SQUELCH

Though I were absent at the Ceremony, I now bring my wishes of much joy. M st r Bulfinch, I rejoice to meet you here directly. Look you sir. Do you know this young Gentleman? Have you forgotten sir Hercules? 'Tis so dir ctly Master Bulfinch, and I have brought him to Town—I understanding and my N ce is in your house, my Lady Bride. Is she employed in your Chamber? How! not here? Sir h what did you tell me? How was she accompanied? Kmuery, Villainy and he very! S ll it rank. She's stolen, she's gone directly. If she be in the land I will recover her, I hope I shall find much right in Law, as a Broaker or a Joiner. O Mistress Fitchow, my Niece, my Niece. She's is lost, she's stolen, and all my joy is gone. My Niece my Constance. Promised you? I am abused. I do suspect you ac cessaries. Sir I have purposed and promised her to this Gentleman. And here I charge you to restore her me. Sir Philip, you are courteous and noble: as you will continue so in opinion of honest men, let me have right. Sir I must take my leave, this is no time to trouble you. But . Madame, Madame. you must allow of reasonable things. The Woman's voice had much in't Like my Niece. I am of your mind Master Bulfinch. And trust me I am glad my Niece was drawn into the witty conceit. For which with a new Gown he thank her. My Niece might not withstanding her lost love have taken me home in her Coach. It should be so. I Like the custom well. Therefore no Coach, no Company noble Knight. Pursue your home occasions, and God g 'yee joy. Not a word more of it directly. But you never saw her face. Good Master Water Widgine, this is no time of night to dive into business of this depth. It is Nestling time I take it. How think you Master Bull inch. Therefore what your sister hath promised you, let her perform if she can; mean time this Gentleman is my choice: come Master Nonsense, you have had a long time of silence. Master Bull inch. Come your ways huswife. No more of your why nings, and counterset tricks. If this Gentleman be not worthy of your love, I am not worthy to be your Unc e, directly. Accept of him, you accept of me. if you refuse him you deny me directly. If you will join hands and faith with him, Here's your portion, there's your jointure; if not, your way lies be before you, pack directly. What would you have me do? Or how in your dis cretion would you council me? Now the g gs up. O. No moreouers I besee h you, not more of her at this time. I understand your purpose already. I do directly. Therefore speedily take what course, and use what means shall in your discretion be thought fit. I will subscribe, I will direct lie to your discre ion. My wise when thee went out of the woe l le to me as great a c e behind her in the charge she gave me with this Woman, this quick fighted Guide of my house, a blind one were better. Here's wise work! direct nacy and Ideotismc. Bless my house from the Ward Master's Informers, And put her to't sir, and out of this humo . I'll add the tother five hundred to her portion, and you bring her about handsomely. Oh when I was a Bachelor! I think I can do somewhat yet in my old days. But when I was a Bachelor, how I could have handled this gear. I do believe you sir sufficient lie good Master Nonsense. No more of your impertinent speec es. But follow her, and put her to I say, to directl . Take her into the Orchard as there she fell in love they say It may be the place is Oh neno . Where you please; and use whose help you please: sh e is your own; dispose of her treely, as I will of what is course of life directly. Let me see. She , passed recovery. Say I should marry, I might yet have and mine own. There might rise a fearful question. She's falling into a tedious Lecture. No more I beseech you. I pray shut up that point, I will not marry. No directly I will not, though the truth is my purpose: was to have cast my self and fortune wholly upon y u, if might hove seemed well in your discretion, umh umh. Not a step further, this way by your leave. I think I have pusseld er discretion. Say you nothing, er I do know nothing, nor I will know nothing more of this matter directly: For if ever I ma ry, let me suffer a that the-Law provides for Periuty; let me be cropped and slit worse then a French Curtal, or a parliam mental delinquent for blaspheming the blood royal. No, I with now bestow my wealth in More umentall good deeds, and changed ritable uses in my life time, to be talked well on when I am dead. She would have me do no good with that I have n there. Let me consider. The most I have to say directly not been very well got. Were it not a point of good con science, to spend that prodigally, and save a And that which I have g to well and honestly, hath been much care and travel; were it not then a point of equity to my self, to spend that with ease and pleasure? 