SLIGHTALL

I do protest. May I perish then, if ever thought was Harboured in this breast, That did intend you harm; Your Father hath consented you shall be mine; Your Mother still holds off: but having yours, I care not who withstands; I am fixed your Servant and true Lover. Then here my dearest, do I plighted a vow, And swear by thy own virtuous grace and sweetness, By those intrammell'd Rays, those starlike eyes Endymion blushes on; those Ruby lips, Where a read Sea of kisses is divided By rocks of pearl, by these joined hands, and all things That have tied my love to thine; I'll never forsake thee. Fear and doubt perplex me equally. Well pleaded Grannam Eve. In her known love I am so confident, And of her faith so constantly assured, So void of all distrust; that I give back All interest, Title, claim, and Ceremony T'attend a second Censure. Mristris Changeable, You now are your own woman. All come to this? shone the Sun bright i'th' morn To be ere Noon enveloped in this Cloud? To be forsook, despised, and disgraced All for a verbal Title? shall I avenge me On the proud Done, or this his changeable stuff? Whose name and disposition suit so well: Something I must, but in the interim Never to fix a constant thought again Upon that Moon-like sex: I'll weigh them all, Poor, rich, old, young, and middle Age alike; Make no distinction betwixt the lose and chased, The Matron and the wanton, women kind; For the so base inconstancy of one, Henceforth I'll form my self alike to all: Licentiousness shall be my Mistress now, Voluptuous pleasure, riot and excess My future study; I'll let lose desire And appetite unbridled; and the more Of that intemperate Sex I can corrupt Count it my greatest deed of Charity: And for thy sake, thou falsest fair; I vow Affection and all loyal Love t'abjure, Striving to make the clearest streams impure. Worse than a shopkeeper, that hath Run long behind hand. God's foot, Like a puff, a Feather it's my Lord Must deal in wholesale with her Lady beware, And I am quite cashiered. A heart? at heel; that poor worm, Love, Which some do style a God; I thus tread underfoot, stamp on his shaft, And trample on his Quiver: I must confess I once loved beyond thought, but when I saw My troth so baffled, and my faith despised; I set it at defiance, and I now Will be for all, or any. I can teach thee do't. I love all fashions, features, forms and faces, Proportions, sexes, ages, and degrees, Discretions, wits, disposures, callings, places, Endowments, faculties, and all alike; Since one hath failed, I affect all as any, any as one. For example, I'll teach thee how to love The loathed'st Creature; Marry I must turn Poetical. Nay I must be in rhyme too. Then, thus I do begin; Dissemble every fault in their Complexions. And take no notice of their imperfections: Andromeda was belly, sides, and back To Perseus seen, he did not term her black; Andromache was of too large a stature, One loving Hector praised her gifts of nature. To her whose skin was black as Ebone was I have said ere now, O, it's a Nutbrown Lass. Or if she looked a squint (as I am true So Venus looked) if she be bleak of hew; Pale, for the World, Like Pallas ; be she grown By Jove, Minerva up and down. If she be tall, then for her height commend her, If she be lean, Like envy term her slender. She that is puffed Like Boreas in the cheek, Is but full fat, and Daphne she is Like. She that is Dwarfish, name her light, and quick; And call her well set, this is grubbed thick. This was Ovid ; how approve you these his precepts? I could instruct you in a Thousand such And never trouble Memory. Rog? Provide me a good lusty Lass to night, I purpose to be merry. I care not of what humour, face, or feature, So thou canst find one impudent enough; Search all the Allies, Spittle, or Pickthatch, Turnball, the Bank side, or the Minories, White Friars, St. Peters Street, and Mutton Lane, So thou canst find one to disgrace her sex, She best shall please my Palate, Get me likewise a noise of Fiddlers, and a supper too, Equal with that which old Vitellius made, When Art would exceed Nature; had I been he And had his rich Exchequor, I would have fed On nothing but Earth's choicest rarities, Drunk nought but Pearl dissolved. My servants servant? slave, fetch me straight a Whore. These are Gentlemen, my friends, and my Companions. I'll have Music, and the choicest Cates the City can Afford, and wine in abundance. Yes, all