SECURITY

My privy Guest, lusty Quickesiluer, has drunk too deep of the Bride-boule, but with a little sleep he is much re covered; And I think is making himself ready, to be drunk in a gallanter likeness: My house is as t'were the Cave, where the young Outlaw hoards the stolen vails of his occupation; And here when he will revel it in his prodigal similitude, he retires to his Trunks, and (I may say softly) his Punks: he dares trust me with the keeping of both: for I am Security it self, my name is Security, the famous Usurer. Well said my subtle Quickesiluer, These K's open the doors to all this world's felicity: the dullest forehead sees it. Let not mast. Courtier think he carries all the knavery on his shoulders: I have poor Hob in the country, that has worn hobnails on's shoes, have as much villainy in's head, as he that wears gold bottons in's cap. That I have Franck, the Ostler a'th Cock, dressed him for a Breakfast. No, but he eat his breakfast for dressing him: and so dressed him for breakfast. Quicksilver. Oh witty Age, where age is young in wit, And all youths words have grey beards full of it! Quicksilver. Oh witty Age, where age is young in wit, And all youths words have grey beards full of it! I marry Frank, that's the special point. Witty Master Francis! 'Tis pity any Trade should dull that quick brain of yours. Do but bring Knight Petronel into my Parchment Toils once, and you shall never need to toil in any trade, a my credit! You know his wives Land? Well wooded? Excellent M. Francis; how I do long to do thee good: How I do hunger, and thirst to have the honour to enrich thee? I, even to die, that thou mightest inherit my living: even hun her and thirst, for a my Religion, M. Francis. And so tell Knight Petrouell I do it to do him a pleasure. Good morrow to my worshipful Lady. I present your Ladishippe with this writing; to which if you please to set your hand, with your Knights, a velvet Gown shall attend your journey a'my credit. The money my most honourable Compeer, shall with out fail observe your appointed hour. A pretty, pithy, and most pleasant project! Who would not strain a point of Neighbourhood, For such a point, de-vice? that as the ship Of famous Draco, went about the world, Will wind about the Lawyer, compassing, The world him self, he hath it in his arms: And that's enough, for him, without his wife. A Lawyer is Ambitious, and his head, Can not be prais'de, nor raised too high, With any Forcke, of highest knavery. I'll go fetch her straight. Exit Security. And M. Francis, watch you instant time To Enter with his Exit: will be rare, Two fine horned Beasts A Camel and a Lawyer! I by th'masse your word thats a proper staff For wise Security to lean upon; But 'tis no matter, once isle trust my Name, On your cracked credits, let it take no shame, Fetch the wench Franck. Exit. See, see, Master Bramble; before heaven their voyage cannot but prosper, they are o'their knees for success to it. God save my brave Colonel with all his tall Cap taines and Corporals; see sir, my worshipful learned Con sail, M. Bramble, is come to take his leave of you. Bend you yours likewise, M. Bramble, for it is you shall pledge me. No Master Captain? Enter Quickesiluer with Winny disguised. Why then here's one is fitly come to do him that honour. How now M. Frances? have you honoured this pre sense with a fair Gentlewoman? But my learned Counsel, M. Bramble here, I hope may know her. Well, God pardon her for my partly, and I do I'll be sworn; and so Master Francis, here's to all that are going Eastward to night, towards Cuckolds haven; and so to the health of Master Bramble. I my brave Gossip. Pity of all true love, Mistress Bramble, what weep you to enjoy your love? whats the cause Lady? is't because your husband is so near, and your heart earns, to have a little abused him? Ahlas, Ahlas, the offence is too common to be re spected; So great a grace, hath seldom chanced to so unthank full a woman; to be rid of and old jealous Dotard; to enjoy the arms, of a loving young Knight; that when your prick-lesse Bramble is withered with grief of your lose, will make you flourish a fresh in the Bed of a Lady. You must bend then Master Bramble; So, now I am for you: I have one corner of my brain, I hope, fit to bear one carouse more. Here Lady, to you that are encompassed there, & are ashamed of our company. Would, would, would, by my troth, (my learned counsel Master Bramble) my mind runs so of Cuckolds haven to night, that my Head runs over with admiration. No by my troth Master Bramble; would, would, would, a Pox of all Cuckolds-hauens I say. Cucullus non facit Monachum, my learned Counsel; all are not Cuckolds that seem so, nor all seem not that