SEMPRONIO

Presently Sir, the bed is ready for you. Since you will lament all alone, and have none to share with you in your sorrows, I will be gone, Sir. Nero, from Tarpey, does behold. How Room does burn all on a flame; He hears the cries of young and old, Yet is not grieved at the same. Say on: What's the matter? I Like your words well, but should Like them better, were your works Like unto them: which as I see the performance, so shall I give them credence; but tell me, I pray thee, what's that, me thought, I herd you talk even now of Areusa? Do you know Areusa, that is Cousin to Elicia? What does the fool mean? He cannot speak for laughing. What dost thou call this thy enjoying her? Did she show her self unto thee out at a window? Or what is the mat ter? Heaven forbid (Sir) I should say so: for you are my Master, and I know beside, that as you will recompense me for my good counsel, so you will punish me, if I speak amiss; though it be a common saying, that the commendation of a men good service, or good speech, is not equal to the reprehension and punishment of that which is either ill done or spoken. Oh! you must give her leave, it is her living. But I wonder what devil taught her all her knacks, and her knaveries. Would, would, he. In Celestina's? I pray thee, why dost thou laugh? I stand better; for I have bound my Sword and Buckler both together, that they may not fallen from me when I run; and have clapped my Cask in the cape of my cloak. Zit, zit, Parmeno, not a word; turn, and be still; for it is nothing, but the Alguazills men, who make a noise as they pass thorough this other street. And did not (I pray) serve at Saint Michaels? and mine Host in the Marketplace? and Molleias the gardener; I also (I tro) was at fisticuffs with those which threw stones at the Spar rows, and other the Like birds, which sat upon a green Popler that we had, because with their stones, they did spoil the herbs in the garden; But God keep thee, and enery good man from the sighed of such weapons as these: these are shrewd tools; this is true fear indeed: and therefore it is not said in vain; Laden with I ron, laden with fear. Turn, turn back; for it is the Alguazill, that's certain. Sleep, Sir? It is for boys and children to sleep I did not so much as once fit down, nor put one leg over another, watching still as diligently as a Cat for a Mouse; that if I had herd but the least noise in the world, I might presently have leapt forth, and have done as much as my strength should have been able to perform. And Parmeno, though till now, he did not seem to serve you in this business with any great willingness, he was as glad, when hespy'd the Torches coming, as the Wolf, when he spies the dust of a drove of cattle, or flock of sheep; hoping still that he might make his prey, till he saw how many they were. Open door, your Sons be here. It is Parmeno, and Sempronio; open the door; we are come hither to break our fast with you. How, mother? Had it not been for us, his soul e'r this had gone seeking her eternal rest; and if it were possible to prize the debt wherein he stands bound unto us, all the wealth he hath, were not sufficient to make us satisfaction. So true, is that trivial saying; that the life of man, is of more worth, then all the gold in the world. Marry in such danger, that as I am and honest man, my blood still boils in my body, to think upon it. By heavens, I am not my self, I come hither I know not owe, without wit, or reason. But as for you (fellow Parmeno ) I cannot but find fault with you, for not tempering of your choler, and using more moderation in your angry mood; I would have thee look otherwise now, and not carry that sour countenance her, as thou didst there, when we encountered so many; for mine own partly, before those, that I knew could do but little, I never made show that I could do much. Mother, I have brought hither my arms all broken and battered in pieces, my Buckler without it's ring of I ron, the Plataeae being cut asunder, my Sword Like a Saw, all to be hacked and hewed, my Cask strangely bruised, beaten as flat as a Cake, and dented in with the blows that came hammering on my head: so that I have not any thing in the world to go further with my Master, when he shall have occasion to use me. For it is a greed on, that my Master shall this night have access unto his Mi stress, by the way of her garden. Now for to furnish my self anew, if my life lay on it, I know not where to have one penny or farthing. Let us leap out at these windows; And let us die rather so, then fallen into the hands of Justice. What a thing is this? What's the matter with you? With me Sir? there is no reason that he should go with me, who stays with you. Oh unfortunate, Oh sudden and unexpected ill; what contrarious accident, what squint-eyed am is it that hath robbed this Gentleman of his wonted mirth? and not of that alone, but of it (which is worse) his wits. Shall I leave him all a lone? or shall I go in to him? If I leave him alone, he will kill him self. If I go in, he will kill me. Let him bide alone, and bite upon the bit, come what will, come I care not. Better it is that he die, whose life is hateful unto him, then that I die, when life is pleasing unto me, and say that I should not desire to live, save only to see my Elicia, that alone is motive enough to make me look to my self, and guard my person from dangers: but admit he should kill himself without any other witness, then must I be bound to give account of his life. Well, I will in for that, but put case when I come in, he will take neither comfort nor counsel: marry his case is des perate, for it is a shrewd sign of death, not to be willing to be cum read. Well, I with l let him alone a while, and give his humour leave to work out it self; I will forbear, till his angry fit be overpast, and that his hat be come again to his colour. For I have herd say, that it is dangerous to lance or crush and Impostume before it be ri e, for then it will the more: Let him alone a while, let us suffer him to weep who suffers to sorrow, for tears and sighs do ease the heart that is surcharded with grief; but then again, if he see me in sighed, I shall see him more incensed against me: For there the sun scorcheth most, where he reflecteth most: the sighed which hath no object set before it, waxes weary-and dull, and would ving its object, is as quick. And therefore I think it my best play, to play least in sighed, and to stay a little longer; but if in the mean while he should kill himself, then farewell he. Perhaps I may get more by it then every man is aware of, and cast my skin, changing rags for robes, and penury for plenty: But it is and old say king, He that looks after dead-men's shoes, may chance to go barefoot: Perhaps also the devil hath deceived me. And so his death may be my death, and then all the fat is in the fire: The rope will go after the Bucket: and one lose follow another; on the other side, your wise men say, That it is a great ease to a grieved soul, or one that is afflicted, to have a companion, to whom he may come municate his sorrow. Beside, it is generally received, that the wound which bleeds inward, is ever the more dangerous. Why then