LURDO

This wit's a sprightly thing It not alone does bring, Public applause, but knowledge i'the law Teaches to speak in distance. My thriving Fortune's mount Above suppose, even to my hearts content: We are divorced. You know the cause on't, two sufficient men Swore her a harlot, and the partial Bench Inspire by my good Angels (Angels wings Sweep a clear passage to the seat of Kings) Sealed our divorce. Abuse, away, away. They know me rich Horatio, chink, chink: While this holds out my cause shall never sink. But I know't too true, She was my wife and by her means, my head Was faith rely tupt and you will buy a Lanthorn: Bespeak my sconce, 'tis ready horned and all. What a question's that? Shall I wear cracked rings, Diamonds with a flaw, I'll carry coals and you will, no horns, I know the law. More will fallen shortly. Grows here, who ever broached the wine, The butt stands here, my forehead bears the sign, I find no law for this. A quillet well applied. A nimble wit, joust of the length ofmine. But come my leidge, forget, it so will I, Our infant griefs must be old men and die, A pa lous youth, sharp and sattyricall, Would a but spend some study in the law, A would prove a passing subtle Barrister. Touch no men functio ̄ , there are jerks & tricks Spurn not the law, for if you do, it kicks. I Like not this, 'tis neither right nor straight done with no law-trick, nor no good conceit, but here a comes. Peace and observe. Your reason Adam. This is the worst my Lord that you expend Your treasure on that Ladies maintenance. Law takes your partly, & if your purse grow short Rather then spend the public treasury, I'll lend your Grace a brace of thousand pounds, Provided this, that as our Bookmen write I have security. I crave no more, let me have pawns and use. Do, for wit and Law know she's a fool, Thou speakest but right, for so I am indeed. How, ith the River? In the middle of the tide. No harm sweet Love, how dost thou Like this Caper? Kiss and play. Cuckold by this light. The Prince. From thence. The Prince. What plot? Behind the Arras. My Love, my life, o thou art made Out of the soul of wit, and thy conceits, Of the best fashion. Whatnewes Win? I know it true, and I can proou't, Our loves are twins, But to the wrong, dares any idle tongue Bark at our greatness? Great Duke mine eyes are not thus great with tears, For our griefs funeral, but that her shame, And future scandal will out live her name, I know the law, if I have wronged the Prince, I stand in compass of a praemonire, And he by written of and quod dampnum may, sue his recovery, I know the law. Non tenet in bocardo I demur, Do but send out your Jterum summoneas, Or capias ut legatum to attach, And bring him viva voice tongue to tongue, And vi & armis I'll revenge this wrong. and thy friends. In the black Pudding: pish, Of all arts else, only the law is firm. Yes, Horatio poisond her Revenge it Duke be a true Irsticer. And a speaks Latin too, Truly and so few Lawyers use to do. All these are trivial: Prince, be a Lawyer: Wrong not the Law. Fore-god 'tis true, right properties of the Law But under favour, and with endue respect Of that unvalued pearl, and the professors, Your self and such lack-latin Advocates Infect the heart, and do their best to change The true intent of sanctimonious law. Turn Church yards Champions, and make the ground grown rank w that Grandsires flesh, Bear corn to feed the Son. Better and better, now my Hope's are fit, The Duke thus gone, what tongue so bold dares say I wronged my wife? Thou art my self, we both have but one bo some One tongue, one soul, two bodies & one heart. 'Tis true, but let that pass, We two are one. And I know thee For no small fool, twa's simple policy, And not without some counsel of the law, That not withstanding my wives near alliance Unto the Duke, I purchased a divorce. I tell thee, the most wrong Was this, my Avarice thought she lived too long. I know one man hath coffind up six wives Since she was mine, and by the poorest, purst A brace of thousand pounds: still good in Law, Men must be rich, by thrift our treasures rise, Give me the man's knave rich, take you poor wise, But close, cock sure isle feed me fat with sport, Gull all, f ole all, why? I have Law-tricks for't. Exit How prodigal? Thou tellest me wonders, he that but last day, Was never seen to walk without a book, Writ against pleasure, and make bitter jests Of honest recreation, turned dissolute, I see no reason for't, the law and I, (I tell you plainly Adam) think you lie. Punk! how the fool that does not know it slanders a leaf, nicknames a stranger herb. Nor good thrift neither, Yet there S one dunce, a kind of plodding Poet, S care's it not in the first creation, Because he finds no ballad argument, To prove old Adam a Tobacconiste, They did not: take me with you, what's the They were all plain folks, & did not know the laws. But he that uses it shall die a beggar. That's a good wench. Still good in law, and and upright conceit. That jest comes near to me, 'Tis our-growne now, a wants authority. They are bawdy mates, Touch Lawyers too, indeed abuse all states, And talk of Lawyers fees. That kiss my Lord deserves and Epigram And unbidden guest Should bring a stool along. Nor Lawyers neither. Your honours sudden Metamorphosis, Told by your trusty Servant, and confirmed By public rumor. She's fair, nor do I discommend your choice I wish her your's, a private friend or so, I know mad Jerks, and know that Law allows, Princes their private pleasures, and my self Will do my best to gain your honours love, I will not absolutely say there are, But there may be, if so your honour please, Sellers and Vaults, which from your private Garden May under ground led to your bedchamber. Whither, I will not name my self, but some close friend, May unsuspected bring your beauteous Lady. 