and some. Pox upon you, we shall have you turn Puritan, Leave big mouthed Oaths to swear by yea and nay: Th'art not for me, give me a man can roar, Show hacks upon his Sword, bristle, look big, Knows all the Postures of a true Duello; Give and retort the lie in his full nature: Can weigh and drink by measure all, or half To a rundle, or the circuit of a hair, Can weigh his drink as well as measure it, And, And without frowns or grumbling still attend Ent. Geffry On my free humours: Geoffrey, well returned, the news? We shall have money then? On what conditions, Geoffrey? And I'll do it; In interim go, bespeak us delicates The best and choicest, the dearer they shall prove The better they will taste; Wenches too, Geoffrey, Thou knowest my mind, thou seest our number. Unless thy self wilt make a fourth with us, And bring (with thee for thine own appetite) Some courser stuff to keep thee Company, And fit at the buy Table. And Music Geoffrey. Here's a fellow, whose industry does merit double hire, Of a free Countenance and a light appetite, When this still frowning grim and surly sir, Has nothing in his face but melancholy, And in his tongue repining. Come Gentlemen, shall we to Cards, And spend and hour at Gleek? Faith Twelve pence if you please. What, will you please to attend us some few hours, In absence of your fellow? Well sir, will you follow? You have served me long, what have you God by me? And pray what's all this? Nay, name it you. And what's that? Thy plains I commend, thee and thy wit, That canst give nothing name, such is my state; Yet out of this confused lump of nought, That which no man of sense can say it is, Or Title by the name of any thing, Something I have extracted, and reserved For you, for you my servants; take this Gold. Why, all this alas is nothing. To me it is not, for now it is yours, And may it ever after something prove To you and your succession, as a Stock To thrive and prosper by; I only was, But am not now; however be you still, And may this give you Essence. Thou never wast one that did seek to husband my estate, Which I have vainly wasted; just, and honest, In all my lose designs didst counsel well, And still persuadest me to providence, That thrift of which I was uncapable, Employ it to thy own ends; had it been more, Greater had been thy stock. Though thou wast ever Pander to my lustest, And gavest me Spurs to all my vanities, Feddest on my riots, and my lose excess, Encourag'st still to surfeits, prayd'st not for me But still preyest on me Geoffrey ; yet, because Thou once didst claim dependence on my love, And didst me some slight service; still report Thou hadst a bounteous Master; so farewell both. Adieu good fellows, report y'have left a clean Gentleman, without or means, or money. A woman; that inconstant Feminine Sex, Exit Rog. & Geffry. That changes humours oftener than the Moon Wains, or supplies his Orb: that moving Creature Hath been my quick subversion: Had she proved firm; for her I had husbanded All that I now have lavished; but too late, What shall I now do! travel? who shall furnish me? What comfort can there be to beg abroad? Or make my self a storm to foreign Nations, After I too much have been tossed at home? I'll prove my kindred; kindred he hath none That hath not in his purse to rank with them. My Kindred wasted, as I spent my means, Want makes me a mere stranger: then my friends, There's no such name for him whom needs compels To such extremes as I am newly fallen: Relief from them, such as in Cakes of Ice To him, whose Nerves and Arteries are shrunk up By bitter winter's fury: then behold, I here expose me to the fate, and force Of all disasters threaten me; I am ready With a pinched stomach, and cold Arctos breath, With a bore breast, armed with patience Against the sharpest storm, and thin necessity; Encounter with the keen and piercing fangs Of what want can inflict on my poor Carkesse. The Devil, he My mind suggests when all my means else fail; That Bugbear will supply me. I am not yet provided friend, not yet; Thou takest me on a sudden. For a She-divell; but I meant not her, My business lies with him that's Lord and Captain Of all the Fiends and firebrands; haunt me not, Thou canst do me no pleasure. There can be no more terror in his look Than in the face of my extreme distress: His Visage cannot be so horrible As my despair; what should I fear then, would? And Usurer may wear Horns, a Scrivener