SIMPLO

Then you are welcome into England. What news? And what company came over with you? If it be the man I contiecture him to be his name is plain Anthony, and English man, born some 70 miles from London Northwest, and hath been beyond seas some even or twelve years. As he hath changed his name and country, hath he not altered his conditions? I assure you he was very ho nest, and of good expectation before he went. What? is he given to that? it were great pity. Strange qualities! be they as good as they be strange? Well, if they deserve so, it shall be so; and I'll be stow the cost in printing, and deal with a friend for their allowance sub pri ilegio. But I'll hear nothing till I hear them. No. What tellest thou me of Sermons? let's have these qualities without any more digressions. But if I were his man, if he kept no better cheer at his chamber I would make the cheesefrye until the but ter were spent. Thou tellest me a wonder. How shall I believe this? Let me see how these can be reconciled. I know not how to dive into this bottomless secret It is sure some riddle. I pre thee suspend me no longer: for if I should beat my brains with and Iron pestle, not a sprinkle of them will light upon the outside of this enigmatical pro position. Nay, good now tell me, how he that palters with every body, should be eauen at weeks end. Nay, pre thee dispatch, or else I cannot mark as I was wont to do. The mark will be out of my mouth if you come not quickly out with it. Alas! not yet I am not able to endure it, I faint. Oh my heart: not yet. A penieworth of Aquavit , if I shall live. Well, say on. If my senses fail not, I'll hear you. What a jest is this? there's and eauen reckoning with the devils name. You shall be hanged before I'll tor meant my self with desire to hear any more of your knavish tricks. I'll besworne I had Like to marred all. It wrought with me Like a purgation. It has given me a Triple stool at once, though I find no fault. I have it hight and worse then any per fuming pan in the world. You scurvy fellow, and it no for losing land I have (he lays his hand upon his sword) not marvel though a man must be sick at heart (I swear) and study so hard, and strain my wits to reach the rea on of this riddle. I am sure I did overshoot it 40. yards, and had Like to put a dozen cases, how these two cases might well e nough have stood together in one subject salvam conscientiam, taken out of Scotus, and Thomas Aquinas, fully resolved by them; but still I doubted I should fallen short: therefore I thought better to conceal them: and now dost thou gull me thus grossly? To what end? for thee to mock me more? you may command: but if I were willing, thou hast now put them quite out of my mind, I know not where to begin. Wil't please you to proceed? let's hear some more of your goodly squires conditions. This is a very plain trick, and needs no such en comions, and Epithets of commendation as you bestow on it. Who? here's a business about riding a few miles by many gentlemens houses, as though it requires such ingeni ous circumstances. Sir I confess all these be far above my element: and that in many years study I cannot comprehend one of them, therefore, I leave that to your cavaglyer without Peer in mine opinion. Hath he any more qualities of this nature? Lets have them, for at least I shall learn some wit out of them. Why? what case am I in thinkest thou? What shall I do to be made fit for their operatio ̄ ? I'll take any course thou wilt prescribe me to get perfection. And I can imitate Like and Ape. Destructions. What should I do with them ex cept it were to destroy others. But I doubt I shall pay deer for my schooling, and that I Like not. But for the other point of parting with my former good lessons, faith, I can quickly do that for I never gained any thing by them, therefore I can be content to come to him as naked as ever I was born. Not I; more then a child: For now you hau made me put off all my old learning I am become a very in nocent, as if I were this day taken from my mammee: but I trust you because you are my friend. I hope y ule put me to none, but such as shall teach me enough for my money. And you say he is wise and will give me samples enough, & then I warrant you I'll take um Like a sponge till I be twice so big as I am. How learned you his cunning so perfectly? hau you known him long. Has he been in Italy then as you said before? what's that? Faith not I, not much, saving that I have herd many years ago that he was a reasonable honest man but for's religion, and they say still he's a kind of a Papist. Sir I hope you shall find me di igent, and accor ding to your heart. I warrant you Sir, no man shall get any thing of me, but I will know how he comes by it, except your self, whom I will trust withal I have. Deal with me as you please. That you shall Sir here they be. They shall be in pawn to you for my good behaviour: for I think no man will give his word for me. 