'Tis done di rectly, what I have is mine own; and I will be merry with it. Within there ho. Sirrah. Take there twenty pieces. B stow it all pre sently in choicest meats, and richest Wines for my Supper. This one nights Supper directly. What I have is mine own: and I will be merry with it. Six brace of Partridges, and six Pheasants in a Dish. Godvvits, Knots, Quails, and the rest of the meres answer rabble for half a score, or a dosen persons of the best quality: whom I will think of presently. I h we it directly. You shall go to the Ordinaries, and from thence invite such young G llants as you find to be Gam rs. I mean of the highest cut. I directly. If they know me, or have herd of me 'tis sufficient: we shall be S one acquainted. Bring not a man with any paid for gold Lase or Searlet about him, I charge you, nor without a Protection in his pocket. And much good do't their good hearts. What I have is mine own, and I will be merry with it directly. You have put me by one or two courses: But not all your discretion shall Beatrice me out of this. If you take some care in the business, and huswife the entertainment to make it brave for my credit, you may get a Gown or a Jewel by it. If not— Why now you speak. Let him say mine eyes are opened, and their virtue is re vealed unto me. And if any of the youngsters have Mistress , let' hem bring'hem. They shall have Mn cke what I have is mine own, and I will be me y with it. My flesh, though not in the way of marriage, requires some satisfaction too. Where might a man in all this plenti ull Town, find a choice piece directly that he might make his own? only his own? A very hard question. And custom has made it almost and vnreasona one, though it were in ones own Wife. In a Citizens or Tradesman's Wife; a Man must suffer the Rivalship of a slo uenly husband: the stink of his horns ever under ones nose. A cast Lady, or Gentlewoman of courtly acquaintance, to maintain her, is to eed a Fountain, that wasts it self through many Spow S: What I supply her with, will be drawn out by twenty. All her friends must share of my prodigality. To train up and innocent country Girl, is Like hatching a Cuc koe; as soon as she is ripe, and sees the world afore her, she flies at her advantage, and leaves me dead i'the nest. How now. Look on his feet. Sure 'tis the Devil in his likeness: That old Bawd knowing how it stood with me, has brought me one of his Succubae Art. Sure 'tis Vexhem? You know my mind. I will in and handle this g ere in privity. Sirrah I will teach you how to deal with Dealers, and not with virtuous Gentlewomen; bring Innocency before Justice; and be able to lay nothing to her charge. Most officious Sir. What warrant had you? None. What is the Captains name? you know not. Where's his lodge king? you are ignorant. But here was your cunning; it appears most plainly, that you thinking her to be one of the trade, thought to make a Prey of her pu see: which since your affright meant, could not make her open unto you, you thought to make her Innocency smart for't. I will make your Knavery smart for't directly. Come is the Mittimus ready? give mee't— Here take him forth, and let the next Constable convey him to Nowgate. Away I say directly. As I am in my right Mind and Midlesex. I will show my justice on thee. Do's the Knave laugh? Bring him back. May a man ask the cause of your Mirth? Vex. Sir I have laughed at the vex ation of a thousand in my days. I hope I may have lea e once in my life to laugh at mine own. O is it so? Pray hold you merry sir. Now Lady, whereas you were brought before me as a Delinquent, I retain you as my Mistress. I Like her beyond measure. A pretty young thing: new brought to a pace! Ah, h ! She has committed a little Country folly, as she priu tely confesses. Whats that It may stand in rank with that they call virtue here; and then she is content to li e as privately as I please. She shall up, I will winter and summer her before she shall see a high way of this Town. She's for my turn directly. Mistress Holdup, is your say you? Holdup! I have herd of him, and know what it that sunk him. He lived by the Sea side; it trading with the Pirates. Buying their goods, and selling them victuals; Which is enough enough directly; if you can bear your self