MANASSES

You play well Sir, but you lose still. And they be, I hope they be not the first wrongs I have put up for your worship. Then if they had a woman to their Judge, they should be sure to be cut off, for they cannot endure bad members in a Come mon-wealth. Cut them off both sir, and make the Land and Eunuch. Presently sir, I'll go fetch the head to give the foot a pos set: and my master had wit to his villainy, he would make and excel lent dish for the hangman. This way she went sir, this way. For more help, as some of them have done, But there she is. No, never beseech for the matter, for except you could beseech with the tongue of Angels, 'tis to no purpose with him. True, where he takes he is, but he takes nothing of you, and therefore look for no kindness from him. How quickly the tide's turned, but do you hear Ma dam, though I take neither afore nor after my Master, yet take my counsel, & do not trust my master: If you have a suit to the Duke keep it to your self, for if you trust my master with it, heel prefer it for you, but heel begged for himself. As a malcontent of a change, or and old Lady of a new fa shion. A common fault, his betters forget themselves when ̄ they grow rich, then blame not him to forget his father. These Lacedæmonians, Subjects to your Majesty, would ving a Messadge to deliver to your Majesties instruments of hea ring, commonly eclipt, ears. Sweet Feminine, clip off the tail of thy discourse with the Scissors of attention, as I say, these Lacedæmonians have chosen me their tongue. By the Tennis court I think you have. Faith sir according to the proportion of it, little or nothing they say 'tis a banckrout, and dares not show his head. Oh in any case, though you never peruse em, 'tis the only course in request. No madam, I take commonly afore my master, for where he takes, he takes all, and leaves nothing for me to take. Let my master have some feeling of yours, and heel pre set your suit. Also one, 'tis my masters pleasure, and usual fashion. As the Pursuivant does the prisoner for a double fee. As your Adamant: think you was fear made me keep out? no was hope of these flattering sweet lipt drabs, I fear to marry my Ladies daughter? no nor to go to bed with her neither. Why, I have counterfeited his hand & seal. He has been content with me, to come nearer to him, at his entertainment of the last Ambassador, when he was heat with drinking of healths. As I led him to his Chamber, I nimde his Chain, and drew his Purse, and next morning persuaded him he lost it in the great Cham ber at the Revels. He puts me in trust with his whole estate: he buys Manners, I purchase Farms: he builds houses, I pluck down Churches: he gets of the Duke, and I of the Commons: he beggars the Court, and I beggar the whole Country. Your only way to move a by: Humbly complay ning to your good worship, Oh 'tis most pathetic, and indeed with out money, can do joust nothing with authority. Now does my Master long more to finger that gold, then a young girl married to and old man, doth to run her husband? ashore at Cuckolds haven. As many Executors and Overseers have done, cheat him of his portion, and then turn him out of doors a begging. Meaning the gold. Boy, see the fellows entertained? I must wait of my lord. Pardon me Madame, I learned of my Lord, to lend nothing without security and pawns. Good counsel is worth good money, Madame. Nay Madame, this hand's Like a fellow, it takes every thing in jest; if you be in earnest, let me feel it here: So Lady, now betwixt earnest and jest, if your Will be ready drawn, be before your friend delivered as your deed, and put me in trust to ex ecute it. Man, and woman perhaps; but not man and wife: for though most women have a will to be Ladies, Like my Lords wife; yet every Lady have not wit to be a wife, as my Lords Daughter. But what good can I do in this? That I have: I have taken order for the making away of a hundred Maidenheads in my time, and not so few: but I am in in the mind of you now, these two Beagles, Dorus and Mops , have run themselves breathless in the chase of love, you would would me couple'm up in the leases of Matrimony. O sir! though my M. hath but bade eyes, he hath excee ding long ears: and though a Forrayner may play with a City's zens wooden Dagger, I would not wish any to jest with a Cour tiers steeled Sword; 'tis seldom drawn but it draws blood. I should would more ground then half the Kings in Chri stendom: here's my hand, I'll do't: my M. is my M. & I love him; but my gold's my God, and I honour it: I'll do't; the time & place? Very good breeding Sir: My great Grandfather was a Ratcatcher, my Grandsier a Hangman, my Father a Promoter, and my self and Informer. And by education too: but Bawdy Informations gro wing stale, I gave up my cloak to a Broker, and crept into credit for a Gown, and of Manasses a penurious Informer, I turned Copy, & became Manasses, a most, precise, & illiterate expositor. And a Writer too Bully; I set some of my Parishioners