TOUCHSTONE

A AND whither with you now? what lose Actium are you bound for? come what come rades are you to meet withal? wheres the supper? wheres the supper? wheres the rendezvous? Come, come, the day grows low: 'tis sup per time; use my house the wedding solemnity is at my wives cost; thank me for nothing but my willing blessing: for (I cannot feign) my Hope's are faint. And Sir, respect my daughter, she has refused for you wealthy and honest mat ches, known good men, well moneyed, better traded, best re puted. Indeed, and in very good sober truth Sir? Behind my back thou wilt swear faster then a french foot boy, and talk more bawdily then a common mid wife, and now indeed and in very good sober truth Sir: but if a privy search should be made, with what furniture are you rigged now? Sirrah I tell thee, I am thy master William Touch stone Goldsmith: and thou my Prentice Francis Quicksilver: and will see whither you are running. Work upon that now. Prentices recreations are seldom with their masters profit. Work upon that now. You shall give up your cloak though you be no Alderman. Heyday, Ruffians hall. Sword, pumps, heers a Racket indeed. Touch. vncloakes Quick. Thou shamlesse Varlet dost thou jest at thy lawful master contrary to thy Indentures? With me Boy? To make up the match with my eldest daughter, my wives Dilling, whom she longs to call Madam. He shall find me unwillingly ready Boy. Exit Page. Ther's another affliction too. As I have two Prentices: the one of a boundless prodigality, the other of a most hopeful In industry. So have I only two daughters: the eldest, of a proud ambition and nice wantonness: the other of a modest humility and comely soberness. The one must be Ladyfied forsooth: and be attired just to the Court-cut, and long tail. So far is she ill natured to the place and means of my pre ferment and fortune, that she throws all the contempt and despite, hatred it self can cast upon it. Well, a piece of Land she has, was her Grandmothers gift: let her, and her Sir Petronel, flash out that. But as for my substance, she that skornes me, as I am a Citizen and Tradesman, shall never pamper her pride with my industry: shall never use me as men do Foxes; keep themselves warm in the skin, and throw the body that bore it to the dunghill. I must go entertain this Sir Petronel. Goulding, My utmost care's for thee, and one lie trust in thee, look to the shop, as for you, Master Quicksilver, think of husks, for thy course is running directly to the prodigaills hogs trough. husks Sra. Works upon that now. Sir, Sir; What I know not, you will give me leave to say, I am ignorant of. Well daughter, I have read, that old wit sings: The greatest rivers flow from little springs. Though thou art full, scorn not thy means at first, He that's most drunk may soonest be a thirst. Work upon that now. No, no; yoned stand my Hope's. Nay but, nay but how dost thou Like her behaviour and humour? speak freely. Well: very good, as I would wish: A modest and swear Goulding, come hither: hither Golding. How dost thou Like the Knight. Sir Flash? dos he not look big? how likest thou the Elephant? he says he has a castle in the Country. Before heaven, very well: But seriously, how dost re pute him? Would G ulding? I commend thee, I approve thee, and will make it appear my affection is strong to thee. My wise has her humour, and I will would, mine. Dost thou see my daugh ter here? she is not fair, well-favoured or so, indifferent, which modest measure of beauty, shall not make it thy only work to watch her, nor sufficient miss baunce, to suspect her. Thou art towardly, she is modest, thou art provident, she is careful. She's now mine: give me thy hand, she's now thine Work upon that now. Sayest thou so, come hither Mildred. Do you see yoned fellow? he is a Gentlemen (though my Prentice) & has some what to take too: a Youth of good hope; well friended, well par ted. Are you mine You are his. Work (you) upon that now. Sayest thou so? be you two better acquainted. Lip her, Lip her knave. So shut up shop: in We must make holiday. This match shall on, for I intend to prove Ex. Gol. & Mil. Which thrives the l st, the mean or lofty love. Whither fit Wedlock vowed betwixt Like and Like. Or prouder Hope's, which daringly over strike Their place and means: 'tis honest Times expense. When seeming lightness bears a morrallsence. Work upon that now. Exit. Quickesiluer, master Frances Quickesiluer, master Quickesiluer? Enter Quickesiluer. So sir; nothing but flat Master Quickesiluer (with out any familiar addition) will fetch you: will you truss my points sir? How now sir? the drunken hyckop, so soon this morning? What? have you the cause natural for it? you're a very learned drunckerd: I believe I shall miss some of my silver spoons with your learning. The nuptial night will not moi sten your throat sufficiently, but the morning likewise must rain her dews into your gluttonous weasand. To the coming off an'him? A very capital reason. So that you go to bed late, and