PARMENO

Sir. Who's there? Sir, wot you who they are that knock so loud? It is Sempronio, and and old bawd he hath brought along with him. Oh how she is bedaubed with painting! I went into the market place, and fetched her victuals; I waited on her in the streets, and supplied her wants in other the Like services, as far as my poor sufficiency, and slender strength was able to perform. So that though I continued but a little while with her, yet I remember every thing as fresh, as if it were but yesterday, in so much that old-age hath not been able to wear it out. This good honest whore, this graven matron, forsooth, had at the very end of the City, there where your Tanners dwell, close by the waterside, a lone house, somewhat far from neighbours, half of it fallen down, ill contrived, and worse furnished. Now, for to get her living, ye must understand, she had six several Trades: she was a Laundress, a Persumeresse, a Former of faces, a Mender of cracked maidenheads, a B worser, and had some smatch of a Witch; Her first Trade was a cloak to all the test; under colour whereof, being withal a piece of a Sempstress, many young wenches that were of your ordinary sorts of servants, came to her house to work: some on smocks, some on gorgets and many other things: but not one of them that came thither, but brought with her either bacon, wheat, flower, or a Jar of wine, or some other the Like provision, which they could conveniently steal from their Mistress's, and some other thefts of greater quality, making her house (for she was the re ceiuer, and kept all things close) the Rendezvous of all their Roguery: she was a great friend to your Students, Noble men's Can erers, and Pages: To these she sold that innocent blood of these poor miserable souls, who did easily adventure their virgini ties, drawn on by fair promises, and the restitution and reparation which she would make them of their lost maidenheads. Nay, she proceeded so far, that by cunning means, she had access and come munication with your very Vestals, and never left them, till she had brought her purpose to pass. And what time do you think she chosen when she would deal with any of these? At the time of their chiefest ceremonies; as when they kept their most mysterious ce lebration of the feasts of their Vesta, nay, and that most strictly so lemnized day of Bona Deam, where it is death to admit men: even then by unheard of disguises, she had her plots and projects effectually working upon them, to the utter abolition of their vows and vir ginity. Now, what think you, were the trades and merchandise wherein she dealt? She professed her self a kind of Physician, and feigned that she had good skill in curing of little children: She would go and fetch flax from one house, and put it forth to spin ning to another, that she might thereby have pretence for the freer access unto all: One would cry, Here mother: and another, There mother: Look, says the third, where the old woman comes: Yonder comes that Beldame so well known to all. Yet notwithstanding all these her cares, troubles, and trottings to and from, being never out of Actium, she would never miss any great meeting, any religious procession, any Nuptials, Love-ties, Balls, masks or games what soever; They were the only markets, where she made all her bar gains. And at home in her own house she made perfumes, false and counterfeit Storax, Benjamin, Gum, Anime, Amber, Ci vit, Powders, Musk and Mosqueta: She had a chamber full of Limbecks, little vials, pots, some of earth, some of glass, some brass, and some tin, formed in a thousand fashions. She made sublimated Mercury, boiled confections for to clarify the skin, waters to make the face glister, paintings, some white, some for million, lip-salues, scarlet-died clothes, fitted purposely for woe men to rub their faces therewith, ointments for to make the face smooth, lustrifications, clarifications, pargetings, farthings, waters for the morphewes, and a thousand other slibber slabbers: Some made of the lees of wine, some of daffodils, some of the barks and rinds of trees, some of Scar-wolf, otherwise called Cittibush, or Trifolium, some of Taragon, some of Centory, some of sour grapes, some of Must, or new wine taken from the press, first distilled, and afterwards sweetened with sugar. She had a trick to supple and refine the skin with the juice of Lemons, with Turpen tine, with the marrow of Dear, and of Heron-shawes, and a thou sand the Like confections: she distilled sweet-waters, of Roses, of Flowers, of Oranges, of Iesmine, of three-leafed Grass, of Wood bine, of Gillyflowers, incorporated with Musk and Civit, and sprinkled with wine: she made likewise Lees, for to make the turn yellow, or of the colour of Gold; and this she come p worser of the sprigs of the Vine, of Holm, of Rye, of Horehound in termixt with Saltpeter, with Alum, Mill-foil, which some call Y owe, or Nose-bleed, together with diverse other things. The oils, the butters, and the greases which she used, it is loathsome to tell you, and would turn your stomach: as of Kine, Bears, Horses, Can e S, Snakes, Conies, Wha es, Herons, Bittours, Bucks, Cats of the mountains, Badgers, Squirrels, Hedgehogs and others. For her preparatives for bathings, it is a wonderful thing to ac quaint you with all the herbs and roots which were ready Gam red and hung up high in the roof of her house: as Can ro mill, Rosemary, Marth-mallowes, Maidenhair, Bluebottle, Flowers of Elder, and of Mustard, Spike and white Laurel, buds of Roses, Rosecakes, Gramenilla, Wild-savoury, Green figs, Picodorae, and Folia-tinct. The oils which she extracted for the face, it is in credible to recount, of Storax and of Iesmine, of Le ̄ mons, of Apple-kernels, of Violets, of Been vy, of Fistick-nuts, of Pineapple kernels, of Grape-stores, of Jujuba, of Axenuz or M lanthien, of Lupines, of Peas, of Carilla, and Paxarera; and a small quantity of Balsam mum she had in a little vial, wherewith she cured that scotch given her overthwart her nose. For the mending of lost maidenheads, some she help with little bladders, and other some she stitched up with the needle: she had in a little Cabinet, or painted work box, certain fine small needles, such as your Glovers sow withal, and threads of the slenderest & smallest silk, rubbed over with wax: she had also roots hanging there of Folia-Plasme, Fuste-sanguinio, Squill or Sea-Onion, and ground Thistle. With these she did work wonders; and when the French Ambassador came thither, she made sale of one of her wenches, three several times for a virgin. Believe me (Sir) it is true as I tell you. Beside, out of