O my toe—o my mortgage. I'm undone. What's the news Thirsty? what, what, good Thirsty? No, not till I hear of my mortgage. What's the mat ter? o— What? o—what? Is my mortgage safe? Hath the un der-Sheriffe done a miracle, and played the honest man? what good Thirsty? O rogues, pernicious villains, you conspire to cozen me: get out the nail, Thirsty. Hares, and Ravens, and Devils. Do, good Been. but not in this, Been. not in this. O my mor gage man, my mortgage—run. I shall loose a days fruits of my mor gage. Take my cousin Nice with you. Come Thirsty, help Thirsty. So, let me down, till I have seen my new mortgage. How now son Benjamin, have you taken possession? No knave? what wilt thou take my lands before I'm dead? You are a brave son indeed. But this is the world. If the father be poor, the son would be rid of him, to save charges. If rich, he must have his lands ere his bones be cold. Would? for 3. Months? Out Villain, Charity's a beggar, as thou wut be. 3. more neths! three weeks, 3. days, 3. hours had been more charity, then ever I showed, or will show to such beggars. Come Nice, Thirsty, list me: I'll take possession my self. Deed me no deeds: I'll nullify thee from being mine heir. Come, help me I say. Where's my man Thirsty? O he's a good knave: he has God possession ot'h house. As lame as I am, I'll in my self. Sirrah, your good nature will bring you to alms house. Thou shalt not inherit a doyt of mine. And for you two Kitlins, I'll make you mew ith Jail, and there be any law in Eng land. So this chasing fit hath God me the use of my legs agame. O excellent Surgeon; would thou Wertenberg here again, for the other 25. pounds. The worse for thee Bastard. Th'hast too much charity in thee to be the son of old Gripe. Come then, Nice, Thirsty. O brave Surgeon, I can go. O brave mortgage I can enter. Dream? what of dreams? good cousin be not so nice. Be hanged. No matter for a partly: all's mine. I'll have no partly in't. O I am a poor man, a very poor man. O coz, I am damned, damned, my moneys' gone. Elstow mortgage is lost. Wallow to me, Nice. Wallow to me, Thirsty. Help.— O how I'm crossed! My money, and my mortgage, all, all lost. I'll follow thee, sweet girl. Would I could cope This mortgage, though my other be passed hope. Hostice, Ostice, where's your kinswoman? I'm going to see my mortgage— Out beggars, mercy? what dost talk to me of mercy? I'm going to let my grounds. I have no leisure for mercy. I cannot stay to hear you, I have business. O my back, my back— O son, son, worse then ever. The Gout was but a stitch to this. O the Colic, the Colic and stone. Sure it will rend my bowels out. O that I knew where my old Physician lived. Son Benjamin, you must to Goldington, To view young Brusters lands: th'are offered me This morn in mortgage. Hark you— Son, I did rest me, hoping to go forward. But so increase my pains, I am not able. Survey you Brusters lands, and speed return. All's for your good, for I am now outworn. O Thirsty, honest Thirsty. Thy old master is but a dead man. I cannot piss man: my vrine's stopped. What crew's this? What fault hath has he committed? Clarke, to your office: take his examination. Now neighbour Sleepy, are you Constable? O Coz, that it were true. pray Sir, let me move a question. Were not you the man, that healed me of the Gout? I am the man, my renowned Paracelsian: thou shalt have the other 25. pound. Constable, I discharge you. Ostice, I'll see you paid: set your reckoning on my score: trouble me no further: leave us, leave us. Now my deep diver into the secrets of nature, I have a cure for thee, more desperate then the former. The stone, the stone: I am pitifully griped with the stone, I ha'lost my pissing. Do so. Here, Thirsty, there be the Keys of the Buttery: attend upon him good Thirsty: let him lack nothing, as thou lovest me. Now if this rare wonder of leeches can cure me of this gripping, that I may have some forty or threescore years more to gather in, by that time I shall gather enough to keep me all the rest of my life. When a man grows up to to six or seven score, it is high time to think of mortality, and to take some ease. These three or four nights I have be haunted with Fairies: they dance about my bedside, pop in a piece of gold between the sheets, scatter here and there fragments of silver, in every corner. I keep my cham ber swept, clean linen, fire to warm them every night. I was at first a fraide, they had been spirits; now I see, they are good harmless Fairies. If I can please them, I shall grow rich, rich. Son I have stayed for you. How dost Like my mortgage? Why, my wise son? Not a doyt. If he come to me, and convey the mortgage I have it ready; else I have no money. Son come and sup with me. Son, son, howsoever he serves you, I'm sure he does not serve God. Without question, he would have ra uish'd her. Speak widow, is it not true?