'Tis no matter sir, I will stand to your gentleness. I will Sir, (he steps forward and suddenly stops) but now I remember me Porber told me you have linen enough of your own. I understand the conceit now. I'll tell her you lo to your key. No Sir, no; such a tuitor as you will serve turn well enough. I will Sir. I would desire your counsel in a mat ter concerns my self. One Frith, a neighbour of yours desires to buy my land, whereof you have the writings, and will give me more then it's worth. What will you advice met to do? I thank you Sir: then I will absolutely bargain with him, and send him to you for the writings. Sir, such a thing there was. But my hope is you will not be my hindrance. Indeed Sir he should have paid me 150 . And if you help me not I am undone. If you will give me 100 . for it, I shall think my self much bound to you while I live. And so I doubt not but you will keep the land safe. For the title was as good as could be until you had my writings. It may be they took wet in the last great rain, and so they did shrink. You know how to keep it from melting better then I. Let me entreat you to order it as your own I hear it well Sir, and have locked it up safely in my memento. I give you many thanks for the 100 l . you gave me for my land, and for your careful putting out the money as your own. I again for my partly have sealed the writings, and am ready to do any thing else for making it sure to you. It's a good hearing that Master and man agree so well as your worship and I do now. Now they say it's a good title, and they will not make question of it, since you have got it. Fear nothing of that Sir, I can tell you news. They say now your title to it is as good as any man hath to his land. And that you will keep my 100 l . as safe as the land; and that's good for me. This is cold comfort for me. Sir, you make me half afraid, you will turn me off at the worst time of the year. I am not able to deserve so well at your hands as he hath done, and yet so lightly regarded. That is very hardly done. If it please you to give me my 100 l . I will take my leave now. (to rnes to the people.) This is a poor help for my 100 l . for all this I'll not leave his service until I get my 100 l . or somewhat for it. I wood I had my land again at a ven ture. Sir, he hath sent your rend all but 30 shillings which he abated for 80 caudles at 4 the caudle. Sir, there stands a poor gentlewoman called Mi stris Richardson at the door, and desires to speak with you. Marry I was never in such a scurvy case in my life. No, 'tis worse. that's but a toy, 'tis the plague. I am so pestered with yonder woman Susanna Richardson. She says you did tear liar bill of 10 . she scolds, she tails; she threatens to dwell with you, to lay her child at your door, and set up the cause upon your gate: and every thing he will do until she be agreed withal. She makes me weary of my life: she follows me Like a ghost: and now she stands at door. If you had not been here she had never left m , but she cannot abide to see you. So am I Sir, now I shall be quiet. And you marked Sir, I never entreated you for conscience sake to give her a nigh thing, but for my trouble. Nay I have learned to stretch a conscience with any man since I came to you. And 'tis soon learned if a man will give his mind to it: for the good will of a jade all. What a fool was I that began no sooner to study it But I have mor news to tell you Sir. As I came by the Chancery office I was called in to see a rye foul bill, put in against you to M. Thompso S suit, for things which you did take (not altogether steal) out of his house. And for a lease parell he challengeth from you: and there a e also your fourscore and ten cawdles in a row: in every line a Cawdle, spiced and sweet, & as hight as ever they went down your throat: and some say they shall be still upon record in perpetuam rei memoriam, if it be true, it shall go hard but ever e morning in term times as long as I live I'll spend my penny at one of them. What will you have to supper Sir, that we may bespeak it for we are very hungry? Come Purgato thou and I will bespeak our sup per. 20 worser a piece we will spend to stop this current of ru mour. Sir, the writings are done, when you please I am ready to seal. I think the Lawyer is a very honest man, he hath made them reasonable me thinks: for I am but to warrant it from all men, I have nothing to do with woe men. Sir I met him in Chancery Lane, he promised to be here before me, but I made great haste to tell you the wri tings were ready. I would so feign be a sealing. I am wone derfully fallen out with my land. So I did nevertheless: but for my credit sake that fetched them every morning I thought reason to discharge your score. I kept no tally but he is a very honest man, & his wife chalked them up behind the do e. Nay, if you care not for the manner of taking the ̄ , the matter is not great otherwise. But one thing made me laugh heartily, and in my conceit it was a witty trick that was told me lately, that you borrowed 100 of a gentlewoman called Miss ris Fer ers Gratis, and put it out for 10 in the 100. And after a year and a half with much ado paid her: and so you God 15 handsomely. I would I could tell whereto borrow two or three 1000 in that sort. Me thinks I have wit enough to thrive on this fashion. There are yet two other things objected, but both of our nature therefore though it were a huddle, it makes but a single game. One was this that you picked the first le ter out of a trunk full of linen, (the letter for the surname serving your