charity forsooth, she relieved many Orphans, and many straggling wenches, which recommended themselves unto her. In another partition, she had her knacks for to help those that were lovesick, and to make them to be beloved again, and obtain their desires. And for this purpose, she had the bones that are bred in a Stags heart, the tongue of a Viper, the heads of Quails the brains of and Ass, the kalls of young Colts, when they are new foaled, the bearing cloth of a newborn babe, Barbary beans, a Sey-Com pass, A Horn-fish, the halter of a man that hath been hanged, Iuse berries, the prickles of a Hedgehog, the foot of a Badger, Fearne-seed, the stone of and Eagles nest, and a thousand other things. Many both men and women came unto her: of some she would de manned a piece of that bred where they had bit it: of others, some partly of their apparel: of some, she would crave to have of their hair: others, she would draw characters in the palms of their hands with Saffrom; with othersome she would do the same with a kind of colour, which you call Vermilion: to others she would give hearts made of wax, and stuck full of broken needles; and many other the Like things, made in clay, and some in led, very fearful, and ghastly to behold: she would draw circles, portrait forth figures, and mumble many strange words to her self, would ving her eyes still fixed on the ground. But who is able to deliver unto you those things that she hath done? And all these were mere mockeries and lies. Sir, it grieves me not a little, that you should seem doubtful of my fidelity, and faithful service, which these your fair promises and demonstrations of your good affection, cannot but call into question and jealousy. When (Sir) did you ever see my envy prove hurtful unto you? Or when for any interest of mine own, or dislike, did I ever show myself cross, to cross your good, or to hinder what might make for your profit? Protesting first my innocency for your former suspicion, and complying with my fidelity, since you have given me such free liberty of speech, I will truly deliver unto you what I think. Hear me therefore, and let not your affection make you deaf, nor hope of your pleasure blind you; have a little patience, and be not too hasty; for many through too much eagerness to hit the pin e, have shot far beside the white. And albeit I am but young, yet have I seen somewhat in my days: beside, the observation and fight of many things, do teach a man much experience. Wherefore, as sure your self, and thereon I durst pawn my life, that they over herd what we said, as also our coming down the stairs, and have of set purpose fallen into this false and feigned expression of their great love and care, wherein you now place the end of your desire. Woe to these ears of mine, that ever they should hear such words as these. I now see, that he is a lost man, who goes after one that is lost. Oh unhappy Calisto, deject wretch, blind in thy folly, and kneeling on the ground, to adore the oldest, and the rot tennest piece of whorish earth, that ever rubbed her shoulders in the Stews! He is undone, he is overthrown horse and foot, he is fallen ino a trap, whence he will never get out; he is not capable of any redemption, counsel, or courage. Would, would, he. Nay, mother, be quiet: hold your peace, I pray. Do not blame me; and do not hold me, though I am but young, for a fool. I love Calisto, tied thereunto out of that true and honest fi delity, which every servant owes unto his Master; for the breeding that he hath given me, for the benefit which I receive from him, as also because I am well respected, and kindly entreated by him, which is the strongest chain, that links the love of the servant to the service of his Master: As the contrary is the breaking of it. I see he is out of the right way, and hath wholly lost himself; and nothing can befall a man worse in this world, then to hunt after his desire, without hope of a good and happy end; especially, he thin king to recover his game (which himself holds so hard and dif ficult a pursuit) by the vain advice, and foolish reasons of that beast Sempronio, which is all one, as if he should go about with the broad end of a Spade, to dig li le worms out of a men hand. I hate it. I abhor it. It is abominable: and with grief I speak it I do much lament it. And therefore do I wail, because it cannot be helped: For if by wailing and weeping, it were possible to work some re medy for my Master, so great would the contentment of that hope be, that for very joy, I should not have the power to weep. But because I see all hope thereof to be utterly lost, with it have I lost all my joy, and for this cause do I weep. Yes. But I would not have my Master through mour ning and grieving, languish, and grow sick. I regard not what thou sayest. For in good things, better is the Act, then the Power: And in bade things, better the Power, then the Act. So that, it is beter to be well, then and the way to be well. And better is the possibility of being sick, then to be sick in deed: and therefore, Power in ill, is better then the Act. Nay rather, of this weak old Whore. How, as though I did not know thee? Celestina, my hair stands and end to hear thee, I trem ble at thy words; I know not what I should do, I am in a great perplexity. One while I hold thee for my mother, another while Call sto for my Master, I desire riches, but would not get them wrongfully; for, he that rises by unlawful means, falls with greater speed, then he God up. I would not for all the world thrive by ill got gain. Well, we two are of contrary minds. For, I should ne ver live contented with ill got goods; for I hold cheerful po verty, to be and honest thing. Beside, I must tell you, that they are not poor, that have little, but they that desire much; And there before say all you can, though never so much, you shall never per suade me in this, to be of your belief. I would feign pass over this life of mi e without envy: I would pass thorough solitary woods and wildernesses without fear: I would take my sleep with out rtings: I would avoid injuries, with gentle answers: endure violence without reviling: and brook oppression by a resolute resistance. I said, that I believe thee, but I dare not be so bold. And therefore let me alone. I am very jealous and suspicious of receiving this doubt full council. I am afraid to venture upon it. Sempronio, what hath he given her? Would, would, would. Peace, she hath. As thou wilt thy self. Yet for all this, me thinks I am still afraid. Here, Sir. Is the wind in that door? Do you begin to come plain already? Have you now better