—away with him. Cousin Nice, make his mittimus. Would widow! I am clear of the stone now. Tut, wench, I mean the disease, the disease. Hold, ther's the key of my closet. Be thine own pandar for conuayance. I must receive a little money: profit is above pleasure: about ten— alas poor wench: now she's God into my Closet, she hugs her Hope's, as a Politician his ayery plot, and cries a prize, a prize. She shall be double cony-catched. Well, it grows Fairy-time. O the fine dapper lads, how they frisk about my chamber: when at every step here drops a groat, there a teston. Many drops make a flood. Sure, I'm some wonderful honest man, that they love me thus. I must to bed. Tarry, how then shall I keep touch with the widow? Tha't, I'll fit down in my chair, and feign my self in a slum ber. O it'll be a golden waking dream. Oh-oh-th' are angry. Would I were rid of them. O—sweet spirit—o—do not terrify me thus. What have I done to provoke you? I have, I have—o—but I'll not meddle with her. O theenes, you'll rob me, you'll undo me. O—O—O. Save the gag. I will hang the whole shire, but I'll find them. Jugglers, Fairies, incarnall sprites! My money, my heart, my guts, my soul—Let me curse my self into the ground, and save a Dirge. Run, cry, ride, charge the Consta bles with them. Gone to the Devil. Run to a Conjurer, cast me a fi gure. Pluck down the signs. I'll undo all the Inns in the town: they harbour the thieves. alas, poor widow, she was fast, I warrant you. No more words. Cousin, neighbour, take her to the next Justice. I must not deal in my own business. Let her be examined soundly, soundly: sent to the Jail, roundly, roundly. No more. Do not you know, I know you for a whore! Away with her, I will not hear her speak. My gold, my silver—O my heart will break. Thou sayest well, for my life. But for my conscience 'Tis Like a Surgeons, that takes money for letting out blood. Think of my mortgage. No: that speaks Like and obstreperous Advocate, too loud, In cares of justice. Murder, Like your Jesuit, Should whisper death in silence—sleeping silence. Not too deer, good son. I would not have't too deer: my moneys' gone. Two pennyworth of Ratsbane, with have experience, W'll do't; do't thoroughly. I have here two papers: one of sugar, and that's for my self: another of poison, and that's for my Ostice. Let me be right-right. I should make fair work, if I were mista ken now. Would widow! the art a Churle-a very churl, that wouldst not keep company with thy guests. I have brought thee a cup of wine here: health and blood to thee, sweet Widow. Cousin, fly every step. Remember, Like a Juryman, you go upon life and death. We are all cast away. Sir Bore is not come. Not guilty, my Lord: let all the world testify of my honest carriage. I have lived all my days in good name and fame. 'Tis done. So, I am cousen'd finely, finely— It's true, my lord: this is one of the Fairies. Justice, Justice. I have drunk powerful physic, and the Dropsy Of my (till now) never quenched avarice, Dries up Like Due at the ascending Sun. Vaster, take back your lands; and for the money, Give it my son in portion with your daughter. Henceforth I'll study to requite the wrongs, Which I have done poor men by usury, And vomit up th'extortions, that do lie As undigested crudities on my conscience. My future life shall be in mercy spent. I'm Gripe no more; that name I do repent. Go you two to the undersheriff; and bid him by for tue of this mortgage, give you possession of Vasters lands. The beg gerly slave has broken with me, and I'll take the forfeit. Go quick, quick. I will not loose and hour. No more of kinds. There's no gout kind to any man, I think, but to Physicians. Your remedy short-short. Yes: What of that? I would we had it, cousin, without dreaming. Son Benlamin? yea faith, are you so close with a wench? Come hither—she's a whore, Take heed on her. If she want men's, bring her home: she shall keep my house. Faith, I grow old, and cannot now long live: O such a Wench would be restorative Persuade her Been. You will be gone M r . Valentine; but I hope you will visit me shortly again. Try me, sweet. I'm Like a leek, though I have a grey head, I have a green—wut? wut be my medicine for the stone? when? when? Pish: first make trial how thou likest me: there is no wit, to marry before experience. Come widow, I forgive thee now: I hope thou'lt forgive me too. I'm come to drink down all malice. There's a whole cup for thee: pledge me chuck. Nay tarry, tarry: thou must have sugar to it; women love sweet things, I know. So, off with't bottom and all: the dee per the sweeter. Would Ostice, my son shall give thee a lease of thine Inn. (Excellent ratsbane) it works already. Widow, dost remember since thou wast in my study? and y faith what foundest there? (I'll never trust poison else.) This cottons well yet. No sooner dead, but my son shall cease on all the goods. Search the coffers for my mortgage. If it be lost, yet now she I keep counsel. High thee to bed and sweat. A little posset with twopenny worth of horse-spice. Oh 'tis excellent to put one into a sweat. Farewell widow. A rope. What dost thou tell me of dinner? Cousin, sweet Cousin, run, scud, fly—to Sir Bore Notwithstanding: he lies but three miles off; he's in my debt: bid him release me, and I'll release him. No further. You have made my conscience bleed. I here confess my self guilty of all, Even of this murder too. Oh Benjamin, I have undone My life, my state, my credit, and my Son. But I'm resolved to die, so Monarchs must: Rich men as well as poor, must turn to dust. Alas, thou lovest me; but 'tis not possible. My Lord, this Widow's accessary too: She plotted, she received. Justice, justice. She has robbed me, undone me.