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Full speech
Moll. In troth love I may do the gentlema ̄ much discredit, and beside it may be other actions may fallen very heavy upon him. Come Sergeant Ambush, come yeoman Clutch, yons the Tavern the Gentleman will come out presently: thou art reso lute. How dost thou mistress Birdlime? Show your selves to be men, and break open doors. Where my Casheire, are the sums right? Are the bonds sealed? So now they are gone you may take him. Will you have the bags sealed? Oh sir, 'twill away in play, and you will stay till to morrow you shall have it all in new sovereigns. Scrivener, take home the bound with you. Will you stay to dinner sir? Have you any Partridge Moll? Well Signior, I'll leave you; My cloak there? In self I know not, a friend of yours and mine hath broke. Master Iustini no the Italian. Yea sooth, I was offered forty yesterday upon the Exchange, to assure a hundred. And his wife is gone to the party. Farewell good master Monopoly, I prithee visit me of n. Oh fie vpont: a Coach? I cannot abide to be jolted. What book is that sweet heart? Come, what do you with it? Why do you trouble your self to take care about my business? Oh wise, good words: A Courtier, A gentleman. Why, I know not when he will come to Town. Well at thy entreaty I will do it. Give me my Cloak there, buy a link and meet me at the Counter in Woodstreete; buss me Moll. I wonder thou dost not turn Broker then. Not a penny, not a penny: God night sir. Above. Who am I? What the last of all your Clients. I you have many Cousin's. Your love, your love. Hast a good earme Luce? What conuayance will you make with mistress Birdlime. Enough, farewell good Luce. The Gentlewoman is and honest Gentlewoman as any is in London, and should have had thrice as much money upon her single bound for the good report I hear of her. By this light I should know that voice, Wafer, od'sfoote are you the Gentlewoman's Brother? A Consort, what make you here Honeysuckle? Never there where have you been then? Gallants with them! I de laugh at that. Monopoly? I de laugh at that in faith. Od'sfoot what a Rogue is Sergeant Ambush, I'll undo him by this light. Apox on your Aquavitae. Monopoly, that my wife urged me to arrest gone to Brainford. Enter Ambush. heres comes the var let. What hath Monopoly paid the money yet? You have not carried him to the counter, he is at your house still. You lie Like and arrant varlet, by this candle I laugh at the jest He's gone with my wife to Brainford, and there be any Law in England I'll tickle you for this. Hoy day, her cousin, el sir, your security. Oh my heart: my wives two Diamonds, Well, yowl go along and instifie this. What the Murrion care I who you are, hold off your Fin gers, or I'll cut them with this Diamond. By this light you shall not. Good Luce as you love me let me have them, it stands up on my Credit, thou shalt have any thing, take my purse. You are a damed filthy punk, what and unfortunate Rogue was I, that ever I came into this house. Well, well. So would I, I stand upon thorns. If I do take em napping I know what I'll do. That villain Monopoly, and that sir Gozlin treads em all. I do, Ime sure. —A little low-woman sayest thou, —in a Veluet-cappe-and one of him in a Beaver? brother Honny-suckle, and bro there Wafer, hark—they are they. Leave us good Chamberlain, we are some of their friends: leave us good Chamberlain: be merry a little: leave us honest Chamberlain — Exit. We are abuzd, we are bought and sold in Brainford Market; never did the sickness of one belied nurse-child, stick so cold to the hearts of three Father's: never were three innocent Citizens so horribly, so abominably wrung under the withers. Yes, yes, yes, well enough; one of us stay here to watch do you see: to watch: have and eye, have and ear. I and my brother Wafer, and Mayest. Iustiniano, will set the town in and insurrection, bring hither the Constable, and his Bill , break open upon hem, take them in their wickedness, and put them to their . We'll have them before some Country Justice of Coram (for we scome to be bound to the Peace) and this Ju stice shall draw his Sword in our defence, if we find them to be Malefactors we'll ticle them. I, it wood. I but when light Wives make heavy hus bans, let these husbands play mad Hamlet; and cry revenge, come, and do so. What shall we reap by this. Weel raise no towns. thats my wife; let Instiniano speak for all they know our Tongues. What means this. This thing that makes fools of us thus, is my wife. Oh Mayest. Monopoly God save you. This Monopoly is and arrant knave, a cog ging knave, for all he's a Courtier, if Monopoly be suffered to ride up and down with other men's with es, he'll undo both City and Country. Marry you make Bulls of your husbands. Clare Where be your two rings with Diamonds? I dreamed you had lost hem—what a profane varlet is this shoulder clapper, to lie thus upon my wife & herrings. Mayest. Monopoly, though I meet you in h e Germany, I hope you can understand broken English, have you discharged your debt. of you Sir. Sargent Ambush issue forth, Monopoly I'll cut off your convoy mayest, Sargant Amb sh, I charge you as you hope to receive comfort f om the smell of Mace speak not Like a Sar gent, but deal honestly, of whom had you the diamonds. At home, I locked hem up.— I at your house—you old— That bawd has been damned. 500 times, and is her word to be taken. Do not sleep till I come Moll. Come, it will not serve your turn, Officers look to him, upon your peril.
Plot summary
Plot — Westward Ho
Through the bawd Birdlime, an earl is trying to corrupt Mistress Justiniano, but despite her husband’s jealous suspicions she has so far resisted his advances and remained chaste. He pretends bankruptcy, and tells her he is going abroad; but in fact he remains in London disguised as a writing teacher, Parenthesis. Meanwhile his wife, feeling the force of her poverty, is tempted by the Earl The wives of three citizens, Tenterhook, Wafer, and Honeysuckle, have a tavern assignation (arranged by ‘Parenthesis’) with Sir Gosling Glow-worm and friends; there they plan a journey westward by boat for a sexual night out in Brentford, with the wives’ absence explained by a ruse. ‘Parenthesis’ agrees to report that they have gone to visit Wafer’s sick child, and does so disguised as a collier. Mistress Tenterhook arranges for her kinsman Monopoly to be arrested for an unpaid debt to her husband, then bribes the arresting officer to free him so that he can join the party going to Brentford. ‘While their wives are away, the three citizens all try fo visit the same prostitute; Birdlime tries to juggle 1604 them, but they discover each other’s identities. Justiniano reveals himself and tells them where their wives really are, then takes his wife’s place, cross- dressed, at her assignation with the Earl. Discovering the substitution, the Earl thinks he has been visited by a succubus. Justiniano pretends he has poisoned his wife and shows the dead body; this is only a ruse, but the Earl is duly struck with conscience. At Brentford, the wives resist the gallants’ plans to seduce them, and Sir Gosling Glow-worm induces the local fiddlers to disturb the neighbourhood with bawdy songs. When the husbands arrive expecting to catch their wives in the act of adultery, they find them chaste. Monopoly’s debt is discharged through Justiniano’s intervention, and Sir Gosling attacked by outraged locals. The party returns home to London.