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Full speech
God morrow Ladies and fair troops of gallants, that have deposed the drowsy King of sleep, to Crown our train with your rich presences, I salute you all; Each one share thanks from thanks in general. Gallants I shall entreat you to prepare, For Masks and Revels to defeat the night, Our Sovereign will in person grace our marriage. Father he will. Dear Blunt at our return from Church, take pains to step to Horace, for our nuptial songs; now Father when you please. Father the King's at hand. Music talk louder, that thy silver voice, May reach my Sovereigns ears. My confirmed Liege What means my Lord? My Lord, her beauty is the poorest partly, Chiefly her virtues did endow my heart. My Lord. She is too course and object for the Court. For she's not yet mine own. My Lord I dare, but— This night. My Lord I dare. I dare. I dare and will by that joint holy oath, Which she and I swore to the book of heaven. This very day when the surveying Sun, Riz Like a witness to her faith and mine, By all the loyalty that subjects owe To Majesty, by that, by this, by both, I swear to make a double guarded oath, This night untainted by the touch of man, She shall a Virgin come. To Court. I know I took a woman to my wife, And I know women to be earthly Moons, That never shine till night, I know they change Their Orbs (their husbands) and in sickish hearts, 1 page duplicate 1 page duplicate Steal to their sweet Endymions, to be cured With better Physic, sweeter diet drinks, Then home can minister: all this I know Yet know not all, but give me leave Oh King, To boast of mine, and say that I know none; I have a woman but not such a one. My Lord, My oath's my honour, my honour is my life, My oath is constant, so I hope my wife. My Liege Lord, we all attend, The time and place. Father, and you my Bride; that name to day, Wife, comes not till to morrow: but omitting This interchanging of Languages; let us think Upon the King and night and call our spirits To a true reckoning; first to Arm our wits With complete steel of Judgement, and our tongue's, With found artillery of Phrases: then Our Bodies must be motions; moving first What we speak: afterwards, our very knees Must humbly seem to talk, and suit out speech; For a true furnished Cortyer hath such force, Though his tongue faints, his very legs discourse. You shall. You must and shall, I made a deed of gift, And gave my oath unto the King, I swore By thy true constancy. What shall I cancel faith, and break my oath? Thy constancy no evil can pursue. As how? Constrained? that word weighs heavy, yet my oath Weighs down that word; the kings thoughts are at odds, They are not even balanced in his breast; The King may play the man with me; nay more, Kings may usurp; my wife's a woman; yet 'Tis more then I know yet, that know not her, If she should prove mankind, it rare, fie, fie, See how I lose my self, amongst my thoughts, Thinking to find my self; my oath, my oath, Come, my sick-minded Bride, I'll teach thee how, To relish health a little: Taste this thought, That when mine eyes served loves commission, Upon thy beauty's I did seize on them. To a Kings use; cure all thy g iefe with this, That his great seal was graven upon this ring, And that was but Steward to a King. Oh Night, that Dies the Firmament in black, And Like a cloth of clouds dost stretch thy limbs; Upon the windy Tenters of the Air: Oh thou that hangest upon the back of Day, Like a long mourning gown: thou that art made Without and eye, because thou shouldst not see A Lovers Revels: nor participate The Bridegrooms heaven; o heaven, to me a hell: I have a hell in heaven, a blessed curse; All other Bridegrooms long for Night, and tax The Day of lazy sloth; call Time a Cripple, And say the hours limpe after him: but I Wish Night for ever banished from the sky, Or that the Day would never sleep: or Time, Were in a swoon; and all his little Hours, Could never lift him up with their poor powers. But backward runs the course of my delight; The day hath turned his back, and it is night: This nigh will make us odd; day made us even, All else are damned in hell, but I in heaven. Then am I damned in hell, and not in heaven. Had I not sworn. The King Sat heavy on my resoluion, Till (out of breath) it panted out and oath. Yes yes, true chastity is tongued so weak, 'Tis overcome ere it know how to speak. Die? What speaks that cup? O: That very name of poison, poisons me; Thou Winter of a man thou walking graven, Whose life is Like a dying Taper: how Canst thou define a Lovers labouring thoughts? Wha Sent hast thou but death? what taste but earth? The breath that purles from thee, is Like the Steam Of a new-open'd vault: I know thy drift, Because thou art travelling to the land of Graves, Thou couetst company, and hither bringest, A health of poison to pledge death: a poison For this sweet spring; this lement is mine, This is the Air I breath; corrupt it not; This