ANGELO

How now? Gods my life, I wonder what made this May -morning so cold, and now I see it's this January that intrudes into it; what paper is that he holds in hand trow we? Out upon her, if it be she that I think, she has a Fox read cranion; And reason, for it's a folwe one. True, her eyes be not matches. Painted I warrant you. It stretches to her ears in deed. A read nose, in sincerity. Oh notable old whyniard. A plague upon him, I had thought to have ap pear'd to him, but now if I do, he will take me for the man he talks on: I will therefore post by his dull eyesight, as in hast of business. Gods precious, what mean you Sir? Your ability stood too stiff Sir, beshrew me else. Well Sir another time, tell me where she is, and I'll do so much for you gratis. Good morrow Sir. My business says nay Sir, you have made me stay to my pain Sir, I thank you. Go to then, briefly, to whom shall I commend your imperfections, will you tell me if I name her? Is not her hair, no hair, but beams stolen from the Sun? A forehead that disdains the name of fair. A matchless eye. To whom then would he be remembered that I can solicit? I am as great as a near Kinsman may be with her Sir, not otherwise: Perhaps I will Sir, when I know what the Gentle man and his intent is. Well Sir, I love no contention with friends, and therefore pocket many things, that otherwise I would not: but I pray Sir licen e me a question. Do not I know this Gentleman that offers my Cozen this kindness? But I pray you Sir, is he not a well elderly Gentle man? I know he is young too, but that is in ability of bo die, but is he not a pretty little squat Gentleman, as you shall see amongst a thousand? I know he is tall also, but it is in his mind Sir, and it is not Hector but Paris, not thy full armefull, but the sweet handful that a Lady delights to dandle. Well, well Signior Lorenzo, i'faith the little Squire is thought to be as parlesse a piece of flesh, for a piece of flesh, as any Hunt's the hold pale of Venus I protest t'ee. I know you do not Sir, his dallying days be done. I believe you Sir. Never in my life: your old neighbours measure you by themselves. But i'faith Sir: do you ever hope to win your purpose at my losing hands, knowing her (as all the world does) a woman of that approved lowlynesse of life, and so generally tried? Sure I do take her to have the flesh and blood of a woman. I marry Sir, I think you would be alone with her; Well Sir, I will do my best, but if your Gentleman Usher should not get entrance for you now, it would be a grief to me. (Enter Gasparo and old Clown.) Fare you well Sir. Exit. Come sweet Cozen, do not cloy your husband with your love so, especially to hinder his preferment; who shall the Worser ke have to employ in these Marshal necessities if not Captain Quintiliano, he bears and honourable mind, and 'tis pity but he should have employment. Let him get a company now, and he will be able to maintain you Like a Duchess hereafter. I'll cheer her up, I warrant you Captain; come Cuze, lets in to tables. Now take away thy hand, and show thou didst laugh all this while; good Lord who would not marry to have so kind a wife make much on him? Exit. I did ever dream that once in my life good fortune would warm her cold hand in my naked bosom. And that once is now come, I'll lay hold vpon't, i'faith; I have you my little squire, I have you upon mine Anueill, upon which I will mallet you and work you; coining crowns, chickens, bracelets, and what not out of you; for procuring you the deer gullage of my sweet heart mistress Francischina. In what partly of me does that lie Sir, that I may pull it out, for you presently? Slight I told it him in secret sir. It may well be sir, but what of that? What talk you of reward sir? to the loving and dutiful servant, it's a greater encouragement to his service to hear his master say, God a mercy Angelo, spy out And gelo, I'll think of thy pains one day Angelo, then all your base rewards and preferments: yet not to hinder your hand sir, I will extend mine to his service presently, and get your old uncle ( Signior Lorenzo ) out of the ways long enough I warrant you. I will not fail sir, I was resolved to make him a way afore they spoke to me, in procuring his access to Fran cischina, for what is his presence at her house, but his ab sense at his owns? and thus shall I with one trewell daub two walls, (Enter Francisc.) see how fitly she meets me. I will stand close here as if it were in my shop of good fortune, & in respect of all orname ̄ ts I can help her to, I will out of the fullness of my joy, put her out of her study and encounter her thus; Hold up the bracelets. D'ee lack gentlewoman, d'ee lack: very fair new gowns, kirtles, petticoats, wrought smocks, bracelets, d'ee lack gentlewoman, d'ee lack? Pre thee ask me no questions; hold take these bracelets, put up this purse of gold quickly, and if thou wilt have any of these things, I have cried to thee, speak and 'tis performed. Lorenzo, Lorenzo, a gentleman of much antiqui tie, and one that for his love hath burned hundreds of hearts to powder; yet now it falls out, that his tree of life is scorched and blasted with the flames of thy beauty, ready to wither eternally, unless it be speedily comforted with the sweet drops of thy nose. You wrong him to term him old, he can draw his bow, ride his horse, use his sword, and trail his pike under Loves colours, as well as ever he did. Well, go thy ways in and prepare to entertain him now thy husband is from home, only with good words, and best kindnesses, making him put all into deeds till his treasury be deedless. Thinkest thou, I consider not all this? he shall come in disguised, wench, and do thou devise for our mirth, what ridiculous disguise he shall come in, and he shall assume it. No more then no Senator, for in this case, my assum rance is that Cupid will take the scarf from his own eyes, and hoodwink the old buzzard, while two other true tur tles enjoy their happiness: get thee in I beseech thee love, tell thy gold, and say thy prayers. (Enter Lorenzo.) Now for a far fetched device to fetch over my love-squire. Exit Nay mistress Frank, if you prove disloyal once, farewell all constancy in women. Oh Sir are you so near? I shall trust your experi ence in women the better while I live. Say true Sir, did you never solicit your love-suit to fair mistress Francischina ? Upon my life it's a strange thing; I would have sworn all Italy, could not so suddenly have fastened a favour upon her, I look't for a siege of Troy at least, to surprise the turrets of her continence; but to yield at the first sighed of her assailants colours, and before any Cannon was mounted a before her, it's one of the loosest parts of a modest woman that ever I herd of. Women and feathers? now fie on that affinity. Gods my life, what light huswife would yield at first to a stranger, and yet does this whirligig stand upon terms of honour forsooth? tenders her reputation as the Apple of her eye; she has a jealous and a cutting husband, envious neighbours, and will die many death's rather then by any friends open access to her, be whipped naked with the tongues of scandal and slander; and a whole sanctuary of such ceremonies. And to avoid all sighed of your entrance, you must needs come in some disguise she says; so much she tenders your high credit in the City, and her own reputation, for sooth. Well Angelo, heaven forgive us the sins of our youth. That's true Sir, but for a paltry disguise, being a magnifico, she shall go snick up. Faith, I know not what disguise she would have for you: she would have you come Like a Calf with a white face, I think, she talks of Tinkers, pedlars, porters, chimney-sweepers, fools and Physicians, such as have free egress and regress into men's houses with out suspicion. I'faith I told her so, a squire of that worship, one of the Senate, a graven Justicer, a man of wealth, a magnifico? Out upon't, that disguise is worn thread bore up on every stage, and so much villainy committed under that habit; that it's grown as suspicious as the vilest. If you will Harken to any, take such a transformance, as you may be sure will keep you from discovery: for though it be the stale refuge of miserable Poets, by change of a hat or a cloak, to altar the whole state of a Comedy, so as the father must not know his own child forsooth, nor the wife her hus band, yet you must not think they do it earnest to car ry it away so: for say you were stuffed into a motley coat, crowded in the case of a base Viol, or buttond up in a cloak bag, even to your chin, yet if I see your face, I am able to say this is signior Lorenzo, and therefore unless your disguise be such that your face may bear as great a partly in it as the rest, the rest is nothing. I'll tell you sir, if you be so mad to condescend to the humour of a foolish woman, by consideration that Jove for his love took on him the shape of a Bull, which is far worse then a chimney sweeper, I can fit you rarely. There is one little snail you know, and old chimney sweeper. The very same sir, whose person (I borrowing his words) you will so lively resemble, that himself in per son cannot detect you. For that sir, she is provided: for you shall no So ner enter but off goes your rusty skabberd, sweet water is ready to scour your filthy face, milk, & a both of fernebraks for your fusty body, a chamber perfumed, a wrought shirt, night cap, and her husbands gown, a banquet of Oysters pies, Potatoes, Skirret roots, Eringes, and diverse other whetstones of venery. A bed as sost as her hair, sheets as delicate as her skin, and as sweet as her breath, pillows imitating her breasts, and her breasts to boot, Hypocras in her cups, and Nectar in her lips, Ah, the gods have be beasts for less felicity. Not much sir, but and extraordinary wife might tempt me. I'll follow you presently. Exit. Signior Lodovico. Why sir, I am providing means to lead your old uncle out ath'way, as you willed me, by drawing him into the way of Quintilianoes wife, my sweet heart, and so make room for him by Quintilianoes room: you that led him any way, must needs seek him out and employ him to some tavern. Go to Sir, by this light you'll be complained on, there cannot be a fool within twenty mile of your head, but you engross him for your own mirth: Noblemen's tables cannot be served for you. Well Sir, here comes your man, make him sure from his wife, and I'll make the tother sure with her. Exit. S Ay Sir, have you played the man and housed the Captain? T'is very well handled sir, and presume you & your friend my master Aurelio of what may satisfy you at your uncle's, for he is now going out of the way, and out of him self also: I have so besmeared him with a chimney sweepers resemblance, as never was poor Snail, whose counterfeit he triumphs in, never thinking I have daubed his face suffici ent, but is at his glass as curiously busied to beautify his face (for as of Moo'rs so of chimney sweepers) the blackest is most beautiful as any Lady to paint her lips. I am the fitter for your employment Sir: stand close I beseech you, & when I bring him into the streets, encoun ter and bait him in stead of Snail, but in any case let none else know it. If you should tell it to one, so you charge him to say nothing, 'twere nothing, and so if one by one to it play holy water frog with twenty, you know any secret is kept sufficiently; and in this, we shall have the better sport at a Bear baiting, fare you well Sir. How now sir, are you well yet think you? Very well sir, you shall have enough. I'll warrant you that i'faith sir; ya're fitted be yond the forehead for a right counterfeit; It is well now sir? For a perfect natural face, I care not if all the world explain it. Have at your smoky chimney Mistress Frank : here take up your occupation, and down with Snail for a chimney sweeper. I will sir. Not a dog at a door, not a cat at a window. Appear in your likeness, and not with your quality. Admirably. Become you sir? would to heaven mistress Frank could bring you to the wearing of it always. Out of all cry, I forbid Snail himself to creep beyond you. Gods pity, who comes yonder? Nay ther's no starting now, hee'll see you go into your house then; fallen into your note; stand to Snails person and I warrant you. (Enter Lodovico.) Exit Ang. WHat says your worship now? Do you not walk invisible, all your ancient acquain tance, your own nephew to talk with you and never dis cover you? That was the cleansing of other men's stables. Now your worship is Oracle to your own mira cles; how you shine in this smoky cloud? which you make the golden net to embrace Venus, y'aue passed the pikes i'faith and all the Jails of the love-god swarm in yonder house, to salute your recovery. True sir, now you know what the world thinks on you, it's not possible for a great man, that shines always in his greatness, to know himself; but Oh twice young Leander, see where your Hero stands with torch of her beauty to di rect you to her tower, advance your sweet note, & upon her. Why now sir thine Angelo is your good Angel; enter and prosper, and when you are in the midst of your happiness, think of him that preferred you. Exit Lorenzo. Well said mine own Frank i'faith, we shall trim him betwixt us, I for the most slovenly case in the town; she, for the most sluttish place in the house: Never was old horseman so notoriously ridden; well, I will presently knock him into the cole-house, and then haste to Lodovico, to know when he shall be released. Exit. SOunds stay for the love of your honour sir. What reason have you to curse them? has not one of them kept you safe from the shame of the world, as much as a poor disguise might do; but when your ridiculous fears will cast it off, even while it is on, so running through the streets, that they rise all in and uproar after you alas what is the poor disguise to blame sir? Let alone a while sir for Gods sake, I'll go see whither the Captain be gone from home or no. What, will you enter your house sir afore you know who is in