VALERIO

Rynaldo, the poor Fox that lost his tail, Persuaded others also to lose theirs: Thy self, for one perhaps that for desert Or some defect in thy attempts refused thee, Reuil'st the whole sex, beauty, love and all: I tell thee, Love, is Nature's second son, Causing a spring of virtues where he shines, And as without the Sun, the World's great eye, All colours, beauty's, both of Art and Nature, Are given in vain to men, so without love All beauty's bred in women are in vain; All virtues born in men lie buried, For love informs them as the Sun does colours, And as the Sun reflecting his warm eames Against the earth, begets all fruits and flowers: So love, fair shining in the inward man, Brings forth in him the honourable fruits Of valour, wit, virtue, and haughty thoughts, Brave resolution, and divine discourse: Oh 'tis the Paradise, the heaven of earth, And didst thou know the comfort of two hearts, In one delicious harmony united? As to joy one joy, and think both one thought, Live both one life, and therein double life: To see their souls met at and interview In their bright eyes, at parley in their lips, Their language kisses: And t'obserue the rest, Touches, embraces, and each circumstance Of all loves most unmatched ceremonies: Thou wouldst abhor thy tongue for blasphemy, Oh who can comprehend how sweet love tastes, But he that hath been present at his feasts? My father? why my father? does he think To rob me of my self? I hope I know I am a Gentleman, though his covetous humour And education hath transformed me Baily, And made me ou rseer of his pastures, I'll be my self, in spite of husbandry. And see bright heaven here comes my husbandry, eam. Here shall my cattle graze, here Nectar drink, Here will I hedge and ditch, here hide my treasure, Oh poor Fortunio, how wouldst thou triumph, If thou enioy'dst this happiness with my Sister? Sfoot Sir if he should, He sh ll perceive ere long my skill extends To something more, then sweaty husbandry. Well Wench, the day will come his Argus eyes Will shut, and thou shalt open: Sfoot, I think Dame Nature's memory begins to fail her If I write but my Name in Mercers Books, I am as sure to have at six months end A Rascole at my elbow with his Mace, As I am sure my Father's not far hence: My Father yet hath ought Dame Nature debt These threescore years and ten, yet call not on him: But if she turn her Debt-book over once, And finding him her debtor, do but send Her Serg ant John Death to arrest his body, Our Souls shall rest Wench then, And the free Light Shall triumph in our faces; where now Night, In imitation of my Father's frowns, Lowres at our meeting: See where the Scholar comes. I marry, small learning may prove that. Tell him I can not doo't: Shall I be made A foolish Novice, my Purse set a broach By every cheating come you seven? to lend My Money and be laughed at? tell him plain I profess Husbandry, and will not play The Prodigal Like him, gainst my profession. Faith Sir, h is disappointed Of payments and disfurnished of means present If I would do him the kind office therefore To trust him but some sevennight with the keeping Of forty Crowns for m e, h deeply swear As he's a Gentleman, to discharge his trust, And that I shall eternally endear him To my wished service, he protests and contests. You're welcome sir. No better Copesmates, I'll go seek im out with this light in my hand, The slaves grow proud with seeking out of us. Soft, , there lies the point; I do not doubt, But to-have my penny worths of these Rascals one day: I'll smoke the buzzing Hornets from their nests, Or else isle make their leather kins stay. The whoreson hungry Horseflies; Foot, a man Cannot so soon, for want of Almanacs, Forget his day but three or four bore months, But strait he fees a sort of Corporals, To lie in Ambuscado to surprise him. But they thought was happier to escape me. I walking in the place, where men's law suits Are herd and pleaded, not so much as dreaming Of any such encounter, steps me forth Their vam ant foreman, with the word, I rest you. I made no more ado, but laid these paws Close on his shoulders, tumbling him to earth; And there sat he on his posteriors, Like a Baboon; and turning me about, I pied the whole troop issuing on me. I stepped me back, and drawing my old friend here, Made to the amid of them, and all unable Endure