MAYBERRY

To London Sir we came from Sturbridge. May we without offence partake the ground of it. Of what rank was she I beseech you. And entertained your love. I should not have liked that feelingly had she been my wife, give us some sack hear and in faith— we are all friends; & in private— what was her husbands name — I'll give you a carouse by and by. The poesy, the poesy—Oh my heart, that ring good infaith: Kissing and so forth. Good infaith you are of a good complexion. In my wives bed. Nothing: lets have a fire chamberlain; I think my boots have taken water I have such a shudering: ith' bed you say; Was her name Maybery. Oh God Sir, but where did you find your losing; What did she talk feelingly to him too; I war nt her husband was forth a Town all this while, and he poor man travailed with hard Eggs in's pocket, to save the charge of a bait, while she was at home with her Plovers, Turkey, Chickens; do you know that Maibery. He's a wondrous honest man; lets be merry; will not your mistress?-gentlemen, you are tenants in common I take it. Will not your Mistress make much of her husband when he comes home as if no such legerdemain had been acted. This wit taking of long journeys: kindred that comes in over the hatch, and sailing to Westminster makes a number of Cuckolds. A pretty idle toy, would you would take money for't, The more I look on't, the more I Like it. Does he know of it yet? He shall never then I protest look you this ring does fit me passing well. This walking is wholesome, I was a cold even now, now I sweat for't. Look you, we must be better acquainted that's all. Chamberlain, give us a clean Towel. I am foolish old Maybery, and yet I can be wise May berry too; I'll to London presently, begun Sir. Nay, nay, Gods precious you do mistake me Master Bellamont ; I am not distempered, for to know a men wife is a whore, is to be resolved of it, and to be resolved of it, is to make no question of it, and when a case is out of question; what was I saying? If a man be deuorst, do you see, deuorst forma Juris, whither may he have and Actium or no, gainst those that make horns at him? Then am I a fool, yet I can be wise and I list too: what says my wedding ring? Faith now I remember, I have seen them walk muf ed by my shop. Not a cloud, you shall have clean Moonshine, they have good smooth looks the fellows. Wondrous merry; lets have some Sack to drown this Cuckold, down with him: wondrous merry: one word & no more; I am but a foolish tradesman, and yet I'll be a wise tradesman. Exeunt. Where is your Mistress, villain? when went she abroad? Up Sir, down Sir, so sir: Master Bellamont, I will tell you a strange secret in Nature, this boy is my wives bawd. Thou art a Baboune, and holdest me with tricks, while my Wife grafts grafts, away, trudge, run search her out by land, and by water. O master Bellamont ! Without cause, when my Mare bears double: with out cause? When two Virginal Jacks skip up, as the key of my instrument goes down! When my wives ring does smoke for't. Oh Ma ster Bellamont ! had it not been my wife had made me a Cuckold, it should never have grieved me. Into a Civil Suit: into a sober beast: a Land-rat, a Cuckold: thou art a common bedfellow, art not? art not? Oh! you study the french now. I made a fallade of that herb: dost see these flesh-hooks, I could tear out those false eyes, those Cats eyes, that can see in the night: punk I could. Knowest thou this ring? there has been old running at the ring since I went. They were no villains, When they stood stoutly for me: took your partly: And stead of colours fought under my sheets. They lay with the: I mean plain dealing. Troth so hinke I. I now draw in your bow, as I before Supposed they drew in mine: my stream of ielozy, Ebbs back again, and I that Like a horse Ran b nd-fold in a Mill (all in one circle) Yet thought I had go foreright, now spy my error: Villains you have abused me, and I vow Sharp vengeance on your heads: driven in your tears I take your word ya're honest, which good men, Very good men will scarce do to their wives. I will bring home these serpents and allow them, The heat of mine own bosom: wife I charge you Set out your haviours towards them in such colours, As if you had been their whore, I'll have it so, I'll candy over my words, and sleek my brow, Entreat they that they would not point at me, Nor mock my horns, with this Arm I'll embrace they And with this—go too. No: I will shed no blood, But I will be revenged, they that do wrong Teach others way to right: I'll fetch my blow Fair and a far off and as Feneers use Enter Philip and servant Though at the foot I strike, the head I'll bruise. Marry that has every body Master Philip. Come Wife, our two gallants will be here presently: I have promised them the best of entertainment, with protestation on never to reveal to thee their slander: I will have thee bear thy self, as if thou madest a feast upon Simon and Jude's day, to country Gentlewomen, that came to see the Pageant, bid them extremely welcome, though thou wish their throats cut; it's in fashion. Right, she's some cracked demy-culuerin, that hath miss carried in service: no matter though it be some charge to me for a time I care not. Why, wouldst thou have me suffer their tongues to run at large, in Ordinaries and Cockpits; though the Knaves do lie, I tell you Master Bellamont, lies that come from stern looks, and Satin outsides, and