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Full speech
I warrant you Sir, I have not been matriculated at the University, to be meretriculated by him: salted there to be colted here. Come, be not retrograde to our desires. You're very welcome Signior Clarissimo, desire you more acquaintance sir. No sir, and you know me, you must know as much as I know, for Scientiam and Scientificus is all one; but that's all one, in truth sir, you shall not spend a penny here, I had money, I thank God even now, and peradventure shall have again ever we partly, I have sent to a friend of mine. Mean sir? No marry Captain, there will never be mean in his practice I warrant him. Why, would not your legs bear you Sir? No indeed not I Sir: I am your poor friend Sir glad to see you in health. Gossaue me Sir 'twas the furthest partly of my thought. With my heart I protest Sir. Even new arrived from Padua Sir to see fashi oh S. 'Sblood honesty you knave? do you tax any Gentleman in this company for his honesty? Here's my purse sir, I think there be joust so much in't. What a question's that? At your pleasure Captain. Not a doit, by this candle. Thank you good Captain. 'Sblood and any man think to bridle me. Sounds my seeking sir? Well sir, because you're a stranger to me, you shall do more with me. I did so sir: I will not deny it I warrant you. Well sir, and you shall. Let come Lieutenant, I pledge you. Let us taste sir, it's claret, but it has been fetched again with Aquam vitae.
Plot summary
Plot — May Day
It is May morning. In accordance with the season, old Lorenzo is planning an amorous, adulterous adventure with Francischina, and approaches her kinsman Angelo to act as go-between. Francischina’s husband too is going out with his gull, Innocentio, who is to observe gentlemanly behaviour at an ordinary. Lodovico makes doubly sure of his absence by introducing him to an admirer, Giovanelli, and they go to a tavern together. He is implicated in a second plot which in turn requires Lorenzo to be away from his home: Lorenzo’s daughter Aemilia, whom he plans to marry against her will to Gasparo, loves Aurelio, and Lodovico has promised to bring him to her at the house’s rear terrace. Meanwhile, Leonoro conspires with Temperance to win the love of Lucretia, Aurelio’s cousin. Nothing goes entirely according to plan. Lorenzo comes to Francischina disguised as a chimney-sweep, so that he can enter the house without risk to her honour, but Lodovico lets his friends in on the secret and they tease him on the way; later Angelo pretends to be Quintiliano coming home early, and frightens Lorenzo into hiding. Aurelio’s assignation with Aemilia turns out to involve more than talking when Lodovico provides a rope ladder and he climbs up onto the terrace, which gives access to her bedroom. Lodovico waits below, muffled in his cloak, and Temperance mistakes him for Leonoro; she invites him in just as the real Leonoro arrives and is taken to Lucretia’s chamber. When he gets into bed with her, however, the liaison ends with fighting when he discovers ‘her’ to be a cross- dressed man. Meanwhile Quintiliano cozens Giovanelli of his money and then returns home drunk to find Lorenzo, still disguised, hiding in his coal-house. Lorenzo goes home in turn and discovers Aurelio and Aemilia together; Angelo helps Aurelio escape while Lorenzo is changing out of his disguise before fetching the Provost to administer justice, then substitutes Francischina in Aurelio’s clothes so that Lorenzo will infer that he misunderstood an innocent jest. Everyone goes to the May night show at Honorio’s house, which includes a masque. Leonoro and Quintiliano have the page Lionel cross-dress as a woman with a view to tricking Innocentio into chatting her up. Leonoro confronts Lodovico over his liaison with ‘Lucretia’, and he explains what happened. In fact ‘she’ is really Lucretio, whose father was a Sicilian exile and close friend of Aurelio’s family. ‘Lionel’ turns out to be Lucretio’s fiancée…