rise early to commit drunkenness? you fulfil the Scrip ture very sufficient wickedly forsooth. I pray sir, een to them again then; you're one of the separated crew, one of my wives faction, & my young Ladies, with who ̄ & with their great match, I will have nothing to do. In any case Sir, lay one cup of Sack more alyour cold stomach, I beseech you. This is for my credit Servants ever maintain drun kennesse in their masters house, for their masters credit; a good idle Serving-mans reason: I thank Time, the night is passed; I never waked to such cost; I think we have stowd more sorts of flesh in our bellies, then ever Noahs Ark received: and for Wine, why my house turns giddy with it, and more noise in it then at a Conduct; Aye me, even beasts condemn our gluttony. Well, it's our Cities fault, which because we commit seldom, we commit the more sinfully, we loose no time in our sensuality, but we make amends for it; Oh that we would do so in virtue, and religious negligences; But see here are all the sober parcels my house can show, I'll cauesdrop, hear what thoughts they utter this morning. Work upon that now. By my Hope's, he woes ho nestly and orderly; he shall be Anchor of my Hope's. Look, see the ill yoked monster his fellow. Drunk now down right, a, my fidelity. Why how now sirrah? what vain's this, hah? Sirrah, sirrah, you're passed your hickvp now, I see you're drunk. And hear you keep a whore in town. And what you are out in Cash, I know. Sir, Eastward hoe, will make you go Westward ho; I will no longer dishonest my house, nor endanger my stock with your licence; There sir, there's your Indenture, all your apparel (that I must know) is on your back; and from this time my door is shut to you: from me be free; but for other freedom, and the moneys you have wasted; Eastward ho, shall not serve you. Good sir. Well said, change your gold ends for your play ends. What then sir? Good master Done Andrea will you march? Not a penny. Now sirrah, you? hear you? you shall serve me no more neither; not and hour longer. I mean to give thee thy freedom; & with thy free dome my daughter: & with my daughter a father's love. And with all these such a portion, as shall make Knight Petronel himself envy thee: you're both agreed? are ye not? Son to mine own bosom, take her and my blessing: The nice fondling, my Lady sir-reverence, that I must not now presume to call daughter, is so ravished with desire to handsel her new Coach, and see her knights Eastward Castle, that the next morning will sweat with her busy setting forth, away will she and her mother, and while their prepa ration is making, our selves with some two or three other friends will consummate the humble match, we have in Gods name concluded. 'Tis to my wish; for I have often read, Fit birth, fit age, keeps long a quiet bed. 'Tis to my wish; For Tradesmen (well 'tis known) Get with more ease, then Gentry keeps his own. Exit. An't please your worship, this is not your Sister: This is my daughter, and she call me Father, and so does not your Ladyship an't please your worship Madam. Master me nomore Son if thou thinkest me wor thy to be thy father. An't please your good worship Sir, there are two sorts of Gentlemen. Bold to put off my hat to your worship. If your worship will have it so? I say there are two sorts of Gentlemen. There is a Gentleman Artificial, and a gentleman Natural; Now, though your worship be a Gentle man Natural: Work upon that now. Cry you mercy Sir, your worship's a Gentleman, I do not know? if you be one of my acquaintance you're very much disguised Sir. What Sir, my speeches were ever in vain to your gracious worship: And therefore till I speak to you gallantry in deed, I will save my breath for my broth anon. Come my poor son and daughter; Let us hide our selves in our poor humility and live safe: Ambition consumes it self, with the we ry show. Work upon that now. Would Sirrah! Thinks my Knight Adventurer we can no point of our compass? Do we not know North-north-east? Northeast and by East? East and by North ! nor plain Eastward? Would? have we never herd of Ʋ irginia? nor the Can uallaria? not the Colonoria? Can we discover no discoveries? well, mine errant Sir Flash, and my runagate Quicksilver, you may drink drunk, crack cans, hurl away a brown dozen of Monmouth Caps or so, in sea-ceremonie to your boon voy age but for reaching any Coast save the coast of Kenned; or Essex, with this Tide, or with this fleet, I'll be your warrant for a Gravesend Tossed: There's that gone asore, will stay your Admiral and Ʋ ice-admirall, and Rear-admiral, were they all (as they are) but one Pinnace, and under sail, as well as a Remora, doubt it not; and from this Sconce, without either powder or shot, work upon that now. Nay, and you'll show tricks, we'll vie with you, a little. My Daughter, his Lady, was sent Eastward, by land, to a Castle of his, i'the air (in what region I know not) and (as I hear) was glad to take up her lodging in her Coach, she and her two waiting women, her