bethought your self? We shall shortly complain too at home; for I fear me, we shall fast for this frankenesse. I, her slave. For to whom thou tellest thy secret, to him dost thou give thy liberty. Marry, I say, Sir, that never any error came yet vnac companied; and that one inconvenience is the cause of another, and the door that opens unto many. Then thus, Sir, your losing of your Hawk the other day, was the cause of your entering into the Garden, where Melibea was to look if she were there; your entering, the cause that you both saw her, and talked with her; your talk engendered love; your love brought forth your pain; and your pain, will be the cause of your growing careless and wretchless both of your body, soul, and goods. And that which grieves me most, is, that you must fallen into the hands of that same Trot-vp-and down; that maiden-head-mon her, that same gadding to and from Bawd, who for her villainies, and rogueries in that kind, hath been three several times implu med. I had rather, Sir, that you should be angry with me, and reprehend me out of your choler, for crossing your opinion, then out of your after-repentance, to condemn me for not counseling you the contrary. For I should but dissemble with you, if I should not tell you, That then you lost your liberty, when you did first captivate, and imprison your will. Sir, it is a weak fidelity, which fear of punishment can turn to flattery; more especially, with such a Master, whom sor row and affliction deprive of reason, and make him a stranger to his natural judgement. Take but away this same veil of blind ness, and these momentary fi es will quickly vanish; and then shall you know, that these my sharp words are better to kill this strong Canker, & to stifle these vio ent flames, then the soft smoothings of foot king Sempronio, which feed your humour, quicken up your love, kindle afresh your flames, and join brands to brands, which shall never leave burning, till they have quite consumed you, and brought you to your graven. Go, never to return, and the devil go with thee. Let a man tell these fools all that he can for their own good, they will never see it; and I, for my partly believe; that if I should now at this instant give him a blow on the heel, I should Beatrice more brain out of his he e then his head. Go whither thou wilt for me: For I dare pawn my life, that Celestina and Sempronio will fleece you ere they have done with you, and not leave you so much as one Master-feather to maintain your flight. Oh unfortunate that I am, that I should suffer hatred for my truth, and receive harm for my faithful service! Others thrive by their knavery, and I loose by my honesty. The world is now grown to that pass, that it is good to be bade, and bade to be good; and therefore I will follow the fashion of the times, and do as other men do: since that Trai tours are accounted wise and discreet, and faithful men are deemed silly honest fools. Had I credited Celestina, with her six dozen of years about her, and followed her counsel, I had not been thus ill entreated by Calisto. But this shall be a warning unto me ever hereafter, to say as he says. If he shall say, Come, let us eat, and be merry, I will say so too. If, Let us throw down the house, I also will approve it. If he will burn all his goods, I will help to fetch the fire. Let him destroy, hang, drown, burn himself, and give all that he hath (if he will) to Bawds; I for my partly will hold my peace, and help to divide the spoil. Beside, it is and and cient and true received Rule; That it is best fishing in troubled Wherefore I will never any more be a dog e in a mill, to be beaten for my barking. Master, Master? Thou art all (I see) for thy self. That is it thou shootest at. Thou art Like a Lettice, that grows betwixt two Coleworts; If thou be let alone, thou will overtop them. The next word I look for, is, that she beg a Kirtle for her Mantle: thou art all (I per ceiue) for thy self; and wilt not ask any thing, whereof others may have partly. The old woman will implume him, not leaving him so much as one feather; how cunningly does she work him? how craftily pitch her ne S to catch me and my Master, seeking to make me faithless, and him foolish? Do but mark her ( Sempronis ) be still, and give her but the hearing, and you shall see, she will not demand any money of my Master, because it is divisible. Sempronio, sow me up this mouth; for I can no longer hold. A pocks on her, she hath hedged in the Kirtle to her Gown. Could not one alone have contented her? Oh what starting holes does this fool seek for to fly from us, that he may, at his pleasure, weep for joy with Celestina, and discover unto her a thousand secrets of his light, and doting ap petite! First, to ask her, I know not how oft of every particular: and then have her answer him to the same, six several times one of ter another, and never to make and end, but over, and over, and oh ver with it again, having no body by to tell him how tedious he is; Fie upon him, I am sick to think upon it. Go your ways (you fool) Get you up with a murrain; but we will not stay long after you. Now the fools steel begins to strike fire; now his bells begin to jangle; mark how his clock goes; it never strikes un der twelve; the finger of his dial point is still upon high noon; all upon the most. Sempronio, tell the clock, keep true reckoning, how standest thou gazing Like a wide-mouthed drivelling fool, hea ring his fooleries, and her lies? Oh yes, in any case! I pray take care of her; because she is young and handsome, and may chance to be ravished by the way. Sempronio, thou shalt go with her, because she is afraid of the Crickets, which chripe in the dark, as she goes home to her house. I said, Sir, it were meet, that I and Sempronio should ac company her home; For it is very dark. His Wench, mother? I know that as well now, though I am but young, as if I were elder: and howbeit I spoke against you to day, it was not because I thought that to be ill spoken which you said; but be cause I saw, when I told my Master the truth, and advised him for the best, he ill entreated me, and therefore henceforth let us shake hands, and use him accordingly; do what thou wilt unto him, I will hold my peace; for I have already too much offended, in not crediting thee in this business concerning him. What say you mother? Gentlewoman, heavens preserve this gracious presence of yours. Mother, as you love my life, as you love goodness, let me not go hence, until we be well agreed: for she hath wounded me with her eyes, to death, and I must die through love, unless you help me; offer her all that