QUICKSILVER

Indeed, and in very good so ber truth, Sir. Why Sir I hope a man may use his recreation with his masters profit. Work upon that now. Why zbloud sir, my mother's a Gentlewoman: and my father a Justice of Peace, and of Quorum, and though I am a younger brother and a prentice yet I hope I am my father's son: and by Gods lid, 'tis for your worship and for your commodi tie that I keep company. I am entertained among gallants, true: They call me cozen Frank, right; Ilend them mon nies, good; they spend it, well. But when they are spent, must not they strive to get more? must not their land fly? and to whom? shall not your worship would, the refusal? well, I am a good member of the City if I were well conside read. How would Morchants thrive, if Gentlemen would not be unthrifts? How could Gentlemen be vnthrists if their humours were not fed? How should their humours be fed but by whit meat, and cunning secondings? well, the City might consider us. I am going to and Ordinary now; the Gall lants fallen to play, I carry light gold with me: the gallants call cozen Frank some gold for silver, I change, gain by it, the gallants lose the gold; and then call cozen Frank lend me some silver. Why— Why Slid sir, I have as good, as proper gallants words for it as any are in London, Gentlemen of good phrase, perfect language, passingly behaved, Gallants that wear socks and clean linen, and call me kind cozen Frank, good cozen Frank, for they know my Father; and by God; lid shall not I trust hem? not trust? Marry sough goodman flatcap: Sfoot though I am a prentice I can give arms, and my father's a justice a peace by dissent: and zbloud— Why do nothing, be Like a gentleman, be idle the curse of man is labour. Wipe thy bum with testones, & make Ducks and Drakes with shillings: What Eastward hoe. Wilt thou cry, what is't ye lack? stand with a bore pate, and a dropping nose, under a wooden penthouse, and a to a gentle man? wilt thou bear Tankards, and mayest bear Aims? be ruled, turn gallant, Eastward hoe, ta lyre, lyre, ro., Who calls Jeronimo? speak here I am: gods so, how Like a sheep thou lookest, a my conscience some cowherd begotten thee, thou Goul ding of Goulding-hall, would boy? Rakehell? rakehell? I forsooth: (ump.) 'Tis but the coldness of my stomach forsooth. An't please you sir, we did but drink (ump,) to the coming off, of the Knightly Bridegroom. I forsooth: we drunk to his coming on (ump,) when we went to bed; and now we are up, we must drink to his coming off: for thats the chief honour of a Soldier sir, and therefore we must drink so much the more to it, forsooth. (ump.) The Knights men forsooth be still a their knees at it, (ump) & because 'tis for your credit sir, I would be loath to flinch. So sir, now I will go keep my (ump) credit with them an't please you sir. Yes forsooth. Exit. Quick. Eastward Hoe; Holla you pampered lades of Asia. Shame? what shame? I thought, thou wouldst show thy bringing up: and thou Wertenberg a Gentleman as I am, thou wouldst think it no shame to be drunk. Lend me some more ney, save my credit, I must dine with the Serving men and their wives; and their wives sirrah. So do I. my father's a Gentleman, Work upon that now; Eastward hoe. Did live imprisoned in my wanton flesh. Well said sweet Sin: bring forth my bravery. Now let my Trunks shoot forth their silks concealde, I now am free; and now will justify My Trunks and Punks: Avant dull Flatcap then, Ʋ In, the curtain that shadowed Borgia; There lie thou husk of my envassail'd State. I Sampson now, have burst the Philistines Bans, And in thy lap my lovely Dalida, I'll lie and snore out my enfranchisde state. When Sampson was a tall young man His power and strength increased than, He should no more, nor cup, nor can, But did them all despise. Old Touchstone, now wright to thy friends, For one to fell thy base gold ends Quickesiluer, now no more attends Thee Touchstone. But Dad, hast thou seen my running Gelding dressed to day? What did he eat him? Tush he's no Journeyman in his craft, that can not do that. I Dad thou mayest well be called Security, for thou takest the safest course. And you have good security? And yet forsooth we must have Trades to live withal; For we cannot stand without legs, nor fly with out wings; and a number of such skurvie phrases. No, I say still; he that has wit, let him live by his wit: he that has none, let him be a Tradesman. Two hundred pounds Worth of wood ready to fell. And a fine sweet house that stands joust in the amid an't, Like a Prick in the amid of a Circle; would