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Full speech
As the audience do a bade play, scuruely. And rich. Not so strange as the metamorphosis of Ajax and Like your grace. No, and yet 'tis a wonder I would not, grace being so fildome used, Ime sure they say none at some Ordenaries, for at sitting down they cannot intend it for hunger, and at rising up, they are either drunk, or have such mind a dice, they never remembe , my Lord then. Indeed there are many already, but is not this strange, that rich men should forsake their titles? master then. You have left many Countries behind you in seeking your friend Lysander, and yet you cannot find him. I would seen much gold lying upon Lombards stalls, and could never finger penny of it. Nay, it not well sir. That you were best fit down, and see what you would God by your journey. Thats nothing, a prisoner sees the face of heaven it self, when he looks but out at the prison-gate, I'll stand root, a man were as good be hanged, so a meet a handsome hangman, & a strong rope, as be in love. Marry this sir, hanging is end of all troubles, & love the be ginning. Nay further, I think a Lo worser cannot be saved, for he is of all religions. This; he thinks with the Atheist theres no God but his Mistress, with the Infidel no heaven but her smiles, with the papist no purgatory but her frowns, & with the family of love, hold it law full to lie with her, though she be another men wife. Serving men sir, the Master goes in before his wife, & the servingman follows his master. As the Usurer before he parts with money, meditate upon the assurance. And she were whole heir to the four moral Virtues, it nothing: when shall I see the time that men will love for for tue, or a rich h ire marry a poor wench without a portion, never I think. Not at his Tailors in any case, for theres no greater stitch to a younger brother's conscience, then to pay for a suit of appariell when 'tis worn out. For that which would make a lackanapes a Monkey, and he could get it: a tail. Faith sir he hath entered his Actium in Cupid's court, & means to proceed in the suit it should seem. I can compare my lord and his friend to nothing in the world so fitly as to a couple of water buckets, for while hope winds the one up, despair plunges the other down, while I Like a Harl keen in and Italian comedy, stand making faces at both their follies.
Plot summary
Plot — The Isle of Gulls
Three members of the audience ask the Prologue about the play they are to see, The Isle of Gulls. They prove to have irreconcilable tastes in drama: one wants satire, one bawdy, and one bombast, but all eventually agree to give the play a chance. Concerned about his daughters’ unsuitable suitors, Basilius retires with them for a year to an uninhabited, fortified island, leaving his brother to rule Arcadia in his stead. A proclamation challenges royal would-be suitors to win the princesses by stealth. This attracts Julio and Amintor to the island, alerted by Basilius’ unworthy favourite Dametas; and also Lysander and Demetrius, respectively disguised as Zelmane, an Amazon, and Dorus, a woodman. ‘Zelmane’ becomes Violetta’s companion, and Demetrius enters Dametas’ service. Dametas arranges an opportunity for Julio and Amintor to rape the princesses by isolating them during a hunt. They kidnap the girls, but ‘Zelmane’ and ‘Dorus’ rescue them. ‘Dorus’ is rewarded with an appointment as Hippolita’s attendant, but the incident also casts doubt on ‘Zelmane’s’ gender, so Lysander loses his access to Violetta. Basilius and Gynecia are both enamoured of Lysander (each believing him to be a different sex), and each persuades him to accept the other’s advances for sport. Meanwhile Dametas’ daughter Mopsa falls in love with ‘Dorus’. Amintor and Julio continue to have ill success: they pose as envoys from Basilius’ brother, appealing for him to deal with an outbreak of abuses, corruption, and crime, but they are denied their promised reward by the avaricious Dametas. ‘Dorus’ gets rid of Dametas and his family by sending each of them on a wild-goose chase: Dametas to find buried treasure, his jealous wife Miso to Dametas’ supposed mistress, and Mopsa to the chapel in Adonis’ bower where a priest will marry them. ‘Zelmane’ similarly disposes of Basilius and Gynecia by arranging assignations with each at the same chapel, with the priest Manasses standing in for the Amazon. This frees Lysander and Demetrius to elope with the princesses; but their plans are overheard by Amintor and Julio, whom they then employ to smuggle the girls off the island. Digging for the gold, Dametas finds only a scornful poem directing him to Adonis’ bower, and he curses 1606 poets. Everyone meets up at the bower, and the knot of identity confusion is unravelled. Lysander and Demetrius present themselves to Basilius as his new sons-in-law; but Amintor and Julio have double- crossed them and kept…