which my father left with you for me; tell her, I will give her all that I have. Beside, do you hear? Tell her, that me thinks, she will not vouchsafe to look upon me. I, far days; very far days. What should we talk (Love) any more? if that which hath been said already be not sufficient, excuse that in me, which is more necessary; for it is now almost high noon: and if I stay any longer, I shall not be welcome to my Master. To morrow is a new day, and then I will come to see you again; and as often afterwards as you please: and therefore was one day made after another, be cause that which could not be performed in one day, might be done in another: as also, because we should see one another the oftener. In the mean while, let me entreat you to do me the fa vour, that you will come and dine with us to day at Celestina's house. Oh Sempronio, my good friend, I pray thee do not inter rupt, or rather corrupt my pleasure; Do not intermix thy anger with my patience; do not involve thy discontentment with my quiet; Do not soil with such troubled water, the clear liquour of those gladsome thoughts, which I harbour in my heart; Do not sour with thy malicious taunts and hatefully reprehensions, the sweetness of my delight. Receive me cheerful, embrace me with joy, and I shall tell thee wonders of my late happy procee dings. You cannot hold, your heart would burst, if you should not vent your choler. Well, I will give way, and should you use me worse, I will pocket up all your wrongs: and the rather, because it is and old saying, No humane passion is perpetual. Why, what were all the joy I now enjoy, did I not in joy her? How? continual travel? Why, I never thought of having her till yesterday; then did I work her; and now she is mine own. No, not any thing, but whatsoever I had given her, it had been well bestowed: for she is capable of every good thing; and such as she, are by so much the better esteemed, by how much the dearer they are bought: and Like Jewels, are the higher prized, the more they cost us. But, save in this my Mistress, so rich a thing was never purchased at so low a rate. I have invited her to day to dinner to Celestina's house; and if you Like of it, let us all meet there. Thou and she, and the old woman and Elicia; and there we will laugh and be merry. What does that man in desperation do? What a strange humour is this? But tell me ( Sempronio ) Did he never call for me? Did he not remember me when I was gone? Even in this also fortune hath been favourable unto me. And since all things go so well, whilst I think on it, I will send thither our meat, that they may the sooner make ready our din ner. Hark, hark, Sempronio! Our Master is a rhyming: He is turned Po to, I perceive. It is rather, Sir, too late to rise. So, now he is gone. The devil and ill fortune follow thee; for in the very same hour hast thou eaten this Citron, as Apuleius did that poison which turned him into and Ass. Come, let us go presently; for I think they will find fault with us, for staying so long. Let us not go thorough this, but that other street, that we may go in by the Vestals, so shall we see, whither Celestina have ended her devotions, and take her along with us. That can never be said out of time, which ought to be done at all times. Well, and wisely hast thou spoken; but hush: the door is open, and she in the house. Call before you go in; peraduen ture, they are not yet fully ready; or things are not in that order as they would have it; and then will they be loath to be seen. What? Marry, I will tell you. Necessity, Poverty, and Hunger; then which there are no better. Tutors in the world: No better quickeners, and reuiuers of the wit. Who taught your Pies, and your Parrats to imitate our proper Language, and tone, with their slit tongues, save only necessity? It is the common opinion of all: That thrice in a dinner, is good, honest, competent, and sufficient for any man. And all that do write thereof, do allow you no more. He flung from us with a vengeance, fretting and fuming Like a madman, his eyes sparkling forth fire, his mouth venting forth curses, despairful, discontented in mind, and Like one that is half beside himself: and is now gone to Saint Marry Mag dalens, to desire of God, that thou mayest well and truly gnaw the bones of these Chickens; vowing never to come ome, till he hear that thou art come with Melibea in thy lap. Thy gown and kirtle, and my cassock are cocksure. For the rest let the world slide; but when we shall have it; that I know not, all the craft is in the catching. Brother, the old woman looks merrily; Sure, she hath sped well to day. To see what haste the old Trot makes to be gone: she thinks every hour a year, till she be gone clear away with the chain; she cannot persuade her self, that it is as yet sure enough in her hands; for she knows, that she is as little worthy of that chain, as Calisto is of his Melibea. We are near unto the place. Hark, hark ( Sempronio ) Hearest thou not what he says? He is coming to seek after us; we shall make a bad year of it, we shall run into a peck of troubles. I tell you truly, I Like not of his coming. This love of theirs, I verily persuade my self, was begun in and unlucky hour; if you will go, go; for I'll stay here no longer. Calisto talks idly, surely, he is not well in his wits. I am of the belief (brother) that he is not so devout. That which that old traitorous Trot, with her pestiferous Sorceries hath compassed and brought about, he sticks not to say, that the Destinies have granted, and wrought for him: and with this confidence, he would adventure to break open these doors; who shall no sooner have given the first stroke, but that presently he will be herd, and taken by her father's servants, who lodge hard by. But the stones you had in it, What hast thou done with them? Take your eyes in your hand, and see you be sure. Trust not I say, too much to those eyes of yours; they may mistake, taking one thing for another; they have not left me one drop of blood in my body. Death had e'n almost swallowed me up; for me thought still as I ran, they were cutting and Can bonading my shoulders. I never in my life remember, that I was in the Like fear, or ever saw my self in the Like danger of and affront, though I have gone ma nigh a time thorough other men's houses, and thorough places of much peril, and hard to pass. Nine years was I servant to Guadaluppe, and a thousand times my self and others were at buffets, cutting one another for life, yet was I never in that fear of death, as now. Sist, Sist; Hear you Sir? make haste and be gone, for here is a great company coming along