it: keep your self close, and let me first enter and discover. You cannot know it sir, I herd even now that diverse of the Senate were determined to come and fit in counsel there. What shall I do? my poor Master is berayed, Oh that same faithless Lodowick, that could drown the swag gering Captain no better in his drunkenness; alas how should I salve this? Exit. Oh unspeakable madness, will you for ever disho nou_r_ your daughter, and in her your self sir? I'll follow you Sir instantly; Master, Master. Miserable Master, cast down your ladder, and come down instantly. Let us not talk but come down I say. Come away, you'll be whipped anon for your amou rosity, hast for shame hast, &c. Leave your amorous congeis & get you in Dame sir you and I will talk as 'twere betwixt the pales, now, get you and shift you of this suit presently. Ask me no questions, but go home and shift you presently, and when I have done a little business here with in, I'll come and tell you my device: there hath more chanced then you are aware of, and then I can stand to tell you; away therefore presently go home and shift you. Now will I let the little squire shift and cleanse himself without me, that he may be longer about fetching the Provost, and in the mean time will I take my Master's suit (of which the little squire took note) and put it on my sweet heart Francischina, who shall presently come and sup ply my Master's place, with his Mistress; for the little squire amazed with his late affrights and this sudden offencefull spectacle of his daughter, took no certain note who it was that accosted her; for if he had, he would have blamed me for my Master, only the colour of his garment sticks in his fancy, which when he shall still see where he left it, he will still imagine the same person wears it, and thus shall his daughters honour and my Master's be preserved with the finest sugar of invention. And when the little squire disco vers my sweet heart, she shall swear, she so disguised her self, to follow him, for her love to him; would, would would, Oh the wit of man when it has the wind of a woman. Exit. S'ounds, see sir see, your proper Sentinel, that when you needed him, gave you a slip. A my life he faints extremely, he left you even now to purchase him the amorous interview of your fair cuze Lucretia that lies here. I lay my life, tame madam Temperance, the no torious Pandar. 'Twas your fault then, For I have noted a most faithful league Betwixt him and his barber now of late, And all the world may see, he does not leave One hair on his smooth chinn, as who should say, His hapless love was gone against the hair. Well sir, I ever thought y'ad the best wit Of any man in Venice next mine own, But now I'll lay the bucklers at your feet, Oh, if this man had patience to his brain, A man might load him till he smart again. Exit Ang. Come Cuze, march fair, me thinks thou becomest a Page excellent naturally, cheer up thy heart wench. Kiss her. Why not? truth seeks no corners, and 'twas a true loves kiss, and so is this. COme courage Cuze, we have sailed the man of War out of sighed, and here we must put into harbour. Hist, hawe Amila? Here take in, go, get up lightly, away, take heed you slip not Cuze, remember you're short heeled. Nay hold you fast, you' l shame us all else; so Jove re ceiue thy soul I take away the ladder: Now till you have worser cei ved the Provost, farewell, remember your l S on Cuze. Exit. Yes sir, I have enuited all you commanded me. No pains but pleasure sir, I was glad I had such good means to be known to your Worship. Both my hand and heart sir, shall be ever at your service. I thank your Worship, you have done so often. You are his best Master sir, and if it please you to send me for him by some token, I'll go for him; otherwise he will not come to these Gentlemen. Think you me such and Ass sir? I know not sir; I beseech your Worship who was it? Oh wonderful. Oh excellent. It's a notable crack; and his Master hath such a pure belief in his wife, that he's apt to believe any good of her. Agreed sir. I will sir. Exit Ang. I can by no means find Snail sir. I know no reason but her own will sir. I will sir, if her valour be not too hight for my fin gers. Exit. Here's the Gentlewoman you talked of sir, nay you must come forward too graven Mistress Temperance. A toy, a very toy which runs in her head with such curious feet Sir, because if there be any resemblances of your person seen to enter her house, your whole sub stantiall self will be called in question; any other man she says, might better adventure with the least thing changed about they then you with all; as if you were the only noted muttonmonger in all the City.