VULCANO

You hit the ail on the head neighbour Rustico. Weel put them down and you'll keep stroke with me. Are you so Sir? you are but a treacherous fellow for your labour, and a coward too: for I warrant thou hadst ra there be at a good dinner then a battle: were not we two worthy to be of the council? Well; I'll be even with thee for this trick I'll swear, I'll not say a prayer this twelvemonth upon any holiday that shall do any living creature good. No, goodman woodcock? as though I were a li ving creature. No that I am not. And I'll prove it by and argument, and a sluttegim too. I tell thee, I can chop Logic and I list. I can prove thee and Ass, or any such h rne beast with a trice I learned it at Sturbridge fair, the while I was selling hob nails: there was such argenication among the scholars there, whither my nag which I gelded the year before were now a horse or no I set um all one such a froth with spouting one against the tother, that some of the slaver lighted on my face, and yet I had my nag between them and me for fear they would fight, and pull me under their feet. But and they had fought I never meant to partly um. To be shor with gaping upon them, I swallowed so much Logic as will serve me the longest day of my life And now I'll practice upon thee to prove my self no living creature. I will prove this and I will prove any thing by Lo gicke: what a maim it is for a man to be ignorant of the virtue and power of Logic. I pity thee, and all such as be unlearned Like thy self. Why man: I will prove by Logic that he which was the last year and yet lives, is not. Now it shall appear how short you are with want of Logic. But I'll teach thee a little. He that was the last year (yea and the last week) and honest man, and yet lives, is not now and honest man. So then. Dost not thou think now, that I am as well able to prove my self no living creature? Every living creature loves some other creature. But I love no other creature. Ergo I am no living creature. Now Hortano take all the herbs of thy garden & still their water to powder, thou canst never wash out the strength of this rgomen I make it joust as they did theirs at Cambridge abou my nag. I remember the words, and shall do as long as my nag lives. For one of them spouted thus. Every horse hath stones: but this beast hath no stones; Ergo he is no horse. And I clapped him on the back and told him that he spoke truth. For I gelded him the last year, and eat his stones to my break fast. But I had Like to have marred all by saying so. For there was a nimble-headed Scholar that stood by, (and yet had nothing to do with the question) went about to prove me a horse, and thus he began. Every living beast, or Animal, that hath in him horse stones, is a horse. But this Animal, (meaning me) hath horse stones in him, Ergo he is a horse. I was stricken in such a maze (knowing that I did eat the horse stones) that I was Like to sink where I stood, and even presently to congeal into a horse. But there was by chance and honest Scholar by, who saw my colour quite gone, took pity on me, and bade me be of good cheer, I shood not be a horse. And told the tother to his face, that there was a flacy in his argument. And then fetched him about with a R cumbentibus, and proved that the horse stones which I had eaten, were consumed, and became such stuff as I cannot tell you without Sir reverence of your teeth; and that they did not grow in me as they do in horses: Ergo the case was all ter'd. Then upon this point of growing, and not growing, there was such a stir, that all the horse-coursers in the Fair came about us. One said they did grow, another de nyed it and such partly taking on both sides, that in the end I was content (being desirous to make them friends) to be searched in the open market, and so was cleared before them all to have no more stones then I shood have. And glad was I that I was not a horse. Had not I (think you good cause to remember Logic? Yes, I shall never forget it if I should live 100 years. I will not be judged by Acuto, nor by a better man then he. Why, I tell you my neighbour Rus ico and I, think our selves as good men as A uto and you, and we are two to two. Weel never yield while the Blow and chains hold, and that will be a good long time; for as fast as they wear, I can mend them. Most Reverend Sir, though we be strangers to you, we are bold to ask your counsel in a business of weight. Nay M. Acuto, stand aside, or I'll have you taken a way, for you mar the paly, you are very forward to take the tale out of my mouth, as if you had more wit, but I think not so. I began first to speak unto this man, therefore I will have the last word. Sir, our business with you shall be short for I am a hight fellow, and I strike thick and short. This Tai ler takes long and wide stitches, and draws out the time to make his work seem much. Our difference is for the Ho ly-dayes as they stand in the Calendar, whither it were fitter they should be returned into working-days as they were at the first, or remain to the world's end. If you judge they ought to stand, we are content, and will work harder at oh there times. If you will have them down, do but say the word, & hold up your finger, weel maul v to the ground at a blow. Gods blessing on you Sir, you have quite confiscated my conceit. I'll kill him that would have them down. Such a sermon every day would make me keep all the est of the week holy. Gow neighbour Rustico, you and I will hang together, and change together. I'll never meddle with any matter out of the length and breadth of my Anvil, fallen back, fallen edge while I breathe Me thinks I am good enough with this little teaching, I shall never needs to mend here after. I could find in my heart to go to hanging present lie, and be a martyr, if I might have no time to think of the pain, but go alive to Heaven. Thou told me so? what care I for thy telling? If thou told me my father were dead (though I knew he be buried) I will not bleeue thee. And yet I would not for forty pound he were alive again. This is a graven man, and his for e countenance speaks truth. Tauke no more oh to, I am quite dissolved they shall stand fast: and I'll keep them very devoutly. And I'll persuade all the Parish to do the Like. No preacher Sir, but I hope all the Parish comes to my shop for one thing or other. And cannot I then give um partly of my tal nt as well as the Cobblers are wont to do, and I am sure it will become me as handsomely as them.