FALLACY

N Ot yet begins the East-disturbing Morn To draw aside Nights fable Canopy, (plays Nor heavens great Spy, whose curious search dis- The world's close errors, yet overlooks the earth, When now long since lazy & slow-pac't sleep Hath posted by my scarce saluted eyes: And let him pass; he's not that powerful God, Whom ever-waking Fallacy adores. Sacred Deocit, to thee be consecrate My Temples, aid thou Goddess mine attempt, I soon will free me. Here comes my servant Ambiguity. 'Twere good she had given you more eyes to see your Master. Well sir, I hope she would have left me hands to have felt him. But hast thou brought what I bid thee? I was about to thank you Sir, but now I thank you What hast thou done? Villain, go run again. Well, where are they? So double diligence, It's no great matter: Indeed their colours are the same, and their effects not much unlike. This being tasted, causeth drunkenness; this sudden mad ness: and this is the drink I have provided for my Father's morning's draught. Sirrah take you that, you may chance to have use of it; you know the virtue? And now what are these Suitors that so much trouble you? And know my self unable to content them. Riches and honour, all the world's delights Their hearts desire, I have given them, And Like the Farmer old Stercatius, Still toiling in his dunghill, or his field, As with his grosser soul best sympathizing, Spending his spirits, sparing of his pelf, Defraudeth his own Genius, all to make His Master's Son and upstart Gentleman Of Inns of Court: so have I hitherto On this still-craving brood freely bestowed My choicest favours, to advance their states: While I my self in scorn and infamy, Have basely lived, am basely Like to die. And could I suffer this so vile contempt? Yet am I hated too; who can endure Contempt and hatred to go unrevenged? Or were't else where, I might contaie my self Dissemble this my grief, neglect my shame. But here within the great Hermenia, In hatred and contempt to draw my breath, A thousand times it's worse than cursed death, But that which more torments my vexed soul, Bold Demonstration, and quick Topicus, Though better born, yet both my younger brother's, Are every where admired, and beloved. Them old Discourse, our too much doting Father, Kisses, embraces, seeks to magnify. On them the Vulgar and Nobility With no less joy do fix their gazing eyes, Than the near-death escaping Mariners Upon fair Leda's Twins, if they appear After a tempest, when the Heavens are clear. To them which scarce my spite-swollen tongue can speak, My heart abhors to think, are destined The fair Scientiam and Opinion In happy Spousals to be married: Now Fa acy, it's thou must this prevent, Or pine in grief, in shame, in discontent. And see (oh fairest Opportunity) That ever favour'sts Fallacies attempts, I'll kiss thy gracious hand, and with my heart Embrace thy sweet-selfe-offering courtosie. Now I think I am prevented: is he not stark mad already? My gracious Father, carried on the wings Of my never sleeping Piety, I came From my own house to do my humble duty Unto your Majesty. (you Then may it please your grace to give me leave To speak in poor defence of my just cause. First may I Sir, full worthily except Against the oft-false-proved messenger, Ever to be suspected, lying fame. Then I appeal unto the Testimony Of all the world, whither I have not Always my self associated with The best reputed sort: great Princes have Accepted of my wished for company. With most chief Statesmen I have been familiar, Upon the Exchange not look't for, I have been By many wealthy Merchant's oft saluted. The fairest streets of the most famous Cities, Are almost worn out with my often steps. Nay, what place is there of more special note, Where I (though not apparent seen of all, Iknow you hate that foolish vanity) Have not been for the most partly, resident? But I hereafter, that your faithful eye May give true witness to my carriage, N arer at home, here in your sighed intend To show my self, and my deserts approve To your sure comfort, and my friends found love. Where's your Napkin Topicus? Fie, had you no odd place to put you in mind, Go quickly and fetch one. How likest thou this Ambiguity? is not his Style changed since? O thou shalt hear him talk out of all measure. Not I; You better both can find and judge what's fit. Well, if my counsel may do any good, I wish that both of you pursue him straight; You towards Rheims, Invention, and you Judicium to Verona, nor return Till you have found him: you may better seek In any place than here, where o alas, Discourse distracted is enough to affright Far stronger wits. Oh pardon me, I know not. Well may you speed, I would go on your way, But that my piety here bids me stay: What are you gone? never may you meet again, Or meeting, never return. I cannot Like Such curious fellows in strange Commonwealths. And now for young Lord Intellect, my hope Stands resolute of quickly taking him, I may go prosecute my chief designs. Nay, but the matter must be well conceived, He hath procured him for his noble friend, To bid me combat: which I have accepted; And