I were your Far mere, for a hundred pound a year. A pox of your hunger and thirst. Well Dad, let him have money: All he could any way get, is bestowed on a Ship, now bound for Ʋ irginia: the frame of which voyage is so close lie conveyed, that his new Lady nor any of her friends know it. Notwithstanding, as soon as his Ladies hand is got to the sale of her inheritance, and you have furnished him with money, he will instantly hoist Sail, and away. How venturous he is to him, and how jealous to others! Marry Madam, she's married by this time to Pren tise Goulding; your Father, and some one more, stole to Church with them, in all the haste, that the cold meat lest at your wed ding, might serve to furnish their Nuptial table. I Madam. I know not what you mean Madam. Well said old Touchstone, I am proud to hear thee enter a set speech i'faith, forth I beseech thee. Go too old Quipper: forth with thy speech I say. Now, Oh now, I must depart; Parting though it absence move, This Ditty knight, do I see in thy looks in Capital Letters. What a grieftis to depart, and leave the slower that has my heart? My sweet Lady, and alack for we, why should we partly so? Tell truth Knight, and shame all dissembling Lovers; does not your pain lie on that side? Excellent easily; divide your self in two halves, joust by the girdlestead; send one half with your Lady, and keep the cother your self: or else do as all true Lovers do, partly with your heart and leave your body behind: I have seen't done a hundred times: 'Tis as easy a matter for a Lover to partly with out a heart from his sweet heart, and he never the worse: as for a Mouse to get from a Trap and leave her tail behind him. See here comes the Writings. Think what they list; They longed for a vagary in to the Country, and now they are fitted: So a woman marry to ride in a Coach, she cares not if she ride to her Ruin; 'Tis the great end of many of their marriages: This is not first time a Lady has rid a false journey in her Coach I hope. Was ever Rascal, honeyed so with poison? He that delights in slavish Avarice. Is apt to joy in every sort of vice. He that delights in slavish Avarice. Is apt to joy in every sort of vice. Well, isle go fetch his wife, while he the Lawyers. Gods me there's the mischief; but hark you, here's and excellent device; before God a Rare one: I will carry her a Sailors gown and cap and cover her; & a players beard; I tell you a Sailors Cap: slight God forgive me, what kind of sigentmemorie have you? Tush man, for that, make her a saucy sailor. What stratagem have you now? Oh my Dad! he goes as it the Devil to fetch the Lawyer; and devil shall he be if horns will make him. A pox of that head, is there more toys yet? For that I hope Dad you will take our words. I'll wait upon you sir. And fetch you over, you were never so fetched: Go, to the Tavern Knight, your followers Dare not be drunk I think, before their Captain. Exit. Here's the Gentlewoman your cousin sir, whom with much entreaty I have brought to take her leave of you in a Tavern; ashamed whereof, you must pardon her if she put not off her Mask. Pray sir, take you no notice of her, for she will not be known to you. No more then you sir, at this time, his learning must pardon her. I pledge it Sir, hath it gone round, Captains? Accur'st, that ever I was saved, or born. How fatal is my sad arrival here? As if the Stars, and Providence spoke to me, And said, the drift of all unlawful courses, (What ever end they dare propose themselves, In frame of their licentious policies.) In the firm order of joust Destiny, They are the ready high ways to our Ruins. I know not what to do, my wicked Hope's Are, with this Tempest, torn up by the roots. Oh, which way shall I bend my desperate steps, In which unsufferable Shame and Misery Will not attend them? I will walk this Bank, And see if I can meet the other relics Of our poor shipwrecked Crew, or hear of them. The Knight (alas) was so far gone with wine, And th'other three, that I refus de their Boat, And took the hapless Woman in another, Who cannot but be sunk, what ever Fortune Hath wrought upon the others desperate lives. Faith gone quite from her Name, as she is from her Fame I think; I left her to the mercy of the water. Nay this I will do beside; I'll take you off twelve pence from every Angel, with a kind of Aquafortis, and never deface any partly of the Image. Oh God Sir! Good Sir, go in and talk with him. The Light dos him harm, and his example will be hurtful to the weak Pri soneis. Fit, Father Security, that you'll