in these two extremes hang I in suspense what I were best to do? Sure, the safest is to enter: and better it is that I should endure his anger, then for fear of his displeasure to forbear to comfort him. For, if it be possible to cure without Art, and with out things ready at hand, far easier is it to cure by Art, and won ting nothing that is necessary. Sir. Sir, here it is. This Lute, Sir, is out of tune. I was not deceived when I said, my Master had lost his wits. Nothing Sir, not I. Marry I said, How can that fire be greater which but tor menteth one living man, then that which burned such a City as that was, and such a multitude of men? I see, I did not mistake my bias; which, for ought I per ceiue, runs worse and worse. Is it not enough to show thy self a fool, but thou must also speak profanely? Only I doubted of what religion your Lovers are. My Master is all Melibea: who now but Melibea? whose heart not able to contain her, Like a boiling vessel, venting it's heat, goes bubbling her name in his mouth. Well, I have now as much as I desire: I know on which foot you halt, I shall not heal you. Oh Sir exceeding easy; for the first recovery of sickness, is the discovery of the disease. Would, would, would, Calisto's fire; these, his intolerable pains: As if love had been his bow, shot all his arrows only a gainst him. O Cupid, how high and unsearchable are thy mist rises? What reward hast thou ordained for love, since that so nieces sary a tribulation attends on lovers? Thou hast set his bounds, as marks for men to wonder at: Lovers ever deeming, that they on lie are cast behind; and that others fill out- them: That all men break thorough, but themselves Like your ght bulls, which being set lose in the place, and Gam ed with , take over the as soon as they feel themselves . It is misery enough to have a men will captivated, and chained to one place only. Perseverance in ill is not constancy, but obstinacy, or pertinacy, so they call it in my country; however it please you Philosophers of Cupid to phra e it. Do you that good which I say, but not that ill which I do. Because thou dost subject the dignity and worthiness of a man, to the imperfection and weakness of a frail woman. Are you in earnest, or do you but jest? As Goddesses were of old, that is, to fallen below morta lity, and then you would hope to have a share in her deity. What, would you weep all the days of your life? And why? Oh Coward, baser then the son of a whore: why, Alexan der the Great did not only think himself worthy the dominion of one only, but of many world's. I said Sir, Should you, whose heart, is greater then Alexanders, despair of obtaining a woman? wherefore many, would ving been seated in highest estate, have balsely prostituted them selves to the embracements of Muletteeres, and Stablegroomes, suf fearing them to breathe in their faces, with their unsavoury breathes, and to imbosom them between their breast And othersome not ashamed to have companied with bruit-beasts. Have you not herd of Pasiphae, who played the wanton with a Bull? and of Mi nerva, how she dailled with a dog? And that of your Grandmother and her Ape, that's a fable too: Witness your Grandfathers knife, that killed the vil lain that did cuckold him. Have I ettle you (Sir?) your histories, study your philosophers, examine your ; and you shall find how full their books are of their and of the ruins and destructions whereinto they have run, who held them in that high esteem as you do. Consult with and you shall see how vilely he reckons of them. unto , and you shall find that all of them to this agree: but whatsoever I have, or shall hereafter speak in them; mistake me not, I pray you, but consider them as words, commonly and generally spoken: For many of them have been, and are holy, virtuous and noble, whose glorious and resplendent crowns blot out this general re proach. But touching the other, who can recount unto you their falsehoods, their tricks, their tradings, their truckings, their exchan ging commodities, their lightness, their tears, their mutabilities, and their boldness and impudencies: For whatsoever they con ceit, they dare to execute without any deliberation, or advisement in the world; their dissemblings, their talketiuenesse, their deceits, their forgetfulness, their unkindness, their ingratitude, their in constancy, their sicklenesse, their saying and gainsaying, and all in a breath; their windings and turnings, their presumption, their vainglory, their baseness, their foolishness, their disdainfulness, their coyness, their pride, their haughtiness, their base submissions, their prattlings, their gluttony, their luxury, their slut ishnesse, their timorousness, their witeneries, their cheatings, their gibings, their slandrings and their bawdry. Now consider with your self, what idle gyddy-headed brains are under those large and fine cobweb veils; what wicked thoughts under those gay gorgets; what pride and arrogance under those their long, rich and stately robes; what mad toys under their painted Temples. I would you should follow those that did subdue them; not those that were subdued by them. Fly from their deceits. Know you (Sir) what they do? They do things that are too hard for any man to understand: they observe no mean; they have no reason; not do they take any heed in what they do. They are the first themselves that cause man to love: and themselves are the first that begin to loath. They will privately pleasure him, whom afterwards they will openly wrong, and draw him secretly in at their windows, whom in the streets they will publicly rail at. They will give you roast-meat, and beat you with the spit. They will invite you unto them, and presently send you packing with a flay in your ear; Call you, and yet exclude you; seal you her love, and yet proclaim hate; quickly be won, and quickly be lost; soon pleased, and as soon displeased; and (which is the true humour of a woman) whatsoever her will divines, that must be affected. Her apprehensions admit no delays; and be they impossible to be attained to, yet not effecting them, she straight way censures it want of wit or affection, if not both. Oh what a plague? what a hell? nay, what a loathsome thing is it for a man to have to do with them any longer, then in that short prick of time that he holds them in his arms, when they are prepared for plea sure! This is no fit counsel I see for young men, who know not how to submit themselves to reason, nor to be governed by discre cion; it is a miserable thing, to think that he should be a Master, who was never any scholar. Who? why, they themselves, who no sooner discover their shame, but they loose it. For all this, and much more then I have told you, they themselves will manifest unto men. Balance thy self then aright in the true scale of thine honour, give thy reputa cion it's endue proportion, it's just measure, and think your self to be more worthy then in your own esteem you repute your self. For (believe me) worse is that extreme, whereby a man suffers himself to fallen from his own worth, then that which makes a man overvalue himself, and seat himself in higher place then be seem him. What lies and fooleries will my captived Master