the shock, all rudely fell n rout, And down the stairs they ran with such a fury, As meeting with a troop oh Lawyers there, Maned by their Clients: some with ten, some with twenty, Some five, some three; he that had least, had one: Upon the stairs they boar them down afore them: But such a rattling then was there amongst them Of Declarations, Replications, Rejoinders and Petitions; all their books And writings torn and trod on, and ome lost, That the poor Lawyers coming to the Bar, Could say nought to the matter, but instead, Were fain to rail and talk beside their books Without all order. And why not, sir? For by the gods, to tell the naked truth, What objects see men in this world, but such As would yield matter to a railing humour? When he that last year Can yed after one And empty Buckram bag, now fills a Coach, And crowds the Senate with such troops of Clients, And servile followers, as would put a mad spleen Into a Pigeon. But where is she, man? Why, not at home? Foot, my , take her to the Court, And this rare Lad her husband: and dost hear? Play me no more the rabble Farmer, But be a de by friends, fell all h country, Be a flat Counterfeit r, follow some great man, Or bring thy there, and sheele make thee great. Nay, never shun it to be called a Gull: For I see all the world is but a Gull: One man Gull to another in all kinds: A Merchant to a Courtier is a Gull: A Client to a Lawyer is a Gull: A married man to a Bachelor, a Gull: A Bachelor to a Cuckold is a Gull: All to a Poct, or a Poct to himself e. Toys, toys, a pox; and yet they be such toys, As every Gentleman would not be without. By heaven, this month I touched not a Theorbo. If you will have it, I must needs confess, I am no husband of my qualities. If my father herd me, Foot, hee'd renounce me for his natural son. How now, what's here? And is't ene so? 'tis very well, mast Courtier, & Dan Cornuto, isle cry quit with both: And first, isle cast a jar betwixt them both, with firing the poor cuckolds jealousy. I have a tale will make him mad, And turn his wife divorced lose amongst us But first let's home, and entertain my wife. Oh father, pardon, I was born to gull thee. Do I not dream? do I be hold this sighed With waking eyes? or rome the J ory gate Hath Morpheus sent a vision to delude me? possible that I a mortal man, Should shrine within mine arms so bright a Goddess, The fair Gratiana, beauties little world! My dearest Mine of Gold, All this that thy white arms enfold, Account it as thine own freehold. F rtunio, sist r; come, l t's to the garden. Who can assure a jealous spirit? you may be afraid of the shadow of your ears, & imagine the ̄ to be horns: if you will assure your self, appoint keepers to watch her. Well said, and share the horns your self: For that's the keepers fee. Excellent good boy. Give re, Cornel oh, her is a young sent to persuade thee. Everlasting good boy. Answer him but that, Cornelio. H at your father i'faith, boy, if he can find him. Well, Dariotto, glory not too much, That for thy brisk attire and lips perfumed, Thou play est the Stally on ever where thou comest; And Like the husband of the flock, runnest through The whole town herd, and no men bed secure: No woman's honour unattempted by thee. Think not to be thus fortunate for ever: But in thy amorous conquests at the last Some wound will slice your mazer: Mars himself Fell into are, and so may you. Well, Dariotto, had as good confess, The Sun shines broad upon your practises. Vulcan will wake and intercept you one day. Or any : Sine p culo sus. They that are jealous, use it still of purpose To draw you to their houses. Pray heaven he be not jealous by some tal That have been told him lately: did you never Attempt his wife? hath no Loves Harbinger, No looks, no letters passed betwixt you and her? Well, Dariotto, this set face of thine (If thou be guilty of offence to him) Comes out of very want of wit and feeling What danger haunts thee: for Cor a tall man, I tell you; and 'twere best You shunned his sighed awhile, till we might get His patience, or his pardon: for passed doubt Thou diest if he but see thee. What, a thou hurt? Go sirrah, fetch a Surgeon. What's the cause of these wars, Worser ? Why this has been your fault now Darioto, You youths have fashions when you have obtei'nd: A Ladies favour, straight your hat must we it, Like