HOWDEE

Sir Philip you mean forsooth. His worship said forsooth— I said that as you bade me forsooth. My Mistress commends her best love unto your Wor ship; and desires to know how your Worship came home last night; and how your Worship have rested; and how your Worship dos this morning? She Hope's the best of your Worships health; and would be glad to see your Wor ship at your Worships best leisure. Yes truly, and he commended me for it; and said I showed my breeding. Quoth he. I thank thy Mistress, and I thank thee. Prithee commend my service to her, and tell her, my wor ship came home upon my worships Footcloth; my wor ship took very good rest, in my worships bed: My wor ship has very little to do this Morning, and will see her at my worships leisure. It either so, or so much I am sure. But he did not make me repeat, as you did, till I had cond it by heart. I will forsooth Mistress. I shall forsooth Madame. Madame. Andt please your Ladyship. One M. Tridewell, Gentleman, desires to speak with your Ladyship, from Sir Philip. I will Madame— Madame. Oh I brother. She must command all, or all shall smoke for't. She did so in my old Master's days I a . And he glad of peace at that rate too. Y S both of her voice, and han S. And she could bite as well, the rankest Jade that ere was curried could not come neat her. 'Tis no matter for that. She broke me a tooth once with a death's Head ring on her finger? it had Like to have cost me my life! it has b ene a true Memento to me ever since: bobs of the lips, tweaks by the nose, cuffs o'the ear, and trenchers at my head in abundance. Any thing she can lift. and makes us pay for all she bre kes, though she break our heads or races withal. Fan-handles, Look ng-glasses or any thing. Certes no Madame. Bless us! what looks are these! A day too soon doubt in this forward age. She said it was upon the Cupboard; and it was under the Cupboard. I shall be carved out betwixt them. Oh sir shee'll rend me in pieces, tear me Like a Lark. Sir, there's Master Walt r can sing it rarely. Heigh down down, &c. I left her very ill sir; for she has beaten me, and thrust me out of doors with her own hands, without penny in my purse, or other Cloak o'my back, then the bore Livery, that a cast See ving man can not shake off, of Kna e and Beggar. In her service sir. I sir. Those are convenient S vaunts sir. We are continued uenant servants. They are respected above husbands: We abased beneath slaves. They purchase place, honours, and offi ces oftentimes with their Ladies , when we find not our wages without hard words, and are in fear, (poor akes) to have our sloughs pulled over our ear S before the year go about. We drudge for our Ladies, they play with their La die: But the best is, we labour and sweat it out for our La die, when they are feign to tal e Physic, and lie in for their Ladies. Sir, I will say over the Gent. ushers Grammar to you, and do her service by the rules. In a Gentleman Usher there be eight parts. Boldness, Neatness, attery and Secrecy, rewarded. Diligence, Obedi ence True h and Hon sty, unrewarded. His Boldness is the use of his Manhood in right of his Ladi S honour, degree, place or privilege, at home, abr and, in private or public meeting, for the hand, for the w ll, for the what she will, or the what she calls. By obtainin of Suits made out of cast Gowns or P icoates. Which if be a Taylor, as most of our middle sort of Professors are, he is thereby made a Man in spite of the proverb, and that ust into the high way of advancement. His neatness consists most dive sly sir. Not on lie in the decent wearing of those clothes and c eane linen, pruning his hair , rufsling his Boo es, or ordering his shoe ties; these are poor expressions, a ourney man Barbar will doo't. But to do his office neatly, his g rb , his pace, his postures, his continued es on and his comes off, compliment , his visits In which a profound judgement old be pussell worser. And the most absolute or artificial memory set o'the rack. To be able to relate how this Ladies tooth does; and to there La ies toe. How this Ladies Milk does: and how others Doctor liked her last water: how this Ladies husband ; and how tother Ladies dog slept last night: how this child, that Monk y, this Nurse, that Parrat, and a thousand such. Then his neatness in Chamber-wo ke, or about the person of his Lady, in case her Maid or her Woman be otherwise occupied, to con vey a pin into her r ffe neatly, or add a help to her head dres sing, as well as John among the Maids, Lastly, his dexterity in Carving, and his discretion in Marshalling of meats; to give eum ry mess the endue service, and every dish his lawful prehe minence. Sir. They are parts that spring out of virtue, and are therefore born with their reward in their mouths, and ought to expect no further from any service in these times. I long to see her sir. No sir. But I have herd she is diseased with Melan cholly; and if she should prove mad too, Like my old Lady, I were then as far to seek as ere I was. Sir, I can Shoulder my Lady too: but that is when takes Counterfeit changed; and Foot my Lady, when she alights. I learned all of a good old Ladies man in the Strand sir, that must be nameless. Oh most Hostlerly spoken! Under correction sir, Wait your Lady I pray sir. Indeed sir, it was my Ladies plot, but you must take no notice of it. But if sir Paul, my now Master should discover my deceit, how shall I escape his vengeance. I, in the war Captain: but he is a Justice of Peace, and a Commander of Captains in Midlesex, sends two or three drunken Ones to Newgate at a clap sometime. Shee'll see none but sir Philip, you must be no body else. Remember that: you must know no other name you have. Now if you can sir Philip it handsomely there's it. Well, I must venture it. Here she comes. Has a Baby. O she has a hundred such pish toys. E ne now she was great with Child for ooth as she could go. And was persuaded she had a Child as big as I in her belly. I wone dreaded at it, and she told me she had had a hundred there as big in her days. I but she knew not what she said. By and by, I must be a Man-Midwife forsooth and deliver her: for it passed all Woman's skill? Now she thinks she is brought a bed, and Nurse's the Child her self. Oh none but sir Philip. Oh Gentlemen! my Master's coming, alls spoiled if he take you. Partly quickly. Fit, there's a woman below.— Is the old man mad trow. Sir, she will have to do with you above, if you speak not with her below. I had much a do to keep her down stairs, her case is so lamentable she says. I never saw a woman so importunate in my life sir. You must down sir. She says she is wife to a Constable S r, that you lately committed; and if your Wor. dos not release him pre sently, that he's undone, and she's undone, all their children ar undone, that unborn in her belly is undone, and I know not how many more are undone for ever. She spied you in the Street sir, and followed you, and follow you she would, had you gone into the Privy Chamber she swears; her cause inforces her she says. And she is so great with child too, that no man dares give her a thrust to keep her back. I hear her blow up stairs. Your Uncle's gone Mistress, and says he will be here at seven a clock ag ine. But shall I tell you a five thing Mistress? But it is of him Mistress. He says he will bring a Coach for your at six a clock to fetch you away: will you go with him? How shall you Uncle find you at 7 then? Hmh — I think she be in her wits already. If not, I must hu mour her, though I be put to the trouble to shift her away again. She shall mar no sport that's certain. This Clinches. I shall win my Ladies heart for ever. To manage two such bus n sses more, were enough to raise me Agent for a State. I hope I performed my duty. I am made for ever. I thank your languishing Ladi ship. Sir for my partly, isle take my corporal oath—