be still so profane, will nothing humble you? Enter two Prisoners, with a Friend. How now, M, Wolf? What news? what return? I thank him. Good M. Bramble, trouble our quiet no more; do not molest us in Prison thus, with your winding devises: Pray you depart. For my pat, I continued mm to my cause to him that can succour me, let God work his will. M. Wolf, I pray you let this be distributed, among the Prisoners, and desire them to pray for us. Sir, it is all the Testimony I shall leave behind me to the World, and my Master, that I have so offended. It is in imitation of Maningtons; he that was hanged at Cambridge, that cut of the Horses head at a blow. To the tune of I wail in woe, I plunge in pain. How Like you it Gentlemen? This is the last, and the Farewell. Farewell Cheapside, sarevvel sweet trade Of Goldsmith's all, that never shall fade Farewell deer fellow Prentices all And be you warned by my shall: Shun Usurers, Bawds, and dice, and drabs. Avoid them as you would French scabs Seek not to go beyond your Tether, But cut your Thongs unto your Leather So shall you thrive by little and little, Escape Tiborne, Cou ̄ ters, & the Spittle Master! Oh sir, I am not worthy to see your worshipful face. Sfoot man I am a Gentleman, and may swear by my pedigree, Gods my life. Sirrah Goulding, wiit be ruled by a fool? turn good fellow, turn swaggering gallant, and let the Welkin roar, and Erebus also: Look not Westward to the fallen of Done Phœbus, but to the East; Eastward Hoe, "Where radiant beams of lusty Solemnizing appear, "And bright Eous makes the welkin clear. We are both Gentlemen, and therefore should be no cox combes: lets be no longer fools to this flatcap Touchstone. Eastward Bully: this Satin belly, & Canvas backed Touchstone; Slife man his father was a Maltman, and his mother should Gingerbread in Christchurch. "Where radiant beams of lusty Solemnizing appear, "And bright Eous makes the welkin clear. Here sir; (ump.) To morrow she shall, Dad, before she goes into the cou ̄ try, to work her to which actio, with the more engines, I pur pose presently to prefer my sweet Sin here, to the place of her Gentlewoman; whom you (for the more credit) shall present as your friends daughter, a Gentlewoman of the con try, new come up with a will for a while to learn fashions forsooth, and be towards some Lady; and she shall buzz pretty devises into her Ladies ear; feeding her humours so seruicea bly (as the manner of such as she is you know.) Y'ad best take some crowns in your purse Knight, or else your Eastward Castle will smoke but miserably. Why Sir? what say you to Figs, and Raisons? Gods me Knight, put them in sufficient sureties, rather then let your Sword bail you; Let them take their choice, either the Kings Bench, or the Fleet, or which of the two Counters they Like best, for by the Lord I Like none of them. Why then Sir in earnest, if you can get your wise La die to sether hand to the sale of her Inheritance, the blood hound Security will smell out ready money for you in stantly. You have the Sow by the right ear Sir: I warrant there was never Child longed more to ride a Cock horse, or wear his new coat, the ̄ she longs to ride in hexr new Coache: She would long for every thing when she was a maid; and now she will run mad for them: I say my life she will have every year four children; and what charge and change of humour you must endure while she is with child; and how she will tie you to your tackling till she be with child, a Dog would not endure: Nay, there is no Turnspit Dog bound to his wheel more servilely, then you shall be to her wheel; For as that Dog can never climb the top of his wheel, but when the top comes under him: so shall you never climb the top of her contentment, but when she is under you. See Madam, she now comes to attend you. They are your followers in this voyage Knight, Cap taine Seagull and his associates, I met them this morning, and told them you would be here. Well advised Captain our Colonel shall have money this morning to dispatch all our departures, bring those Gentlemen at night to the place appointed, and with our skins full of vintage, weel take occasion by the vantage, and away. It goes down without chewing y'faith. I writ it, when ̄ my spirits were oppressed. In Cheapside famous for Gold & Plate, Quicksilver I did dwell of late: I had a Master good, and kind, That would have wrought me to his mind. He bade me still, Work upon that, But alas I wrought I knew not what. He was a Touchstone black, but true: And told me still, what would ensue, Yet, woe is me, I would not learn, I saw, alas, but could not discern. Whipped, thats good i'faith, untruss me? Nay Slife, take this and take all: as I am a Gentle man born, I'll be drunk, grow valiant, and beat thee. Exit. (Ump) pulldo, Pulldo; showse quoth the Caliver. Pickle? pickle in thy throat; zounes pickell? uva would ho, good morrow knight Petronel: morrow lady Goldsmith come of, Knight, with a counterbuff, for the honour of knighthood. Where I am? why sbloud you loulthead where I am? Sfoot lend me some money, hast thou not Hyren here? Who cries on murder? lady was it you? how does our master? pray thee cry Eastward ho? 