BYPLAY

That is a way my Lord has been allowed On elder stages to move mirth and laughter. Oh are you here? my Lady, and my self Have sought you sweetly. I herd of him my Lord: Blaze gave me light Of the mad Patient; and that he never saw A Play in's life: it will be possible For him to think he is in the Antipodes Indeed, when he is on the Stage among us. When't has been thought by some that have their wits, That all the Players in the Town were sunk passed rising. All my Lord, Only we want a person for a Mute. Now sir, are you the plaintiff or defendant, haw? Complains again? do you double with me, haw? It well said Sword-bearer, Thou knowest thy place, which is to show correction. La! and intelligent Citizen, and may grow In time himself to fit in place of worship. You may not. You argue honestly. Nor though a gentleman consume His whole estate among you, yet his son May live t'inherit it? Well, This has so little to be said against it, That you say nothing. Gentlemen it seems You're obstinate, and will stand out— That's from the point. Peace, I should Now give my sentence, and for your contempt, (which is a great one, such as if let pass Unpunished, may spread forth a dangerous Example to the breach of City custom, By gentlemens neglect of Tradesmen's wives) I should say for this contempt commit you Prisoner from sighed of any other woman, Until you give this men wife satisfaction, And she release you; justice so would have it: But as I am a Citizen by nature, (For education made it so) isle use Urbanity in your behalf towards you; And as I am a gentleman by calling, (For so my place must have it) isle perform For you the office of a gentleman Towards his wife, I therefore order thus; That you bring me the wares here into Court, (I have a chest shall hold them, as mine own) And you send me your wife, isle satisfy her My self. I'll do't, and set all straight and right: Justice is blind, but Judges have their sighed. No: dismiss the Court, Embrace you friends, and to shun further strife, See you send me your stuff, and you your wife. Let me pray Your Majesty be pleased, yet to withhold That undeserved honour, till you first Vouchsafe to grace the City with your presence, Accept one of our Hall-feasts, and a freedom, And freely use our purse for what great sums Your Majesty will please. Yet on me let it fallen, Since 'tis your highness will, Scabbard and all. Let me find favour in your gracious sighed To taste a banquet now, which is prepared, And shall be by your followers quickly shared. For we herd you were To be arrested. Pray sir, who has bailed you? I wonder who of all your bold acquaintance That knows my Lady durst bail off her husband. Have you not made And end by composition, and disbursed Some of my Ladies money for a peace That shall beget and open war upon you? Confess it if you have: for it'll come out. She'll have you up you know. I speak it for your good. Do as my Lady bids, you God her woman With child at half these words. There said you well; but take heed I advice you How you love your own wench, or your own wife Better then other men's. Come, come, you Gallows-clappers. To strangers Sir I can be gentle. They would die dunces else. So sir have we; and many reverend teachers, Grave counsellors at law; perfect statesmen. That never knew use of Razor, which may live For want of wit to lose their offices. These were great scholars in their youth. But when Age grows upon men here, their learning wasts, And so decays; that if they live until Threescore, their sons send them to school again. They die as speechless else as new born children. 'Tis our custom To deny strangers nothing: yea, to offer Of any thing we have, that may be useful, In courtesy to strangers. Will you therefore Be pleased to enter Sir this habitation, And take such vyands, beverage, and repose As may refresh you after tedious travails? Virtue in the Antipodes only dwells. My Lord the mad young Gentleman. — He has God into our Tiring-house amongst us, And taken a strict survey of all our properties, Our statues and our images of Gods; our Planets and our con stellations Our Giants, Monsters, Furies, Beasts, and Bugbears, Our Helmets Shields, and Vizors, Hairs, and Beards, Our Pastbord March-pains, and our Wooden Pies. Whither he thought was some enchanted Castle, Or Temple, hung and piled with Monuments Of uncouth, and of various aspects, I dive not to his thoughts, wonder he did A while it seemed, but yet undaunted stood: When on the sudden, with thrice knightly force, And thrice, thrice, puissant arm he snatches down The sword and shield that I played R vis with, Rushes amongst the foresaid properties, Kills Monster, after Monster; takes the Puppets Prisoners, knocks down the Cyclops, tumbles all Our jigambobs and trinkets to the wall. Spying at last the Crown and royal Robes Ith upper wardrobe, next to which by chance, The devils vizors hung, and their flame painted Skin coats; those he removed with greater fury, And (having cut the infernal ugly faces, All into mammocks) with a reverend hand, He takes the imperial diadem and crowns Himself King of the Antipodes, and believes He has justly gained the Kingdom by his conquest. Doctor Hughball Hath soothed him in't, so that nothing can Be said against it, he begins to govern With purpose to reduce the manners Of this country to his own, h'has constituted The Doctor his chief officer; whose Secretary I am to be, you'll see a Court well ordered. I go my Lord. Exit. Officer. Call the defendant, and the Plaintiff in. I cannot Hear two at once, speak first as you're defendant. I will hear no Complaint, I say speak your defence. A Mercer is he, haw? That I Like well. Of his wife, does he, haw? That I must confess Is many a good men case; you may