Wives such Copies, as their Husbands might cast their caps at it, but could never come near. Tush I could fashion the body, of my discourse fit to the ear of my auditorre: for to cast Eloquence amongst a company of Stinctards, is all one as if a man should scatter Pearl amongst the hoggish animals ecliped Swine: no I had paraphrastical and monitions of all sorts; Some against covetous Landlords, and that would I squirt awongst beggarly Tenants: Some against Usurers, and that would I throw in at Prison Grates amongst prodigal Banqeoutes: Some against the pride of the Court, and that honies the ear of the Citizen: Some against the fraud of the City, and that's Cake and Cheese to the Country: Some against Protestants, and that's plumps the lazy Catholic a gainst Papist and Protestant, and that fattens the rank witted Puritand, against Papist, Puritand, and Protestant; and that tickles the ear of the luxur ous Atheist. O very many. In the very bosom of the City: and by your leave, here and there one in the Court too: But we fi to they all; for in deed we wandering Lights, have (as other tradesmen have) Commodities of all sorts, and prizes. As many do by Offices, steal into them ere the Duke be aware of they. One to another, to no body else: a proud Poet is for all the world Like a Punk in request, covetous of many Cliantes, when she hath more then she can handsomely play off: You shall have some Poet (Apollo's Vicar, especially) write you a comi call, Pastoral, Tragical, Musical history in prose, will make the auditors eyes run a water Like so many waterspouts: I had one of them my self, and your ears be in case, I'll give you a taste on't; his argument was fetched out of the Poem called, The lost sheep: and thus it is. Nay peace, and it were in place where you might wake, the best men in the parish, for commonly they sleep the begin ning, because they love not division: but to the lost Sheep. Beloved, you must imagine this Sheep was a Sheep, a lost Sheep; a Sheep out a the way: but my deer flock and loving Sheep, whom Like a careful Shepherd, I have gathered together with the whistle or pipe, as it were of mine eloquence, into this sold of peaceful Community; Do not you stray do not you fly out, do not you wander, do not you lose your selves; but Like kind Sheep, and valiant Rams: I speak to you the better partly and head of my flock. As I say, you shall see the valiant Rams turn all their horns together, and appose themselves against the Wolf, the hungry Wolf, the greedy Wolf, the Lams-de uowring Wolf, the Wolf of all Wolves, to defend their Eawes and young ones. Durst you say all your heads together, and with the horns of your Manhood defend your families, your own wives, and your neighbours children: Was not this stinging gear? The fitter for my Audience: while you live, have a ear to fit your Audience. How many sooner I make use of, I'll answer with Piauano Orllotto the Italian: I profess the Dukes only. A very found reason: for says he, I came Raw into the world, and I would not willingly go roasted out, so close up the stomach of your Discourse with that dry answer, and euey man about his business. Fie no, 'tis cunning in him, marry twould be though little better then coosnage in a country gentleman: but he returns. That proves me no woman, for they speak over much. Madam, could you to every one of these Crowns give me a Kingdom, And you in the wrong, I'll keep your jest, but in any case take back again your earnest: isle not purchase my Lords displeasure with your gold. As your Lawyer of the Term, or your Landlord of the Quarter day. This is Adonis chapel, I wonder they come not, though I bear a little learning about me, and a few good clothes, I would not wisham to make Balams ass a me: for though many fools take no felicity but in wearing good clothes (though they be none of their own) I have a further reach in me. They that I fear have made gulls of us all, Zelmane, and dorus: Who would would thought the cold had be so good a musician: how it plays upon my chaps, and makes my teeth skip up and down my mouth Like a company of virginal Jacks, but I find small music in it, and Mopsa should come now I could do her little good, yet and she were here, she and I would have about at cob-nut or at I ri-pit or somewhat to keep our selves from idleness, though she be but a fool, the babbles good enough to make sport with all in the dark and that very word hath started her. yes Mopsa. why because he will not be said to make too much hast to a bade bargain, he is not come yet, would you have him mend Gods workmanship? no matter wench, I can dote well enough without book, Madam, Zelmane, no Gods my judge my liege, I am Manasses, mi serable Manasses, your husbands scribe-ma or madam. and while I came to Adonis chapel to be tossed in my mari age blankets with Dorus, I left my little dog pearl plucking dazies: I am changed a fool, I love my lord, I am no knight, I am Manasses, they made a plain fool. so it appears by the story my Lord: