ANTONIO

Gramarcees gentle Noverindo: how go the rates now? I thank you: then I have a match already: a friend of mine must use a thousand pound and intreats my band; I'll ay he shall have it by my means. Thou halt have forty shillings in the hundred for brocage and I will gain other forty shillings, this is but twelve in the hundred that's dog cheap, I know some pay a great deal more: And I'll have good land twice the worth for my counter security. Let me alone to hamper them. Ah would, art avised of that? surely I shall do them good to make the fools take heed of others. And what fault is in me, a bargain is a bargain: and if I give them a little more for their land when it is forfeited, they may thank me but no parting with the land, for it is so deep if a man would dig it that it reaches to hell, and ther's no redemption. What? is any Bankrupt that hath my sums put forth Let it be what it will then, I care not a rush. If it be true, and discredit I weigh it not. All this is nothing, I have herd twenty times so much with my own ears, and smile at the poor fellows that they spend their time with talking of me. But didst thou ever hear but I gained by them all. He is welcome. Have you given him any princi ples, such as you know are necessary? and is he docible Thou hast a good stern countenance, I Like thee well: if thy mind be as untoward it will be suitable. I thank you. Nay, if I deal not well with you, I wish no man should deal ill with me. I hear you have land lying near me, I would have you be a good husband, and keep it. Let me lay up your writings safe least some deceive you of them. Thou art the fittest man for me that ever I met withal: nor any man (I think) will undertake I shall be a good master to thee. Well said: and I'll even deal with thee thereafter. I would feign have your opinion in a bargain of land I have made with one Pohssib, to the valve of 7000 . drawn into articles with both our hands to it. The chief motive of our bargain is a marriage between two young children. I pray you calculate whither the bargain be gainful or no. What and ass art thou? I sent thee for my rend, no to pay for caudles. You should have left the imputation to me. Score? what score? is my hand at it? or did you keep a tally? I am as honest as they. but yet I never use to keep reckoning of caudles when they be eaten half a year before and the taste washed from my throat. If he cannot afford his Landlord 100. caudles without money, he is no Tenant for me. What; no less then 30 shillings in caudles taken out of my rend at a clap, who did ever hear of the Like? And the price too is monstrous: groats apiece? why, it were enough for a supper at my chamber. Indeed they were very sweet and good, but what of that? a man may buy gold too deer. Tell him from me, I will not allow him a penny for caudles, and yet I will have my rend. Hath he served me so? well. 'tis a maxim with me Simplo to be ashamed of othing (as thou knowest) but yet I'll be even with him. He shall out of his house whatsoever it cost me. I make no more reckoning of that imputation then of the rest. For if the worst fallen I shall have them as they be praised. Not a rush Simplo, sa e and think what they will, I am sorry took no more. 'Tis a fine way indeed, and cleanly (so that a m ̄ look to his security) And comes in without stoc e of his own: a very beggar may grow rich thus: and every paul try knave may thrive so, if he take heed. Millers use this trick to lend a bushel of another men corn ground into meal to be paid again in wheat, so he takes tole twice of one bushel, and no cost of his own, It is but making the first ay so much the longer. There was such a speech of this marking, but I de nigh it. It must serve. for they shall never prove directly that I did or caused it to be done. Discredit? they may be glad to have their things gain. who can tell but they be mine? I am sure they nam my mark. And how shall a man know his own but by his mark? And howsoever these things are, time will wear them out of memory. Tush. I aid it there again when I saw they kept such a stir about a paltry piece of parchment. I will not be beholding to them. I but I dealt well enough with him: for I sent him word that if he did sue me I would bring him in more trou ble then twice so much money could excuse him for other matters. No. I am sure he did not ask you. I brought a continued sen of mine tother day to him that gave him a fee. Indeed I told him that he should go to my lawyer and give him no fee. But when I had him there, and he put his case, I whis per'd my cousin in the ear to offer him a fee: But I did not whisper my lawyer to refuse it. and so very honestly he took it: and I know therefore he will expect no fee for my own business. I will not stick with thee Simplo: go to the Cham berlaine there it must be done. Why, there's it then. Now thou seeft where wit lodgeth, with me, or with them. I, they talk their pleasure behind my back, but I wish they would speak one word to ground and Actium v Pon Didst thou hear him (whosoever he was) say, I am a Papist? Thou didst well. I know some of them would gladly catch me in a trip. But I'll watch them well enough. He was the more fool to tell you so but you must not use to cross me thus. Do as you are bidden. Will not out own la to the longer if we wear of other folks sometime? when we have gone through all our friends so often that none will lend us, then it's time enough to wear our own. Best of all. Do so. I perceive thou needest no broker. Friend Proberio. You come in good time. I was beholding to you in my gre test necessity: And I purpose to requite all your deserts. At this present and accident is fallen, which will be beneficial to you with a little diligence had. A messenger of mine received a hundredth pound by my direction from a serivener in this town, and ran away with it into Ireland, find him out, and get the hundredth pound, I give it you. If this fail I'll give you another as beneficial as it I have and employment for you, one Sir Retlaw, & Master Eloc, his father-in-law are bound with me