in Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet — Dekker, Thomas
Metadata
Play
Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet
Author
Dekker, Thomas
Year (catalogued)
1602
First performance
1601
Decade
1600s
Genre
Comedy
Play type
Adult Professional; Boys Professional
Company
Lord Chamberlain's (Hunsdon's) Men and Children of Paul's (second)
Speech prefix(es)
Sir quin. | Sir Quint. | Sir Quin. | Sir quint. | Sir qui. | Sir quin | Sir quinti. | Sir qu • n. | Sir quin:
Words
1762
Characters
9182
Typicality
0.17 (cosine to cluster centroid)
TCP id
A20081
BritDrama no.
1304
Cluster
Cluster 20 — Conjurers, witches & physicians
Important excerpts
No keyword-matching excerpt could be extracted (the cluster label doesn't share vocabulary with this character's speech).
Full speech
Come knaves, night begins to be Like my self, and old man; day plays the thief and steals upon us; Oh well done wenches, well done, well done, you have covered all the stony way to church with flowers, 'tis well, 'tis well, ther's and Embleame too, to be made out of these flowers and stones, but you are honest wenches, in, in, in. Is the music come yet? so much to do! Is't come? Have the merry knaves pulled their fiddle cases over their instruments ears? Thou shouldst have revived them with a Cup of burned wine and sugar; sirrah, you, horsekeeper, go, bid them curry their strings: Is my daughter up yet? She's and early stirrer, ah sirrah. Do Peeter, and wear it for thy labour; Is my Son in Law Sir Walter Terell ready yet? Sir Vaughan a worser Widow, Miniver, welcome, welcome, a thousand times: my lips Mistress Widow shall bid you God morrow, in, in, one to the Bridegroom, the other to the Bride. In widow in, in honest knight in. God morrow to these beauty's, and Gentlemen, that have Ushered this troop of Ladies to my daughters wedding, welcome, welcome all; music? nay then the bride groom's coming, where are these knaves here? What will the king be her? Agreed, set on, come good Sir Vaughan, must we led the way? He follows close, not too fast, hold up knaves, Thus we led youth to church, they us to graves. I say sir Vaughan no shin shall be broken her what lungis, a chair with a strong back, and a soft belli , great with child; with a cushion for this reverend Lady. His Grace comes, a Hall , where be my men? blow, blow your cold they sweat; tickle them till they found again. Now by my hose I swear, that's no deep oath, This was a fine sweet earthquake gently moved, By the soft wind of whispering Silks: come Ladies, Whose joints are made out of the dancing Orbs, Come, follow me, walk a cold measure now; In the Brides Chamber; your hight beauty's melt, Take every one her fan, give them their places, And wave the Northern wind upon your faces. Widow, art stolen from Table? I Sir Adam, Are you my rival? well, fly fair you're best; The King's exceeding merry at the banquet, He makes the Bride blush with his merry words That run into her ears; ah he's a wanton, Yet I dare trust her, had he twenty tongues, And every tongue a Style of Majesty, Now Widow, let me tell thee in thine ear, I love thee Widow, by this ring; nay wear it. Sir Vaughan, have you dined well Sir Vaughan? Sir Vaughan, he shall follow you, he shall dog you good Sir Vaughan. What Gentleman is this in the Mandilian, a solemnizing dyer? All's one for that, she has a vizard in a bag, will make her look Like and Angel; I wood I had her, upon conditi on, I gave thee this chain manly Tucca. Wood I could found her too Noble command der. Mi rust Captain no here 'tis, give it her if she'll take it, or wear it thy S life, if shee'll take me, I'll watch him well enough too. I hear her, I hear her. You must. I swear another, let me see by what, By my long stocking, and my narrow skirts, Not made to fit upon, she shall to Court. I have a trick, a charm that shall lay down The spirit of lust, and keep thee undeflowered; Thy husbands honour saved, and the hight King, Shall have eno gh too Come, a trick, a charm. Oh my Son, I am her Father; every tear I shed, Is three score ten year old; I weep and smile Two kind of tears: I weep that she must die, I smile that she must die a Virgin: thus We joyful men mock tears, and tears mock us. White wine and poison. Well, let her go; she's that e thou callest her thine, Thy Element, the Air thou breathest; thou knowest The Air thou breathest is common, make her so: Perhaps thou'lt say; none but the King shall wear Thy nightgown, she that laps thee warm with love; And that Kings are not common: Then to show, By consequence he cannot make her so, Indeed she may promoote her shame and thine, And with your shames, speak a good word for mine The King shining so clear, and we so dim, Our dark disgraces will be seen through him. Imagine her the cup of thy moist life, What man would pledge a King in his own wife? Yea smiles on my cheeks arise, To see how sweetly a true virgin die S. Dead, sh's death's Bride, he hath her maidenhead. They come. The Watchword in a Mask is the bold Drum. Poisoned. My King, my Son, know all, I am and Actor in this mystery, And bear the chiefest partly. The Father I, It I that ministered to her chaste blood, A true somniferous potion, which did steal Her thoughts to sleep, and flattered her with death: I called it a quick poisoned drug, to try The Bridegrooms love, and the Brides constancy. He in the passion of his love did fight, A combat with affection; so did both, She for the poison strove, he for his oath: Thus Like a happy Father, I have wone, A constant Daughter, and a loving Son. Take her for thy self, not for me. Go too Peeter Flash, you have a good sudden flash of brain, your wits husky, and no marvel, for 'tis Like one of our Comedians beards, stillith stubble: about your business, and look you be nimble to fly from the wine, or the nimble wine will catch you by the nose. Good Master Flappus welcome. Is the King risen from table Captain Tucca? I, here's a charm shall keep thee