with To ches; and unless you make haste, you will be seen, and known; for here is not any place, where you may hide your self from their view. Neither had I any feeling of your great pain; nor knew I the gentleness, and well-deseruingnesse of Melibea; and there before am not to be blamed. But well did I know both Celestina, and all her cunning tricks and devices; and did thereupon advise you, as became a servant to advise his Master, and as I thought, for the best; but now I see, she is become another woman, she is quite changed from what she was, when I first knew her. It is well remembered, I had quite forgotten it; let us go both together, and if she stand upon points with us, let us put her in to such a fear, that she may be ready to bewray her self; for more ney goes beyond all friendship. Let her give thee that which she promised; let her make that good, or let us take it all from her. I told you before (would you have believed me) what and old cozening companion you should find her. What would you, Sir? Sir why do you vex your self? why grieve you? Do you think, that in the ears of this woman, the name, by which I now call her does any way found reproachfully? Believe it not. Assure your self, she glories as much in this name, as oft as she hears it, as you do, when you hear some voice, Calisto to be a gallant Gen tleman. Beside, by this is she commonly called, and by this Title is she of all men generally known. If she pass along the streets among a hundred women, and some one perhaps blurts out, See, where's the old Bawd; without any impatiency, or any the least distemper, she presently turns her self about, nods the head, and answers them with a smiling countenance, and cheerful look. At your solemn banquets, your great feasts, your weddings, your gos sippings, your merry meetings, your funerals, and all other assem blies whatsoever, where there is any resort of people, thither does she repair, and there they make pastime with her. And if she pass by where there be any dogs, they straightway b ke out this name; If she come amongst birds, they have no other note but this; If she sighed upon a flock of sheep, their bleatings proclaim no less; If she meet with beasts, they bellow forth the same: The frogs that lie in ditches, croak no other tune; Come she a amongst your Smith's, your Carpenters, your Armourers, your Fer riers, your Braziers, your Joiners: why, their hammers beat all upon this word. In a word, all sorts of tools and instruments return no other Echo in the air; your Shoemakers sing this song; your Comb-makers join with them, your Gardeners, your Ploughman, your Reapers, you Vine-keepers pass away the pain fullness of their labours, in making her the subject of their discourse; your Table-players, and all other Gamesters never loose, but they peal forth her praises: To be short, be she wheresoever she be, all things whatsoever are in this world, repeat no other name but this: Oh what a devourer of roasted eggs was her husband? What would you more? Not one stone that strikes against another, but presently noiseth out, Old whore. True, he hath so; but as his service is, so is his allowance; he sings all the year long for it: and this old Jade would in one day, for treading some three steps, cast off all her rugged hairs, and get her a new coat; which is more then she could well do these fifty years. I could be well content, that she should pill and pole, ask and have, shave & cut, but not cut out all the cloth foe her own coat. And fare you well too. Oh singular pleasure! Oh singular joy! What man lives there this day, that can say he is more fortunate then I am? Can any man be more happy? any more successful then my self, that I should enjoy so excellent a gift? so curious a creature? and no sooner ask then have? Believe me, if my heart could brook this old woman's treasons, I could creep upon my knees to do her a kindness. How shall I be able to requite her? Oh heavens! To whom shall I impart this my joy? To whom shall I discover so great a secret? To whom shall I discover some partly of my glory? It is true that the old woman told me; That of no prosperity, the possession can be good without company; and that pleasure not communicated, is no pleasure. Oh! who can have so true a feeling of this my happiness, as my self? But lo, yonder is Sempronio, standing at our door; he hath been stirring betimes; I shall have a piteous life with my Master, if he be gone abroad; but I hope he is not; if he be, he hath left his old wont. But be king he is not now himself, no marvel if he break custom. In a plentiful house a supper is soon provided: that, which I have here at home in the Larder, is sufficient to save our credit. We have good white bred, wine of Monuiedro, a good gammon of Bacon, and some half dozen couple of dainty Chickens, which my Master's Tenants brought him in the other day, when they came to pay their rend; which if he chance to ask for I will make him believe, that he hath eaten them himself: and those Turtledoues, which he willed me to keep against to day; I will tell him, that they were a little to blame, and none of the sweetest, and that they did so stink, that I was feign to throw them away; and you shall justify it, and bear me witness. We will take order, that all that he shall eat thereof, shall do him no harm; and that our own Table (as good reason it is it should) be wellfurnished; and there with the old woman, as oft as we meet, we will talk more largely concerning this his love, to his lose, and our profit. I would have had thee been gone 2. hours ago; for he will never give over, but still find some occasion to continue his discourse. I shall tell you Sir, how I know her: It is a great while ago, since my mother dwelled in her Parish, who being entreated by this Celestina, gave me unto her to wait upon her, though now she know me not, grown out perhaps of her remembrance; as well by rea son of the short time I abided with her, as also through the alterati on which age hath wrought upon me. Who? marry, I am Parmeno, son to Alberto thy gossip, who lived some little while with thee; for my mother recommen dead me unto thee, when thou dwelt'st close by the rivers side in Tanners row. The very same. Passing well: and sometime also, though I was then but a little Apish boy, how you would take me up to your pillow, and there lie hugging of me in your arms; and because you savoured somewhat of old age, I remember how I would fling and fly from you. True, but contented poverty is safe and secure. To Areusa? To Areusa, the daughter of Eliso? Is this certain? It is marvelous strange. Nothing in