proceed. That is unworn, unpawned. Heel have Your body for her then, unless I empt My breast of mercy to appease her for you, Call in the plaintiff; sir, stand you aside. Exit Officer. Come you forward, Yet nearer man, J know my face is terrible, And that a Citizen had rather loose His debt, then that a Judge should truly know His dealings with a gentleman, yet speak, Repeat without thy shop book now; and without Fear, it may rise in judgement here against thee. What is thy full demand? what satisfaction Requirest thou of this gentleman? Your Projects are all good I Like them well. Especially these two; This for the increase of wool: And this for the destroying of Mice: They're good, And grounded on great reason. As for yours, For putting down the infinite use of Jacks, (Whereby the education of young children, In turning spits, is greatly hindered) It may be looked into: And yours against The multiplicity of pocket-watches, (Whereby much neighbourly familiarity, By asking, what de'yee guess it is a Clock? Is lost) when every puny Clerk can carry The time oth' day in's Breeches; This, and these Hereafter may be look into: For present; This for the increase of Wool; that is to say, By fleying of live horses, and new covering them With Sheepskins, I do Like exceedingly. And this for keeping of tame Owls in Cities, To kill up Rats and Mice, whereby all Cats May be destroyed, as and especial means To prevent witchcraft and contagion. Alas 'tis lamentable: he deserves much pity. She is decayed. Alas good woman, She shall have a Collection, and deserves it. For such the Law provides Relief within those Counties, where they practised. The weal public, As it severely punisheth their neglect, Undone by fire ruins, shipwreck, and the Like, With whips, with brands, and lose of careless ears, Imprisonment, banishment, and sometime death; And carefully maintaineth houses of Correction For decayed Scholars, and maimed Soldiers; So does it find relief. and almshouses, For such as lived by Rapine and by Cozenage. Who's that? I'll get it him. Mercy great King. Let not our ignorance suffer in your wrath, Before we understand your highness Laws, We went by custom, and the warrant, which We had in your late Predecessors reign; But let us know your pleasure, you shall find The State and Commonwealth in all obedient, To altar Custom, Law, Religion, all, To be conformable to your commands. Great Sir we shall. In sign whereof we lacerate these papers. Letoy, Diana, Joyless, ap pear above. And lay our necks beneath your Kingly feet. your Grace Abounds — abounds — your Grace — I say abounds. I have all now my Lord. A voice out of the clouds, that does applaud Your highness welcome to your Subject's loves. A voice that does inform me of the tidings Spread through your kingdom, of your great arrival; And of the general joy your people bring To celebrate the welcome of their king. Shouts within. Hark how the country shouts with joyful votes, Rending the air with music of their throats. drum & trumpets Hark how the soldier, with his martial noise, Threatens your foes, to fill your Crown with joys. Hark how the City, with loud harmony, Haughboyes. Chants a free welcome to your majesty. Hark how the Court prepares your grace to meet Soft music. With solemn music, state and beauty sweet. Now Sir be happy in a marriage choice, That shall secure your title of a king. See sir, your state presents to you the daughter, The only child and heir apparent of Our late deposed and deceased Sovereign, Who with his dying breath bequeathed her to you. For safety of your Kingdom, you must do it. Haughtboies Exit in state as Letoy di rects. Manet Letoy. What ail you sir: why Bawd? whose Bawd is she? You are jealous mad. Suppose your wife be missing at your Chamber, And my Lord too at his, they may be honest: If not, what's that to her, or you I pray, Here in my Lords own house? She has not seen them. I herd all your talk. The Child she intimated, is your grandchild In posse sir, and of your sons begetting. I can give no account, If she be with my Lord I dare not trouble hem. Nor must you offer at it: no nor stab your self. Byp. takes a way his dagger. But come with me: we counsel, or, at least, Govern you better: She may be, perhaps, About the Bridechamber, to hear some sport; For you can make her none; alas good old man. Unless The killing of your self may do't; and that J would forbear, because perhaps 'twould please her. J have more care and charge of you than so. Take your dudgeon Sir, I would done you simple service. I brought you to the stand from whence you saw How the game went. I seemed to do it against my will, by which I gained Your bribe of twenty pieces. But I assure you, my Lord give me order, To place you there, after it seems he had Well put her to't within. I must take charge I see o'th' dagger again. Take your dagger Sir, Now I dare trust you. 'Tis granted. Hold up your heads and thank the gentleman Like scholars, with your heals now. How now! How long would you been free oath Poyntmakers, Good master hilt and scabbard carrier; (Which is in my hands now) do you give order For counsel and for witnesses in a cause Fit for my hearing, or for me to judge, haw? I must be ruled and circumscribed by Lawyers must I, And witnesses haw? no you shall know I can give judgement, be it right or wrong, Without their needless proving and defending: So bid the Lawyers go and shake their ears, If they have any, and the witnesses, Preserve their breath to prophesy of dry summer's. Bring me the plaintiff, and defendant only: But the defendant first, I will not hear Any complaint before I understand What the defendant can say for himself. What are they? let me hear. A Bachelor! And young, and healthful? How old was she when she set up?