now tell me? I said, I would have you tell me: for I shall take great pleasure in hearing it, so fortune befriend you Sir, as this speech of yours shall be pleasing unto me. That fortune would so befriend me, as I shall take plea sure to hear you. Here's a deal of do indeed: This is that I looked for, though more then I desired, it will be a tedious piece of business, but I must give him the hearing. Into Asses rather. I say that these could not be Asses hairs. It is well Sir that you are so wise. This fool is fallen into his thirteenes. Oh how he over reaches! Have you done, Sir? Suppose all this you say were true, yet in that you are a man, I still say, you are more worthy then she. In that she is imperfect: Out of which defect, she lustest and longs after your self, or some one less worthy. Did you never read that of the Philosopher, where he tells you, That as the matter desires the form, so woman desires man? It is possible that you may: and as possible that you may one day hate her as much as now you love her, when you shall come to the full enjoying of her, and to looking on her with other eyes, free from that error which now blindeth your judgement. With clear eyes. With false eyes; Like some kind of spectacles, which make little things seem great; and great little. Do not you des pair; my self will take this business in hand, not doubting but to accomplish your desire. Nay, I will assure it you. I thank you for this, and for many more which you shall give me. My jesting hath turned to my good. I hitherto have the better of it. And if my Master clap such spurs to my sides, and give me such good encouragements, I doubt not, but I shall bring her to his bed. This which my Master hath given me, is a good wheel to bring the business about: for without reward, it is impossible to go well thorough with any thing. Nay, be not you negligent; For it is impossible, that a careless Master should make a diligent servant. I shall tell you. It is now a good while ago, since at the lower end of this I fell acquainted with and old woe man, called , a which, as the , and in all the rogueries and that the world can a foe ; One who in my conscience hath marred and made up again a thousand maidenheads in this City: Such a power, and such au thority she hath, what by her persuasions, and other her cunning devices, that none can escape her: she will move hard rocks, if she list, and at her pleasure provoke them to Luxury. I will bring her hither unto you; and therefore prepare your self for it, and when she comes, in any case use her kindly, be frank and liberal with her; and whilst I go my ways, do you study and devise with your self, to express your pains, as well as I know she is able to give you remedy. I am gone, Sir. Sempronio is come. High, high, high! Why, now now my what is it No more (deer Love.) Thinkest thou (sweet heart) that distance of place can divorce my inward and imbowelle Or dead but the least spark or that true ? Wherever I go, thou go That n hast not felt more affliction , then I have suffered and endured for thee. Me thinks I here some bodies feet move above: Who is it? Nay, Like though, I easily believe it. I go. But I pray, who is that above? I would. What Fryer? Now, as you love me, good mother, tell me what Fryer is it? A ac e wench) what a heavy load is she to bear? Be patient, my deer, thou that are the only Idol of my ; S this the gall that w ings you? This your grief? Nay, If this make you so anger, I will neither see her, not any other woe man in the world. I will only speak a word or two with my more there, and so b worser you adie . Mother, you may rely upon what I have told you, and assure your self, that of all the women in the world, I would or emble with you: Put on your Mantle then, and and by the way, I will tell you all. For if I should stay here cita ting upon the business, and protract the time in delivering my mind, it would turn much to both our hurts, and hinder thy pro fit So law. Now (mother) laying all other things apart, , be attentius to that which I shall tell you; let not your go a wool gathering; nor scatter your thoughts, nor them into many parts: for he that is every where, is no where: and cannot, (unless it be by chance) certainly determine anything. I will that you know that of me, which as yet you ne ver . Beside, I could never since the time that I first entered with thee, and had plighted my faith unto thee, desire , therein thou mightest not share with me. Hush. No more. We are now at the gate, and walls (they say) have ears. Than, than, than. Open the door for this matronly Dame and me. Endue so then. Speak thou. Believe me ( Celestîna ) Parmeno aims unhappily. Sir. You have hit the nail on the head, Sir. In so doing, you shall do well, Sir. Let us go presently: for it is not good to suffer weeds to grow amongst corn, not suspi cion in the hearts of our friends, but to root it out straight with the weedhook of good works. Oh! As quiet as the tail of a Scorpion. A hundred crowns in good gold. Hath my mother talked with thee? How is it then with us? No more. Be silent. I fear me, I shall make thee twice as much afraid, e'r I have done with thee. Yes Sir, exceeding well. For, beside, the saving of your life, you have gained much honour by it. And for what end is fortune favourable and prosperous, but to be a handmaid to our honour, and to wait thereon, which of all worldly goods is the greatest? For honour is the reward and recom pence of virtue; and for this cause we give it unto the Divine Essence, because we have not any thing greater to give him. The best partly whereof consisteth in liberality and bounty: and this close-fistednes, and uncommunicated treasure, does eclipse and darken, whereas magnificence and liberality does gain, and highly extol it. What good is it for a man to keep that to himself, which in the keeping of it, does himself no good? I tell you, Sir, and what I speak is truth; Better is the use of riches, then the possessing of them. Oh, how glorious a thing is it to give? and how miserable to receive? See, how much better Actium is then passion: so much more noble is the giver, then the receiver. Amongst the Elements, the fire, because it is more active, is the more noble: and therefore placed in the Spheres, in the noblest place. And some say; that nobleness is a praise proceeding from the merit, and antiquity of our Ancestors. But I am of opinion, that another men light can ne ver make you shine, unless you have some of your own. And therefore do not glory in the nobleness of your father, who was so magnificent a Gentleman, but in your own. Shine not out of his, but your own light; and so shall you get your self honour, which is men greatest outward good. Wherefore not the bade, but the good, (such as your self) are worthy to partake of so perfect a virtue. And beside, I must tell you, that perfect virtue does not suppose that Honour hath it's fellow: and therefore reioce with your self, that you have been so magnificent, and so bountiful. And thus, Sir, having told you my mind, let me now advise you that you would be pleased to return back to your chamber, and there take some rest, since, that your business is deposited in such