are so. Give me your hand, my learned Counsel, you and I will Supp some where else, then at Sir Frances Drakes Ship to night. Adue my Noble Gossip. I have done, I have done Sir, will you lead Master Bramble? would, would, would. What Winny? Wife, I say? out of doors at this time where should I seek the Gadfly? Billingsgate, Billingsgate, Heaven, I beseech thee, how have I offended thee! where am I cast a shore now, that I may go a righter way home by land? Let me see. Oh I am scarce able to look about me! where is there any Seamark that I am acquainted withal? What! landed at Cuckolds haven? Hell and damnation. I will run back and drown my self. {He falls down. Home? shall I make any know my Home, that has known me thus abroad? how Iowe shall I crouch away, that no eye may see me? I will creep on the earth while I live, and never look heaven in the face more. {Exit creep. I will once more to this unhappy Tavern before I shift one rag of me more, that I may there know what is left be hind, and what news of their passengers. I have bought me a Hat and band with the little money I had about me, and made the streets a little leave staring at my nightcap. What should I say? how miraculously sorts this? was not I at home, and called thee last night? Villain, and Monster that I was, how have I abused thee, I was suddenly gone indeed! for my sudden jealousy transferred me. I will say no more but this deer wife I sus pected thee. Talk not of it I beseech thee, I am ashamed to imagine it; I will home, I will home, and every morning on my knees ask thee heartily forgiveness. Exeunt. Now will I descend my honourable Prospect; the farthiest seeing Sea mark of the World: No marvel then if I could see two miles about me. I hope the red Tempests anger be now over blown, which sure I think Heaven sent as a pu nishment, for profaning holy Saint Lukes memory, with so ridiculous a custom. Thou dishonest Satire, farewell to honest married Men; Farewell, to all sorts, and degrees of thee. Fare well thou horn of hu ̄ her that callest inns a court to their Man her; Farewell thou horn of abounda ̄ ce, that adornest the heads men of the Commonwealth; Farewell thou home of Dire ction, that is the City Lanthorn; Farewell thou Horn of Pleasure, the Ensign of the huntsman; Farewell thou Horn of Destiny, thensigne of the married man; Farewell thou Horn Tree that bearest nothing but Stone fruit Exit. Who call's? What is he? Is't one that grafts my forehead now I am in prison, and comes to see how the Horns shoot up, and prosper. What say you to me, Sir? Look you here. My learned Counsel, M. Bramble! Cry you mercy, Sir: when saw you my wife? For my Sins, for my Sins Sir, whereof Marriage, is the greatest. Oh, had I never married, I had never known this Purgatory, to which Hell is a kind of cool Bath in respect: My wives confederacy Sir, with old Touchstone, that she might keep her Iubilaee, and the Feast of her New-moon. Do you understand me Sir? Enter Quickesiluer. Master Touchstone? Master Touchstone? Pray you Sir, if yowl be won with a Song, hear my lamentable tune, too: Oh Master Touchstone, My heart is full of woe; Alas, I am a Cuckold: And, why should it be so? Because I was a Ʋ surer, And Bawd, as all you know, For which, again I tell you, My heart is full of wot. 'Tis long of this witty Age, Master Fran cis. But indeed, Mistress Synnedefie, all Trades complain of inconvenience, and therefore 'tis best to have none. The Merchant he complains, and says, Traffic is subject to much uncertainty and lose: let them keep their goods on dry land with a vengeance, and not expose other men's substances to the mercy of the winds, under protection of a wooden wall (as Master Francis says) and all for gree die desire, to enrich themselves with unconscionable gain, two for one, or so: where I, and such other honest men as live by lending money, are content with moderate pro fite; Thirty, or Forty i'th'hundred: so we may have it with quietness, and out of peril of wind and weather, ra there then run those dangerous courses of trading, as they do. Faith the quieter, and the more contented; and, out of doubt, the more godly. For Merchants in their courses are never pleased, but ever repining against Hea ven: One prays for a Westerly wind to carry his ship forth; another for and Easterly to bring his ship home; and at every shaking of a lease, he falls into and agony, to think what danger his Ship is in on such a Coast, and so forth. The Farmer he is ever at odds with the Weather, sometime the clouds have been too barren; Sometime the Heavens forget themselves, their Har vests answer not their Hope's; Sometime the Season falls out too fruitful, Corn will bear no price, and so