too, Should I be more afraid of his then theirs? I know no reason for't. Man can no sooner think upon the Devil, But a woman is at's Elbow; trust me not I've no affairs with thee. Not possible, That's all in Hucksters handling, and canst thou Bring it from thence? why the great Devil himself Can never do't; some is distribued Among Bawds, and Whores; here Panders have a partly, And Cheaters there a share; Taverns, and Ordinaries: But the prime partly the Usurer hath in's Chest, I would 'twere in his Belly: and the choice Of all I had, for which these were reserved, Prized by me but as trivial ornaments Adorn one Jewel, rated above them, Higher than gold above the basest dross, And that the Lord hath seized. What says my Donna Anne, my Lady Serpent Armed in her golden scales? What says Madonna? Hear me first; Back to your Lord, and if you want reparations, First fallen into his hands. O woman, woman, Thou hast undone me, spent me to my Shirt, Nay beyond that, even almost to my soul; For I am circled in with black despair, And know not how to free me. Lord? there it goes; And get thee to him, for in rifling thee He hath robbed my brain of sense, my life of means, My soul of solace, and my days of rest; Henceforth I'll be a Madman, turn as Savage As thou to me was't brutish: I'll seek out Some fine familiar Devil, and with him Converse, when I have left men company; I'll make my self companion with the Night, And Traffic with her servants Like the Owl; I'll take my Lodging in some hollow Cave, Till I be grown so out of name and knowledge, That if I chance but to appear by day, Men, Beasts, and Birds shall all stand wondering at me; As at some progedy, and point at thee For this my transformation. Fury, where? kept it within my bosom I would cherish it, And hugg't as one that I accounted most: Lay't in this hand I'de brandished against my stars And dare them to encounter: lodged it here, Within my eyes, I would outstare the Devil, The Devil, I the Devil. Canst not endure his name, yet comest thy self To tempt me with his Satin? o those eyes, That once appeared Like to those glorious Tapers That spangle Heaven, show Like black funerals The Sisters bear, that blast where ere they burn: Farewell my ruin, my decay and fallen, And what sinister Fate so ere I have. May thy false pride b'insculpt upon my grave. Exit. APistoll, Poniard, Poison, or a Cord, The least of these would doe't; nay, my own want Had I the patience but to stay, The time would end me, for since Charity late is dead, How can beggars live? Death is the easiest Of any thing on Earth for man to compass; Almost no object but does offer it: Fire, Water, not a Stone we stumble at; Our very meat and drink but surfeit of't, It would dispatch one quickly: I have read Of one choked with a fly; another drinking, Strangled with the berry of a bruised grape, Another with and hair; what's this life then We men do make so much of? if a Pin, A very Hair hath power to take it hence? Cursed fallen of man, in whose first disobedience All things on Earth rebelled, and war with him: How many thousand things hath Fate ordained To stop weak nature's course? and among them, How few which can preserve it? which apprehension Makes me that now I more desire to live, The more my life's opposed: If there be Devils, As all Religion tells us, I desire To have converse and conference with some one The greatest fiend among them, for by him My Genius prompts me, either I shall raise My ruined Hope's, revenge me on my foes, Or end my wretched days in this despair. I could turn Sorcerer, Witch, or any thing Might I but blast her beauty, brave that Lord; And show some power over my ingrateful friends; The Devil, I, the Devil; what Music's this? Music. Descends it from the Spheres? Hangs it in the Air? Or issues it from Hell? Come where it can I will attend the Novel. Would? What art thou? I am a Scrivener. The Devil thou art. I am a knave. Stands as the other. Why pointest thou to thy breast, I am a Knave? The Proverb were not true else, for it says, The Devil's a Knave. Enter a third with this word, I am a Prodigal. I am am a Prodigal? I was indeed, and thou dost well to Mock me; what fury sends Hell next? Enter a fourth with this, I am a Beggar. I am a Beggar? yes, I am indeed, But how the Devil camest thou by my style. Enter a fifth with this, I am a Puritan. I am a Puritane? one that will eat no Pork, Does use to shut his shop on