in How a Man May Choose a Good Wife from a Bad — Anonymous (?)
Metadata
Play
How a Man May Choose a Good Wife from a Bad
Author
Anonymous (?)
Year (catalogued)
1602
First performance
1602
Decade
1600s
Genre
Comedy
Play type
Adult Professional
Company
Worcester's Men
Speech prefix(es)
Bra. | Bar.
Words
809
Characters
4175
Typicality
0.37 (cosine to cluster centroid)
TCP id
A19183
BritDrama no.
1303
Cluster
Cluster 6 — Battlefield messengers & soldiers
Important excerpts
No keyword-matching excerpt could be extracted (the cluster label doesn't share vocabulary with this character's speech).
Full speech
Two Planets reigned at once, Venus thats you, And Mars thats I, were in conjunction. Would, would, to see the world, we swaggerers That live by oaths and big-mouth'd menaces, Are now reputed for the tallest men: He that hath now a black muchato Reaching from ear to ear, or turning up Puncto reverso, bristling towards the eye: He that can hang two handsome tools at his side, Go in disguised attire, wear Iron enough, Is held a tall man and a soldier. He that with greatest grace can swear gogs zounds, Or in a Tavern make a drunken fray, Can cheat at Dice, swagger in bawdy houses, Wear velvet on his face, and with a grace Can face it out with as I am a soldier. He that can clap his sword upon the board He's a brave man, and such a man am I. Is and old Bawd as you are Mistress Splay. And will and must: if you bid me be gone, I will withdraw, and draw on any he That in the world's wide round dare cope with me. Mistress farewell, to none I never speak So kind a word. My salvations are, Farewell and be hanged, or in the devils name. What they have be my many frays can tell, You cannot fight therefore to you farewell. Where mistress Marry, never a post here, A bar of Iron gainst which to try my sword? Now by my beard a dainty piece of steel. Come hither Mall, is none here but we two? When didst thou see the starveling Schoolmaster? That Rat, that shrimp, that spindleshanck, that Wren, that sheepbiter, that lean chittiface, that famine, that lean Envy, that all bones, that bore Anatomy, that Jack a Lent, that ghost, that shadow, that Moon in the wain. When next I find him here I'll hang him up Like a dried Sawsedge, in the Chimneys top: That Stockfish, that poor John, that gut of men. When he comes next turn him into the streets, Now come lets dance the shaking of the sheets. Oh M. Justice, M. Arthur, M. Lusam, wonder not why I thus blow and bluster, my Mistress is dead, dead is my Mistress, and therefore hang your selves, oh ̄ my Mistress, my Mistress. Mistress I long have served you, even since These bristled hairs upon my graven Like chin Were all unborn: when I first came to you These Infant feathers of these ravens wings, Were not once begun. Now in my two Muchatoes for a needs, Wanting a rope, I well could hang my self: I prithee Mistress, for all my long service, For all the love that I have born thee long, Do me this favour now to marry me. Not have her will, sir she shall have her will, She says she will, and sir I say she shall. Not have her will? that were a Jest indeed. Who says she shall not, if I be disposed To man her forth, who shall find fault with it? What's he that dare say black's her eye? Though you be married sir, yet you must know That she was ever born to have her will. I'll make him seek his fingers amongst the dogs, That dares to touch my Mistress: never fear, My sword shall smooth the wrinkles of his brows That bends a frown upon my Mistress. Shall he? he shall not: breathes there any living, Dares say he shall, when Brabo says he shall not? What stands the villain prating, hence you slave. It is our pleasure sir to stand aside. Why whats the matter Mistress? Mistress I will, he shall not pass this land But I will bring him bound with this strong hand. Here is the murderer, and Reasons man You have the warrant: Sirs lay hands on him, Attach the slave, and led him bound to death. Constables forward, forward Officers, I will not thrust my finger in the fire. Lay hands on him I say, why step you back? I mean to be the hindmost, least that any Should run away and leave the rest in peril: Stand forward, are you not ashamed to fear? What hath he yielded? if he had withstood us, This Curtle-axe of mine had cleft his head: Resist he durst not when he once spied me. Come led him hence, how likest thou this sweet witch? This fellows death will make our mistress is rich. If you want witness to confirm the deed, I herd him speak it, and that to his face Before this presence I will justify, I will not partly hence till I see him swing. What secret force did in nature lurk; That in her soul the poison would not work? I'll aid him too, the schoolmaster I see Perhaps may hang with him for company.
Plot summary
Plot — How a Man May Choose a Good Wife from a Bad
Arthur has fallen out with his wife: he is bored with her, convinced she is always trying to put him down, and also just wants a change. When the couple’s fathers visit in an effort to achieve marital harmony, they enter without knocking and find Arthur beating his wife. Her father, Old Lusam, wants to take her home, but she won’t go; she also resists the efforts of Anselm to seduce her and rejects his criticisms of her husband. The fathers take her to Justice Reason in an attempt to have him intervene, but she will not co-operate and Reason will not get involved. Arthur becomes attracted to Mary, a courtesan whom the schoolmaster Aminadab also loves. Seeing her attentions to Arthur makes Aminadab suicidal, and he tries to obtain poison from Fuller, pretending he needs it for an infestation of rats; Fuller gives him a sleeping potion instead. Seeking to kill his wife, Arthur takes the ‘poison’ from Aminadab under cover of preventing his suicide, and holds a dinner party. One of the guests is Mary, but Mistress Arthur puts up even with this, only to be given ‘poisoned’ wine by her husband. Mistress Arthur is interred in her family vault. Anselm visits her tomb and she revives when he kisses her. He hides her in his mother’s house, but despite everything she remains faithful to her husband 1601 and resists her rescuer’s advances. Meanwhile Arthur marries Mary, but finds her an unloving, disobedient, spendthrift wife. In an attempt to win her trust, he tells her the guilty secret of his first wife’s death; she immediately puts the information in the hands of the authorities, and Arthur is forced to go on the run. Rejected by his family, Arthur is starving when he calls at the house of Anselm’s mother and meets a young woman who reminds him of (and, of course, is) his ‘dead’ wife. Stricken with conscience, he gives himself up and is brought before Justice Reason. The use of poison, which it is felony to sell, brings first Aminadab, then Fuller into trouble, until Mistress Arthur arrives and the truth comes out. After his experiences, Arthur now knows the difference between a good wife and a bad.