in Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet — Dekker, Thomas
Metadata
Play
Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet
Author
Dekker, Thomas
Year (catalogued)
1602
First performance
1601
Decade
1600s
Genre
Comedy
Play type
Adult Professional; Boys Professional
Company
Lord Chamberlain's (Hunsdon's) Men and Children of Paul's (second)
Speech prefix(es)
Mineu. | Min. | Mi •• | Min | Mi. | Mini. | Mi • i.
Words
866
Characters
4272
Typicality
0.43 (cosine to cluster centroid)
TCP id
A20081
BritDrama no.
1304
Cluster
Cluster 13 — Attendant courtiers & citizens
Important excerpts
No keyword-matching excerpt could be extracted (the cluster label doesn't share vocabulary with this character's speech).
Full speech
No pardon, for by my truly Sir Vaughan, I'll would no dealings with any M. Bridegrooms. God never gave me the grace to be a Lady, yet I would been worshipped in my conscience to my face a thousand times, I cannot deny sir Vam ghan, but that I have all imple ments, belonging to the vocation of a Lady. I'll come in no rings pardie, I'll take no gold. Yes perdy, as my Coach, and my fan, and a man or two that turn, and other things which Idem be loath every one should see, because they shall not be common, I am in manner of a Lady in one point. I am fair enough to be a Widow, Sir Quin tilian. One I must have sir Vaughan. One I must have, for now every one seeks to crow over me. I muse why sir Adam Prickshaft flies so far from us. I think (saving your reverence) Sir Adam a puppy, for a dog is the most loving creature to a christian that is, unless it be a child. Oh Sir Adam Prickshaft, you are a the bow hand wide, a long, yard I assure you: and as for Suitors, truly they all go down with me, they have all one flat answer. If I be you shall not ride me. Nay, eene as you please Captain, it shall be at your choice. Discover me? discover what thou canst of me. I? dam thee filthy Captain, dam thy self. Wood I might once come to that damming. So thou wilt I warrant, in thy abominable sins; Lord, Lord, how many filthy words hast thou to answer for. Why dost call me such horrible ungodly names then? Wood thou shouldst well know, I am no Maggot, but a mere Gentlewoman born. I scorn thee not, not I. To me? why Master Captain, you know that I have my choice of three or four pair of Knights, and there before have small reason to fly out I know not how in a man of war. You know I am offered that by half a dozen. I am witness young Gentlemen to that. Why do you ask Madam? I think he's within and Inch of a fool. Troth I shall never be enameled of a bareheaded man for this, what shift so ever I make. Good Master Tucca lets would no conjuring here. Oh Jesu it I know where about in London Babylon stands. If they draw sweet hearts, let us shift for our elves. I pray you Master Tucca, will you send me the five pound you borrowed on me; Oh you cannot hear now, but I'll make you hear me and feel me too in another place, to your shame I warrant you, thou shalt not conny-catch me for five pounds; he took it up Sir Vaughan in your name, he swore you sent for it to Mum withal, it five pound in gold, as white as my kercher. I, to Mum withal, but he plays mum-budget with me. By your leave (Master Poet) but that Bush-natural, is one a the trimmest, and most intanglingst beauty in a woe man. For I would somethings that were fetched (I am sure) as far as some of the Low Countries, and I paid sweetly for them too, and they told me they were good for Ladies. Perdy sir Vaughan I cannot dance. Lay me open to the world? I promise you has almost converted me, I pray bring forward your bald reasons M. Poet. By my troth sweet Ladies, it's Cake and pudding to me, to see his face make faces, when he reads his Songs and Sonnets. Ther's the yawning Captain (saving your reverence that has such a soar mouth) would one day needs persuade me, that love was a Rebato; and his reason was (saving your reverence) that a Rebato was worn out with pinning too of ten; and so he said love was. Your devices come not near my mouth Sir Vaugh and perdy, I was upon a time in the way to marriage, but now I am turned a tother side, I would sworn to lead a single and sim ple life. Hang thee patch-panel, I am none a thy Charingcross: I scorn to be Cross to such a scab as thou makest thy self. Thou shalt carry no naked swords before me to fright me, thou— By my truly I never thought you could would picked such S range things out of hair before. Oh most pitiful a as my great thumb. Iletreceiue no Love libels perdy, but by word a mouth. I'll would no hand in it Sir Vaughan, I'll not deal with you. Nay perdy, I'll put off my cap for no men plea sure. Nay truly Captain you shall be my leader. Perdy, I will be set ath last for this time. Nay perdy, hair has the higher place. I, a match, since he hath hit the Mistress so often i'th foregame, we'll eene play out a rubbers. By my faith he made more of a bald head, than ever I shall be able: he gave them their endue truly.
Plot summary
Plot — Satiromastix, or The Untrussing of the Humorous Poet
Celestine and Sir Walter Terrill are married. At the wedding dinner, the King becomes enamoured of Celestine and induces the bridegroom to swear to give up his first night of sex with her: he must deliver her to court that evening, still a virgin. Her father, Sir Quintilian, devises a scheme to save both her honour and Sir Walter’s: he gives her a cup of poison, and she drinks it. She keeps her marriage vows, and Sir Walter delivers her body to the King as part of a masque. The King is abashed to discover that she is a chaste, faithful wife. Then she wakes up: it was only a sleeping draught, and Sir Quintilian has proved both the bride’s constancy and the bridegroom’s love. In the sub-plot, Sir Quintilian and two other knights all become interested in marrying the widow Mistress Miniver, and each independently bribes Tucca to advance his suit. Miniver seems most interested in the bald Sir Adam, so Sir Vaughan engages Horace to write a satire against baldness. He invites the ladies, including Miniver, to a banquet of plums, and there Horace recites his poem on the glories of hair. The poem has the desired effect on Miniver; but Sir Adam hires Horace’s rival, Crispinus, to write a defence of baldness. It all comes to naught, however, for Tucca ends up marrying Miniver himself. In the third plot, Horace’s bitter epigrams against Tucca get into circulation among the gallants. Tucca swears vengeance, and stabs Horace, but with an edgeless sword; Horace’s response is shown to derive from fear rather than physical pain. Horace is accused of giving up a useful trade, bricklaying, and of unlawfully arraigning his rivals on the stage. He is brought to court dressed as a satyr, and the King appoints Crispinus to judge him. Crowned with a nettle wreath, Horace is exposed as an impostor (the real Horace was a better poet), and is made to forswear his inclination to arrogance and personal satire.