PRODIGALITY

Postilion, stay, thou drugst on Like and Ass. Lo, here's and Inn, which I cannot well pass: Here will we bait, and rest our selves a while. Tush, Postil. fair or foul, or far or near, My weary bones must needs be rested here. I care not for all that: I love mine ease. Knock then at the gate. No? let me come, I'll knock a little harder. Here must I inn, for sure I will no farther: rip, rap, rap, rap. Ho, who dwells here? rip, rap, rap. I'll call on the women another while. Ho Butter-wench, Dairy-mayd, Nurse, Laundress, Cook, host, hostis, any body, ho? Up, sir, with a horse nightcap: what, are you all in a drunken dream? can you not hear? How now? now the devil take thee. Can calling, nor knoc king, nor nothing awake thee? Lodging. What skills that? open the gate. Nay, stay awhile, mine host, I pray thee stay, Open the gate, I pray thee heartily, And what we take, we will pay thee royally. Yea rather then my life. Nay, nay, send her rather to me: If she be a pretty wench, we shall soon agree. Yea, I pray thee come quickly. Prodigality. Yea that I will. What else? Yea, all reckonings, unreasonably. Thou mayest swear it. No. Set cock on hoop then: by some means, good or bade, There is no remedy but money must be had. By the body of and Ox, behold here this Ass, Will be my familiar, wheresoever I pass. Why, goodman Croust, tell me, is there no nay, But where I go, you must forestall my way? This way? To whom? Wherefore? No matter, sir? but by your Croustship, ere you go, 'Tis a plain case, Prodigality will know: And therefore be round, come of, and tell me quickly. Out upon thee, villain, traitor, thief, pickpurse, Thou penurious knave, caterpillar, and what's worse? Hast thou herd me say, that for money I went, And couldst thou creep so closely my purpose to prevent? By the life I live, thou shalt die the death. Where shall I first begin? above or beneath? Say thy prayers, . Gentleman, you say well, I know not your name, But indeed for that purpose to Fortune I came; For furtherance whereof if I might obtain Your friendly help, I would quite your pain. Divine Goddess, behold, with all humility, For money I appeal unto thy ; Which in high honour of thy majesty, I mean to spend abroad most plentifully. The Princely heart, that freely spends, Relieves full many a thousand more, He gets praise, he gains friends, And peoples love procures therefore. But pinching fist, that spares all, Of endue relief the needy robs, Nought can be caught, where nought does fallen, There comes no good of greedy Cobs: This issue therefore do I make, The best deserver draw the stake. Lo, Lady, you have herd our reasons both expressed, And thereby are resolved, I hope, who merits best. Good night, and goodrest. And now will I likewise with my sweet Money, Go hunt abroad for some good company. Vanity, for thy pains I will not greaze thy fist, Peltingly with two or three but when thou list, Come boldly unto Prodigalities chist, And take what thou wilt, it's ever open. Yet ere I go, with song of joyfulness, Let me to Fortune show my thankfulness. How is't, my sweet Money, shall we be lusty now? Who lacks money ho, who lacks money? But ask and have, money, money, money. And company is it I seek assuredly. What can I wish more? well then, I pray, What sports, what pastimes shall we first assay? I grant. Thou hitst my hand pat. Money, what sayest thou? Shall I begin? Then surely shall it be, To thee, for thee, and in honour of thee. Oh monstrous vile filthy luck! see, in the twinkling of and eye, Scarce knowing which way, I have quite lost my Money. Then seek some other course, make here no stay: He must be found out, there is no remedy. Thou knowest in what pickle we stand without Money. Thinkest thou so? Thou, Fortune, hearest thou? by fair means I advise thee, Restore my Money to me again, deal plainly and wisely: Or by this sharpe-edge sword, shalt see me play a proud partly. For I will have him again, in spite of thy heart. Even he that will not put up such a foil. Vanity, to that dame thy mistress commend Tell her, tell her, it does not a little offend me, To have my money in such great despite, Taken so from me, without any right. What though it were once her own proper gift? Yet given, it's mine own, there is no other shift. Therefore charge her in the name of Prodigality, That he be restored to me incontinently, Lest she repent it. I will not tarry, and therefore make haste. Gibe not with me, you hoorson rascal slave, For money I come, and money will I have. Sirrah, Vanity, Vanity. What, Vanity? Speak and be hanged, Vanity. What wil't not be? Fortune, fine Fortune, you, minion, if you be , Bethink you betimes, take better Restore unto me my money quietly, Else look for wars: Vanity, Fortune, Vanity. It is but my ill luck. Now the devil and his dam give them both suck. What may we do? what counsel givest thou, Dick? As how? None better infaith, fetch a ladder, and I will set him. Fortune, thou injurious dame, thou shalt not by this villainy, Have cause to triumph over Prodigality. Why speakest thou not, why speakest thou not, I say? Thy silence does but breed thine own hurt and decay. Set it to. Swounds, help, Dick: help quickly, or I am choked. Oh thou vile, ill-favoured, crow-trodden, pye-pecked ! Thou abominable, blind, foul filth, is this thy wont, First, maliciously to spoil men of their good, And then by subtle sleights thus to seek their blood? I abhor thee, I defy thee, wheresoever I go, I do proclaim my self thy mortal foe. What news, Tom? Where? Tenacity? is that Tinkers boudget so full of audacity? May we not overtake him? Let's go then for Gods , we'll cateh him in a trap. Come on, my bulchin, come on, my fat fatox. Come porkeling, come on, come pretty twattox. Why will it not be? yet faster a curtsy. This Gentleman of late is waxed so pursy, As at every lands end he seeks to rest him. How think you? hath not Tenacity trimly dressed him? Come up, Money, we may not here stay. Then must you be drawn. How Like you this grossum corpus, so mightily grown? Indeed the hooreson is waxed somewhat too fat: But we will find medicines to remedy that. I think a glister were . Ho. Where, man? Take heed it grow not to a Timpany. A consumption. Why, rise up then quickly, and let us be gone. Rid, quotha, if shaving, or boxing, , Or anointing, or scraping, or purging, or blood , Or rubbing, or paring, or , or fretting, Or ought else will rid it, he shall want ne ridding. Come on, Money, let's be jogging. Hark, list a while, what might this clamour be? Stand back, lie close, and let them pass by. My Lord, I beseech you, grant me council to plead my cause. Then, good my Lord, let me some respite take. Well, since there is no other remedy, And that my fact falls out so apparently, I will confess, that in deed I am guilty, Most humbly appealing to the mercy. Nothing, my Lord: but still appeal to the Princes mercy. My Lord, I most humbly beseech you to hear me. I confess, I have run a wanton wicked raze, Which now hath brought me to this woeful wretched case: heartily sorry, and with tears do lament My former lewd, and vile misgovernment. I find the brittle stay of Fortune's state. My heart now after Virtue, all too late: Yet good my Lord, of pity condescend, To be a mean for him, that means to amend. The Prince is merciful, of whose great mercy, Full many have largely tasted already: Which makes me appeal thereto more boldly. God save your life. None better.