hands; assuring your self, that the beginning being so good, the end will be much better: and so let us go presently to your chamber; where I shall treat more at large with you concer ning this business. Sir, I would feign go to fulfil your command: And I would fain stay, to ease you of your care; your fear puts spurs to my sides; and your solitariness, Like a bridle, pulls me back. But I will obey and follow your council; which is, to go and la bour the old woman. But how shall I go? For, if I leave you thus all alone, you will talk idly, Like one that is distracted; do no thing but sighs, weep, and take on, shutting your self up in dark ness, desiring solitude, and seeking new means of thoughtful tor meant; wherein if you still persevere, you cannot escape either death or madness. For the avoiding whereof, get some good company about you, that may minister unto you occasion of mirth, by recoun ting of witty conceits, by entertaining you with Music, and sing king merry songs, by relating Stories, by devising Motto's, by tell ling tales, by playing at cards, jesting, sporting. In a word, by in venting any other kind of sweet and delightful recreation, for to pass away the time, that you may not suffer your thoughts to run still wandering on in that cruel error, whereinto they were put by that your Lady and Mistress, upon the first trance and encoun ter of your Love. Read a little farther, and but turn over the leaf, and you shall find they say thus: That to trust in things temporal, and to seek after matter of sorrow, is a kind of foolishness, if not mad ness. And that Macias, the Idol of Lovers, forgetful of himself, because his mistress did forget him; and careless of his well are, because she cared not for him, complains himself thus: That the punishment of love consists in the contemplation thereof: And that the best remedy against love, is, not to think on thy love. The ease lies in the forgetting it. Kick not therefore against the pri ke, feyne thy self to be merry, pluck up your spirits and be of good cheer, and all, you shall see, shall be well: for oftentimes, opinion brings things whither it lists: Not that it should cause us to swerve from the truth; but for to teach us to moderate our see ce, and to govern our judgement. Why, this our sick patient knows not well himself what he would have. Nothing will content him; he will have his cake baked before it be dough; and his meat roasted, before it be spitted. He fears thy negligence; and curseth his own covetous ness; he is angry with his close fistednesse, and offended that he gave thee no more. What sayest thou of servants? Thinkest thou, that any is Like to come unto us, by labouring in this business? Or, that we shall be burned with those Sparkles which scatteringly fly forth of Calisto's ? I had rather see him, and all his love to the devil; upon the discovery therefore of any danger, ( chance to go ) I will eat no more of his bred, I will not stay with him, no not and . For, it is better to loose his serve, then in serving him. But Time will tell me what I do. For, before his final downfall, he will (Like a house, that is ready to fallen) give some token himself of his own ruin. And therefore, Ma er, let us in any case keep our persons from peril; let us do what may be done; if it be possible, let us work her for him this year: if not this, the next; if not the next, when we may; if never, the worse luck his: Though there is not any thing so would worser to suffer in it's beginning, which time does not sof ten and reduce to a gentle sufferance. And there is no wound so painful, which in time does not slacken much of it's torment. Nor was there ever any pleasure so delightful, which hath not by long continuance been much diminished and lessened. Ill and good, prosperity and adversity, glory and grief; all these with time loose the force and strength of their rash and hasty beginning; Whereas matters of admiration, and things earnestly desired, once obtained, have no sooner been come, then forgotten, no So ner purchased, but relinquished. Every day we see new and strange accidents, we hear as many, and we pass them over; leave those, and Harken after others; them also does time lessen & make continued tingible, as things of common course. And I pray, what wone der would you think it, if some should come and tell you; There was such and earthquake in such a place, or some such other things; tell me, would you not straight forget it? As also, if one should say unto you, Such a River is frozen, such a blind man hath recovered his sighed; thy father is dead; such a thunder bolt fell in such a place; Granada is taken; the King enters it this day; the Turk hath re ceiu'd and overthrow; to morrow you shall have a great Eclipse; such a bridge is carried away with the flood; such a one is now made a Noble man; Peter is robbed; Annes hath hanged her self. Now in such cases, what wilt thou say, save only this? That some three days passed, or upon a second view thereof, there will be no wonder made of it. All things are thus; they all pass after this manner; all is forgotten and thrown behind us, as if they had never been. Just so will it be with this my Master's Love; the farther it goes on, the more it will slacken: For long custom does allay sorrow, weaken eth and subdueth our delights, and lessens wonders. Let us make our profit of him, whilst this plea is depending; and if we may with a dry root do him good, the easier the better; if not, by little and little we will solder up this flaw, and make all whole by Me holding him in scorn and contempt. And if this will do no good upon him, Better it is, that the Master be pained, then his man Do as thou thinkest good. Frame it to thine own liking; This is not the first business thou hast taken in hand. Tell me, (Mother) what passed betwixt you and my fellow Parmeno, when I went up with Calisto for the Crowns? Is it long (mother) since you first knew her? How dost thou think to make him thine? He is a craft ty subtle fox; He will hardly be drawn in; He is a shrewd fell low to deal withal. But dost thou think thou canst do any good upon Meli bea? Hast thou any good bought to hang by? Mother, I understand not these terms. Mother, look well about you. Take heed what you do. For a bade beginning can never make a good ending. Think on her father, who is noble & of great power and courage; her mother iea lous and furious, and thou, suspicion it self. No sooner seen, but mistrusted: Melibea is the only child to them both, and she miscarry king, miscarrieth with her all their happiness; the very thought whereof, makes me quake and tremble. Go not to fetch wool, and come home shorn your self; seek not to pluck her wings, and your self without your plumes. Marvel not, Mother, at my fear, since it is the come mon condition of all men; That what they most desire, they think shall never come to pass. And the rather, for that in this case now in hand, I dread both thine, and my punishment; I desire profit; I would that this business might have a good end; not because my Master thereby might be rid of his pain, but I of my penury. And therefore I cast more inconveniences with my small experience, then you with all your aged