Saturdays, And open them on Sundays: A Familist; And one of the Arch limbs of Belzebub, A Jewish Christian, and a Christian Jew ; Now fire on thy sweet soul. Enter a sixth with this, I am a Whore. I am a Whore? yes, and a hight one too, And hadst a helping hand in my confusion: Now the same blessing on thee. I am and Usurer. I am and Usurer, Satans eldest Son, And Heir to all his torments; thou hast swallowed Young heirs, and Hell must one day swallow thee. Enter and eighth with this, I am a Devil. I am a Devil? good, it's the black Lad I so long wished to meet. The Scrivener bears away the Knave; good Moral. The Prodigal the Beggar; ever so; The Familist the Strumpet, not amiss; O but the Usurer still the Devil and all, Whom I so feign would speak with; Belzebub, If thou hast any sufferance here on Earth, Or limited power over man, once more appear And offer me free language. Enter the Devil Like a Gentleman, with glass eyes. Why, what art thou? How camest thou by this shape of Gentleman? Be good thou canst not? Thou canst not pray? Thou canst not Preach. Can I then task thee in nothing? Thou canst not — stay? Thou canst not change affection, nor invert the passion of The soul; turn hate to love, and love to hate. And revenge wrongs? One thing more, and I conclude; Thou canst not raise a man of desperate Hope's To a full furnished palm; to pay his debts, And to give freely where he please to distribute? Then from can, I come to will; wilt thou, great Belzebub, so much of thy huge surplusage make mine As shall do all that I have here proposed? Make thine own. Come, strike me luck; it is a bargain: We shall need no witness. It's confirmed; I see the Devil yet hath more honesty Then hath his Son, the Usurer; for to him A man may pawn his soul a thousand times Ere he can get a penny: but the Father's, Of a far more free nature. I see the Devil yet is good to some, Though it repents me of the Bargain sealed, Yet am I glad and proud of my supply; Which the more precious is, being infinite, Not capable of end; for Mammon's treasure, A prodigal hand may wast, but never consume. Roger? a hand; I know thou art in want, as one some Weeks that hath been out of service, take that gold And spend it freely, when thou wantest here's more. Why man, it's want of money makes men mad, For that disease here's Physic: honest Hodge, Go thou and summon all my Creditors, Leave not a man to whom I owe, uncalled, And pay them to the utmost they demand; Be so far from bating of the Principal, As pay them all arrearages; it's our will And do thou see't performed. What's that to thee? have we not here to doe't? Those Debts that reckoned were mere desperate First see discharged, unless some certain Mortgage tied to a day. Monsieur Damnation? what, are you so near? I know you sir, a Thousand pounds and use, Tender the sum, there's gold, and bring me back The Mortgage of my Manor. Quindecem Michaelis, you remember that, I prithee see this man first satisfied, And doe't without delay: if he deny The tender of't I'll have it done in Court; With such we must not dally, quick, good Hodge: That once dispatched, affairs of greater consequence Attend thy trust and care. To any man that can but show my hand, Or witness where I have but passed my word, Pay ready down, about it, and return. How want dejects, and plenty cherishes? What a new change perceive I in my self? Yet not so much in habit as in heart! The sighed of gold hath shook off all those dumps, Whose Leaden weights were hung upon my soul, To keep it down from mounting; and I now Find in my self a free and dexterous spirit, Uncapable of cloudy Melancholy. Ent. Lo. Treatwell, & Geoffrey. I would be so, but it's not you can doe't. Not of a Wife; but for your Lord ships courtesy I had had one too many, thank you for it. For another? no, Now much good doe't you with the thing you have, I have no more to partly with. You will not fell your Lordship? Why he that asks the question, I, my Lord; If you will walk by Land I'm your first man, I'll bid as fair as any. Would, what's that? who, Geoffrey Codpeice, John Boe Peep, Is't you that prate so freely? my young Judas, Have you conspired against me? Done most Lordly; your tongue will grace you Better than your Sword, it's the most Noble fashion. Such as one Neighbour to another does To get his wife with Child, a courtesy, and so it fitly may Be called because it brings him to his Knees. For a wife? Her