a Jackdaw that when he lights upon A dainty morsel aas and makes his brags, And then some kite does scoop it from him straight, Where if he fed without his dawish noise, He might fare better, and have less disturbance: Forbear it in this case; and when you prove, Victorious over fair Gazettas Fort, Do not for pity found your trump for joy, But keep your valour close, and your honour. Marry is it, and of and ancient dissent. Tush thou canst not shake off thy gentry Pock, 'tis bred i'th bone; but to the main Pock; what thinkest thou of this gentleman's wound, Pock canst thou cure it Pock. Thats your only course to have it well quickly. Away let him alone, though he came in at the window he sets the gates of your honour open I can tell you. Oh I will gull him rarely with my wench, Low kneeling at my heals before his fury, And injury shall be salved with injury. Father, if that partly I have in your blood, If tears, which so abundantly distil Out of my inward eyes: and for a need, Can drown these outward (lend me thy handkercher) And being indeed as many drops of blood, Issuing from the Creator of my heart, Be able to beget so much compassion, Not on my life, but on this lovely Dam Whom I hold dearer? Father, say not so, Nay she's thy own, here, rise fool, take her to thee, Live with her still, I know thou countest thy self Happy in soul, only in winning her: Be happy still, here, take her hand enjoy her, Would not a son hazard his Father's wrath, His reputation in the world? his birthright, To have but such a mess of broth as this? Ahlas sir, hear me, all that I can say In my excuse, is but to show loves warrant. I know I have committed A great impiety, not to move you first Before the dame, I meant to make my with Consider what I am, yet young, and green, Behold what she is, is there not in her I, m her very eye, a power to conquer, Even age it self and wisdom, call to mind Sweet Father, what your self being young have been, Think what you may be, for I do not think The world so far spent with you, but you may Look back on such a beauty, and I hope To see you young again and to live long With young affections, wisdom makes a man Live young for ever: and where is this wisdom If not in you? ahlas I know not what Rests in your wisdom to subdue affections, But I protest it wrought with me so strongly, That I had quite been drowned in seas of tears Had I not taken hold in happy time Of this sweet hand, my heart had been consum'de T'a heap of Ashes with the flames of love, Had it not sweetly been assuaged and cooled, With the moist kisses of these sugared lips. Yet do I here renounce Love, life and all, rather then one hour longer Endure to have your love eclipsed from me. Oh speak you this in earnest? And never to recall it? Come they are gone. Gulled I my father, or gulled he himself? Thou toldst him Gratiana was my wife, I have confessed it, he has pardoned it. 'Tis true, for all was done he deeply swore Out of his heart. Why this is policy. I think it be not so; the Ass dotes on her. Go too Sighior look better to your wife, and be bet ter advised, before you grow to this ex remitie. Use the gentlewoman kindly master Notary, As mine own wise, I assure you Sir. Set me the Table here, we will shift rooms, To see if Fortune will shift chances with us: Fit Ladies, fit, Fortunio place thy wench, And Claudio place you Dariotos mistress, I wonder where that neat spruce ave becomes: I think he was some Barbers son by th'masse, 'Tis such a picked fellow, not a hair About his whole Bulk, but it stands in print, Each Pin hath his endue place, not any point, But hath his perfect tie, fashion, and grace, A thing whose soul is specially imployde In knowing where best Gloves, best Stockings, Wasecotes, Curiously wrought are sold; sacks Milleners shop For all new tires and fashions, and can tell ye What new devices of all sorts there are: And that there is not in the whole Rialto, But one new-fashioned Wast-cote, or one Nightcap, One pa to of Gloves, pretty or well perfumed, And from a pair of Gloves of half a crown, To twenty crowns: will to a very scute Smell out the price: and for these womanly parts He is esteemed a witty Gentleman. I well said lovely Paris, your wall eye, Must ever first be gloating on men's wives, You think to come upon us, being half drunk, And so to partly the freshest man