Art and cunning. Good mother, as you love me, go not hence, till you have told me all. What? Are you at your parcels now? Do you think, Celestina, to put me to my parcels? Though you shall have your parcel; marry, come up: I tell you plainly, I do not Like this word, that I do not. And therefore parcel me no more of your parcels. There goes more (I wiss) to a men life, then eating and drinking. Oh cogging old Hag; Oh old Bawd, full filled with miss chief; Oh covetous and greedy Cormorant; Oh ravenous glutton! I perceive she would as willingly cozen me, as I would my Master; and all to enrich her self. But seeing she is so wickedly minded, and cares not who perish, so as she may thrive, I will mar her mar ket; I will look to her water hereafter; I will keep her from fingering any more Crowns; nor will I any longer rend out the gains unto her, which I make of my Master, but reserve the pro fits for my self: or rather (which is the surer and honester course) seek to save his purse, and play the good husband for him. For he that riseth by lewd and unlawful means, comes tumbling down faster then he clambered up. Oh! how hard a thing is it to know man? True is that vulgar saying, No manner of merchandise, or beast, is half so hard to be known. Cursed old witch, she is as false as truth is truth; I think the Devil brought me acquainted with her: it had been better for me, to have fled from this vene mous Viper, then to put her, as I have done, in my bosom; but it was mine own fault, I can blame no body but my self: and there over let her gain what she can gain, be it by right or wrong, I will keep my word with her. That which I say (mother Celestina ) is this; that I do not marvel that you are mutable: for therein you do, but as oh the have done before you, following that common track that ma nigh more have trod in: you told me, you would defer this busi ness, led ng my Master along in a fools paradise; and now thou runnest headlong without either sense or wit, to tell Calisto of all that hath passed. Knowest thou not, that men esteem those things most, which are most difficult to be achieved? And prize them the more, the more hardly they come by them? Beside, Is not every day of his pain, unto us a double gain? Then tell me what passed concerning that noble Lady. Acquaint me but with one word of her mouth; for trust me, I long as much to know her answer, as my Master does. Make at your coming in, as though you did not see Can listo, using some good words as you go. You will hold your peace, will you not? By Jove you were best be quiet, or I shall set you hence in a devils name. What? Is there no ho with you? Say she beg her apparel of him, what's that to thee? she does well in it; and I commend her for it, having such needs thereof as she has. And thou knowest, Where the Flamin sings, there hath he his offerings, he must have food and raiment. It is her fault, I must confess, but other Vice hath she none, save only that she is a little too covetous. But let her alone, and give her leave to provide straw, first, for to thatch her own walls, and to lay the joises first of her own house, then afterwards shall she board ours; else had it been better for her she had never known us. Some evil fire consume thee: for thou speakest prediu dicially of all; but I offend no man. Let some intolerable mor tall disease, or some pestilent plague seize upon thee, and consume thee; Thou quarrelsome, contentious, envious, and accursed Cay tiff; Is this thy friendship, this the amity thou hast contracted with Celestina and me? Go with the Devils name, if this be thy love. Oh thou venomous tongued Villain; thou railing Ras call; Why shouldst thou alone stop thy ears at that, to which all the world beside is willing to harken? And say they are but tales and fables which she tells him; yet were it only but for this, that their discourses are of love, thou oughtest to lend them a willing at tention. Sir, it is not your rejoicing in this girdle, that can make you to enjoy Melibea. Marry, that by talking, and babbling so much as you do, you kill both your self, and those which hear you; and so by con sequence, overthrow both thy life and understanding; either of which to want, is sufficient to leave you darkling, and say good night to the world. Cut off your discourse therefore, and listen un to Celestina, and hear what she will say unto thee. Do not infistulate your wound, by clapping on it still more and more desire. Sir, it is not this string, nor this girdle alone, wherein your remedy must depend. Brother Parmeno, if I knew that country, where a man might get wages by sleeping, it should go hard, but I would make a shift to get thither. For, I would not then come short of any man; I would scorn to be put down; but would gain as much as anon there man, be he who he will be that bears a head. But what is the matter, that thou, Like a careless and retchless fellow, loitering, I know not where, hast been so negligent, and slow in thy return? I cannot devise, what should be the cause of this thy so long stay, un less it were to give old Celestina a warming to night; or to rub her feet, as you were wont to do, when you were a Little-one. Come, out with it, out with it. Is it any thing touching Melibea? Say, Lad, hast thou seen her? What means this fellow? Is he mad? I would fain laugh, but I cannot. Now I see, we are all in love: the world is at and end. Calisto loves Melibea; I, Elicia: and thou out of mere envy, hast found out some one, with whom thou mightest loose that little wit thou hast. I appeal to thy self; by thine own judgement thou art no better: For my self have herd thee give vain and foolish counsel to Calisto, and to cross Celestina in every word she spoke, to the hindrance of both our profits. Oh Sir, you were glad of this; it was meat alone to you. Who, you? No, not for a world, would you bear a partly with us. But since I have caught you in my clutches, I will hamper you i'faith. Now, that thou art in those hands, that may hurt thee, they shall do it; assure thy self they shall. I say nothing, but that now you have your wench, you will allow one pilchard more to the poor boy in the Stable. Thou hast struck me into a maze; continual travel may do much; often dropping makes stones hollow. The old woman had a finger in this business, had she not? Because she told me how much she loved you, how well she wished you, and that she would work her for you; you were a happy man, Sir, you had no more to do, but to come and take up. And therefore they say, It is better with him whom fortune helpeth, then with him that riseth early. But was she the godfa there to this business? She can be no other but cousin to Elicia; thou canst not say so much of her, but that this other hath as much, and somewhat more. But what did she cost thee? Hast thou given her any thing? Oh good heavens, how glad a man hast thou made me! Thou art frank, and of a free and liberal disposition, I will never fail thee: now I hold thee to be a man; now my mind gives me, that Fate hath some good in store for thee: all the hatred and malice which I bore thee for thy former speeches, is now turned into love; I now doubt not, but that the league which though hast