in diverse bonds, I for them, and they for me. The whole sum is a thousand pound, the greater partly they are to pay. I have their counter-bonds for all. What they have for my debt I know not. I would have you be perfect in the accounts as they stand in my book, and then demand of them a recko ning between us. Would, sup there? with all my heart. But how shall I do with my two eggs at home? they will be too stale, remember soon to carry them to the All -house, but meam sure them well in your hand with gripping. I think it not amiss to take his money, and put it out to use, and therein I can pleasure you. My scrivener shall do it as for me, and he will get good men for your money. Do so: but be not long: for I have business in stantly for you. What and Ass is this? does he think I will let any man buy a thing so near my nose, but I will lay hold of it with my teeth? I will have his land do what he can. And I will have it one 40 the cheaper for this trick, that he will offer to fell it from me. He thinks belike to make a porter of me to carry his writings from Lawyer to Lawyer; but if I be, I will be well paid for my pains. I have a device in my head, which I will extend to the uttermost, seeing he puts me to it. Trust? there's a trust with all my heart to serve other men's turns. No, I never Iou'd that. I remember to have learned that charity begins with it self. And a Cook licks his own fingers before he di hes the meat for others. Do they not know what it is to get writings out of my hands? It seems they never entered bound to me. If they had, they would not presume thus. If nothing else would serve to hold them, yet this I can allege, that they are my security for his good behaviour (although I care not six pence for any see curitie, because I never mean to trust him for a crowns worth of any thing. And I have all you to witness, that for his good behaviour he pawned them to me. I am glad to meet you here Sir, your man and I have bargained for his land not far from me, but very near you. Welcome neighbour Frith. Let me speak with you a idem. Take heed what you do. His title is nought, else I would have had it my self, and you know it lies it for me. But let him not know I aid so. Stay awhile, you shall hear more to his face. Come hither Simplo. This honest man tells me, he is in speech with you about your land, and I was content to et you run your course. But do you forget that it is pawned to me for your good behaviour? Your hindrance. No; but if this be true (as you cannot deny it) have you not forfeited your land and w tings by your evil behaviour, offering to fell it oh a strange and not to me? Were you told so? Well, farewell neighbour Frith. Exit Frith. How now Simplo. To keep your land no man will be your Tenant? and to ell it, who will deam with you? Did you not hear him say it is reported you have no good title? Well; in hope you will do me true service, I will help you out of these briers. Tell me true What should he have given for your land? It had been worth 150 . if it had not been thus disgraced, but now it's worth little. Well, if I give you 100 . for it, what will you say? I will give thee 100 . And no rain will shrink the money: the Sun will do it most hurt: for it will melt very fast. I will give thee my credit for that. Would, would, he. And did the fat Knight fret so? let him fry too. I will stick close to my counterbands. Oh, take no care, they shall never hurt you. The next time, I light on them I will cancel them. Simplo go you to Mistress Boe desire her to lend me half a dozen eggs until market day, look you choose the fair st. Exit Sim . Proberio, I would feign do somewhat for you. A friend of mine wants a good Steward, I will help you with the place: or there is a widow worth 400 . I think I can make the march for you Not a whit too late. There is nothing done but the land assured to me, and 3000 . of money paid. If I find It not fit for me, I'll rend the bargain all to shivers. What? two words to a bargain. I never finished any bargain yet, nor do I mean this shall be the first. Go to the Lawyer, and ask if to e writings be ready for your land, that you may receive your 100 . Exit Simplo. I have a couple of followers most unfit for my humour. Pro berio is so full of scrupulosity, that nothing passes his fingers that savers not of conscience. Such a man would I deal with all, but not dwell withal. Such a man would I have deal with me, but not deal for me. Simplo, he is diligent, but a las his brains want salt. It is well. We will go presently. But I must stay until Proberio come: for I do not well know where I am until he have done a business of mine. I thought so, I warrant thou art as fearful of ex clamations, as of thunderbolts: there is nothing with you but exclamations, imputations, infamy, reports, discre dite, and the Like. A rush, a rush, and they are all one to me. Well, I thank you for your pains. Now ply the Knight & his Father-in-law about the 1000 l . account. Thou knowest not what will be the end of it, nor I my self; but I can best guess, because I know his poor e state. I have made a privy search into his debts; and some creditors I have pulled upon him sooner then they meant. And in writing I have every sum he owes to neighbours, to workmen, and to his very servants. And this is the plummet I found withal. This must bring the fi h into my net Proberio. But what have you done with the Knight and his Father-in-Law Master Eloc, for the 1000 l . account? Are you sure of that? You are so spiced-conscienced, that there is no dealing with you. Will you demand if they will swear in Chancery, that so is the account. These fellows are so rash, that a little thing will satisfy them. I am partly persuaded the accounts be as he speaks, but it is good to be sure. Thus thou must do Sim plo in Like cases, if thou wilt be a wise, politic and wary fellow. No, I think not: for all their babbling they will not easily begin sui e with me to recover it away. That's no news. You may see now what it is to be circumspect in my dealing, and to have a name to hold fast. Learn