amongst us, But you shall overtake us, I'll be sworn. Come on, let us vary our sweet time With sund y exercises, Boy? Tobacco. And Drawer, you must get us music too, Calls in a cleanly noise, the slaves grow lousy. But I mean, your slock sir, what lease is that I pray Now have at all, and were a thousand pound. What Sir, are you there? Fill's a fresh pottle, by this light, Sir Knight, You shall do right. Do understand him Corneli . Come Fortunio, now take hold On this occ as my self on this: One couple more would make a Barleibreak. I pray thee good Scholars give us cause. All this by learning I before him, I do not greatly care, Nor any where in deed; my Sister here Shall be my spy if she will wrong her self, And give her right to my wife, I am pleased. Soft Sir, I hope you needs not do it yet, Let me take this time. No not before my Father? Sfoot, let him led A better Husbands life, and live not idly, Spending his time, his coin, and self on Wenches. Cry mercy Sir; why there comes messengers From this and that brave Gallant and such Gallants, As I protest I saw but through a Grate. Sfoot, He's not ashamed beside to charge me With a late Promise: I must yield in deed, I did (to shift him with some contentment) Make such a friuall promise. Nay Sir, he makes his claim by debt of friendship. Forsooth you're welcome by my Father's leave. Let me alone boy. But soft Sir, see Her jealous Jailer follows at her heals Come, we will watch some fitter time to board her, And in the mean time seek out our mad crew. My spirit to swagger. Had I not had her, I had lost my life, Which life indeed I would have lost before, I had displeased you, had I not received it From such a kind, a wise, and honoured Father. I did, but if my father Will have his son foresworn, upon his soul, The blood of my black perjury shall lie, For I will seek his favour though I die. Worshipful Father. And understand him too, I'll be sworn of a book. Page, L to me see that a rank stinking Satire: this had been Enough to have poy ned every man of us. Well, th'old verse is, A Ap tibus incipe io- . Well said Fortunio, Oh you're a rar Courtier, Your knee good Signior, I beseech your knee. Drawer make even th'impartiall scales of Justice, Give it to C audio, and from him fill round. Come Dariotto, set me, let me rest, Come in when they have done the Ladies right. Father, he comes upon you Is't come to this? then will I make a speech in praise of this reconcilement, including therein the praise and honour of the most fashionable and authentical HORN: stand close Gentles, and be silent. By Lo . Indeed I must commend thy wit of force, And yet I know not whose deserves most praise Of Thy e, or my wit: thine for plotting well, Mi , that durst undertake and carry it With such true form. First lets have Wine, Dice have no perfect edge, Without the liquid whetstone of the Sirrope. Drawer, fill out this Gentleman's Carouse, And harden him for our society. He shall not, I will gi him this and antage. H is his pl dge: H re's to our common friend Corn health. Do so: at all. A plague upon these Dice. Another health, sfoot I shall have no luck, Till I be drunk: come on, here's to the comfort, The Cavalier my Father should take in me, If he now saw me, and would do me right. Sir, there are no degrees of order in a Tave , Here you must, I charged ye run all a head, Slight, Courtier, down; I hope you are no Elephant, you have Joints? I'll be their pledge. Sir, your wisest do so. Fill the old man some wine. The course of the world (Like the life of man) is said to be divided into several ages: As we into Infancy, Childhood, Youth, and so forward to Old-age: So the World into the Golden age, the Silver, the Brass, the Iron, the Leaden, the Wooden; and now into this present age, which we term the Hornedage: not that but former ages have inioyde this been item as well as our times; but that in ours it is more common, and nevertheless precious. It is said, that in the Golden age of the world, the use of Gold was not then known: and argument of the simplicity of that age, least therefore succeeding ages should hereafter impute the same fault to us, which we lay upon the irst age; that we living in the Horned age of the world, should not under stand the use, the virtue, the honour, and the very royalty of the Horn; I will in brief found the praises