made with us, shall be such as it ought to be. Now I long to embrace thee; Come, let us now live Like brother's; and let the devil go hang himself. All those contentious words notwithstanding, whatsoever have passed between us, let there be now no falling out, and so have peace all the year long; for, the falling out of friends, is evermore the renewing of love; let us feast and be merry, for our Master will fast for us all. He lies where you left him last night, stretching him self all along upon his palate, by his bedside; but the Devil a wink that he sleeps; and the Devil a whit that he wakes, but lies Like a man in a trance, between them both, resting, and yet taking no rest. If I go in unto him, he falls a routing, and a snorting; If I go from him, he either sings or raves: nor can I for my life comprehend (so strange is his carriage herein) when there the man be in pain or ease; whither he take grief or plea sure in it. He remembered not himself; Why should he then re member you? Oh whoreson Sot! What Poet, I pray? The great And tipater Sidonius, or the great Poet Ovid, who never spoke but in Verse? I, it is he; the very same: we shall have the Devil turn Poet too shortly, he does but talk idly in his sleep; and thou thinkest the poor man is turned Poet. Put Melibea (Sir) a little out of your mind, and you will then see, that it is broad day: for through that great brightness and splendour, which you contemplate in her clear shining eyes, Like a Partridge dazzled with a buffit, you cannot see, being blinded with so sudden a flash. Sir, do not vex your self so much: you cannot do all that you would in and hour: nor is it discretion for a man to desire that earnestly, that may unfortunately fallen upon him. If you will have that concluded in a day, which is well, if it be effected in a year, your life cannot be long. Sir, all that is not white, which differs from black; nor is all that gold which glisters. Your accelerated, and hasty desires, not being measured by reason, make my counsels to seem better then they be. Would you, that they should yesterday, at the first word, have brought Melibea manacled, and tied to her girdle, as you would have sent into the market for any other merchandise? Wherein there is no more to do, then to go into the market, and take the pains to buy it. Sir, be of good cheer; give some ease and rest to your heart; for no great happiness can happen in and in stant. It is not one stroke that can fell and Oak; prepare your self for sufferance, for wisdom is a laudable blessing; and he that is pre pared, may withstand a strong encounter. To what end serves understanding, if the will sha reason of her right? I speak, Sir, to Parmeno, that he should run quickly and fetch you a slice of Conserves, of Citron, or of Limons. See, how fast it goes down! I think the Devil makes him make such quick work. Look, if he does not swallow it whole, that he may the sooner have done? What? Do you think to find her at her Theme now? Is this a fit hour? This a time for her to be at her Orisons? It is true, but I see, you know not Celestina; when she ha any thing to do, she never thinks upon heaven, the devil a whit that she cares then for devotion; when she hath any thing in the house to gnaw upon, farewell all holiness, farewell all prayers: and indeed, her going to any of these Ceremonies, is but to spy and pry only up on advantages for such persons as she may prevaricate and make for her profit. And though she bred thee up, I am better acquainted with her qualities, then you are. That which she does ruminate: how many cracked maidenheads she hath then in cure; how many Lovers in this City; how many young wenches are recommended unto her; what Stewards afford her provision; which is the more bountiful: and how she may call every man by his name; that when she chanceth to meet them, she may not salute them as strangers. When you see her lips go, then is she inventing of lies, and devising S eights, and tricks for to get money; then does she thus dispute with her self; In this manner will I make my speech; In this fashi on will I close with him. Thus then will he answer me; And to this I must thus reply. Thus lives this creature, whom we so high lie honour. Though we may know so much for our own good, yet let us not publish it to our own hurt; For, to have our Master to know it, were but to make him discard her for such a one as she is, and not to care for her; and so leaving her, he must needs have there, of whose pains we shall reap no profit, as we shall be sure to do by her, who by fair means, or by foul, shall give us partly of her gains. Sweetheart; I pray thee be quiet. My Life, my Love! you know full well, that he that serves another, is not his own man. He that is bound, must obey. So that my subjection frees me from blame. I pray thee be not angry. Come, let us fit down, and fallen to our meat. Aunt, we all Like well of your gloss. Let us eat, and talk, and talk and eat: For else we shall not afterwards have time to discourse of the love of our lost Master, and of that fair handsome, and courteous Melibea, lovely gentle Melibea. Sister, it seems here unto me, that every Pedlar pray seth his own needles; but I assure you, the quite contrary is spo ken of her throughout the whole City. Gentlewomen; let me answer you in a word. Your ill tongued multitude, and prattling vulgar, never pardon the faults of great persons, no, not of their Sovereign himself, which makes me to think, that if Melibea had so many defects, as you tax her withal, they would ever this have been discovered by those who know her better then we do. And howbeit I should admit all you have spoken to be true, yet pardon me, if I press you with this par ticular. Calisto is a Noble Gentleman; Melibea the Daughter of Honourable parents; So that, it is usual with those, that are descend worser worser of such high Lineage, to seek and inquire each after other; and therefore it is no marvel, if he rather love her, then another. I prithee (Sweetheart) be quiet, it was you that made the comparison; and comparisons (you know) are odious: and there before it is you that are in the fault, and not I. Mother, you make my hair stand on end, to hear these strange things, which you recount unto us; would your Nobles, your Knights, and Learned men fallen so low? I am sure, they are not all of them so bad as you make them to be. Mother, the remembrance of the good time we have had, does profit us nothing, when it cannot be recovered again, but ra there brings grief and sorrow to our selves, as this interrupting dis course hath done: but mother, we will go off and solace our selves, whilst you stay here: and give this maid her answer. Soft, listen what she says. Good Sir, with this distrustfulness of yours, with this un derva ewing of your self, you interse to such doubts, as cut off Ce lestina, in the amid of her discourse; you would tire out a whole world with your disordered, and confused interruptions. Why do you cross & bless your self? Why do you keep such a wondering? It were better you would give her some thing for her pains. For these words are worthy better payment, and expect no less at your hands. Peace, I say, for should my Master