the world more. Oh Celestina; I have herd old men say, that one exam ple of luxury or covetousness, does much hurt, And that a man should converse with those that may make him better; and to for sake the fellowship of those whom he thinks to make better. As for Sempronio, neither by his example shall I be wone to be for tuous; nor he by my company be withdrawn from being vicious. And suppose that I should incline to that which thou sayest, I would feign know this one thing of thee, how by example faults may be concealed. And though a man overcome by pleasure, may go a gainst virtue; yet notwithstanding, let him take heed how he spot his honesty. My mother (I see) is angry; and what I were best to do, I know not. I am doubtful of following her council: it is as great and error to believe nothing, as it is to believe every thing. The more humane and civil courie is, to have affiance and confidence in her. Especially in that, where beside the present benefit, both profit and pleasure is proposed. I have herd tell; that a man should be leave his betters, and those whose years carry authority with them. Now; What is it she adviseth me unto? To be at peace with Sem pronio: and to peace, no man ought to be opposite. For blessed are the peaceful. Love and charity towards our brothers, that is not to be shunned and avoided by us; and few are they, that will forgo their profit. I will therefore seek to please her, and Harken unto her. Mother, a master ought not be offended with his Scholars ignorance; at least, very seldom in matters of depth and know ledge. For though knowledge in its own nature, be communica ble unto all, yet is it infused but into few. And therefore I pray par done me, and speak a new unto me; For, I will not only hear and believe thee, but receive thy council as a singular kindness, and a token of thy great favour, and especial love towards me. Nor yet would I, that you should thank me for this; Because the praise and thanks of every Actium, ought rather to be attributed to the giver then to the receiver. Command me therefore; for to your commandments shall I ever be willing, that my consent submit it self. Now fie upon it. I perceive there can be no greater plague, nor no greater enemy to a man, then those of his own house. I say, Sir, that it had been better you had employed your li berality on some present, or the Like services upon Melibea her self, then to cast away your money upon this old Bawd: I know well enough what she is; and which is worse, on such a one, as minds to make you her slave. The devil approve it for me. Holla, boys, where be you? Not a boy about the house. I must be feign to do it my self; and I am glad it is no worse: for I fear it be long, we shall come to a worse office, then to be boys of the spur, and to lackey it at the stirrup. Well, let the world slide, and things be as they may be, when they cannot be as they should be. My Gossips (I see as it is in the proverb) are and gry with me for speaking the truth. Why, how now you Jade? Are you neig king too? Is not one jealous Lover enough in a house? Or dost thou wind Melibea? Here he is: Sosia was was not within. I see Sempronio and Celestina coming towards the house. And at every step they make a stop; and look where they stand still, there Sempronio, with the point of his sword, makes streaks and lines in the ground. It is some earnest matter sure that they are debating, but what it should be, I cannot devise. Now, what a Devil ails he? He shakes and quivers Like a fellow that hath had his senses over-touched with quicksilver. Look, he cannot stand on his legs; would I could help him to his tongue, that I might hear him speak again: sure, he cannot live long, if this fft continue. We shall get well by this his love, shall we not? Every man his mourning weed, and there's and end. Well, I will get me gone; I say nothing, Sempronio; hear you all for me: I will be hanged, if the fool my Master do not measure with his thoughts, how many steps there be between this and Melibea's house. And if he not contemplate every kind of Actium and gesture she might use; as how she looked, how she stood, when she was bargaining for the thread: All his senses, all the powers & faculties of his soul are wholly taken up, and possessed with her: but he will find in the end, that my counsel would have done him more good, then all the cunning tricks, and coozenages of Celestina. So, so; all for the old woman; because Like the Be, she comes home laden with lies, as he does with honey; as for me, I may go work out my heart, and go hang my self when I have done; whilst she with a pocks must have every day change of raiment. I say nothing, Sir, but that it is too late to have the Tay lour for to come to night. Mother, I confess my second fault; and craving pardon for what is passed, I offer my self to be ordered by you in all my future proceedings. But yet me thinks it is impossible, that I should hold friendship with Sempronio; he is frappish, and I cannot bear; he is choleric, and I can carry no coals. How then is it possible to make a true contract betwixt two such contrary nature's? In good faith (mother) you say true. But the more I grow in years, the less I grow in patience; Tush, I have forgotten that lesson, as if I had never known what it meant; I am (I confess) the man I was, nor is Sempronio himself; neither can he, nor will he stead me in any thing. I never yet tasted any the least kind ness from him. Mother, what do you call a reposed life? I say, How should it come to pass, that my mother should have this advantage of you, being the words which she and you spoke, were both one? Tell me, mother: When the Justice sent Officers to ap prehend you, at which time I was then in your house, was there a nigh great acquaintance between you? That is true which you say; but it was not enjoined by the Justice. Let us now leave talking of the dead, and of patrimonies, and let us parley of our present businesses, which concerns us more then to draw things passed unto our remembrance. If you be well re membered, it is not long since that you promised me, I should have Areusa, when as I told you at my Master's house, that I was ready to die for love; so servent is my affection towards her. I was quite out of hope ever to have her; for I could ne ver come to any conclusion with her, no, not to find so much fa vour, as but to speak with her, or to have but a word with her. And as it is in the proverb: In love it is and ill sign, to see his Mistress fly, and turn the face. And this did much dishearten me in my suit. Mother, will you that I wait upon you? Shall I accom