TRISTAN

Sir, I am up, and here already. I shall, Sir. There is not so much as a boy in the house. Sir, it is broad day. I will go down and stand at the door, that my Master may take out his full sleep; and to as many as shall ask for him; I shall answer that he is not within. Oh what and outcry do I hear in the Marketplace! whats the matter a Gods name? There is some execution of Justice to be done, or else they are up so early to see some Bullbaiting. I do not know what to make of this noise, it is some great matter, the noise is so great; but oh, yonder comes Sosia, my Master's footboy; he will tell me what the business is. Look how the Rogue comes pulling and tearing of his hair; he hath tumbled into one Tavern or other, where he hath been scuf fling. But if my Master chance to sent him, he will cause his coat to be well cudgeled; for though he be somewhat foolish, punish meant will make him wise; but me thinks he comes weeping. What's the matter, Sosia? Why dost thou weep? Whence comest thou now? Why speakest thou not? What's the matter, man? Why dost thou keep such a do? Why grievest thou thus? What mischief hath befallen us? What of Sempronio and Parmeno? What means this fool? Speak a little plainer, thou tormentest me with delays. Thou art either drunk or mad; or thou bringest some ill news along with thee. Why dost thou not tell me what thou hast to say, concerning these young men? Oh unfortunate mischance! Is it true? Didst thou see them? Did they speak unto thee? You did not observe in him, that he would have asked you whither Calisto were there or no? But since thou hast such manifest proofs of this cruel sorrow, let us haste with these doleful tidings to our Master. Get up, Sir: And I will along with you. For, we know not who is there within, they are talking (I am sure) who-ere they be. I hear so much, that I hold my Master the happiest man that lives. And I assure thee (though I am but a boy to speak of) me thinks, I could give as good account of such a business as my Master. I had quite forgotten that. But let them die, as instru ments of their own destruction. And let others as many as will, play the fools upon affiance to be defe ̄ dead. But for mine own partly, I well remember when I served the Count, that my father gave me this Council: that I should take heed how I killed a man. Of all other things, that I should beware of that. For (quoth he) you shall see the Master merry and kindly embraced, when his man (poor soul) shall be hanged and disgraced. Now you silly Ass, you whoreson Horse-currier, you would have us make no noise, not a word, but Mumme and yet thy self dost name her. Thou art and excellent fellow to make a Guide or Leader to conduct and Army in the Moors Country: so that prohibiting, thou permittest; covering, thou discoverest; defending, offendest; bidding others hold their peace, thou thy self speakest aloud, nay, proclaims it; and proclaiming, makes answer thereunto. But though you are so subtle witted and of so discreet a temper, you shall not tell me in what month our Lady day in harvest falls. For we know that we have more straw in the house this year, then thou art able to eat. Hold your peace, for sleep requires no haste. Beside, on the one side, he is oppressed with sadness and melancholy for his servants: and on the other side transported with that gladsome de light and singular great pleasure, which he hath enjoyed with his Melibea. And thou knowest, that where two such strong and con trary passion meet, in whomsoever they shall house themselves, with what forcible violence they will work upon a weak and feeble subject. Who is that, brother? Friend Sosia, another more ripe and mature brain, and better experimented in matters of the world then mine is, were we ry necessary to be your adviser in this business; yet as farforth as my tender age, and the means of my natural parts and wit shall be able to reach unto; I will tell you what I think. This woman, (as you told me your self) is a known and a noted whore; and there before whatsoever hath passed between you, flatter not your self, but rather believe, that her words do not want deceit. Her offers, I persuade me were false, though I know not to what end she made them. If she love thee, because thou art a Gentleman; how many better then thy self hath she rejected? If because thou art rich; she knows well enough that thou hast no other dust, then that which clings to the Currycomb. If because thou art nobly descended, and of high Lineage; she knows thy name is Sosia, and so was thy father's; and that he was born and bred in a poor little Hamlet, getting his living by following the Ploughtail, and breaking Clods of earth, for which thy self art more fit then to make a Lo ver. Be with e, Sosia, and consider with thy self, if she do not go a bir king, to see if she could get out of thee, the secrecy of this walk, whereby to work some heartburning, and breed no good blood betwixt Calisto and Pleberio, out of that envy which she bears to Melibea's pleasure. Beware (I say:) for Envy (I tell you) is and in curable infirmity, when it is once settled: she is a guest that is all ways more troublesome, then thankful for her lodging, and is ne ver merry, but at other folks Misery's; nor ever laughs, but at a shrewd turn. Now then, if this be so: Oh! how this wicked woe man will deceive thee with her smooth and subtle words, whereof, such as she are never to seek, but have them still ready in the deck, and more perfect then their Pater noster? With this venomous vice, she will not stick to damn her soul, so as she may please her appetite; she would feign turn all things topsituruy, and set men together by the ears, and only for to content her damnable desire. Oh Ruffianly Strumpet! Oh mankind Quean! With what white bred hath she given thee crooked pins, to choke thee? She cares not now she sells and barters her body, so as she may truck and exchange it for strife and contention. Hear me, Sosia, and if thou dost as thou mayest presume upon it, that it is as I tell thee, deal (if thou wilt be advised by me) as doubly with her; for he that deceives the deceiver, you know what I mean: and if the Fox be crafty, more crafty is he that catches him. I would have thee make a countermine against these her wicked, and devil lish imaginations. Set up scaling ladders to meet with her lewd ness; and then cry quittance with her, when she thinks her self most safe and secure; and laugh at her afterwards, when thou art by thy self all alone in thy stable: the bay horse thinks one thing, and he that saddles him, another. Stay, Sir, do not come down. They are gone; it is no body but lame Thraso, and a company of other Rogues with him, that made a noise as they passed by: And Sosia is come back a gain. Take heed, Sir, hold fast by the ladder, for fear lest you fallen. Come hither quickly, Sosia; for our unfortunate Master is fallen from the ladder, and neither speaks nor wags. Oh, my Master, my master is dead! and with him all my happiness, all my good; he is fallen headlong down; he is dead; he is dead: and (which is a fearful thing) suddenly dead. Oh pitiful, pitiful, Oh horrible sighed. Help Sosia, help to gather up these brains, that lie scattered here amongst the stones, and let us put them again into his head. Oh unfortunate Master! Oh un lucky day! Oh sudden and unexpected end! I bewail my great misery; I bewail my many sor rows. My Master Calisto hath fallen from the ladder, and is dead; his head is in three pieces; he died suddenly, and lamentably torn and dashed to pieces; bear this sad message to his new friend, that she must never more expect her pained Lover. Sosia, do thou take up his feet, and let us carry his body hence, that he may not in this place suffer dishonour, though he have suffered death. Let mourning go along with us; let solitariness accompany us; let discomfort wait upon us; let sorrow apparel us; let mourning weeds cover us; and let us put on sad habits.