heaven is mine, I bought it with my soul, Of him that sells a heaven, to buy a soul. She die that sentence poisons her: Oh life! What slave would pledge a King in his own wife? Hold, hold, thou shalt not die, my Bride, my wife, Oh stop that speedy messenger of death; Oh let him not run down that narrow path, Which leads unto thy heart; nor carry news To thy removing soul, that thou must die. I had a constant wife, I'll tell the King; Until the King—what dost thou smile? art thou A Father? All ready. She's going to forbid the Banes again. She'll die a maid: and see, she keeps her oath. She that was fair, Whom I called fair and Caeles ine. All cease, The subject that we treat of now is Peace, If you demand how: I can tell: if why, Ask the King that; he was the cause, not I. Let it suffice, she's dead, she kept her vow, Ask the King why, and then I'll tell you how: Nay give your Revels life, though she be gone, To Court with all your preparation; Lead on, and lead her on; if any ask The mystery, say death presents a mask, Ring peals of Music, you are Lovers bells, The lose of one heaven, brings a thousand hels. All pleasures guard my King, I here present, My oath upon the knee of duty: knees Are made for Kings, they are the subjects Fees. My gracious Lord, That partly is hers, she acts it; only I Present the Prologue, she the mystery. Dead. Now King I enter, now the Scene is mine, My tongue is tipped with poison; know who speaks, And look into my thoughts; I blush not King, To call thee Tyrant: death hath set my face, And made my blood bold; hear me spirits of men, And place your ears upon your hearts; the day (The fellow to this night) saw her and me, Shake hands together: for the book of heaven, Made us eternal friends: thus, Man and Wife, This man of men (the King) what are not kings? Was my chief guest, my royal guest, his Grace Graced all the Table, and did well become The upper end, where sat my Bride: in brief, He tainted her chaste ears; she yet unknown, His breath was treason, though his words were none. Treason to her and me, he dared me then, (Under the covert of a flattering smile,) To bring her where she is, not as she is, Alive for lust, not dead for (Chastity: The resolution of my soul, outdared,) I swore and taxed my faith with a sad oath; Which I maintain; here take her she was mine, When she was living, but now dead, she's thine. Oh delude we not. Thou art too true to live again, too fair To be my Caelestine, too constant far To be a woman. hey're men of hell. And oath? why 'tis the traffic of the S ule, 'Tis law within a man; the seal of faith, The bound of every conscience; unto whom, We set our thoughts Like hands: yea, such a one I swore, and to the King: A King contains A thousand thousand; when I swore to him, I swore to them; the very hairs that guard His head, will rise up Like sharp witnesses Again to my faith and loyalty: his eye Would raight condemn me: argue oaths no more, My oath is high, for to the King I swore.
Plot summary
Plot — Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet
Celestine and Sir Walter Terrill are married. At the wedding dinner, the King becomes enamoured of Celestine and induces the bridegroom to swear to give up his first night of sex with her: he must deliver her to court that evening, still a virgin. Her father, Sir Quintilian, devises a scheme to save both her honour and Sir Walter’s: he gives her a cup of poison, and she drinks it. She keeps her marriage vows, and Sir Walter delivers her body to the King as part of a masque. The King is abashed to discover that she is a chaste, faithful wife. Then she wakes up: it was only a sleeping draught, and Sir Quintilian has proved both the bride’s constancy and the bridegroom’s love. In the sub-plot, Sir Quintilian and two other knights all become interested in marrying the widow Mistress Miniver, and each independently bribes Tucca to advance his suit. Miniver seems most interested in the bald Sir Adam, so Sir Vaughan engages Horace to write a satire against baldness. He invites the ladies, including Miniver, to a banquet of plums, and there Horace recites his poem on the glories of hair. The poem has the desired effect on Miniver; but Sir Adam hires Horace’s rival, Crispinus, to write a defence of baldness. It all comes to naught, however, for Tucca ends up marrying Miniver himself. In the third plot, Horace’s bitter epigrams against Tucca get into circulation among the gallants. Tucca swears vengeance, and stabs Horace, but with an edgeless sword; Horace’s response is shown to derive from fear rather than physical pain. Horace is accused of giving up a useful trade, bricklaying, and of unlawfully arraigning his rivals on the stage. He is brought to court dressed as a satyr, and the King appoints Crispinus to judge him. Crowned with a nettle wreath, Horace is exposed as an impostor (the real Horace was a better poet), and is made to forswear his inclination to arrogance and personal satire.