STULTISSIMO

As I am a Gentleman body and soul I'll break your windows. Let her alone Fub: let her alone, by this hand, I'll make the boys maul her Ruffs. I'faith Nephew I was extreme drunk, ask my man Fub else, he'll tell you what a coil he had with me: the ra rest lest i'faith: prithee tell they how thou foundest me under neath the stairs. Sirrah Fub, thou wouldst not think how soar my head is, ever since I had the knock with the Ladle? No more i'th' Ladle. Me thinks I am pocky me lancholy here of late. Thou sayest true, ever since i'faith. I love her I cannot tell how: i'faith and I were well searched, I think I am little kin to a Spannell, the more I am beaten, the better I affect. Well, she shall hear from me in some Sonnet or Ditty; some rare thing of mine own invention, and that speedily: Let me see to what tune shall I have it? But canst thou do well and scurvily? Would I might be hanged presently, but methinks I am a piece of a Poet already, there's such a whistling in my pate. Conceit merrily: Oh that my love were any thing but woman. I defie't, It shall be all mine own, I cannot abide, 'tis the scurviest thing to rob others of their wit, good or bade, it shall flow from mine own sweet brain. And how? and how? Was it not pathetical and pretty? I thank the Muses, I have as sharp a conceit of mine own when I list. Now and then; but it's not altogether that; every one has his gift. How long's that ago? Was there? Why have you forgotten how you kicked me, and I crept under the Table: I'll be sworn this Hip as lame ever since, as if I had the Cyatica. No sir, she is none of my naunts: she's one that must be my wife. Nay, but will you be constant. That's a good jest i'faith; Drawer, gives more Wine. That none should be honest but the valiant. Why my beetle-browed Host swears it's impos sible for any to be honest, that is not valiant. That none could be honest, that were not valiant. Sir I thank you for my powder, it gave her half a dozen of tickling stools, she has been lose ever since. Forget not the Country, let it go round I pray you. Will you come? to morrow is the day I'll assure you, for better or worse. You have said we shall be doing. Pardon me, I'll not fit next this lousy fellow: gen tlemen, what do you with this poor rogue in your compa nies? Does he come to make mirth, can he play the fool wittingly? Sirrah, if you mean to depart in peace, begun sud Daintily. You shall go, your prayers cannot save you; Fub, show him the way down. A whoreson Tatred-demallion, come amongst Gen tlemen of sort. What, is't no more but up and ride? How now Fub, is he vanished? And let the Cannikin clink boys. Yes Lodwick. Fly hie, let it, I have a Jack in a box shall pay for all one day. No matter, we can squeeze some more out thus: we can wake the Constable, trouble the neighbours, disquiet the Master and whole family, spill his Wine, puff his To bacco, foul his rooms, practice who shall break most holes, and cleanliest, in the bottom of quart-pots, with a piece of a Tobacco-pipe: cry good morrow mine Host, we have made a mad night on't I vow, and so trance; we are no Gallants and we cannot do this. Assure's this the night before to morrow, I have brought in my Estate a matter of 400 pound per annum, in Deeds, Leases, Fee-simple, and Copyhold already: and that's no simple Estate yowl say: I mean to bid you welcome to a Leaguer of mine own shortly Gentlemen; some wine you Scondrils. So, ho, the Leaguer. No, and I called a Gentleman, he would answer me, I call a Drawer goodman Rascal, art thou one? Thank him, I scorn to thank him, I'll pay him, and be out of his debt: come, to pay? A reckoning Drawer. As good men, to no men dispraise be it spoken, where's a Bill? The Reckoning's very high, nine pound six shil lings. Why there's the mystery? you fallen asleep with meat in your mouths, my Mistress and I stood it out. As ere swam in Mildam. And you love me, let me have the credit at this time there's: ten pounds, give me the rest again (ah, we had the bravest Marchpane, and Sugarcandy Custard) or do not, let it run on towards fouling of linen, and paying for sawee: the rest again, or do— The Reckoning's paid to a hair, come let's with draw (but while the Room be a little finificald. Throw down the pottle pot, let's have a gallon more. A brace of them if you love me. A virtuous piece of matter, Gentlemen, we'll no more on't. Bid her hold up, fear not me. I thought