pany you home? Gentlewoman, I am in the right; it is day: I see it is day: I am not deceived. No, no; I knew it was broad day, when I saw the light come thorough the chinks of the door. Oh what a Vil lain am I? Into how great a fault am I fallen with my Master? I am worthy of much punishment. Oh how far days is it? What talkest thou to me of Melibea? It is touching another, that I wish better unto then Melibea. And such a one (if I be not de ceiued) as may compare with her both in hand omnes, and beauty. Melibea? Why, she is not worthy to carry her shoes after her: as though forsooth, the world and all that therein is, be it beauty, or otherwise, were only enclosed in Melibea? Is it folly (say you) to love? Then am I a fool. But if foolishness were a pain, some in every house would complain. It is not, Sempronio, true courage, nor manly valour, to hurt or hinder any man, but to do good, to heal, and help him: and far greater is it to be willing so to do. I have evermore made reckoning of thee, as of mine own brother. Let not that be very fied of thee, which is commonly spoken amongst us; that a slight cause should partly true friends; I tell you, you do not use me well. Nay, you deal very ill with me; I know not whence this rancour should arise. Do not vex me ( Sempronio; ) Torment me not with these thy wounding words. And shall I tell you? It is a very strange and strong kind of patience, which sharp taunts and scoffs, which Like so many needles and bo kins set to the heart, cannot pierce and prick thorough. No great matter. Only I have left her in doubt, when there she be with child or no. No, but she was the godmother, which is the truer of the two. And you know, when a man comes once to a good tree, he will stay a while by it, and take the benefit of the shade. I was long a coming, but when I came, I went quickly to work: I dispatched it in and instant. Oh brother, what shall I say unto thee of the gram ces that are dwelling in that wench, of her language, and beauty of body? But I will defer the repetition thereof to a fitter oppor tunitie. Lo, did I not tell thee he was turned true Rimer? Lo (Sir) here it is. Tush, this is nothing; I know more then this. But because you were angry the to there day, when I told Calisto so much, I will forbear to speak of it. Call you that a little chain? Herd you him, Sem pronio? This Spendthrift makes no reckoning of it; but I assure you, I will not give my partly thereof for half a Mark of gold, let her share it never so ill. He hath hanged himself so fast to that old woman's mouth, that he is both deaf, dumb and blind, Like a body without a soul, or a bell without a clapper; insomuch, that if we should point at him scornfully with our fingers, he would say, We lifted up our hands to heaven, imploring his happy success in his love. Lo, Sir, here they be. I fear rather that it is not she, but some one that con terfaytes her voice. Well hast thou spoken; thou knowest my mind, as well as if thou hadst been within me Be it as thou hast said; let us un death; for we are both young; and not to desire to die, nor to kill, is not cowardice, but a natural goodness. Pleberio's followers, they are but fools and madmen, they have not that mind to their meat and their sleep, as they have to be brabbling and quarreling. What fools then should we be, to fallen together by the ears with such ene mies, who do not so much affect Victory and Conquest, as conti nuall War, and endless continued tention? Oh, if thou didst but see (brother) in what posture I stand, thou wouldst be ready to burst with laughing. I stand sideling, my legs abroad, my left foot for most, ready to take the start; the skirts of my Cassock tucked under my girdle, my Buckler clapped close to my arm, that it may not hinder me; and I verily believe, that I should outrun the swif test Buck; so monstrously am I afraid of staying here. You were better (Sir) to take your rest; and that little that it is till day, to take it out in sleep. Whither shall we go ( Sempronio? ) To our chamber and go sleep, or to the Kitchen and break our fast? Do not tit me in the teeth with these thy idle memori alls of my mother, unless thou meanest I should send thee with these thy tidings, unto her, where thou mayest better make thy come plaint. Ay me, wretch that I am! there is no means of escape for us in the world; for they have made good the door, and are entering the house. Leap then, and I will follow thee. Nay soft mother, you shall give me leave not to be leave you; I trust no body with my faith. I would not, mother, that you should draw me on by your pleasing persuasions to follow your advice, as those have done, who wanting a good foundation to built their opinion on, have invited and drawn men to drink of their heresies, sugring their cup with some sweet kind of poison, for to catch and capti vate the wills of weak minded men, and to blind the eyes of their reason, with the powder of some sweet-pleasing affection. Now Sir; Who talks now? I must not speak a word; but did my Master hear you, he would cudgel your coat, as well as mine. Sempronio, a word with you in your ear. Marry this: Celestina's attention gives matter to our Master to enlarge his discourse; give her a touch on the toe; or make some sign to her that she may be gone, and not wait thus, as she does upon his answers. For, there is no man, be he never so much a fool, that speaks much, when he is all a lone. Here, Sir. Mother, you shall not be deceived in me. Now, I bless the time wherein I served thee: con ting those days happy, under which thou bredst me up of a child, since old age brings with it such store of fruit. It is true, but the worse partly of wickedness, is the perseverance therein. Dear love, what wouldst thou have me to do? I have oftentimes herd it spoken, and now by expe rience I see it is true; that in this wretched life of ours, there is no pleasure without sorrow; no contentment without some cross, or counterbuff of fortune. We see our fairest days, our clearest Sunne-shines are overcast with clouds, darkness and rain: our solaces and delights are swallowed up by dolours and by death: laughter, mirth, and merriment are waited on by tears, lamentations, and other the Like mortal passion. In a word; Sweet meat will have sour sauce: and much ease and much quietness, much pain and much heaviness. Who could come more friendly, or more merrily to a man, then I did now to thee? And who could receive a more unkind welcome, or unfriendly salutation? Who lives there, that sees himself, as I have seen my self, raised with such glory to the height of my deer Areusa's love? And