though I cannot well foresee the event, I rest in this, my friends will rest content. It's here, Within this hour. Here, take with thee this powder, rub therewith The instruments of thy revengeful wrath; And, as most virtuous, be victorious. What Panic fury hath overrun the world, Or universal madness reigns this day? Are there nor fellows, those whose subtle brains Would have spun forth the finest villanyes? Those whose found heads so oft I have employed In working deep designments; and see now What wild confusion hath taken hold of them? Was't not enough that truth, and Intellect With hated science and opinion, Escaped by them, art set at liberty? But they in this disordered fashion Must make me odious, scorned, and despised? O that I could convey me from this world, Or know where to hide me, but my doors Are locked against me, and my wicked walls Late surfeiting with filthy luxury, Do seem surcharged clea e to spew me out. Is't possible that I should be thus crossed? What is there any goodness in the world Offorce enough to contervaile the wit Of proud Fallacy? or is't some fiend, Some devil not of his own confederacy, That with his counterplots controls my skill? Or was my self the cause, my cursed self, Lulled asleep in found security? Well, let me hear them: mine own wits do fail, It may be there is somewhat thought upon, May help in extremity: let's hear. And have her daughters so demeaned themselves. Is't possible? Well, we with patience must rest content, Thou knowest that innocence is still traduced. Discourse let blood, and Opposition Passed danger, friends with Contradiction— 'Tis time I look about me. Now desperate misery inspire some trick, I must do somewhat: so, this may do good, I may escape so, but do make a vow I will take heed of their Parrhesians. But now Ambiguity, say my mad father should recover his little wits, and call me to account for my ill government. Answer for thee, why have you deserved so much think you, that you should be called in question. I care not if I try what I could do. Do you examine Like his gravity, I'll answer as I can. But here, take first my Gown, it'll make me speak the more respectively: give me thy Cloak, now thou mayest be the bolder. Well, when will you begin? My gracious Lord, it's known I did refrain The weighty glory of your government, Till my more able brother's sorely hurt, Could not themselves, much less the state sustain. Doubting my Lord amongst many working heads, Least some inflamed with ambition, By ruin of their Countries common good, Might seek to raise themselves; I did remove them From meddling with all matters of state. Now if I could leave him, this robe might serve as a safe conduct. I'll feign some present business, well stay thou here, I in this disguise will muffle my self and see what they do, the E vening approaching will keep my counsel. Yes, by all means let me know where to find you. These are the Dragons that so duly keep The golden fruit which I so long to crop: O that I could inchant them! well, I'll try: Say, faithful followers of young Intellect, Is your deer Lord come by? or where's he gone? I know not that, but this I do assure you, He is departed from the Court, and fled: The cause my sorrow does forbid to show; Thus much my love hath made me let you know. If that my vows, or tears, my gracious Lords Conjoined with yours, could move the angry Heavens, This doubtful question should not trouble you: Thou shouldst great King enjoy thy right, and we— Would rest as happy still enjoying thee: But since that fate, (Oh hard and cruel fate) Denies him his right mind, denies us him, Envies us all this great felicity, Who may more hope his regency attain, Than he in whom his virtues most remain Nor let it any thing impeach my right, That unadvised Demonstration Objects to me, base birth, who does not see His Father he disgraceth, and not me; If ought he from his Mother's right does claim, Let him enjoy it, i'll him not deceive. But if he at his Father's rule does aim, He was my Father too, and by his leave, Although I chanced not to have with him one mother On the best side, I am his elder brother. Nor are my virtues meaner than my birth, Witness those many difficult attempts, Which quite impossible for any else To hope achieve, with expedition, And not without success, I have performed. Witness that most rare service to this Realm, Which I with diligence have executed. Discourse his chief controwler in the state, Truths sole soliciter, common Attorney In all the causes which concern the Land: And all this, though by far exceeding all, Which my Competitors can promise you, If to my first deserts you give endue meed, With future industry I vow to exceed. If they which most they can, (and who can less? Shall scarce defend, scarce defence asking right, I will your weakest causes fortify, And make appear most strong in most men's sighed. Who hates us, shall not think us overthrown; Who favours us, shall swear the right our own. Now all this that I might effect for you, Let me receive at your hands what's my endue. He is base born, and base birth, is a vile condition, which