have overheard you, you should have had work enough, to pacify him, and to cure your self; So offended is he already with your continual murmuring. As you love me (brother) hear, and hold your peace; for to this end, thou hast two ears, and but one tongue. Peace, Harken, listen well unto Celestina. On my soul, she deserves it all, and more too, had he given it her. She speaks wonders. Pray heaven it be not a false alarm; one thing rumord, another purposed: It may be a false firework, to blow us all up. I fear me, it is a false train, a made match, and a trap purpose lie set to catch us all. Bethink your self, mother, that so men use to give crooked pins wrapped up in bred; poisonsome pills rolled up in Sugar, that they may not be seen and perceived. What would you have such and old whorish Bawd as she, to do? who knows and understands that which we silence and keep secret, and uses to patch up seven Virginities at a clap for two pieces of Silver: And now, that she sees her self to be laden with gold, what, I say, would you have her to do, but to make it safe and sure, by taking possession thereof, for fear lest he should take it from her again, after that he hath had his desire? But let us beware of the Devil, and take heed that we go not together by the ears, when we come to divide the spoil. It struck now ten. Me thinks it is as great and error in a man, to ask what he knows, as to answer to what he knows not. It were better (Sir) that we should spend this hour that remains, in preparing weapons, then in propounding questions. Sir, I see not any, and though there were, yet the dark ness of the night is such, and so great, that it is impossible for any that shall meet us, either to see or know us. Hush, I say, softly ( Parmeno ) softly. Do not you keep such a leaping and skipping, not for joy make such a noise, lest you may hap to be herd. Melibea should be come. Hark, me thinks I hear them whispering each to other. Heavens defend us from the hands of Traitors; I pray God, they have not betaken themselves to that street thorough which we were resolved to fly. For I fear nothing else but that. Peace, hark; she will not consent we come. In and unfortunate hour came we hither this night; we shall stay here, till the day hath overtaken us, if our master go on thus leisurely, and make no more haste. And albeit fortune hath him thereto well befriended us in this business; yet I fear me, if we stay overlong, we shall be overheard, either by some of Pleberio's household, or of his neighbours. Fear nothing ( Parmeno ) for we are far enough off. And upon the very first noise that we hear, we will betake us straight to our heals, and make our flight our best defence. Let him alone, let him take his course, for if he do ill, he shall pay for it. Have they killed our Master? Can you tell? Afraid, Sir? of what? all the world could not make us a fraid; did you ever find us to be fearful? did you ever see any such thing in us? we stood waiting for you well provided, and with our weapons in our hands. Go thou whither thou wilt, as for me, e'r it be day, I will get me to Celestina's house, and see if I can recover my partly in the chain: she is a crafty Hileding, and I will not give her time to invent some one villainous trick or other whereby to shift us off, and cozen us of our shares. Cist, cist, not a word; for her bed is hard by this little window here; let me knock her up: Than, than, than; Mistress Celestina, Open the door. Tush, what's this to the purpose? Parmeno's be also spoy led and marred. After this reckoning, we may spend our Master all that he hath in arms. How can you in conscience think, or with what face imagine, that I should be so importunate, as to demand more of him, then what he hath already done of his own accord? He for his partly hath done enough, I would not it should be said of me, that he hath given me and inch, and that I should take and ell. There is a reason in all things; he hath given us a hundred crowns in gold; he hath given us, beside, a chain; three such picks more, will pick out all the wax in his ear; he hath, and will have a hard market of it. Let us content our selves with that which is rea son; Let us not loose all, by seeking to gain more then is meet; for he that embraceth much, holds little. This is not the first time I have herd it spoken; how much in old folks, the sin of avarice reigneth: as also that oh there, When I was poor, then was I liberal; when I was rich, then was I covetous: So that covetousness increases with getting, and poverty with coveting: and nothing makes the covetous man poor but his riches. Oh heavens! How does penury increase with abundance, and plenty? How often did this old woman say, that I should have all the profit that should grow from this business? think king then perhaps, that it would be but little: but now she sees how great it grows, she will not partly with any thing, no, not so much as the patings of her nails; that she may comply with that common saying of your little children: Of a little, a little; of much, nothing. I go not for that which you think. You talk of Chalk, and we of Cheese. Do not think to put us off with a jest; our de mands desire a more, serious answer. And assure your self (if I can help it) you shall take no more Hares with this Grayhound; and therefore lay aside these tricks, and do not stand arguing any longer on the matter; I know your fetches too well: To and old dog, a man needs not cry, Now, now. Come off therefore quickly, and give us two parts of that which you have received of Calisto. Dispatch, I say, and do not driven us to discover what you are; come, come, exercise your wits upon some other. Flap those in the mouth, you old Filth, with your coggings and foistings, that know you not; for we know you too well. Oh thou old covetous Crib, that art ready to die with the thirst of gold! cannot a third partly of the gain content thee? Cry, bawl, and make a noise; all's one, we care not: either look to perform your promise, or to end your days. Die you must, or else do as we will have you. Ruffians, you Whore? Ruffians, you old Bawd? have you no better terms? Thou old Sorceress; thou witch, thou; look for no other favour at my hands, but that I send thee post un to hell; you shall have letters thither, you shall (you old Inchan tress) and that speedily too; you shall have a quick dispatch. What? why this: First of all, you are a man; then, of and ex cellent and singular wit; To this, endued with those better sort of blessings, wherewith Nature hath endowed you, to wit, wise dome, favour, feature, largeness of limbs, force, agility, and abilities of body. And to these, fortune hath in so good a meam sure shared what is hers with thee, that these thy inward graces, are by thy outward the more beautified. For, without these outward goods, whereof fortune is chief Mistress, no man in this life comes to be happy. Lastly, the stars were so propitious at thy birth, and thy self born under so good a Planet, that thou are beloved of all. Oh my deer mother, what a longing have I had to come unto you! I thank my fate, that hath given me leave to see you. It is true: And there before thus, Calisto is hight in love with