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Full speech
Hans: some wine Hans. No I'll to bed. One of these days Frank, but I'll get me two Gaunlets for ear I loose my fingers in the dishes, their be excel lent shavers I hear in the most of your under offices? I protest I have often come thither, sat down drawn, my knife, and ear I could say grace all the meat hath been gone. I have risen, and de parted thence as hungry, as ever came Country Attorney from Westminster? Good night honest Frank, do not swagger with the watch Frank. How now Monopoly Arrested? Does thy husband love venery? I, hunting, and venery are words of one signification. To Boat hay? Theres a Liefetennant and a Captain amongst em too. I marry: mark now. I see these Fiddlers cannot built up their bridge, that some Music may come over us. Drink burned wine and Eggs then? What will you say if the Wenches do this to gull us? Nay lie sure, for lying is most in fashion. Weel take a Coach and ride to Ham, or so. Faith we are all heated. Pox on em that be not sound, what needs that touch you? Peace, mark how he's nipped: nothing grieves me so much as that poor Pyramus here must have a wall this night be tween him and his Thisbe. But where will that wise Ass be found now? What Chamberlin? When they come, lets have em with apox. And how took he this Correction. This is strange. And that will be hard for us, but weel do our best.
Plot summary
Plot — Westward Ho
Through the bawd Birdlime, an earl is trying to corrupt Mistress Justiniano, but despite her husband’s jealous suspicions she has so far resisted his advances and remained chaste. He pretends bankruptcy, and tells her he is going abroad; but in fact he remains in London disguised as a writing teacher, Parenthesis. Meanwhile his wife, feeling the force of her poverty, is tempted by the Earl The wives of three citizens, Tenterhook, Wafer, and Honeysuckle, have a tavern assignation (arranged by ‘Parenthesis’) with Sir Gosling Glow-worm and friends; there they plan a journey westward by boat for a sexual night out in Brentford, with the wives’ absence explained by a ruse. ‘Parenthesis’ agrees to report that they have gone to visit Wafer’s sick child, and does so disguised as a collier. Mistress Tenterhook arranges for her kinsman Monopoly to be arrested for an unpaid debt to her husband, then bribes the arresting officer to free him so that he can join the party going to Brentford. ‘While their wives are away, the three citizens all try fo visit the same prostitute; Birdlime tries to juggle 1604 them, but they discover each other’s identities. Justiniano reveals himself and tells them where their wives really are, then takes his wife’s place, cross- dressed, at her assignation with the Earl. Discovering the substitution, the Earl thinks he has been visited by a succubus. Justiniano pretends he has poisoned his wife and shows the dead body; this is only a ruse, but the Earl is duly struck with conscience. At Brentford, the wives resist the gallants’ plans to seduce them, and Sir Gosling Glow-worm induces the local fiddlers to disturb the neighbourhood with bawdy songs. When the husbands arrive expecting to catch their wives in the act of adultery, they find them chaste. Monopoly’s debt is discharged through Justiniano’s intervention, and Sir Gosling attacked by outraged locals. The party returns home to London.