gilded Rapiers also, will be put up and go for currant. I will therefore use them Like informing kna es in this kind, make up their mouths with iluer, and after be re eng'd upon them: I was in doubt I should have grown fat of late: & it were no for law suits: and fear of our wives, we rich men should grow out of all compass: they come, my worthy friends welcome: look my wives colour rises already. Oh by no means: ye see Gentlemen the affection of and old man; I would feign make all whole again. Wife give entertainment to our new acquaintance, your lips wife, any woe ma ̄ may lend her lips without her husbands privity 'tis allowable. Oh I know her stomach: she is but retired into another chamber, to ease her heart with crying a little: it hath ever been her humour she hath done it 5. or 6. times in a day, when Courti ers have been hear, if any thing hath been out of order, and yet every return laughed and been as merry: & how is it Gentlemen, you are well acquainted with this room, are you not? In good time: but you are better acquainted with my bed chamber. And the cloth of TO ssew Valance God refuse me, they are lying Rascals, I have no such furniture. No, do you want any money? or if you be in debt, I am a hundredth pound ith' Subsidy, command me. I'll go see what my wife is doing gentlemen, when my wife enters show her this ring; and 'twill quit all suspicion. Exit. I left my boy to weight upon her, by this light, I think God provides; for if this cittisen had not out of his overplus of kindness proffered her, her diet and lodging under the name of my sister, I could not have told what shift to have made; for the greatest partly of my money is revolted; weel make more use of him, the whoreso ̄ rich Innkeeper of Doncaster her father showed himself a rank ostler: to send her up at this time a year; and and by the carrier to, it but a jades trike of him. Master Greenesheild your sister is come; my wife is enter taining her, by the mass I have been upon her lips already, Lady you are welcome, look you master Greeneshield, because your sister is newly come out of the fresh air, and that to be penned up in a narrow lodging here ith' city may offend her health she shall lodge at a garden house of mine in Morefeilds where if it please you and my worthy friend hear to bear her company your several lodgings and Joint commons (to the poor ability of a citizen) shall be provided. Nay no compliment your loves command it: shalls to dinner Gentlemen, come master Bellamont I'll be the Gentle man usher to this fair Lady. A Comedy, a Canterbury tale smells not half so sweet as the Comedy I have for thee old Poet: thou shalt write vpon't Poet. Let your man give you the boots presently, the plot lies in Beware my white Poet: Wife thou and I this night, will have mad sport in Beware, mark me well Wife, in Beware. Nay it shall be at your pleasure Wife: look you sir, look you: Fetherstones boy (Like and honest crack-halter) laid oh pen all to one of my prentices, (for boys you know Like women love to be doing.) Fetherstone Like a crafty muttonmonger, persuades Greenshield to be run through the body. I man, to take physic he does so, he's put to his pur gation; then sir what does me Fetherstone, but counterfeits a let ter from and Innkeeper of Doncaster, to fetch Greenshield (who is needy you know) to a keepers lodge in Enfeild-chace a certain Uncle, where Greenshield should receive money endue to him in behalf of his wife. The knave has more wives than the Turk, he has a wife almost in every shire in England, this parcel Gentlewoman is that Innkeepers Daughter of Doncaster. She help's to pass away stale Capons, Sour wine, and musty prouander: but to the purpose, this train was laid by the baggage her self and Fetherstone, who it seems makes her hus band a unicorn: and to give fire to to, Greensheild Like and Arrant wittal intreats his friend, to ride before his wife, and etch the money, because taking bitter pills, he should prove but a lose fellow if he went, and so durst not go. No sir, Master poet there you miss the plot. Fetherstone and my Lady Greensheild are rid to batter away their light come modities in Beware, Enfeild-chace is to cold for they. For a thing my little hoary Poet: look thee, I smelled out my noble stincker Greensheild in his Chamber, and as though my heart strings had been cracked, I wept, and sighd, & thumpd, and thumpd, and raved and randed, and railed, and told him how my wife was now grown as common as baibery, and that she had hierd her Taylor to ride with her to Beware, to meet a Gentleman of the Court. Like Eggs and Muscadine, at a gulp: he cries out pre sently, did not I tell you old man, that she win my game when she came to bearing? he rails upon her, wills me to take her in the Act; to put her to her white sheet, to be divorced, and for all his guts are not fully scourd by his Pottecary, he's pulling on his boots, & will ride along with us; lets muster as many as we can. I stand upon thorns, tell I shake him bith hor es: come, boots boy, we must gallop all the way, for the Sin you know is done with turning up the white of and eye, will you join your forces. March then, this curse is on all lechers thrown, They give horns and at last, horns are their own. Exit. Come Switts and Spurs! lets mount our Cheualls: merry quoth a. Peace. Bedlam is't not? Gods so, see, see, whats he walks yonder, is he mad. Follow it then. And