'Tis for your credit master. 'Tis for your credit Master. Am I free a, my ferters? Rense; Fly with a Duck in thy mouth: and now I tell thee Touchstone— When this eternal substance of my soul, I was a Courtier in the Spanish court, and Done Andrea was my name. Sweet Touchstone, will you lend me two shillings? Not a penny? I have friends, & I have acquaintance, I will piss at thy shop posts, and throw rotten Eggs at thy sign: Work upon that now. Exit, staggering. Come old Security, thou father of destruction: th'in dented Sheepeskinne is burned wherein I was wrapped, and I am now lose, to get more children of perdition into thy usurous Bonds. Thou feedest my Lechery, and I thy Covetousness: Thou art Pandar to me for my wench, and I to thee for thy coosena ges: K. me, K. thee, runs through Court and Country. Why man, 'tis the London highway to thrist, if for tue be used; 'tis but as a scrap to the net of villainy. They that use it simply, thrive simply I warrant: Weight and fashion makes Goldsmiths Cockolds. That she shall keep her Port open to any thing she commends to her. With all festination; I have broken the Ice to it all ready; and will presently to the Knights house, whither, my good old Dad, let me pray thee with all formality to man her. I Wynney, quod he? thats all he can do poor man; he may well cut off her name at Wynney. Oh 'tis and egregious Pandare! what will not and usurous knave be, so he may be rich? Oh it's a notable lews trump! I hope to live to see dogs meat made of the old Usurers flesh; Dice of his bones; and Indentures of his skin: and yet his skin is too thick to make Parchment, 'twould make good Boots for a Peeter man to catch Salmon in. Your only smooth skin to make fine Vellam is your Puritans skin; they be the smoothest and slickest knaves in a country. I know it Knight, and therefore wonder whither your Lady is going. And I fear, when her enchanted Castle becomes in visible, her Ladyship will return and follow his example. As easily as can be. Tell her she mistook your di rections, and that shortly, your self will down with her to approve it; and then, cloth but her croupper in a new Gown, and you may driven her any way you list: for these wome ̄ Sir, are Like Essex Calves, you must wriggle them on by the tail still, or they will never driven orderly. Cast that cost on me Sir, I have spoken to my old Pandare Security, for money or commodity; and commodi tie (if you will) I know he will procure you. Why then Sir, what say you to Forty pound in ro stead Beef? Nay hark you sir; what Nurse's, what Midwives, what Fools, what Physicians, what cunning women must be sought for (fearing sometime she is bewitched, some times in a consumption) to tell her tales, to talk bawdy to her, to make her laugh, to give her glisters, to let her blood under the tongue, and betwixt the toes; how she will revile and kiss you; spit in your face, and lick it off again; how she will vaunt you are her Creature; she made you of nothing; how she could have had thousand mark jointures; she could have been made a Lady by a Scotch Knight; & never have married him: She could have had Poynados in her bed every morning; how she set you up, and how she will pull you down: yowl never be able to stand of your legs to endure it. Thereby lies a tale sir. The old usurer will be here instantly, with my Punk Syndefie, whom you know your Lady has promised me to entertain for her Gentlewoman: and he (with a purpose to feed on you) invites you most so lemnly by me to supper. One master Frances Quickesiluer, an't please your La diship. I told him what a Burre he had got. In policy Dad, till to morrow she has sealed. See Madam, the Bride and Bridegroom: Well Sir, here's to all Eastward & towards Cuckolds, & so to famous Cuckolds haven so fatally remembered. Surgit. Sfoot Knight, what and unknightly faintness tran sports thee? let our Ship sink, and all the world thats with out us