who, that sees himself more likely to fallen from thence, then I, being so ill entreated, as I am of thee? Nay, thou wilt not give me leave to tell thee, how much I am thine, how much I will further thee in all I am able, how much I repent me of that which is passed, and what good counsel and reprehensions I have received of Celestina, and all in favour of thee, and thy good, and the good of us all. And now, that we have our Master's and Melibea's game in our own hands; now is the time that we must thrive or never. Why should you think so? Anon, Sir. I, Sir, and a good partly of the day too. What compliments has the old Bawd? Brother, I make no question, but you well enough perceive her foistings, and her flatteries. I never herd thee speak better in my life: the sudden yielding of this Lady, and her so speedy consenting to all that Cele stina would have her, engenders a strong suspicion within me; and makes me to fear, that deceiving our will with her sweet and ready words, she will rob us on the wrong side, as your Gypsies use to do, when they look in our hands to tell us our Fortune's. Beside, more there, it is and old saying: that with fair words, many wrongs are revenged: and the counterfeit stalking horse, which is made but of Canvas, with his dissembled gate, and the alluring found of the tinkling of a bell, drives the Partridges into the net: the songs of the Sire's deceive the simple Mariner with the sweetness of their voices: Even so, she with her exceeding kindness, and sud den concession of her love, will seize handsmooth on a whole drove of us at once, and purge her innocency with Calisto's ho nou_r_, and our death's: Being Like herein to the teatling Lamb, which sucks both her damm's teat, and that of another Ewe. She by securing us, will be revenged both of Calisto, and all of us; so that with the great number of people which they have in the house, they may catch both the old ones and the young one to gether in the nest, whilst she shrugging and rubbing her self by the fire side, may safely say, He is out of gunshot, that rings the bell to the battle. Would, would, he. Who, I, Sir? God forbid, that I should mar that which I never made. Much better were it (Sir) that your presence should be her first encounter, lest in seeing me, she should be more ved to anger, in seeing so many acquainted with that, which she so secretly desires to be done, and vndergoeth with so great fear: as also, because she may haply imagine that you mock her. What dost thou think ( Sempronio ) of the fool our Master, who thought to have made me to be his Target, for to re ceiue the encounter of this first danger? What do I know, who stands between or behind the doors? What know I if there be a nigh treason intended, or no? What can I tell, whither Melibea have plotted this, to cry quittance with our Master, for this his great pre sumption? Beside, we are not sure, whither the old Trot told him truth or no. Thou knowest not, Parmeno, how to speak. Thy life shall be taken from thee, and thou never the wiser for it: thy soul shall be let forth, & thou not know who was he that did it. Do not thou turn flatterer, nor sooth up thy Master in every thing, that he would have thee, and then thou shalt never have cause to weep for other men's woes, or to mourn for others Misery's. Do thou not follow Celestina's counsel in that which is fit and conveni ent for thee, and thou Wertenberg as good go break thy neck blindfold. Go on with thy good persuasions, and faithful admonitions, and thou shalt be well cudgeled for thy labour. Turn the leaf now no more, lest thou be forced to bid the world good night, be before thou be willing to leave it. I will solemnize this as my birth day, since I have escaped so great a danger. Content your self (brother) hold your peace, I pray, for I cannot contain my self for very joy, to think, that I should make him believe, that it was most fit for him to go to the door; when as indeed, I did only put him on, because I held it fittest for mine own safety. Who could ever have brought a business more handsomely about for his own good, then I my self have done? Thou shalt see me do many such things, if thou shalt hereafter but observe me, which every man shall not know of, as well to wards Calisto himself, as all those who shall any way intermeddle, or interpose themselves in this business. For, I am assured that this Damsel is but the bait to this hook, whereat he must hang him self: or that flesh which is thrown out to Vultures, whereof he that eateth, is sure to pay soundly for it. We have read both in one book, and are both of the same mind; I have not only their Breeches, but their light easy Bus kins, that I may run away the nimbler, and outstrip my fellows. And I am glad (good brother) that thou hast advised me to that, which otherwise, even for very shame, and fear of thee, I should never have done: as for our Master, if he chance to be herd, or oh therwise discovered, he will never escape, I fear me, the hands of Pleberio's people; whereby he may hereafter demand of us, how we behaved our selves in his defence, or that he shall ever be able to accuse us, that we cowardly forsook him. No man can deny that, which in it self is manifest. It is apparent, that we for modesties sake, and because we would not be branded with the hateful name of cowardice, we stayed here, expecting together with our Master, no less then death, though we did not so much deserve it as he did. Fly, fly, you run too slowly. Passion of me, if they should chance to overtake us. Throw away thy Buckler and all. I know not. Say nothing to me, I pray; Run, and hold your peace; as for him, he is the least of my care. So much, that had I not seen it, I should never have believed it: but now, heaven grant you may live as happy, as this is true. It will require a long discourse; beside, we have fret ted out our hearts, and are quite tired with the trouble and toil, we have had, you may do better to provide something for his and my breakfast: it may be, when we have eaten, our choler will be somewhat allayed; for I swear unto thee, I desire not now to meet that man that desires peace. I should now glory to light upon some one, on whom I might revenge my wrath, and staunch my anger; for I could not do it on those that caused it: so fast did they fly from my fury. So, so: kill her, kill her; make and end of her, since thou hast begun; be brief, be brief with her; lest the neighbours may chance to hear us. Let her die, let her die; let us draw as few enemies upon us as we can. It is day. Oh what a spite is this? Whence is it, that it is so light in the chamber?