thereof, that they who are already in possession of it, may bear their heads alost, as being proud of such lofty a cowtrementes: And they that are but in possibility, may be ravished with a desire to bein possession. A Trophy so honourable, and unmatchably powerful, that it is able to raise any man from a Beggar to and Empe rours fellow, a Dukes fellow, a Nobleman's fellow, Alder men fellow; so glorious, that it deserves to be worn (by most opinions) in the most conspicuous place about a man: For what worthier Crest can you bear then the Horn? which if it might be seen with our mortal eyes, what a wonderful spectacle would there be? and how highly they would ravish the beholders? But their substance is incorporal, not falling under sense, nor mixed of the gross concretion of Elements, but a quintessence beyond them; a spiritual essence invisible, and everlasting. And this hath been the cause that many men have called their being in question, whither there be such a thing in verum nam uram, or not; because they are not to be seen: as though nothing were that were not to be seen? Who ever saw the Wind? yet what wonderful ffectes are seen of it? It drives the clouds, yet no man sees it: It rocks the House, bears down Trees, Castles, Steeples, yet who sees it? In Like sort does your Horn, it swells the Forehead, yet none sees it: it rocks the Cradle, yet none sees it: so that you plainly perceive Sense, is no Judge of Essence. The Moon to any men sense, seems to be Horned; yet who knows not the Moon to be ever perfectly round: So likewise your Heads seem ever to be round, when in deed they are often times Horned: for their original, it is unsearchable: Natum rall they are not; for there is Beast born with Horns, more then with Teeth: Created they were not, for Ex nihilo nihil fit; Then will you ask me, How came they into the world? I know not; but I am sure Women brought them into this partly of the world, howsoever some Doctors are of opinion that they came in with the Devil: and not unlike; for, as the Devil brought Sin into the world; but the Woman brought it to the Man: so it may very well be that the Devil brought Horns into the world; but the Woman brought them to the man, For their power it is general over the world, no Nation so barbarous, no Country so proud, but does equal ho mage to the Horn. Europa when she was carried through the Sea by the S turnian Bull, was said (for fear of falling) to have held by the Horn: and what is this but a plain showing to us, that all Europa, which took name from that Europa, should likewise hold by the Horn: So that I say, it is vniuer shall over the sace of the world, general over the face of Europe, and common over the face of this Country. What City, what Town, what Village, what Street? nay what House can quit it self of this prerogative? I have read that the Lion once made a Proclamation through all the Forest, that all Horned Beasts should depart forthwith upon pain of death: If this Proclamation should be made through our Forest, Lord what pressing, what running, what slying, would there be even from all the parts of it? he that had but a bunch of Flesh in his head would away: and some foolishly fearful, would imagine the shadow of his Ears to be Horns: Ahlas how desert woul this Forest be left? To conclude for there force it is irreu table, for were they not irreuitable, then might either properness of person secure a man, or wisdom prevent am; or greatness exempt, or riches redeem them, but present experience hath taught us, that in this case, all these stand in no stead: for we see the properest men take partly of them, the best wits cannot avoid them (for then should Poets be no cuckolds) nor can money redeem them, for then would rich-men fine for their horns, as they do for offices: But this is held for a maxim, that there are more rich cuckolds then poor, lastly for continuance of the horn it is undeterminable till death: Neither do they determine with the wives death, (howsoever ignorant writers hold oh pinion they do) For as when a knight die, his Lady still re taines the title of Lady; when a company is cast yet the Captain still retains the title of Captain; So though the wife die by whom this title came to her husband, yet by the courtesy of the City, he shall be a cuckold during life, let all igno rant asses prate what they list.