FUSTIGO

How now porter, will she come? Theres for thy pains, godamercy, if ever I stand in need of a wench that will come with a wet finger, Porter, thou shalt earn my money before any Clarissimo in Milan; yet so God sa me she's mine own sister body and soul, as I am a christian Gentleman; farewell, isle ponder till she come: thou hast been no bawd in fetching this woman, I assure thee. Oh God sir, many that have born offices. But Por ter, art sure thou wentest into a true house? Nay but art sure it was my sister Viola. Not very tall. It she faith, it she, a pretty plump cheek Like mine. Gods so, I would not for a ducat she had kicked up his heals, for I would spent and abomination this voyage, ma j I did it amongst sailors and gentlemen: theres alittle modicum more porter for making thee stay, farewell honest porter. Troth sister I herd you were married to a very rich chuff, and I was very sorry for it, that I had no better clothes, and that made me send: for you know we Millaners love to strut upon Spanish leather. And how does all our friends? A pox on em; wild oats, I would not and oat to throw at a horse, troth sister I would sowde my oats, and reaped 200. ducats if I had em, here, marry I must entreat you to lend me some thirty or forty till the ship come, by this hand isle discharge at my day, by this hand. Why sister, do you think isle forswear my hand? I'll swear Like a horse if I Like the matter. I had not sailde a league in that great fishpond (the sea) but I cast up my very gall. Nay by this iron sister, they shall find I am powlder and touchbox, if they put fire once into me. Mine ears are yours deer sister. A linen Draper I was told sister. Gods my life, he's a very mandrake, or else (God bless us) one a these whiblins, and thats worse, and then all the children that he gets lawfully of your body sister, are bastards by a statute. Belike his blood sister, is well brewed then. The honester Citizen he, then make him drunk and cut off his beard. Nay, for swaggering points let me alone. Nay, I'll swear after 400. a year. No, no, It shall be cousin, or rather cuz, thats the gulling word between the Citizens wives & their old dams, that man em to the garden; to call you one a mine ants, sister, were as good as call you arrant whores no, no, let me alone to cousin you rarely. The best in M lan I warrant. The Tortoys sister? I'll stay there; forty ducats. Exit. Sfoot, I lack em all, nay more, I lack money to buy em: let me see, let me look again: mass this is the shop; What Coz! sweet Coz! how dost ifayth, since last night after candlelight? we had good sport ifayth, had we not? and when shals laugh again? Spoke Like a kind Lacedaemonian ̄ : I see yonders thy husband. And how is't Cozen? & how? how is't thou squall? How fare I? troth, for sixpence a meal, wench, as well as heart can wish, with Calves chaldron and chitter lings, beside I have a Punch after supper, as good as a ro asted Apple. A am, sir, what hast thou to do with that? The Devils dung in thy teeth: I'll be welcome when there thou wilt or no, I: What Ring's this Coz? very pretty and fantastical ifayth, lets see it. I would sworn I'll have't, and I hope you will not let my oaths be cracktin the ring, will you? I hope, sir, you are not mallicolly at this for all your great looks: are you angry? Troth Coz, and well remembered, I would thou wouldst give me five yards of Lawn, to make my Punk some falling bans a the fashio ̄ , three falling one upon anon there: for that's the new editio ̄ now: she's out of linen hor ribly too, troth, sha's never a good smock to her back ney there, but one that has a great many patches in't, & that I'm feign to wear my self for want of shift to: prithee put me into wholesome napery, & bestow some clean commodities upon ̄ us. Fool! Sneales eat the fool, or I'll so batter your crown, that it shall scarce go for five shillings. Nails, I think so, for thou tellest me. Zounds Cozen, he talks to me, as if I were a scur vy Tragedian. I, do, make haste, sirrah. Stranger? no sir, I me a natural Millaner born. My acquaintance? I scorn that ifayth; I hope my acquaintance goes in chains of gold three and fifty times double: you know who I mean, Coz, the posts of his gate are a painting to. Enter the 2. Prentice. I, when do you show those pieces? Come sirrah, you Flatcap, where be these whites? Sfoot Coz, a good jest, did you hear him? he told me in my ear, I was a flat fool, and Ass, a Gull, and I'll thrumb you: do you see this Cambrick sir? No, not your men, but one of your men isayth. I marry, this likes me well, cut me off some half score yards. Again, again, as God judge me: Sfoot, Coz, they stand thrum ̄ ming here with me all day, & yet I get nothing. Sfoot I think so, if a Knight marry my Punk, a Lady shall wear it: cut me off 20. yards: th'art and honest lad. Oh Lord, sister, did you not hear something cry thrum? zounds your men here make a plain Asle of me. Mass, and I'll take em as freely. I faith they hapepperd me, sister: look, dost not spin? call you these Prentices? I'll never play at cards more when ̄ clubs is trump: I have a goodly coxcomb, sister, have I not? If you have any skill in Heraldry, you may soon know that, break but her pate, and you shall see her blood and mine is all one. Because its a common thing to call Coz, and min gle now adays all the world over. roth, brother, my sister would needs would me take upon me to gull your patience a little: but it has made double Gules on my coxcomb. Sfoot, my wit bleeds for't, me thinks. Nay, nay, way it and spare not, if it lack one grain of corn; I'll give you a bushel of wheat to make it up. Marry 'tis the head man; you shall razed him by his tongue a pretty tall prating fellow, with a Tuscalonian beard. Cods life I was near so thrumbd since I was a gentle man: my coxcomb was dry beaten as if my hair had been hemp. Nay it grew so high, that my sister cried murder out very manfully: I have her consent in a manner to have him pepperd, else isle not doot to win more then ten cheaters do at a rifling: break but his pate or so, only his mazer, because isle have his head in a cloth aswell as mine, he's a linen dram per and may take enough. I could enter mine Actium of bat ry against him, but we may haps be both dead and rotten be before the lawyers would end it. No, no, nay if I stir, some body shall stink: isle not budge: isle lie Like a dog in a manger. Thats all so God same, I thirst after, blood for blood, bump for bump, nose for nose, head for head, plaster for plam ster, and so farewell: what shall I call your names because isle leave word, if any such come to the bar. Nor I by this light, if Poh be such a Poh. Exeunt. Not so neither, good porter, gods lid, yonder she coms. Sister Viola, I am glad to see you stirring: its news to have me here, I to not sister? As your Midwife I protest sister, or a Barber-surgeon. Slid, would he had been at sea with us, he should would been moude and moude again, for I'll be sworn la, our drun ken ship reelde Like a Dutchman. Then you're with child sister, by all signs and tokens; nay, I am partly a Physician, and partly something else. I would read Albertus Magnus, and Aristotles em blemes. By this welkin that he re roars? I will, else let me never know what a secret is: why sister do you think I'll cunni-catch you, when you are my cousin? Gods my life, then I were a stark Ass, if I fret not his guts, beg me for a fool. Sfoot half a quarter of and hour does that: make him a cuckold. I must have a great Horseman's French feather too sister. By this hand sister. I'll never call Coz again while I live; to have such a coil about it: this should be a Coronation day; for my head runs Claret lustily. Exit Enter and Officer. Hold up your hands gentlemen: heres one, two, three, (nay I warrant they are found pistols, and without flaws, I had them (of my sister, and I know she uses to put nothing thats cracked,) three, four, five, six, seven, eight and nine, by this hand bring me but a piece of his blood. and you shall have 9. more. I'll lurk in a tavern not far off, & provide sup per to close up the end of the Tragedy, the linen drapers re me ̄ ber-stand toot I beseech you, & play your parts perfectly. Nor I,