maid, and her mother, Like three Snails in a shall, and the Coachman a top on them, I think. Since they have all found the way back again by weeping Cross. But isle not see them. And for two on them, Madam, and her Malkm, they are Like to bite oh the bridle for William, as the poor horses have done all this while that hurried them, or else go graze o'the continued ̄ mon: So should my Dame Touchstone too, but she has be my Cross these thirty years, and isle now keep her, to fright away sprights; I'faith. I wonder I hear no news of my son Goulding! He was sent for to the Guildhall, this Morning betimes, and I marvel at the matter, if I had not laid up Comfort, & hope in him, I should grow desperate of all. See, He is come I'my thought! How now Son? what news at the Court of Aldermen? What? It is not borrowing of money then? Would! How! Now my deer, & happy Sonnellet we kiss thy new worship, & a little boast mine own happiness in thee: What a for tune was it (or rather my judgement indeed) for me, first to see that in his disposition, which a whole City so conspires to second? Taken into the Livery of his copany, the first day of his freedom's ̄ e? now (not a week married) chosen Commoner? and Alderman's Deputy in a day? note but the reward of a thrifty course. The woe ̄ der of his Time! Well, I will honour M. Alderman, for this act, (as becomes me) & shall think the better of the cômon Counsels wisdom ̄ e, & worship, while I live, for thus meeting, or but continued ̄ ming after me in the opinion of his desert. Forward, my sufficient Son, and as this is the first, so esteem it the least step, to that high and prime honour that expects thee. Excellently spoken: This modest Answer of thine blushes, as if it said, I will wear Scarlet shortly. Worshipful Son! I cannot contain my self, I must tell thee, I hope to see thee one o'the Monuments of our City, and reckoned a mong her worthies, to be remembered the same day with the Lady Ramsey, and graven Gresham: when the famous fable of Whittington, and his Pusse, shall forgotten, and thou and thy Acts become the Posies for Hospitals, when thy name shall be written upon Conduits, and thy deeds played i'thy life time, by the best companies of Actors, and be called their Get-peny. This I divine. This I Prophecy. None more welcome, I am sure? A miracle! the Justice of Heaven! where are they? lets go presently and lay for them. Prudent, & politic son! Disgrace them all that ever thou canst; their Ship I have already arrested. How to my wish it falls out, that thou hast the place of a Justicer upon them! I am partly glad of the injury done to me, that thou mayest punish it. Be severe i'thy place, Like a new officer o'the first quarter, unreflected: you hear how our Lady is come back with her train, from the invisible Castle? Within, but I have not seen her yet, not her mother; who now begins to wish her daughter vndub'd, they say, and that she had walked a foot-pase with her sister. Here they come, stand back. God save your Ladyship; save your good Ladyship: your Ladyship is welcome from your enchanted Castle; so are your beauteous Retinue. I hear your Knight errant is travailed on strange adventures: Surely in my mind, your Ladyship hath fished fair, and caught a Frog, as the saying is. Your Ladyship says true, Madam, & it is fitter, and a greater decorum, that I should curtsy to you that are a knights wife, and a Lady, then you be brought a'your knees to me, who am a poor Cullion, and your Father. And therefore I do desire your Ladyship, my good Lady Flash in all humility, to depart my obscure Cottage, and return in quest of your bright, and most transparent Castle, how ever presently concealed to mortal eyes. And as for one poor woman of your train here, I will take that order, she shall no longer be a charge unto you, nor help to spend your Ladyship; she shall stay at home with me, and not go abroad, not put you to the pawning of and odd Coach-horse, or three wheels, but take partly with the Touchstone: If we lack, we will not complain to your Ladyship. And so good Madam, with your Damoselle here, please you to let us see your straight backs, in equipage; for truly, here is no roust for such Chickens as you are, or birds o'your feather, if it Like your Ladyship. Wife, no man loves his fetters, be they made of gold: I list not have my head fastened under my child's girdle; as she has brewed, so let her drink, a Gods name: she went witless to wedding, now she may go wisely a begging. It's but honeymoon yet with her Ladyship; she has Coach horses, Appa rell, Jewels yet left, she needs care for no friends, nor take knowledge of Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, or any body: When those are pawned, or spent, perhaps we shall return in to the list of her acquaintance. Nay, nay, eene let Pride go afore, Shame will follow after, I warrant you. Come, why dost thou weep now? thou art not the first good Cow hast had and ill Calf, I trust. What's the news, with that fellow? Enter Constable. Oh by