it should have been my motion? Bells, you are deceived, it is the clincking of pots. I'll throw the pot at his head that strikes here, Whose that will strike? Rare i'faith, give's more wine. I'll have my Galliard too Yes faith, and thank you too, what Rogue's he that turns the Room round? shall we not quench our thirsts be before we partly? Fub, call for a Lookingglass. Fub, discharge it Fub. Fub, I am ene as full as a Toad. Prithee give me another sip. I am as dry as a Cook. A pox a this Megrum. Not a drop more i'faith. You talk Like Gentlemen, and I Like your talk the bet ter, because you talk to a Gentlemen; you call me Stultissimo, and I say, Stultorum plenam sunt omniam: and now I talk to you Like a Gentleman and a Scholar. Gramercy Gentlemen, I am not now the man, I was in the morning; I did rise single, I return double: in the Meridian but Worshipful, in the afternoon Honourable before Sunset, and who knows but Majestical before midnight: nay I persuade my self I am so: am I not sweet Monkey? Very pretty names in faith: I prithee let's interchange them still betwixt us: or Marmoset, or Apes face. All thy goods and chattels, thy movables, and the stuff that belongs thereto, thy utensils and implements; now are all mine. I have purchased thee in thy proper person by my word, but all thy other omnium gathrum, beforenamed, by my deeds, I think thou hast them to show. Three hundred pound: be you ready to snap him, and not to escape you without good bail: he's as slippery as and Eel. By no meunes; I'll but see him in hucksters handling, and be gone. Are you not paid your Fees aforehand, and— That's he now: Now let him escape upon your own peril. Farewell. Faith it's a pretty quaint thing, and there's much good sport belongs to't, would I were unmarried again? Weary no, but I would have store. Gallants, when were you at Court? I have been desired thither forty times, my wife (I think) has a hundred friends there: beside Cooks and Pantlers, that she has had many a good thing of, and they have sworn to bid me welcome for her sake. La, la, la, la: nay, I pray take me with you Gentlemen. Trot on afore: is the Corn-cutter come yet? On, on to the Leaguer then: I am ashamed to show my head amongst Animals: on to the Leaguer. By this hand gramercy; they do indeed, thou canst sing if needs be. What might she be. I'll to't while 'tis hight, I know I'm in and excellent vein. Some has two or three. The art of begging: pray you how long has begging been and art? Is't possible? Most miraculous: would I were mercenary, and had no more in me than and ordinary man: Signior, I cry you mercy. How do you since you poured the pottle of wine in my neck, and threw the pot at my head, because I would not pay my partly o'th shot? I thank you with all my heart: I am going to the foresaid place: here's my servant Fub can tell you if I lie in my throat. Yes faith am I: she Beatrice me tother day, and I am now going to make her amends. I think I endure more beating than any three in Venice. So they say that do't. Yester night a scurvy boy did so joule my head and the wall together, for holding oh pinion that Cheese was unwholesome. At your service: Shall we expect you at the old house? Gentlemen he takes me for a Carrier: You are deceived sir, I am not the party. Sir if you can speak our tongue, I would very feign be beholding to you. Not altogether mad, though I confess I have been pricked with the thorns of Love: I have been over shoes in my days. Yes marry shall you: I would desire you to help me to a pill, or a potion that could make one honest, that I doubt is a little gone astray. I would have it applied sir. Nay, I pray you be quiet, for though I have endum read many hard words at your hands, I shall hardly brook blows. Faith sir In me troubled with corns, and ever against rain they make me so melancholy— And you do take my word, while I live: She and I will be at your service: when shall I come for't? This is good news withal my heart: Fub we are all made; thou shalt have a new Livery out of the bargain. Thou shalt, thats as good: would I were whipped but I could be monstrous merry now. I'll go give thee a pottle of Sack. And ever he gave her a bob, And ever he gave her a blow: But where he knocked her once above, He thumpt her thrice below. What wil't not do? prethee-let's be lusty. Well, he stands hear but for a show, and I am sure I suf feared for it really and indeed.