be taken from us, I hope I have some tricks, in this brain of mine, shall not let us perish. Go to Knight, I have more means then thou art a beware off: I have not lived amongst Goldsmiths and Gold makers all this while, but I have learned something worthy of my time with them. And, not to let thee stink where thou standest, Knight, I'll let thee know some of my skill presently. I will Blanch Copper so cunningly, that it shall en dure all proofs, but the Test: it shall endure malleation, it shall have the ponderosity of Luna, and the tenacity of Luna, by no means friable. Tush Knight, the terms of this Art, every ignorant Quacksalver is perfect in: but I'll tell you how your self shall Blanch Copper thus cunningly. Take Arsnicke, otherwise called Realga, (which indeed is plain Ratsbane) Sublime them three or four times, then take the Sublimate of this Re alga, and put'hem into a Glass, into Chymia, & let'hem have a convenient decoction Natural, four and twenty hours, & he will become perfectly fixed: Then take this fixed powder, & project him upon wel-purgd Copper, et habebis Magistriu ̄ . You shall restore that thus: Take your sal Achyme prepared, and your distilled Urine; and let your Angels lie in it but four and twenty hours, and they shall have their perfect weight again: come on now I hope this is enough to put some spirit into the livers of you, I'll infuse more and other time. We have saluted the proud Air long enough with our bore skon ces, now will I have you to a wenches house of mine at Lon done, there make shift to shift us, and after such Fortune's as the stars shall assign us. Would it had been my fortune, to have been trust up at Wapping, rather then ever have come here. Must Goulding fit upon us? Oh they mock us. Worshipful Master. Oh me, what and infortunate thing am I! Sir, withal my heart, & as I told M. Toby, I shall be glad to have any man a witness of it. And the more openly I prosesse it, I hope it will appear the hartier and the more unsained. I cast my Coat, and Cap away, I went in silkci, and saitens gay, False Mettle of good manners, I Did daily coint valavvsully. I scorned my Master, being drunk. I kept my Golding, and my Punk, And with a knight, sir Flash, by name, (Who now is sorry for the same) Still Eastward hoe was all my word: But Westward I had no regard. Nor never thought, what would coin aster As did alas his youngest Daughter, At last the black Ox trodden o'my foot, And I saw then what longed vntoo't, Now try I, Touchstone, touch me still, And make me currant by thy skill. This Stanze now following, alludes to the story of Man nington from whence I took my project for my invention. Oh Manington thy stories show, Thou cuttest a Horsehead off at a blow But I confess, I have not the force For to cut off the head of a horse, Yet I desire this grace to win, That I may cut off the Horsehead of Sin. And leave his body in the dust Of sinneshigh way and bogs of Lust, Whereby I may take Virtues purse, And live with her for better, for worse. Alas sir. With all my heart. Why and I maintainde my place. I'll to the Court, another manner of place for maintenance I hope then the silly City. I herd my father say, I herd my mother sing a nolde Song and a true: Tou art a she fool, and knowest not what belongs to our male wisdom. I shallbee a Merchant forsooth: trust my estate in a wooden Trough as he does? What are these Ships, but Tennis Balls for the winds to play withal? Tossed from one wave to another; Now un der-line; Now over the house; Sometime Bricke-wal'd against a Rock, so that the guts fly out again: sometime struck under the wide Hazard, and farewell Mast. Merchant. A pox on you, who taught you this mor rallitie? Even to a foot Sir, I have been often there: a pretty fine Seat, good Land, all entire within it self. Marry Dad, his horses are now coming up, to bear down his Lady, wilt thou lend him thy stable to set them in? I thank your good Ladyship; Farewell Mistry Syndifie. Exeunt. As it falls out now Knight, you shall not need to devise excuses, or endure her out cries, when she re turns; we shall now be gone before, where they can not reachevs. How the old villain joys in villainy? And hark you Gossip, when you have her here, Have your Boat ready, ship her to your Ship With utmost haste, lest Master Bramble stay you, To over reach that head that outreacheth all heads? 'Tis a trick Rampant; 'Tis a very Quiblyn; I hope this harvest, to pitch cart with Lawyers; Their heads will be so forked; This sly tooche Will get Apes to invent a number such. Exit.