Ladyship is yours for nought already, And should I fell her twice? A punisher, my Lord? what beg the Beadles Office? I doubt his Lord ships warrant is not currant, therefore I'll not obey. Thanks to thy Sword, or I had been oppressed else. They scoffed at my supposed poverty, And my great Lord forsooth, as I had begged, Would have bestowed his guerdon on my want, Which taking in foul scorn, the valiant sir Assailed me at these base advantages: But hast thou done as I enjoined? If with the Devil I could dispense as well, I should have ease within. Do not demand thy debt before the day; Thy forfeit is not endue yet. To hight for thy acquaintance, do not ask, Attend me to my Chamber, whither anon, I will not fail to come. Now what to me? Thou hast. It cannot be denied. His approach was fortunate and happy. Never any; but what may this infer? Speak wherein. First propose it, and then expect and answer. To send me to Hell before my day? your plot is too apparent. Make but this good, I'll do't. Where's this Three-headed Dog that keeps Hell gates? He knocks that feign would enter. If this, as many men give out, be Hell, Show me the Master? he that keeps the house: Pluto that great grim sir. O, you keep lodgings, And as I understand, the Devil here hath late took up his Inn. I would for one night be his Chamber-fellow, Shall I have entertainment, good mine Host? Wish me no wishes, I am the Knight adventurer that would doe't: One thing resolve me; hath the Devil your Guest A Horse in the Stable? Then make him pay for's Bed; it is the custom Of every Inn through England. Which love I thus have studied to requite, To conjure hence your Devil; how appears it? In Feminine shape? But not Like Madam Proserpine your wife? No shape else can affright me. Show me my Chamber. My lodging. Command me two fair Tapers, that may last And burn out this nights hell. Some wine too, I entreat, It's the best armour to a fainting soul, And then no further trouble. Whom am I to encounter? singly too? Without a second? spirits, or Phantasms? Ghosts being, or imaginary dreams? Not in the comfortable day, and view Of judging eyes, but in the solitude Of melancholy darkanesse? I'll not think of't, before I find the truth, or mockery. Ent. with Wine, Chan. Indeed I must thank you for't? indeed I am your man; now, if you please, Leave me to my adventure. What ever betide me. Good night to you: see the doors locked and bolted, That's all I shall enjoin you; till we meet A fair and prosperous Morning: did I know What object I should meet with, I could then Fit me unto the plunge accordingly, And arm me for the Grapple; but of this I nothing can conjecture: o but that Parchment By which I am obliged to pay a soul, The memory of that is horrible, And strikes me with affright: what can I guess, But that this is my devils Stratagem, To have his Sergeant death arrest me here; And bear me to that cursed Dungeon, Hell? And Usurer would doe't; any fat Sergeant That looks as plump in cheeks as th'other lean; Then why not these? their gain's but petty trash, But these the precious riches of a soul; Yet in these Hellhounds have I greater trust Than in those Dogs of earth, for I am sure The Devil himself can be no Usurer, He is so free of his purse; and hitherto Hath lent his money gratis: I'll to Bed, And yet I will not; I'm no whit dismayed, Nor yet at peace within; disquieted With sudden fears, nor yet well reconciled: I'll try if I can sleep; and yet not so, Lest I be taken napping; yet I'll throw me Upon the Bed and read. Heigh, heigh, the Devils dance, sure Hell's broke lose? And this is their Shrove Tuesday; horns upon you, And that's the Cuckolds curse; yet this was sport, Though somewhat fearful: had they proffered violence, This should have thrashed among them, but it seems These were no quarreling spirits; yet howsoever, I am glad they are gone: what object shall be next? Music? yet this sounds sweeter than the first, For that was all of discords. What, in Hell are there white Devils, Angels are These of Light, or but light Angels? Banquet too? And Feast? the furies in the lower World I thought till now had fed on hight meats all; On parboiled Murderers, Usurers roasted flesh, Whores cheeks for dainties, Carbonado'd over Read sulphurous Gridions, and a thousand such: But what's she enters now? to whom the rest Do such obeisance? place her in her State, As if she were the Queen grim Pluto stole, And great