this against the time that you have more land. You say well Noverindo: I wish it to be redress said: but what would the company have me to do? This I Like well; but it will be a great charge to maintain master and clerks in and office, so shall we lose much out of our gain. Right: but who shall be at the charge of the pa tent? Proberio: here is Noverindo hath a piece of im ploiment for you, and thinks you can discharge it well if you list. And I'll see you well considered. It is this. That you move the Heralds to give the company. Crest with the endue circumstances. And go in my name they will do it the more freely. Is it so? well, give me them. If I find them in that forwardness I will take their word, and end it with kind nes. Proberio, you must remove your trunks and stuff presently. I will clear my chambers from all men but my self. Yes; but I purpose to fell my lodgings, and I must have them out. You shall have a bed at the Inn where my horses stand. And your stuff may be put in the out room, near the garden. You owe me six pound; you must provide it pre sently, or else I will arrest your sureties. Tell me nothing of that; you have been satisfied in your diet and lodging to a better valve. How? gratitude? every beggar talks of gram titude. It is for such as you to we for mercy, not to talk of gratitude, which is among equals. A proper reckoning. This fellow looks for re compence. Why, he had my countenance which made him many times respected. And I could yet be content to speak for him, but does he expect farther? why, the fellow knows not the world. Simplo, tell him that if my word may do him any good, he shall have it: but if he love his liberty, let him challenge no deeds at my hands. He never had more of me then my word for that he now claimeth. And does he think to built castles upon my word? if he do, they shall come down apace. Now he is gone to remove his stuff, bid my Attourney take out execution against his surety. Do to thou fear turning off? it comes with a fear, and ends with a fever. Thou mayest go assoon as thou wilt after him. Soft a while, where is your witness that I have 100 . of yours? And if I had, thou Wertenberg content I should use it as mine own. But go to, I'll pay thee. There was a knave ran away with 100 . of mine, I'll change with thee; seek him out, take the money, and hang him that's interest. It will be so much the safer. That may be. I cannot help it unless I be paid. I know not that. No. No. No. Proberio, I have done thee the grace to hear thee to the full. And it joys me much, that either he shall die in prison, or I shall have that money. A poor woman, what have I to do with poor folks? bid her come in, she shall be never the richer for me. Let me see the bill. If it be mine I will discharge it. She gives him the bill, and after well viewing, off the seal, and says I owe him nothing, nor will pay thee a nigh thing. Did not you say it was my bill? if it be mine, why may not I do with it as I list my self? Have I not discharged it thinkest thou? I warrant thee is sure enough for ever charging me again e. Be gone; Thy tongue is left thee to rail at large, but thy means be short to revenge thy self by law. There before feed upon thy woes, and tears, money thou gettest none of me. What is it? hast thou the pox? All this I little care for; but there's a thing in it. I fear the Sta -cham er because she hath with nes (or else I would not care neither) I must agree with her, bid her come in. The King woman? Alas, he hath great business, never trouble him with this toy. I'll give he somewhat in charity, but not a penny of duty. Well, woman, here is 50 shillings with a good will: take this, or get more any way you can. Nay, then I care not, we 'l do well enough with conscience Simple. I am glad 'tis at and end in Law. Yes but I must have the best in the house. First bring me a crusty manchet, and a single pot of beer. It is not wisdom to eat a meal when you are hungry, for then you eat too much and surfeit. Even as it is not good to fight or correct scholars when you are in choler, for then you will do it beyond measure. I am as hungry as you, yet I will eat but a manchet, and drink twice of one pot. No more. And but for the best chamber I would spend but a penny, a pint of beer and a half penny bred. Leave the disgrace to me. I can bear it. Pass graviora. This is not crusty enough. Change it. I will have it changed. When thou hast changed the manchet thou shalt know. Thou hast done well. this is as it should be. My friend. I have a very evil stomach, it will endure nothing towards night but bred and drink, my men I think will have something. I hear the knave well enough, but I'll watch you for both. My horses shall have but little provender. I'll call at some Farmers house to morrow, and ate a p ke in his stable and for sheets I'll lay them by, and change with my men Have you given the Cobblers wife the 7 eggs we left at breakfast? This is but ill husbandry to loose 7 eggs at a ap, and my belly not very full. I have not eaten so well as you think for. And they are not fit meat for her mouth: some grosser meat would do her more good. Come on, since 'tis done, let them go: but (he steps forward, and they follow, but presently comes back, and says) I cannot ride my journey contentedl e until I have these eggs. Simplo, fetch them again. Tell the woman, she shall have as many or more another time. Come away, I have eaten four of these eggs, the rest I have put in bran to preserve against the nex Term: but what's here? how came this meat here? me thinks I should know these pieces. Why so? Why do you not gather up the meat, and put it up again? How canst thou tell that to a Rat had pissed on it, when you confess you did see no Rat? Go to, go to. You are a fool. Put them up and let us away. I bid you put them up Like a fool as you are. Gather up this meat Simplo, thou and I will fare the better. 'Tis but sending this knaves horse down by the Carrier. Or else I'll driven him with his load, he shall be the sumpter horse. Thou shalt put them up, or serve me no longer.