RUSTICO

Oh, you are a Gardener, it becomes you well to agree with the Husband man, if we two hold together, we shall be oo hard for twenty fools. Oh, you are a Tailor, you speak for your profit For and 'twere not for Holy-days, which require fine clothes, and much change, you might beg your bred. Why for all that hud we be troubled with so ma nigh holidays? wood not fewer serve the turn as well? I do not think our auncetrums were so pestered. How didne a then for doing their business? sure a were all beggars. And yet twood anger me that my grand sir should be a beggar. I it wood. Didne a so indeed? I cham hard my grandsir, & gran nam tauke much of those things. Sure but I think they went to blow and cart on the workydays, and built those things you tauke on upon the holidays, or else it cood ne er be. Why were the Saints days kept holy at all? Tell me some reason for it. But I mislike the very ground, and cause of those holidays which (you say) is suffering death willingly. Do not we die fast enough (think you) against our wills, but we must set up a trade of dying with a good will Reason me no reasons I speak as I think, I pro test from my heart I had rather do any work in the world then die. What? never come home again to my wife, and my pretty barns? Why, I have a boy, his name is Jack; he has a face as welfavor'd as any great turnip root, with a crack in the midst, which is the very proportion of his mouth. I will not willingly leave that boy for all the death's in the world. No I will not. But if I must needs die whither I will or no, I wood have death take me asleep, that I may not see his face, for if I did I would run away as hard as ever I could for my life. Nay, then I have more wit then thou canst get for I can make my horses turn up the ground, and thou must do it with thy hands and feet, else thou canst earn no more nigh. Come neighbour Vulcano, we two wise men will leave these two to play the fools here until our urn come a gain. Yes, weel be judged, but not by any brave people; for they will all take partly with the Tailor that makes their parell gawdy, and with the Gardener that makes them plea sant waukes and knots. You say honestly, Nay truly we are desirous to have and end of it, so that none of us be his own carver. Here sits a country Gentleman, a plain man, a good house-kee per, and peacemaker among all his neighbours: he is no Justice of peace, so there is no fear to speak our mind before him, nor need we any minerator to him, he is very courteous. God save you Sir. Here is a great controversy between four neighbours, two against two. Reasons are alleged on both sides, and neither partly will agree to other. In the end we accorded to refer the matter to you, we be seech you to consider, and order it as you please, and then so shall it be. Let it not discourage you more then it repents me that I am married: for it lies in your power to have all well and quiet if you chance to marry even one of the short rib of the great Devil. If you talk of taming by violence, you say well, it cannot be, for the more you strive to break their stomach the more it grows; Like camamile, the more you tread it, the more it spreads; and Like a tree felled, where will grow 40 springs. But take a twig by the top and gently bend it by little and little, it will grow in what fashion you will. A wasp is a shrewd stinging beast by nature, but if she light upon your face and hands, and creep up and down, let her a lone, and take her pleasure, she will do you no harm, and quietly pass away. So if your wife will meddle with all things, give her liberty to do what she will, you shall have her merry else she were worse then the Devil. That can I, and that must you, or else you ar not wise; for if you may have peace upon any conditions, is it not your fault if you buse to be jarring? That is among strangers and enemies; but among friends, and with your self, what peace can be dishonou rabble? Even as you may if you will take the course that I do. I have a wife, the best creature that ever you saw in the order that she takes with me. But if I should be churlish, as perhaps you would be, and cross her never so little, she would rage Like a fury of Hell. She speaks, and I give ear; she gives counsel, and I practice; she commands, & I obey; she chides, and I hold my peace; she preaches, and I believe; thus we live as lo mgly as Master and Scholar. Every man that loves his ease. And if all wives be mine is, she shall be thrice happy to obey her. For she is the best woman to bring up husbands that ever was born. She will so instruct them in the wonderful virtue of patience, that if they will be ruled by her monitions, they shall be as good as martyrs, a great deal better then living Saints. I thank her heartily, she is my Pilcatory in this world, I shall go straight to Heaven whensoever I die. Therefore left I should loose the benefit of the blessed state I stand in by any misdemeanour of mine. I dare not offend her in the least