Alcides once redeemed from Hell? Be'st thou Ghost, shadow, Fuery, Fiend, or Hag, In thou art a fair one; In Heavens name What art thou? speak, dost answer me in smiles? Why dost thou beckon me? point to those shadows, As were the meats essential! had I a stomach, With thee I durst not eat: dost laugh at me? O hadst thou but a substance to that presence I'de dare on thee, Wertenberg thou the infirnall Dam. Temptation still? I'll think her what she seems, For no affright can lodge in her fair look, And venture somewhat near; she's left alone, And single; I will to her, what would you have me Fit there? I will; eat? but begin I'll do't: Fain would I take her by the hand, but fear Hers rather would melt mine, than melt in mine: Why should my sense of touching thus turn Coward? My eyes being so valiant, can you speak? O such a wife through all the world I'de wish, That would be ever Tongue-tied; reach your hand? I would and gladly too; 'sfoot I will venture, No danger, a white, soft, and delicate palm, That nigh dissolves in touching: you feel well, Sweet, can you kiss? most sweet and excellent; Again, again; were there no worse in Hell, And this the place, here would I wish to dwell. Nay you that can both touch and lip it too, Sure can do something else: be'st thou a Lamia, Or Incubus, thou canst not escape me so; I have a spirit in me great as thine: Th'hast boarded it, I'll see if thou anst Bed, And try if thou hast mettle to thy shape; Dumb spirits cannot clamour out for help, I'll now try Masteries. Thundering and howling, Ent. Chan. Like the Devil Would? when is't endue? Hellish Fiend thou liest; But ere thou claimest that debt, show me that beauty I am so much entranced with. Great Belzebub, yet once more let me see't. Angels bale me, Or I am ever lost. That hand I cannot, yet be not Judge and Accuser too; I'll put my cause to censure. The next we meet. I confess it was. I speak to thee As to the Drawer at the Vintners Bar: What is all paid? It's the Devil. I pray how many Of our best London Gallants that hope Heaven, Can say the Like? merit I Hell for that? Two words to't. Most true, I have. I must confess I'm gone by common Law, The Chancery too, because of thee, my conscience, If to any, I appeal to the Church. To any reverend Father. Ent. Friar. Ber. and Friar John. Holy Friar Bernard then, my parting breath Could not desire a better confessor. Where I live? I'll tell thee all I know, We are better to the Suburbs than they planted Within the City; thereon holy days The tavern doors are ever shut till six, Else is the Vintner fined; but there where we Keep rendezvous may be let in at three, and never stir The Informers. Most true, I am, Nor can I name that party under Heaven To whom I owe one farthing; a brass token Will cancel all my scores. Am I clear then? Insert but that condition'mongst the rest, And I'll again subscribe; Gramercy Friar. What, by a quid worser it freed? by a quirk in the Law? by This I see the Devil's no good Lawyer: give me my deed, That I may see it canceled and undone: I'll tear it small as Atomes, that no memory Of the least Letter be reserved as witness Against my soul when I shall resurvive; Nor shall I be at patience till I see This Parchment ashes, and this horrid Writ Dissolved to smoke and air. Thy bounty hath deserved it To save a soul I know no Scrivener here That would not only lend but give and ear. And shall I meet her there? The self same spirit? Substantially? No difference in her shape and ornament? Thou canst do much with me, nor do I Know beyond what bounds thy credence to extend: thou Mayest prove false, but th'hast been yet my friend. Exeunt all. That you are man, this woman, I am rapt And extasy'd in brain, but cannot yet Unwrap my senses from this wondrous maze; This sudden light of knowledge so much dazzles, That in my judgement I am blinded quite, And know not how to free me. Mother, my Knee in duty bows thus low: My Lord, your hand, I hope no Malice harbours in your heart. Sir I do not; and all I hope are pleased. If these be so, we then are happy, We are new wedded, you are our chief Guest, Though once my Rival, now you are my friend: My fortune thus all malice hath defeated, And by a new trike the Grand Devil cheated. Those, my good sword, this Book, and my bold heart Are Guards sufficient against a thousand shadows Of no Corporeal essence capable. And I will, I bid thee that thy money Never shall do, save thee.