discreetly, and contain your self within those bounds of Fortune, in which I'll plant you. Alas good soul, weep not; let Money and Authority be thy comfort. By which though shalt fe le no want, nor fear no danger. But to our business. I have already acquainted you with my Niece Constance's disease, and that she is removed out of my house for her health. I will lodge you at a trusty Tenants house where she is unknown. You shall take her name upon you. Now had I but fit attendant for the person of my love Stand you by unseen a while. Send him in. I do ex pect some Message now, in the behalf of her unlucky Lady ships wise brother, Master Widgi e, tou hing my Niece. Now stend how do's my good Lady? Thou leftest her very ill indeed. But well, thou wouldst have me be a means to reestablish thee in thy Lady. I speak by a figure Humfrey: for to be inward with, or indeed within a Mistress, is to be a sir e in the most Court lie phrase. Most intelligent Humfrey. Let us retire to the pur pose. Put ase I have a Mistress in store for you; to whom I may command and you upon my own credit, and undertake for your entertainment and means by my own purse. What would you say? what would you do? Well said directly. Incipe Humfride. Say your partly. What is his B ldnesse. How is it rewarded? Perge Humfrey His neatness now? His Howdees. I believe thee. And how is this neatness rewarded Humfrey? Well Humfrey, because we will not make this scene too long, we will omit the rest: only why are your last four parts, Diligence, Obedience, Truth and Honesty unrewarded? Most edifying Humfrey. I have a Mistress in store for thee. Didst thou never see my Niece Constance? Fear it not Hum rey. My ease thy care. Niece come forth. [Enter Holdup.] I shall fit you with a sir vant. Fallen to your Postures Humfrey. Your C rbe. [He does his postures] So. Your Pace. So. Your Congie. So. Hand your Lady. Good. Arm your Lady. Good still. Side your Lady. Very good. Draw out your Lady. Excellent. Pre sent your Lady. Singular well, good Humfrey. Precious Humfrey, I admire thy Art. Now Humfrey, Walk your Lady to the Burse. Well said Humfrey. Here's something for my instru ction. Now wait your Lady to the Burse. She has some tri less to buy there. I will find you there presently, and conduct you to your lodging. As I would wish! her simplicity takes me above her beauty. Go I say. I'll follow. Me thinks I eene feel my self, thank my self for being in this good humour. What I have is mine own, and I will be merry with it directly. — Where's my Girl? My honey sweet Girl? Kiss m e; I say directly: I 'le S cure thee. As I am a Man of Authori ty, and that of Midlesex, I 'le secure thee. Would my Las , these lips have the true Elixi in them indeed, to restore youth and strength; passed all Medea's charms, or what the Poets would have fai ed. How now Love? I hope my Nieces habit has not wrought her di ease into thee. 'Twas a thousand pities that this Wench was seduced. She might have ma e a With e for a good Esquire. She would serve a Tradesman yet, most vnblemishably. And when I have done with her, doing that f r her, as I mean to do. She may perhaps match with a younger brother, purchase him a place, advance his fortune, to be able in the end to repay h r with a Ladyship. It's not without a president; and I will help her to follow the example directly. For what I have is mine own, and I will be merry with it. Would my bird, my chick Kiss me. Kiss me up. So. Kiss me up I say. So again. Thou hast don't directly. Maintain it now, with a cordial isse. So, so, so Good. Very good; and while it is so, a word with you in pri vate. Come my bird, mh mh mh. Sir, what have I to do with any woman below: Do you with your woman below, I am very well here. I am down already. All's nought. What limb of the devil is' ? Dost thou know her? Hell take her. How could she know that I was here? I must home to my Clerk then: for I cannot write here; nor do any good beside I am so vexed. But I will return to that e in the evening, Duck: And since I am so apt to be spied, will come disguised. I will be I guised directly. I will run through all the shapes of Jupi er, before I will again be prevented. Fare well. Oh my weet! At seven in the eum ning expect me.