any means. And Son, here's a Chair; ap pear terrible unto them, on the first enter view. Let them be hold the melancholy of a Magistrate, and taste the fury of a Citizen in office. I will charge them, and recharge them, rather then Authority should want foil to set it of. Son, it is your place; by any means. Very well this. He should not take knowledge of them in his place, indeed. How! Is't possible? I thought your Worship had been gone for Ʋ irginia, Sir You are welcome home sir. Your Wor ship has made a quick return, it seems and no doubt a good voyage. Nay pray you be continued Sir. How did your Bisquet hold out Sir? Me thought, I had seen this Gentlemen afore; good Master Quickesiluer! How a degree to the Southward has changed you. Yes, Master Deputy: I had a small venture with them in the voyage, a Thing, called a Son in Law, or so. Officers, you may let them stand alone, they will not run away, I'll give my word for them. A couple of very ho nest Gentlemen. One of them was my Prentice, M. Quicksilver, here, & when ̄ he had 2. year to serve, kept his whore, & his hun ting Nag, would play his 100. pound at Gresco, or Primero, as fa miliarly (& all a'my purse) as any bright piece of Crimson on them all, had his changeable trunks of Apparel, standing at livery, with his Mare, his Chest of perfumed linen, and his Ba thing Tubbs, which when ̄ I told him off, why he—he was a Gen tleman, and I a poor Cheapeside Groom. The remedy was, we must partly. Since when he hath had the gift of gathering up some small parcels of mine, to the valve of 500. pound dispersed among my customers to furnish this his Virginian we ̄ ture; where in this knight was the chief, sir Flash: one that married a daugh ter of mine, Ladefied her, turned two thousand pounds worth of good land of hers, into Cash, within the first week, bought her a new Gown, & a Coach, sent her to seek her fortune by land, while himself prepared for his fortune by sea, took in fresh flesh at Beling sgate, for his own diet, to serve him the whole voyage, the wife of a certain usurer, called Security, who hath be the broker for them in all this business: Please Mai ster Deputy, Work upon that now. I have, it shall please M. Deputy. Now son, come over them with some fine guird, as thus, Knight you shall be encountered, that is, had to the Counter; or Quicksilver, I will put you in a crucible or so. Sir I do charge this Gallant, Master Quicksilver, on suspicion of Felony; and the Knight as being accessary, in the receipt of my goods. Hold thy peace, impude ̄ to varlot, hold thy peace. With what forehead or face, dost thou offer to chop Logic with me, having run such a raze of Riot, as thou hast done? Do's not the sighed of this worshipful men fortune & temper, confound thee, that was thy younger fellow in household, and now come to have the place of a Judge upon thee? Dost not observe this? Which of all thy Gallants, & Gasters, thy Swearers & thy Swaggerers, will come now to moan thy misfortune, or pity thy penury? They le look out at a window, as thou ridest in triumph to Ti born, and cry, yonder goes honest Franck, mad Quicksilver; He was a free boon companion, when he had money, says one; Hang him fool, says another, he could not keeepe it when he had it; A pox o'the Cullio ̄ his M r . (says a third) he has brought him to this: when their Pox of pleasure, & their piles of perditi on, would have be better bestowed upon thee, that hast ven tread for them with the best, and by the clew of thy knavery, brought thy self weeping, to the Cart of Calamity. Offer not to speak, Crocodile, I will not hear a found come from thee. Thou hast learned to whine at the Play yonder. Master Deputy, pray yond commit them both to safe custody, till I be able farther to charge them. Yes marry will I sir Flash, if I can find him, & charge him as deep as the best on you. He has been the plotter of all this: he is your Inginer, I hear. Master Deputy, you'll dis pose of these? In the mean time, I'll to my Lo. Mayor, & get his warrant, to seize that Serpent Security into my hands, & seal up both house, and goods, to the Kings use, or my satisfaction. Nay on, on: you see the issue of your Sloth. Of Sloth comes Pleasure, of Pleasure comes Riot, of Riot comes Whoring, of Whoring comes Spending, of Spending comes Want, of Want comes Theft, of Theft comes Hanging; and there is my Quickesiluer fixed. Exeunt. I will receive no Letters, M Wolf, you shall pardon me. Son Goulding, I will not be tempted, I find mine own easy nature, and I know not what a well-pend subtle Letter may work upon it: There may be Tricks, Packing, do you see? Return with your Packet, Sir. Sir, I do look for no Submission. I will bear my self in this Like Blind Justice, Work upon that now. When the Sessions come, they shall hear from me. I do wonder, M. Wolf, why you should travail thus, in a business so contrary to kind, or the nature o'your Place! that you being the Keeper of a Prison, should labour the release of your Prisoners! Whereas me thinks, it