name as well as the owners yowl stand) and put on A. instead of R. which was picked out. And this was M r . Rellips linen. The other was that you marked pillows, and oath r stuff oh a noble men with your own mark, and said them as your own. I forgotten the noble men name but it sounds Like a port town towards the sun when it is at the highest. They had much of their stuff again, but some ucke in your finger . And reason too I think: shall a man take pa nes to mark another men goods for nothing? A halter for him that hath no better wit then so, to thrive by. And what then? will that serve the turn? But they were found in your possession. and then how can you avoid the discredit? All these are well answered. What sa e you Sir to the taking of a conveyance out of a painted box in your fa there in laws study by means of a key with pretence of another business? What and unkindness was that, than your father in law did threaten to sue you for 700 you owed him? Alas Sir I see you have been much wronged among them. Hang such a father. And reason too I think. shall they make a man pay money before he be willing? twood make a man do that awood not, when they go to extremities. I have done for this time Sir. the next time you call for news I hope I shall have as much more. But now I remember me there is one thing more. Your lawyer asked me for a fee for your last business: shall I give it him? Then belike I mistook it. perchance he thanked you for bringing your cousin to give him a fee without cause, being well resolved before by other Council. Well now Sir I hope you will bestow my freedom upon me. I desire no more cunning then now I have, and I'll serve you still, and set up for my self: for I had rather be a double knave then a single fool. She hath them. Sir, they are well bestowed, they will do the poor woman good, and you have eaten pretty well. I warrant you Sir, she can eat and egg without surfeiting, as well as the finest Lady in this Land. turns to the people, saying. Now must I fetch these eggs from the poor woman against my nature. Exit & cito re it with 7 eggs. Anto. takes them & exit. Simple go eth on saying, I was never ashamed of a master before. There are few times that we ride forth, but a roasted Rabbet, a piece of chief, or a dry breast of mutton is trussed up in the cloak-bag, especially when we lie at and Inn the next night (as now we shall.) And but for fowling the cloake-bag, and his clothes, we had carried these eggs now. Is there not? 'tis a great chance then; & I am much deceived if there be none: for there were some scraps left yesternight, and I find them not in any room in the house. Langheth, and says. How now Purgato. What, art thou at span-counter with Rats? I perceive thou wouldst have fought with any Rat in London rather then she should have be guiled thee of thy provender. Thou art but a novice Purgato. and hadst as much wit when thou suckedst (I think) as now. And beside for that thou camest to him but yesterday (in a manner) art ig norant of his fashions. I will instruct thee. The night before he rides from London, he will invite some of his acquain tance to supper with him (at their own charge more then his) then the remnant he packeth up thus. And at the next Inn he lodgeth in (if it be two days thence) he ates these ates under the colour of a little joint there dressed. And by this means he is counted at his Inn a very small meat man, but everywhere else a tall trencherman. But thou must understand the chamberlain and tapster are sent down when these dainties are in devouring. Or else I must go hungry to bed, and ride empty the next day. Oh you mistake it Sir neither now, nor any other time for eating: there is no meat: my Master does not vie to quilt his friends stomach with too much meat. No, he would speak with you about a note he hath caused to be drawn he will you to p ruse it, and do him a favour it is in the nature of a certificate. Marry Sir with as wide and large a conscience as a nigh man hath, and as thoroughly tentered. My master & I are no niggards of our conscience. Beside I am bound by my 100 l to serve him. If he do then I hope he will teach me cunning worth 100 l to deceive others. & so I may double my 100 l . For I do not think but he hath got many 100 l with art. And I'll never leave him tell I get all his tricks and now he hath made me free he will use me as his fellow. Down the lane to the Devil. Nay and we go to no worse place hen Hell I care not: for I do not think but my mast hath craft enough for any Devil on um all. What? master my master in craft? that were some what strange, yet I'll believe any thing but that. Well I shall tell him you will not continued e. And what's the reason you will not continued e? I have almost forgotten. Why sir, he deducted it, then how could I help it? it were a great shame not to pay for your diet in the accou ̄ to. There is also another bill against you by your wives near cousin, wherein you are charged (not directly with stealing, but taking without the owners privity or continued ̄ sent) a picture, a map, and other household stuff. All is safe, and every thing done. Abandon? what's that? if I can observe that word right I shall Can y the rest well. I know what you mean by a carnation jewel.