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Full speech
Sirrah Costermonger. Apples to make a Lady beautiful? Madam thats excellent. Lord Longauyle, buy some. Came not Lord Longauyle to buy some fruit? 'Tis well, say nothing, heres six crowns for two: You say the virtues are to make one strong. 'Tis excellent, here: farewell, if these prove, I'll conquer men by strength, women by love. Exit. And Irish kern sold me Damasco apples, Some two hours since, and (Like credulous fool) He swearing to me that they had this power, To make me strong in body, rich in mind, I did believe his words, tasted his fruit, And since have been attire in this disquize. Cure me and to thy Coffers I will send, More gold from Scotland then thy life can spend. Cure me, and Montrose wealth shall all be thine. Yes, Longauile, lets gallop after too, Doubtless this Doctor was that Irish devil, That cozened us, the medicine which he gave us, Tasted Like his Damasco villainy. To horse, to horse, if we can catch this fiend, Our forked shame shall in his heart blood end. Bind arms and legs, and hale the fiend a way. Where is the beauteous purse and wishing Hat? Burned? Soldiers bind him. Tortures shall wring both hat and purse from you, Villain, isle be revenged for that base scorn, Thy hellhound brother clapped upon my head. Drag him to yonder tower, there shackle him, And in a pair of Stocks, lock up his heels, And bid your wishing Cap deliver you. Give us the purse and Hat, weel set Thee free, Else rot to death and starve. Drag hence the cur: come noble Longauyle, One's sure, and were the other fiend as fast, Their pride should cost their lives: their purse and Hat Shall be both ours, weel share them equally. Peace, Longauyle, yonder the gallant comes. Wertenberg thou that Irishman that cozened us? Follow that Dog, and stop his balling throat. And stop the golden current of thy wast. No, no, rise, spurn him up: know you who's this? Of days anon, say, what determine you, Shall they have liberty, or shall they die? First let us see the purse, Lord Longauyle. Frenchman, this purse is counterfeit. Villain, thou shalt not rob me of my endue.
Plot summary
Plot — Old Fortunatus
Fortunatus gets lost in a wood and falls asleep. He is found by Fortune, attended by fallen kings who complain of her capricious control of their destiny. To spite them, she decides to advance Fortunatus’ fortunes, and offers him a choice of six gifts: wisdom, strength, health, beauty, longevity, or riches. He chooses wealth, and she gives him a purse which will always contain ten gold pieces, of legal tender wherever he may be. Fortunatus travels the world, visiting potentates, and bestows bottomless purses on every host. The Sultan of Babylon boats of his collection of treasures, and shows him the finest: an old hat which will transport its wearer anywhere in an instant. By a ruse, the Sultan puts it on Fortunatus’ head, and he wishes himself back home to Cyprus, thereby acquiring possession of the hat. Fortune decides that he has abused her gifts and reminds him that he did not choose long life or wisdom. He will die at the height of his fortunes with his sins black upon his soul, and will have no opportunity to repent. He dies there and then, leaving the purse and hat to his sons. The virtuous Ampedo takes the hat, while his imprudent younger brother Andelocia has the purse. Andelocia goes to England, where the Prince of Cyprus is wooing the King’s daughter, Agrippine; she is also loved by the melancholy French prisoner Orleans. On arrival, Andelocia is bountiful with largesse, which leaves King Athelstan itching to take him down a peg or two, and eager to learn the source of his riches. When Andelocia plans a magnificent banquet for his hosts, Athelstan orders that nobody is to supply him with any fuel: it will end up being a cold, unappetizing meal. Andelocia dances with Agrippine, and she takes him off to get to know him better. She then drugs him and takes the magic purse as he sleeps, leaving behind a copy. On waking, Andelocia finds that the King’s orders leave him unable to provide the banquet, and the Princess has left him without the wherewithal even to try to pay for it. Andelocia returns home to Cyprus and steals the wishing hat from Ampedo. He acquires some jewels by trickery and returns to England posing as a jeweller. Using the hat, he abducts Agrippine and takes her to a hot country. The climate doesn’t agree with her, so he climbs a tree to pick her a juicy apple; but while he’s up there, she puts on the wishing hat and goes home. Andelocia consoles himself by eating the apple, but it is one of the apples of Vice, sweet with a bitter…