chaste, come, come, Old Time hath left v but and hour to play Our partly ; b gin the ceane, who shall S eake first? O, I, I play the King, and Kings speak fir ; Daughter stand thou here, thou Son Terrill there, Oh thou standest well thou I an'st again a post, (For thou'lt be po ed off warrant thee:) The King ill hang a horn about high n cke, And make a post of thee; you stand w ll both, We need no Prologue, the King entering first, He's a most gracious Prologue: marry then For the Cata rophe, or Epilogue, Ther's one in cloth of Silver, which no doubt, Will please the hearers well when he steps out; His mouth is filled with words: see where he stands; He'll make them clap their eyes beside their hands. But to my partly; suppose who enters now A King, whose eyes are set in Silver; one That blusheth gold, speaks Music dancing walks, Now gathers nearer takes thee by the hand, When straight thou thinkest, the very Orb of heaven, Moves round about thy fingers, then he speaks, Thus—thus—I know not how. No girl? knowest thou not how to answer him? Why then the field is lost, and he rides home, Like a great conqueror; not answer him? Out of thy partly already? y foylde the Scene? Disranckt the lines? disarmed the Actium? My Chain. One of you attend him: Stay Flash, where's the note of the guests you have invited? My spectacles, light, light, knaves: Sir Adam Prickshaft, thou hast crossed him, heel come. Justice Crop, what will he come? O then Crop cannot come. Widow M never. Sir Vaughan ap Rees, o he S crossed twice, so, so, so, then all these Ladies, that fallen downwards here, will come I see, and all these Gentlemen that stand right before them. Well said, here, write them out again, and put the men from the women; and Peeter, when we are at Church bring wine and cakes, be light & nimble good Flash, for your burden will be but light. Loud Music there. The King, gods Lord, I do forget the King; Widow, think on my words, I must be gone To wait his rising, I'll return anon. My Liege they're come a mask of gallants, Dead. I am so, it behooves me at my daughters wedding, in, in, in; fellow put ou thy torch, and put thy self into my buttery, the torch burns ill in thy hand, the wine will burn better in thy belly, in in. And much good do't thy good heart fair widow with them. The Music speaks to us, we'll have a dance be before dinner. Wilt please your Highness take your place within, The Ladies attend the Table. Is this he? welcome Sir, you name? pray you walk not so stately, but be acquainted with me boldly; your name Sir? How now Sir Vaughan? No more. Come, come, thou happy close of every wrong, 'Tis thou that canst dissolve the hardest doubt; 'Tis time for thee to speak, we are all out. Daughter, and you the man whom I call Son, I must confess I made a deed of gift; To heaven and you, and gave my child to both: When on my blessing I did charm her soul, In the white circle of true Chastity, Still to run true, till death: now Sir if not, She forfeits my rich blessing, and is Fined With and eternal curse; then I tell you, She shall die now, now while her soul is true. Where be these knaves? More Rosemary and gloves, gloves, gloves: choose Gentlemen; Ladies put on soft skins upon the skin of softer hands; so, so: come mistress Bride take you your place, the old men first, and then the Bachelors; Maids with the Bride, Widows and wives to gether, the priset's at Church, 'tis time that we march the there Oyster-pye Captain? would would, he loves her, and I love her and fear both shall go without her. Knaves, Varlets, what Lungis, give me a dozen of stools there. I think Sir Adam and Ass, because of his bea ring. Widow wee'll trust that Captain there with you. And one of us thou shalt have widow. Son Terrill, thou hast drawn his picture right, For he's no full-made Courtier, nor well strung, That hath not every joint stuck with a tongue. Daughter, if Ladies say, that is the Bride, that's she, Gaze thou at none, for all will gaze at thee.
Plot summary
Plot — Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet
Celestine and Sir Walter Terrill are married. At the wedding dinner, the King becomes enamoured of Celestine and induces the bridegroom to swear to give up his first night of sex with her: he must deliver her to court that evening, still a virgin. Her father, Sir Quintilian, devises a scheme to save both her honour and Sir Walter’s: he gives her a cup of poison, and she drinks it. She keeps her marriage vows, and Sir Walter delivers her body to the King as part of a masque. The King is abashed to discover that she is a chaste, faithful wife. Then she wakes up: it was only a sleeping draught, and Sir Quintilian has proved both the bride’s constancy and the bridegroom’s love. In the sub-plot, Sir Quintilian and two other knights all become interested in marrying the widow Mistress Miniver, and each independently bribes Tucca to advance his suit. Miniver seems most interested in the bald Sir Adam, so Sir Vaughan engages Horace to write a satire against baldness. He invites the ladies, including Miniver, to a banquet of plums, and there Horace recites his poem on the glories of hair. The poem has the desired effect on Miniver; but Sir Adam hires Horace’s rival, Crispinus, to write a defence of baldness. It all comes to naught, however, for Tucca ends up marrying Miniver himself. In the third plot, Horace’s bitter epigrams against Tucca get into circulation among the gallants. Tucca swears vengeance, and stabs Horace, but with an edgeless sword; Horace’s response is shown to derive from fear rather than physical pain. Horace is accused of giving up a useful trade, bricklaying, and of unlawfully arraigning his rivals on the stage. He is brought to court dressed as a satyr, and the King appoints Crispinus to judge him. Crowned with a nettle wreath, Horace is exposed as an impostor (the real Horace was a better poet), and is made to forswear his inclination to arrogance and personal satire.