'Tis so indeed. And a private door, A secret vault, and twenty odd tricks more. And Arbours with sweet violet Beds, That have been pressed to death with maidenheads, Where you may sport and breath, and take a rouse Mum, I cannot stay, There's a cloud rising, drives my Sun away. Madam, 'tis she that was. And the world sees Colossus on my brows, Hercules Pillars, here is non ultra writ. Hath not the Law divorced and made a bar betwixt our affections? Wertenberg not thou content to take a pension? Good wit, Law-trickes and firm, you may complain. Currant in Law, & how encountered you. Wiu. I'll tell you my good Lord (I thank my bringing up, I can talk, I use not to have my tongue to seek when it should pleasure any man, especially my good Lord) I told her what a credit it was to have a man of great credit, & that which is more, a skilful Lawyer that can stand out in her case at a dead life, and one that if needs were, could make a crazy Actium found, I put her in mind what it was to have such a one to her sweet heart. Good, But she does love me. I found her meaning, first isle gull my Ne phew. Still good in Law, isle fetch him over of all, Get all, purse all, and be possessed of all, And then conclude the match, marry at least, When can you tell? I'll use her as a hand To pick the Princes coffers, and for reward To prison, marry her, for tricks can doo't, (actions. The world's squint-eyd, and dares not pry into our Here lies her walk (my Lute Win) she shall see, Youth's leaden footed in respect of me. I have, and it holds currant, Then tender me possession. Of thy chased love. I had one. Thy love shall quickly wed her to her graven, I never did love her. I faith. Till death. Square to my humour fit. And so was I. The fitter for my turn, I was a man Born to no Hope's, but a few shreds of wit A Grammar Scholar, then a Scriuenor. Dealing for private use betwixt man and man, and by close broke age set them at debate: Incensed them unto Law, which to maintain, I lent them money upon Lands and Plate, After the rate of sevenscore in the hundred. Then did I learn to counterfeit men's hands, Noblemen's arms, interline Evidences, Make false conveyances, yet with a trick, Close and cocksure, I cony-catched the world. Having scraped pretty wealth, I fell in League With my first wife, and (though I say't my self) She had good doings, her back comings in And private goings out, raised me aloft: I followed cases of the law abroad, and she uvae merry with her friends at home. Twenty times. And a Wittal too. And knew't. I did. It went attire in gold, a golden Crest, Is a brave fashion, and accounted best. What news? Which way? My senses were entranced. O my sweet Phoenix, out of thy ashes. O fit honnyed me, And then their numbness, didst thou never read Of any Lawyer came to be Duke? Why such a one would I be. Yes, and and Usurper too. Ulysses, Tully, Lawyers, but no Dukes. Fore-mee tistrue, but now I do remember nought to that purpose: His name? Leave us to confer. A trusty friends, the souls high Treasurer. Their names? My wife? the manner? We must demurie of this, isle have a trick By way of Habeas Corpus to remove This talking Gossip, come Hotatio, Some project, how? what course for her remove: Easily, poison them, And well remembered, this she Rat my wife, That eats and tears the leaves of my repute, Shall taste Like speeding Physic in thine ear, Canst temper poison? And kill a Rat. Mum for that, This she Rat is a Devil. Envy. Malice. Ere my disgrace get age, rare tricks and I will fool the world, wilt, doo't? Neither the Law nor I, Know any reason why Horatio. But mum, Law-tricks as closely as I can, Mine ear shall drink his meditation. Might have found us out, Good, firm in Law, I am a fool to doubt, His constant secrecy. The deepest wit could not have bettered, Our smooth conveyance, but upright and straight, Unknown, unseen, isle work upon conceit. My conceited brain, Hath and odd crotchet called me back again. Would? a talks of tricks, Of count and tricks, for tricks and count are twins. I am right and straight. Suppose he tell the Duke he gave the poison. Fie, I fear him not, He does but father, what my brain begotten. Yes the very same, I do remember when she went to nurse, What a cursed vixen twa S, but now she's grown. A perilous Girl, her wits a mere Snaphance, Go's with a fire lock, she strikes fire from stones, She knows the Law too, a mere murdering piece, Fight low, lock close, she speaks mere lightning Niece. Would, writ of errors? Law-trickes, words of Art Demurs and quillets. My niece, and I will make it good. We shall have change of weather. Nay, isle but see your breast, mine eyes desire, No lower object. I cannot now return, non est inventa, Brother embrace your child, your second heir, I found firm witness in her bosom bore. No, I will demur. He gave the poison. Our punishment defer, Byr'lady so is not mine, idem give my goods, For a good habous Corpus, to remove me Into another Country. And wronged Countess though I hated thee, I come to take my latest sleep with thee. My much wronged wife? Unblemished. Thou did stiudeede, and isle requite thee well. As of the law, good as it may be used, But to my wife. Nocte die que . Never nothing less. O! Divinely, o divinely, tart and quick, Pleasing, yet not tedious I was wrapped Redeemde your daughter and apparent error, Which you by way of melius inquiren dum. May soon discuse, he ran some home your daughter As sure as I made cellars under ground, Or played his pandar. If I be Compos mentis, this is she, Must play your daughters partly, my Lord be beware, Work close cock sure, I see the gin the snare. Father? now it fits, Beware and old Fox, Duke I have brains I have wits. I must needs say that at my nephews suit, I gave her a months lodging and her diet. But Nada veritate in bore truth, & bona side without circumstance, Splendente Sole the bright Sun never saw, A wench more capable of wit and law, And how soere she is with beauty graced, I dare engage mine honour she is chased, No more a that, niece you're a wag. What written the shadow? 'Tis well said Lady, you do well to jest with and oldeman.