Melibea, he stands in needs of thine & my help. And because he needs our joint furtherance, let us join together to make some purchase of him. For to know a men time, to make use of opportunity, and to take occasion by the foretop, and to work upon a man while his humour serves him, why it is the only round, by which many have climbed up to prosperity. Either mine eyes are not matches, or that is Celestina. Now the Devil go with her; how her gown comes dragging on the ground? how the skirts of her coat trouble her? how her mouth goes? Sure, she is muttering something to her self. I will tell thee: why? Rarity (you know) is the mother of admiration; and admiration being conceived in the eyes, entereth straight into the mind: and the mind is enforced again by the eyes, to discover it self by these outward signs. Who did ever see thee walk the streets before with thy head hanging in thy bo some; with thy eyes cast down to the ground? Who did ever see thee go thus mumbling of thy words to thy self? and to come in such posthaste, as if thou Wertenberg going to get a Benefice? so that the rarity and strangeness thereof, makes those who know thee, to wonder what it should mean? But to let this pass; Tell me of all loves, what good news thou bringest. Say: Is it a Son, or a Daughter? That is, whither we have sped well or ill? Forever since one of the Clock I have waited here for you; all which while, I have had no greater or better token of comfort, then that of your long staying. These are my Master's former fires; he renews afresh his wonted flames: What a strange kind of man is he? He hath not the patience to stay to haere that which so earnestly he hath desired. But you can use Calisto worse; advising him to that, which thou thy self seekest to shun: never letting him alone, but still urging him to leave loving of Melibea: wherein, thou art joust Like unto a sign in and Inn, which gives shelter to others, and none to it self. Oh Parmeno, now mayest thou see, how easy a thing it is to find fault with another men life, and how hard to amend his own. I say no more, your self shall be your own Judge: and from this day forward, we shall see how you behave your self, since you have now your porringer, as well as other folks. If thou hadst been my friend (as thou professest) when I stood in needs of thee, thou shouldst then have favoured me, and made show of thy love, and assisted Celestina in all that had been for my profit, and not to driven in at every word a nail of malice. Know moreover, that as wine in the Lees, when it is drawn to the very dregs, driveth drunkards from the Tavern: the Like effect hath necessity, or aduer sity with a feigned friend: and false mettle, that is gilded but slight lie over, quickly discovers it self to be but counterfeit. Who, brother? Callest thou it love? Thou mayest call it sorrow with a venge ance. And by my faith, I swear unto thee, that I verily think, that he will hardly now escape either death or madness: but since it is, as it is, dispatch your business, that we may go up, and see what he does. Good Sir, leave off these circumlocutions; leave off these poetical fictions; for that speech is not comely, which is not common unto all: which all men partake not of, as well as your self: or which few do but understand. Say, till the Sun set, and every one will know what you mean. Come, eat in the mean while, some Conserves, or the Like confection, that you may keep some life in you, till I return. Go in, man, never stand upon those niceties; for we are all of a house. Now, joust now, they are covering the Table. Let this pass, never trouble thy head with these jealousy's, and suspicions of thine; no, though they should happen to be true. But prepare thy self, and Like a tall soldier, be in readiness upon the first Alarm, or word given, to betake thee to thy heals. Do Like the men of Villa-Diego, who being besieged, ran away by night, with their Breeches in their hands. Oh my friend ( Parmeno ) how good and joyful a thing is it, for fellows and companions to live together in love and unity! And though Celestina should prove good to us in no other thing, save only this; yet in this alone hath she done us service enough, and deserved very well at our hands. Look what leisure the old bearded Bawd takes How softly she goes How one leg comes draw ling after another Now she has her money, her arms are broken. Well overtaken, Mother, I perceive, you will not hurt your self by too much haste. Parmeno, I pray thee bring down our Cloaks, and our Rapiers; for I think it be time for us to go to dinner. Or rather implumed, mother, which is worse. Peace, (thou despairful fellow) lest Calisto kill thee, if he chance to hear thee. What hast thou thought upon to send thither, that those pretty fools may hold thee a complete Courtier, well bred and bountiful? Come, we will chide and brawl after dinner: Now let us fallen to our victuals. Mother Celestina, will it please you to fit down first? What? will you still play the Heretic? Harken to him, Parmeno; but take thou no care at all; let it not trouble thee. For, if there be any double dealing, or that the play prove foul, he shall pay for all; for our feet be good, and we will betake us to our heals. I have turned them all out, that I might go the lighter; for I have enough to do to carry this Corslet, which your impor tunity made me put on; for I could have been very well content to have left it off, because I thought it would be too heavy for me, when I should run away. Hark, hark, hearest thou Parmeno? the but sinesse goes ill with us; we are but dead men. Put on, away, be gone, make towards Celestina's house, that we may not be cut off, by betaking us to our own house. And I am little better, because you will not stay and tell me. Is this all the good she taught thee? Is all your old acquain tance come to this? Is this all the obligation you owe her for her pains in breeding you up? Sure, she ha brought her Hogs to a good market, in bestowing so great kindness on so very a Pig. Dost thou believe it, Parmeno? I wot well that thou wilt not swear it. Remember, if you go for the Conserves, that you nim a barrel for those you wot of; you know who I mean. And to a good understanding every thing will light in his lap: or (as he phrase is) fallen into his Cod-pisse. Take heed, Sir, lest by your long stay, you give occa sion of talk to the world. For your honesty have a care, that you make not your self become a byeword to the people. For nowadays, it is commonly spoken amongst them, He is and Hypocrite, that is too devout. For, what will they say of you, if they see you thus, but S ffe in derision at you, and say, He is gone to the Myrtle-grove to sacrifice some halfescore Hecatombs of sighs and ay-mees to Venus son, to prosper and preferred him to the favour & fruition of some Mistress? If you are oppressed with passion, endure it at home in your own house, that the world may not perceive it. Discover not your grief unto strangers, since the drum is in their hands, who know best how to beat it: and your business in her hands, who knows best how to manage it. Fly, fly, Parmeno, the people begin to flock him therward. See, see, yonder comes the Alguazil.