JOHN

Holy Father, I am afraid time hath prevented us, It's now passed Eight, and, but I much mistake, I herd the warning of the Cloister Bell, Which tells us, if we reach not instantly W'are for this night excluded. W'are now at Islington, What hope have we to get to Crutched Friars Before the Gates be shut, and the Keys carried Up to the Abbots Chamber? We'll knock here At the next sign, the good man I know well, Of honest conversation, of good life, And yet a boon companion; one that loves Good company, and to be merry with them. He, if he be at home, will bid us welcome: My Hostess too, a sweet and smooth-faced wench, Courteous and kind, and wondrous well beloved Of all her Neighbours; liberal to the Church, And much commended for her Charity. Let us not bauke her house. For Charity those that would be admitted. Friar Bernard, and Friar John. alas my kind Dame, not I. Can you be so hardhearted unto men Of our so known Devotion? My holy Father, I know it well; I am prescribed my limits, Which I am willing with all zeal t'observe; I would we knew our Lodging. So do I, It's one of our best Dams; but see, she comes To give us entertainment Enter the Woman. At your best pleasure. Exeunt. Friar Bernard's fast, he snores and sleeps as Snug as any Pig in Peas-straw; but my self Cannot once close and eye, which makes me wonder That I am grow so wakeful. Dream I? or i'st substantial that I see? Was this your cunning Dame, to lock us up Like Prisoners, and afford us nought but straw To feather our nests withal? not allow us drink, Food, nor a Candle, least we should fire the House, For that is her excuse; fire on you both, Have you these tricks? yet God a mercy cranny That I can spy all this. She brings in the Pullet. Do you strain courtesies? had I it in fingering I'de make you both make but a Fridays feast; O how the steam perfumes my Nostrils. Here's a third would do't, knew he but how to come by't. So soon started? Here's brave juggling? For this night, Constable, I am your Watch; O but the smoking pullet. Enter Host, and Hostess. I by my faith, for one that could come by't. That's my Queen. The worse luck; and yet I smell a supper. Say you so? I'll try what I can do. Bid my Dame provide Cloth, Salt, and Trenchers. For such provision trust to my Art. Yes, by Art Magic. But not as I will order it, fear it not. For a Supper, or so, but never durst deal further; Will you furnish a Table fit for meat? Good Father peace, no hurt to you nor me. That's furnished with a stomach. Doemones, et Cacodoemones conjuro vos, surgite et venite. No man stir, is the Cloth laid, and all things fit for meat? Now let me see, What Christian Climate yields us the best bred? O, the best wheat's in Spain ; what say you now To a couple of Cheat Loves baked in Madrid, And brought into this Chamber? All vostro commando, Ast rothe, ill panem in h c camera presto. O, now it's done; mine Host, put but your hand Into that Corner and pull forth two Loaves. But see what Art can do. The best in Spain, or Friar John much mistakes: Place them good mine Host, behind the Salt. There's more behind. Peace Father, more will be done anon; What Climate yields the best French Grape? My Spirit whispers Orleans Grape's the best, What says mine Host to a pure Cup of Orleans? J vou pre Monsieur Asterothe, once more A Cup of Divine Claret; no, a Bottle of some two quarts Gramercy, thou hast done't, mine Host, but cast your eye Upon that place, and you shall find it there. But taste mine Host, and try if it be right. No hurt to you still, Father. Let me see, there is a Midnight supper now served in At Prague in Germany, where the Emperors Court Lies for the most partly, and seldom is he absent; Among all all other dainties, speak, what dish Desire you from the Table? What say you to a Pullet piping hight, Now standing on the Dresser? But once more I'll employ thee, Asterothe, For this night no more trouble thee. Veni, assist, & in hac re succurre ; I smell the Pullet Smoking, and Sauce to't. Somewhere about this Room, who hath the Key Of that same Cupboard? Call for it, good mine Host, You see I come near nothing, use fair play, Saw neither fire nor candle to provide this, Touched neither Lock nor Key within your house, But was asleep i'th'straw; unlock mine Host, See what the Cupboard yields. What find you there? You see what Art can do. I'll talk with you anon, in the mean time Eat while it's hight, it hath come a pretty Journey, And marvel it's not cold. Many provide good Cates that taste them not, Now blessing on their hearts. Aestroth, did you not hear me name him? One of the four great Spirits, that have Dominion Over the four quarters of the Earth: good Dame, Me thinks you do not eat. In what shape? O it's too terrible, it would fright us all. What, in his terrors? he would make you mad, Distracted and amazed, yet, good mine Host, To give you all content, I could be willing To show him but in some familiar shape, Such as should not affright you. Have you no Neighbour whom you best affect, whose Shape he might assume appear less terrible? Soft, let me pause; It must be some that still wake at these hours, We have no power over sleepers; say I bring him In person of some Watchman? Or in the habit of your Constable? Why then his. But mine Host, resolve me one thing; should great Asterothe appear to you in your Gossips shape, How would you deal with him? No such thing; you must imagine him what he appears, And evil spirit, to kick him, and defy him, As you would do the Devil, otherwise When you are late abroad, and we gone hence, He'll haunt your house hereafter. I must tell you, it's merely for your own good, Appear Asteroth, Asteroth appear from underneath the bed In shape of Master Constable; do't when I say't, Not yet? Excruciabo to Asteroth, in jam jam jam apparebis. Now mine Host, either with zeal expel the Devil hence, Or have your house still haunted. I'll tell you by the way; no questions now: Now good mine Host we see the night quite spent And the bright day star rising in the East ; We'll take our leaves; make much of our good Dame, And think no worse of your good Officer, Your Gossip and your Neighbour, in whose form Asteroth so late appeared. Only commend us to my Dame your wife, And thank her for our Lodging. Exeunt Hail Gentlemen, this man that stands at Livery And says he does belong to a great Lord. Hath partly by intreats, partly by command, Enforced me from my meditations back To know his Lordship's pleasure. Expect you such things from religious men, And of our holy Order? Now mercy Heaven who hath seduced you thus? Either I must take upon my self, and by some trick evade it, Or else shame that which I have done before. What, you make me a Conjurer? Well, what's the business? My good Master. As how? Lodge where the foul fiend walks? A proper jest t'expose me to such danger, So I might come to justify the Proverb, Where had the Devil the Friar, but where he was; But I must face it out: Pray Gentlemen, which of you all Hath seen that Vision? in what shape walks it? And I to heare't. What a she Devil now? for all the World I would not once affront her; bring me hither Ten thousand male Fiends, I could charm their tongues Before one Female fury. Had it been great Belioth, Asteroth, or Belzebub, I durst affront them, and confront them too, O but the Devils Dam; why against her There is no Prayer, no Spell, no Exorcise; No Circle that can hold her: But appeared she Wrinkled in Brow or fair and beautiful? So much the worse, Well wot you that our Order is by Oath Confined from any meeting with that Sex, Especially at Midnight; and so late; Scarce in the daytime durst I meet a face Of such Temptation, but in dead of rest 'Twould scandalise my Order. Heavens Benison and mine light on you till I meet you next; But to lie there where a she Devil haunts, (Less with my Hosts by at Islington ) May the Grand Devil fetch me, bless you all. Exit. Is that the Devil? Ten thousand Creeds, as many Paternosters, Have Mary's stand between me and harm. It's a plain case. The Devil hath bragged he hath caught many a Friar, Now one hath caught the Devil. Yes, till thou payest him all his money down, Which when thou dost th'art worthy to be damned. With all my heart, If this be Asteroth I so late invoakt, I never shall desire His company, but on and empty stomach. Ex. Friars. I for one.