having met one fit for his one tooth: you see he skips from us. But how will my noble Poet take it at my hands, to betray him thus. And what says he and his pricksong? He gallop must that after women rides, Get our wives out of Town, they take long strides. Exeunt. But why have you brought us to the wrong Inn? and withal possessed Greenshield that my wife is not in town: when my project was, that I would have brought him up into the chamber, where young Fetherstone and his wife lay: and so all his Artillery should have recoiled into his own bosom. Enough, Iha't, No let her go to the devil and she will, I'll not stir a foot further. I'll ride no further. How now wilt take? Why heel know her? Then sheele know him. Young Fetherstone will know him? Excellent if she would come. Would old Poet, lets once stand to it for the credit of Milk street. Is my wife acquainted with this. Good wenches infaith: fills some more Sack hear. Why then give us a whole Lordship for life in Rhenish, with the reversion in Sugar, It were not amiss if we were dancing. You are very welcome. This is my breeding Gentlewoman: and whither tram vail you? Shall I be your fortune Lady? Are you married? He may do his country good service Lady. No. Why how now Wife, what means this? would? Oh wife be patient, I have more cause to rail wife. Stay, why how now sweet gentlewoman, cannot I come forth to breath my self, but I must be haunted, rail upon old Bellamont, that he may discover them, you remember Fetherstone Greensheild. See the hawk that first stooped, my pheasant is killed by the Spaniel that first sprang all of our side wife. Victory wise thou art quit by proclamation. Certainly he is no Captain he blushes. Do not bite your thumbs sir. Me thought he said, even now you were a Taylor. Oh Valiant sir Tr stram ; room there. Shall a woman make thee fly thy country? stay, stand to her though she were greater than Pope Joan, what are thy brains conjuring for, my poetical bay-leafe-eater? City and suburbs can justify it: so sir. He has land between Foolham and London, he would have made it over to me: to your charge Poet, give you the as salt upon her, and send but Fetherstone to me, I'll hang him by the gills. That must he that comes here: Master Fetherstone, Oh Master Fetherstone, you may now make your Fortune's weigh ten stone of Feathers more then ever they did: leap but into the Saddle now, that stands empty for you, you are made for ever. I would you had, what I could wish you, I love you, and because you shall be sure to know where my love dwells, look you sir, it hangs out at this sign: you shall pray for Beware, when Beware is dead and rotten: look you sir, there is as pretty a little Pinnace, struck sail hereby, and come in lately; she's my kinswoman, my father's youngest Sister, a ward, her portion three thousand; her Hope's if her Grannam die without issue, better. Her Guardian goes about to marry her to a Stone-cut ter, and rather than sheele be subject to such a fellow, sheele die a martyr, will you have all out? she's run away, is here at and Inn ith' town, what parts so ever you have played with me, I see good parts in you, and if you now will catch times hair that's put into your hand, you shall clap her up presently. Away then with these Gentlemen with a French Gall lop, and to her: Philip here shall run for a Priest, and dispatch you. How so? Drabs in my company: do I look Like a Drab-driver? Yes, yes, come you from London, heel be here presently. Why sir, what has she committed? I think such a crea ture is ith' town. Gods so Master Fetherstone, what will you do? here's three come from London, to fetch away the Gentlewoman with a warrant. Right, one of mine Awnts. Now a man may have a course in your Park? Come lets be merry, lie you with your own Wife, to be sure she shall not walk in her sleep: a noise of Musicians Chamberlain. This night lets banquet freely: come, weel dare, Our wives to combat ith' great bed in Beware Exeunt. And talking to her feelingly. It was his warrant sent thee to Bedlam, old Jack Bellamo ̄ to, and master Full-ith'moone, our warrant discharges him; Poet, weel all ride upon thee to Beware, & back again I fear to thy cost. No, she wrongs me upon her body. To such a wife, it and excellent couple. Hence, and lock fast the doors, now is my prize. No, I will Like a Justice of peace, grow to the point: are not you a whore: never start: thou art a Clothworker, and hast urnd me. And then the breach was made. Nothing hath undone my wife, but too much riding. Inquire at one of mine Ants. Yea, as many of the twelve companies are, troubled, troubled. If a Player talk Like a madman, or a fool, or and Ass, and knows not what he talks, then Ime one: you are a Poet Master Bellamont, I will bestow a piece of Plate upon you to bring my wife upon the Stage, would not her humour please Gentlemen. In dur Beware : I forget my self wise, on with your ry ding suit and cry Northward hoe, as the boy at Powles says, let my Prentice get up before thee, and m n to ee to Beware, lodge in the ne I told thee, spur cut and away. Save you sir, may we see some a your mad-folkes, do you keep em? O; so be most of your musicians. Assure your soul she will be followed: away therefore. He's in the Curtain gulf, and swallowed horse and man: he will have some body keep the door for him, sheele look to that: I am younger then I was two nights ago, for this physic.— how now?