— Where's my charge? I'll go find her! What's the meaning? There went a Coach away as I came in. Whole was it? At what in your great Master the Devils name? Where's my Ncece? Well. Well, well. Very very well. While you were wisely talking a bout the cure, a Widgine flies away with the Patient. Where's this Doctor? Doctor I say. Doctor! He's run away too, my life on't. A mere plot, a Conspiracy; 'tis so directly, below there. I can not see how it can be otherwise. Ent. Clark. Saw you the Doctor? Yes sir, he went now forth at the watergate, and took boat in hast. Exceeding well How came your Discretion acquain ted with this Doctor? A most rare fellow, and do's admirable tricks, by slight of heals. But I may perhaps outrun them— Oh are you here my Lady Lu kiesse? Slow wov, where is my N ? My Niece Censtance, that your brother Widgi e stole from the Doctor, and is stowne away witha . But he must not think to escape so? I may take him, and his Duck too, in my Worser coy, before they be coupled, as sure as your Ladyship or your Fitchow ship, and they think your selves. The plot smells of your Ladyships policy; you Ladi ships Lily white fist is to ule in to e business. But I will have a b utat sisticuffs in Law with your Ladyship: your great ac quain nce, and alliance in the Whatshical. Court No b our there must not carry it, my great Lady. Directly it must not. I pray you, Forsooth, or sweet Madame, or what you please; Where is my Niece? She mocks me to my face all this while. Well good-Wise, Mi ris, Madame— Prick Madame: I tell thee thou Thing, made up of Chippings, brok n Bear, Candle-ends, and sisting of Sea coal. I will be so revenged— He had been better to have killed a Man, ravished Virgiue; nay, done the most dangerous contempt that law ld devise to punish, then if I take him to suffer under my revenge. I'll m ster up my Constables, and send out a privy search immedia lie.— Very good! I am brought before my self to be exa mined, and before a fine rabble too! how the devil brok this un known N cion into my house, or do not I mistake it? My foolery has led me into a fine predicament. I will not yet dis close my self: but look a little surther towards the event. Such a one as you see Signior. Heigh day! Not and English word not I S . Alas I have not been sive ayes in the K ngio e. Am I transform' utterly? Is my Language altered with my apparel, or are you all mad? what unspeakable misery is this. You oh licious Rascal, are you mad? Trainewell! I am astonished. What is your Demand? I am in a mischievous straight then. Redime to captum. Thy wit deserves my love. I'll do't; here's my hand and faith, I'll do't. Though art mine, and I am thine directly. Thou hast made me a M n for ever, and I will make thee a Woman directly. Gallants save you. See here the Metamor. phosis, that means to metamorphose you all. Alas I know you for all your Disguises, and thought to entertain you in your k and. I st out of you, my Usurper, and most Vpstartical Justice, whose oh lice is your trade, and Clerk your Prentice, I will draw a man of little, or no Moment: yet my friend, and Master Bulfinch, out of the Chair of Justice. his my prognosticate the p to king of my self, or many others out of Commission with in these few years; though I am no Prophet. Do I speak English now? Do I know you now, or you me? To proceed in my Metamorphosis. I will change you most confused Roarer, into and accomplished Knight. And bid you welcome, noble sir Philip Luckless. Next sir of you Roarer, or Iieter, or whatsoever you are, I will make a complete Gentleman, most answerable to you name Master Tridewell. But out of you Master Doctor, I will pick a certain Knane. W ere is my Niece slrah? Have I so many sir? I mean my only one Constance, find her me, r I will translate you out of and Aesculapian Cock into a Newg e ird immediately. This my Niece? Hold they peace; art in thy right mind? Hold thy peace Knave. I'll put these plums in thy mouth else Sir Philip, while they wrangle out their cause, l to us a gree: Find you but the means to make her lawfully your Wife, and here take her with my faithful promise, of the equal half of any estate presently. Gentlemen and L die, I ee you all at peace oh well, that I wish no further content to any, except Master Nonsense h re. I am glad you conclude so rendly with the rest. All the unquietness will be in the Kitchen presently If your meat stay for you. Gallants. Knock Within I was time to speak. They knock at Dresser already. Will ye in? You re all Welcome: And I wish every Guest as merry, as our Northern asses Feast. Who brings her? Then we were fitted. How now. Where's this Doctor? where's this melancholy Gen tlewoman? And if you can but a little counterfeit her Melancholy, you may freely pass for her; and my accesses to thee, my sweet Girl, shall crown us with f lnes of delight and pleasure.