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Full speech
I say, that life is forfeit: and I'll enter on all. The law is on my side. I'll not be bound to the peace. Here's twenty angels: work it good Master Griffin, work it; and you shall be my everlasting Attorney. But if you fail, you must return. Then help to undo me. I'll have my Actium against the Rogues. Help, help. Good master Griffin, your breath's stron gest, yawle, yawle. Your tongue could never stand your Clients in more stead. Thieves, Lawyers, Rogues, Harlots, and Innkeepers, are men's purgations. Griffin has cheated me: took twenty and gels from me; thieves took them from him. He promised to draw Sager to compound; now the day's gone against me. O I could wish my nails turned Vulturos talons, That I might tear their flesh in mammocks, raise My losses from their carcases turned Mummy. Now Kitlin, what would you have? What's that to me? This is plain begging. Minion, fallen to work, And earn supply to wants with diligent labour. For Vasters sake I will not urge the Statute. Boy, I'll smoke you for't. Good evening to you Sir. Saw you not M r Sager, Sir, of late? This is his walk: I would feign speak with him. Sir, for no harm. Good night M. Benjamin; you needs not doubt me. If I could meet him at the advantage now, He is the Foul I'ld shoot at. His life done, The Farm is mine. O you, whose Hope's depend, Like Imgring shadows, on another's end, What needs you wait with patience nature's leisure, When such and engine can soon work your pleasure? Tarry: yonder's a man—now by his habit It should be Sager. What? and fast asleep? Wished opportunity to my revenge. I'll kill him ere he wakes. Stay, grant he should In this unbeaten meadow lately act Some horrid sin, please his adulterous lust: I should then with his body strike his soul, And sink them both together. Reason no further Thou chiding conscience. See, the Fates have placed Him fit for vengeance: enemy, sleep thy last. He's Planet-struck, fallen down: now to my Farm. He that would rise, must thank his wit or arm. O but my murder! pish, who ever stood In Fortune's height, without some touch of blood? I cannot be at rest: I must needs see, If this late murdered corpse removed be. Some gold I have put up in this Portmantua: If I should be pursued, this may relieve me. Ay me! the body's gone: sure it's revealed: Murder from heavens eye cannot be concealed. What shall I do? fit down: lie there, my gold. O me, the Country's up, what shall I do? Where be they, Sir? You said they were Fairies. Come bridle up this fury. What will you say, if I can produce you the plotter, abettor, or at least accessary to this villainy? What if the picklock can open the chest of all this stratagem? No, she was lose I warrant you: how could we have God in, if she had not opened the door? Your cousin Nice and I came from a hurly-burly ith' Jail. Your sons man has broke from his keeper. And as we were coming, we met this woe man very supitiously stealing out. Come, will you walk? I'll lead, widow, come you next. Master Nice, you'll follow. O Sir, you are well met; you broke from the Jail last night. Apprehend him master Nice. Let him look as sharp, as and Apparitors nails, we'll blunt him I warrant you. Sirrah, I charge you stand. O help, help— This way, this way: here—O have we found you? Your father gave us charge to have the widow To master Justice Surly's; he suspects her To have some hand i'th robbery to night. Sir it concerns you; he has lost 300. pound. Dead? I'll go take possession presently. My time is come, I will not loose and hour. As much as a Puritan has upon a good feast. I am a villain. My narrow heart cannot be capable Of this huge bulk of sorrow. It must out. Now, to whose bosom better then my friends? This hand killed Sager. Nay, do your worst. It but chance medley, accidental slaughter. Intending with my Piece to strike a fowl, Against my will the cock went down, and he Stood in death's way. It was his destiny. But Griffin, hark you—let not your tongue stir. Do not I know you for a forgerer? And more—you wot—let not your tongue be lose. Where? who? Your company, sweet widow. Give me so me Sack and Aquam vitae. I will be drunk presently. Give is some Sack, I say: must tut, &c. Nay then, take me with you. Thus— Happiness grant, that no Hare cross him ith' way: his superstitious legs will retire, though we hang for't. Come, shall we keep the rule of the place, and drink drunk now? Not guilty? Who testifies against me! Oh, I am lost. My Lord, I'm guilty: so is Griffin too: He did conceal the fact, that I did do, We shared the Lands together. I do most freely yield it. Ho master Gripe? what, your chamber door open thus carely? how now, bound? gagged? what rogues have be here?
Plot summary
Plot — The Honest Lawyer
Richard Vaster’s lands are mortgaged to Gripe the usurer for £300. Jealously believing himself to have been cuckolded, he sells his wife Florence to the bawd and innkeeper Marmaid, claiming her to be his sister. He then challenges Benjamin Gripe, the usurer’s son, to a duel, and pretends to be killed; the remorseful Benjamin is determined to make amends by looking after Vaster’s family. Valentine sets himself up as a phoney doctor and is asked to cure Gripe’s gout, which entails driving a large nail through the affected toe. While Gripe is inconvenienced by the nail, Valentine steals his purse and keys. Gripe also sends Benjamin to foreclose on Vaster’s mortgage; when Benjamin asks him to give the bereaved family a three-month respite, he is disinherited. Surprisingly, the nail does indeed drive out the gout. Curfew has passed himself off as the deputy Abbot of Newnham after the death of the real deputy, his brother, and he uses the abbey as a base for highway robbery. His first two victims are Valentine and the disguised Vaster, who both prove as rascally as he; the three of them end up going into partnership. They proceed to rob travellers: Vaster happily relieves Gripe of his money, but lets Benjamin off with an injunction to be good to the Vaster family. Whenever they leave anyone tied up on the road, Florence comes out of the nearby inn and releases them. She is proving a 1614 disappointment to Marmaid ~ all her clients seem to end up with a new moral outlook on prostitution — so the bawd allows Benjamin, the landlord, to take her away. He lodges her at his father’s house under an assumed name, Widow Sorrow. Valentine makes an affray at the inn, and is arrested. The justice before whom he is brought happens to be Gripe, who lets him off, because he has developed another medical complaint: inability to urinate. Valentine proposes using gunpowder to blow open the urinary tract, and again the treatment is surprisingly successful. Robert and Anne, Vaster’s son and daughter, are destitute, but nobody will give them any money, not even Bromley, Vaster’s former steward who owes everything to the family. Benjamin sends Robert to see ‘Widow Sorrow’, and falls in love with Anne. Robert soon identifies the widow as his mother, but suspects that her presence in the usurer’s household confirms his father’s suspicions of her adultery. When he threatens her with violence, Gripe has him committed to prison. The usurer attempts to seduce the widow, and gives her the…