matter. Oh it's a great blessing to have such a wife. Oh neighbour Hortan , that thou didst but taste of the fruits of patience! Intrat Lamia his wife with a cud gill of and ell long, and counterfeiting to be a Puritan, lifting her eyes upward.) Look where my wife is; I know her by the sign of the Bible. See how devout she is. She never looks lightly lower then the Element. You may say what you will now, she cannot hear a word, her meditations be so fer vent. (She openeth her Bible, and makes show to read, and many times turns her eyes with the white upward.) That is her rod of discipline, and a strange thing it is which now I tell you. She is never so rapt up in her devotions, but if I continued ̄ mit the least fault (as wretched man that I am many times I do, and my best actions are abominable) she perceives it presently (and yet is deaf to all other noise) and she come to me fiercely in the heat of her charity, and corrects me very handsomely with that wand. Oh no, very seldom, she does not love them so well) except it be a very great fault. But in me (for the en tire love she bears me) she will not suffer the least sin un punished, lest (as she says) any might remain to be rebu ked by hell fire. Had you so? but so had not I. For by this I am made sure of my election, when I do patiently endure so great correction. Admirably well: for lest he should prove and Idola tour she will not let him ask blessing upon his knees. And lest he should abate of his mettle and stomach, he must ne for put off his hat to us, nor be denied any thing he calls for: so that being now but six years old he will fight, scratch, and tumble himself upon the ground, crying until his heart break if he may not have his will in every thing. Then is there no way but give it him, or else he will die with skre ming. Oh, he will prove a man of outrageous spirit. It makes me sometime doubt he should not be my child, he hath so noble a stomach, far beyond mine. And, but that I know his mother to be a very religious professor, I assure you it would trouble me much, he discovereth S much fury in his fashions, and such might by his madness, that I think ma nigh times some giant God him when my wife was asleep, for I am sure she would never suffer it waking. You say well neighbour Hortano, that may be; but I do half mistrust my own worth in getting such a child: but yet I love him as well as if he were my own. Oh, she seeks me. What a good woman is this? I must needs go to her. Stand by neighbour and note how zealously she will edify me. How do you good wife? I knew it was you so soon as I saw you any thing near me. May I be so bold as to ask where you have been these two or three days? My boy Jack and I think long until you come home. What wife; and I not there? Ind worser wife I cannot but think this reason good that you say, but I would have been glad to be father to my own child if it had pleased you. Nay wife; rather then I should not be one of the e lect I pray you beat me again. Oh Gods blessing on thy kind heart. See how fa vourable a spirit she hath. I cannot choose but weep for this love. Nay neighbour Hortano, I warrant you my wife will prove any thing she says one way or other. But good wife, let me entreat one thing at your hands (if your spirit continued ̄ sent, that is, that I may call your son Jack my boy for my credit sake. And that he may know no other but he is mine, and then shall I be quiet in mind, and think you deal we rye justly and liberally with me. All this I stedfastlic wprd . And I am afraid my own weakness will be the first discoverer, and plead not guilty to getting of such a son. Nevertheless (good wife) I cannot choose but thank you much for your kindness, that he shall be called my son, that men may think so nobly yet of me to do such a deed. And for you wife) I will swear you are a very honest woman for all this. Was ever man more blessed with a wife then I am? (Then he holds his hands before his face, & falls to a silent me dictation a prery while, at last fetching a great sighs, he says) The Lord make me thankful. (Then he h des his face with his hands again, and so stands a while sighing and sobbing, ntill Hortano shake him by the arm, saying). A man. He is a man already at six years age by his great stomach; and I think in my conscience I am not half his father. But I beshrew you for troubling me, you have done you know not what: for I was even melting into martyr's. Oh yes, and I shall die so patiently, that I dare not call for a posset how sick soever I be for fear of sinning, till the very point of death. And now I begin to be hart-sick. How? make my will? thats the next way to die in earnest. Oh yes. A will, and a toling bell are as present death as Gods tokens. No: le none of that. Superstition. The Lord defend me I had rather not oh observe order in any thing then to be thought superstiti ous. I agree to you neighbour, and thank you for your gen le persuasion. I will presently do it while I am in perfect memory.