were far more Natural, & Kindly in you, to be ranging about for more, & not let these escape you have already under the Tooth. But they say, you Wolves, when you have sucked the blood once, that they are dry, you have done. Which on them is't is so devout, the Knight, or the to'ther? No more, I am coming all ready. If I should give any farther ear, I were take ̄ . Adue good Master Wolf. Son, I do feel mine own weaknesses, do not importune me. Pity is a Rheum, that I am subject too, but I will resist it. Master Wolf, Fish is cast away, that is cast in dry Pools: Tell Hipo crisie, it will not do, I have touched, and tried too often; I am yet proof, and I will remain so: when the Sessions come, they shall hear from me. In the mean time, to all suits, to all in treaties, to all letters, to all tricks, I will be deaf as and Adder, and blind as a Beetle, lay mine care to the ground, and lock mine eyes i'my hand, against all temptations. Exit. I am dease, I do not hear you; I have stopped mine ears, with Shoemakers wax, and drunk Lethe, and Mandra gora to forget you: All you speak to me, I commit to the Air. Enter Wolf. Tricks, tricks, confederacy, tricks, I have them in my nose, I sent them. I am dease still, I say: I will neither yield to the song of the Syren, nor the voice of the Hyena, the tears of the Croco dile, nor the howling o'the Wolf: avoid my habitatio more ̄ sters, Would! what token is it? My Cloak there (pray you be patient) I am plagued for my Austerity; my Cloak: at whose suit master Wolf? Who is this? my man Francis? and my son in Law? This cannot be feigned sure. Heaven pardon my seucri ty. The Ragged Colt, may prooke a good Horse. And I will do it, Francis. Son Goulding & M. Wolf, I thank you: the deceit is welcome, especially from thee whose charitable soul in this hath shown a high point of wisdom and honesty. Listen. I am ravi shed with his Repentance, and could stand here a whole prenti ship to hear him, And escape them shalt thou my penitent, & deer Fran ces. I can no longer forbear to do your humility right: Arise, and let me honour your Repentance, with the hearty and joyful embraces, of a Father, and Friends love. Quicksilver, thou hast eat into my breast, Quicksilver, with the drops of thy sor row, and killed the desperate opinion I had of thy reclaim: Speak no more, all former passages, are forgotten, and here my word shall release you. Thank this worthy Brother & kind friend, Francis. —M. Wolf. I am their Bail; Who's that? Bring him forth, Master Wolf, and release his bans. This day shable sacred to Mercy, & the mirth of this Encoun ter, in the Counter. —See, we are encountered with more Suitors. Save your Breath, save your Breath; All things have succee dead to your wishes: & we are heartily satisfied in their events. No more Repetitions. What is else wanting, to make our Harmony full? Why? I cannot tell, seven ̄ score pound art thou out in the cash, but look to it, I will not be gallanted out of my moneys. And as for my rising by other men's fallen; God shield me. Did I gain my wealth by Ordinaries? no: by exchanging of gold? no: by keeping of gallants company? no. I hired me a little shop, fought low, took small gain, kept no debt book, garnished my shop for want of Plate, with good wholesome thrifty sentences; As, Touchstone, keep thy shop, and thy shop will keep thee. Light gains makes heavy purses. 'Tis good to be merry and wise: And when I was wived, having something to stick too, I had the horn of Suretyship ever before my eyes: You all know the devise of the Horn, where the young fellow slips in at the Butt end, and comes squesd out at the Buckall: and I grew up, and I praise providence, I bear my brows now as high as the best of my neighbours: but thou-well look to the accounts, your father's bound lies for you: seven score pound is yet in the rear. Well then, the great pour of heave ̄ bless & confirm you. And, Goulding, that my love to thee may not show less then my wives love to my eldest daughter; thy marriage feast shall equal the Knights and hers. I Like this well yet: there's some grace i'the knight, left, He cries. My son Goldings ring! Are you in earnest Mai. Wolf? I marry Sir, there's a youth of another piece. There's thy fellowe-Prentise, as good a Gentleman born as thou art: nay, and better meaned. But dos he pump it, or Racket it? Well, if he thrive not, if he outlast not a hun dreaded such crackling Bavins as thou art, God and men neglect industry. I will sail by you, and not hear you, Like the wise Ulysses. Fie, with more modesty. Sir, you are come, what is not mine to keep, I must not be sorry to forgo: A 100. li. Land her Grandmother left her, 'tis yours, her self (as her mother's gift) is yours. But if you expect ought from me, know, my hand and mine eyes open together; I do not give blindly: Work upon that now. I, if he had had grace, he was brought up where it grew, I wis. On Master Wolf. away sirens, I will inmure my self, against your cries; and lock my self vpto our Lamentations.