forth. Artificer, he's all for a stirring world, if his Trade be too full and fallen short of his expectation, then falls he out of joint. Where we that trade nothing but money, are free from all this, we are pleased with all weathers: let it rain or hold up, be calm or windy, let the season be whatso ever, let Trade go how it will, we take all in good partly; een what please the heavens to send us; so the Sun stand not still; and the Moon keep her usual returns; and make up days, months, and years. Faith M. Francis, I would be loath to lend my Stable out of doors, in a greater matter I will pleasure him, but not in this. Now a Franck gale of wind go with him, Master Frank, we have too few such knight adventurers: who would not fell away competent certainties, to purchase (with any danger) excellent uncertainties? your true knight venturer ever does it. Let his wife seal to day, he shall have his money to day. True good Master France's. Ah-my religion, a most fashionable project; as good she spoil the Lady, as the Lady spoil her; for 'tis three to one of one side: sweet mistress Sin, how are you bound to master Frances! I do not doubt to see you shortly wed one of the head men of our city. Command me Master Frances; I do hunger and thirst to do thee service. Come sweet Mistress Sin, take leave of my Wynnifride, and we will instantly meet frank Master Frances at your Ladies. I Winny. I Wynney, presently. Exeunt. God save my honourable Knight, and his worship full Lady. No Madam; till I know your Ladyships further plea sure, I will not presume. She is Madam; & one that her Father hath a special care to bestow in some honourable Ladies service, to put her out of her honest humours forsooth, for she had a great de sne to be a Nun, an't please you. A Nun Substantive Madam I hope, if a Nun be a Noun. But I mean, Lady, a vowed maid of that order. I warrant your Ladyship for that. Nay good Madam, this night I have a short Supper at home, waits on his worships acceptation. If you will not sup from your Knight Madam, let me entreat your Ladyship to sup at my house with him. I hope in the morning yet your Knighthood will breakfast with me. Thank your good worship; I do hunger and thirst to do you good Sir. Excellent Knight; let this be a token betwixt us of inviolable friendship: I am new married to this fair Gen tlewoman you know; & (by my hope to make her fruitful though I be something in years) I vow faithfully unto you, to make you Godfather (though in your absence) to the first child I am blessed withal; and henceforth call me Gossip I beseech you, if you please to accept it. How now my coy wedlock! make you strange of so Noble a favour? take it I charge you, with all affection, and (by way of taking your leave) present boldly your lips to our honourable Gossip. The writings are ready Sir. My learned counsel here, Master Bramble, the Lawyer hath perused them; and within this hour, I will bring the Scriuenour with them to your worshipful Lady. With writings and crowns to my honourable gossip: I do hunger and thirst to do you good sir. Exeunt. Be sure brave Gossip, all that I can do To my best Nerve, is wholly at your service: Who is the woman (first) that is your friend? Knight, knight a rare devise. The best that ever. You talked of disguising? Cast care a way then, here's the best device For plain Security (for I am no better) I think that ever lived: here's my wives gown Which you may put upon the Lawyers wife, And which I brought you sir for two great reasons; One is, that Master Bramble may take hold Of some suspicion that it is my wife, And gird me so perhaps with his law wit, The other (which is policy indeed) Is, that my wife may now be tied at home, Having no more but her old gown abroad, And not show me a quirck, while I fyrke others. Is not this rare? Am I not born to furnish Gentlemen? Well hold Master Francis, watch when the Lawyer's out, and put it in; and now—I will go fetch him. Exit. A toy, a toy runs in my head i'faith. Why Sir? what if you should slip away now with my wives best gown. I having no security for it? My Case, M. Bramble, is stone walls, and iron grates; you see it, this is the weakest partly on't. And, for getting me forth, no means but hang my self, and so to be carried forth, from which they have here bound me, in intolerable bans. She's gone with the Knight, she's gone with the Knight; woe be to thee Billingsgate. A boat, a boat, a boat, a full hundred Marks for a boat. Exit. Landed at Cuckolds haven? if it had not been to die twenty times a live, I should never have escaped death: I will never arise more: I will grovel here, and eat dirt till I be choked: I will make the gentle earth do that, which the cruel water ha denied me.