to them that are unlawfully hegotten does purchase infamy, and bereaves them of all hope of succession. You see deer Brother's how this subtle States, Defer this controversy to decide, That keeping us from dignities, they may Themselves be this Realmesonely Governors: I therefore loving you, and this our State, Hating such Machiavellian Policy Fit down unto you, as you can agree, Let either of you rule the State for me. But say, where are our Brother's? o I long To understand how well your love succeeds. Bled they very much? Let Definition and Division, both Be banished the Court, for Proposition, He never opposed himself against me much, We may procure his love, and use his help; And therefore let him stay. But you Lord Opposition, willingly I make My sole or chiefest Counsellor of State, By whom in all affairs I will be ruled. You Contradiction. whereso ever I go, I choose to bear my sword: to your fair trust Committing both my Fortune's and my self. I do believe you, and rely on you; And therefore know, that not and hour since I by a sly devised subtlety, Have luckily surprised the Lady Truth, With her two famous Daughters; now in doubt How I might best captive their constant thoughts, I feign would hear your resolutions. I think such means at first too violent, I'll try how glozing words, and kind entreaties Can work upon them: You know not the force Of well conveyed dissimulation, Therefore go you, and through Parrhesia, Proclaim my lawful just succession. And do you hear? To make my name more gracious, more beloved, I will no longer be called Fallacy: Style me great Sophime. You Contradiction, Let Definition and Division know What is our pleasure to be done with them. I my self, My proj ct will pursue immediately; Me thinks my Hope's assure me. Now damned slaves, Disloyal and unfaithful miscreants, Think ye that I will trust your villainies? No: these distempered, quarreling, fighting fellow . Most not be conscious to our Policies, They will rip open one auothers breast, And prostitute their hearts to vulgar view: Therefore the next thing that I will contrive, Shall be their ruin: Dead dogs cannot bite: That done, I fear not Fortune's envious spite. IF I go any farther let me be frozen to death, Like Sir Hugh Willowby, or be made Cuckoid with the tedious Traveller Ulysses: It were impossible to see all, yet I should see more than I should be able to relate, and Like Munsier, or Sir John Mandovill, relate more than any would believe. I care not how these women take it. The Tailor in Plutarch would as soon make a habit for the Moon, as any man a Description of them, and so long would it fit them. I think they consist of Materiam pri ma, they are capable of all forms and impressions, but constant to none: And it is no great matter to describe them you see them curiously painted every where. And who would ever thought these Scholars should have so much troubled me: I supposing they had been so Like in their humours, as they are agreeable in their formalities, thought first to have drawn the Characters of some of them, but by what time I had observed some Captitious Critics, Fantastic Humorists, and malicious Satirists, I found it no less impossible than perilons to deal with that kind, and indeed am quite dismayed from going any farther in this enterprise. Well, I will deliver back to the Lords their Commission, and rather sue for a Protection. But who comes here, Distinction? I know not how my presence may disgrace me, That Lady hath a quick and piercing eye, Able to search beyond the countenance; The most reserved and concealed intents: I'll keep my self aloose, and stand far off, Till she hath swallowed down this guilded bait. Then can I draw her wheresoever I list, And if the common and divided humour Of some self pleasing Poet be not in me, I cannot choose but move affection; This strain will win her. Enough, I must be bold and confident: Sirrah, go you, commend my dearest love With these my letters, to Scientiam; Tell her I plead not my nobility, Great births, or hopeful Fortune's, powerful friends, Down at her honours thrice most sacred feet, I humbly lay these poor and mean respects, But me in now ht else known ambitious, Though now high soaring purest thoughts of love, Like Venus silver feathered Dove have drawn Up towards this high Heaven. Say first, the glorious light, That with kind heat does cherish all the world, Shall suffer in perpetual Eclipse. Well, take the chiefest opportunity, If I do in joy her, thouknow'st not what's thy share, Mistake you not your errand; This is a stupid and forgetful knive, But yet my letters may dire to they: I have taught others many times to woe, And compose easily their dearest loves, Some with new fashioned and fantastic suits, I taught to cloak their soul deformities: The stale and stiff leg'd Courtier, I have framed To make young congees, and unthawed his joints, And old wormeaten wainscot countenance, With a fresh varnish I have made to smile, To win the favour of some younger wench; Poor sirs, with brokers suits, and borrowed Liveries. I have commended to their dimme-ey'd Dams; The greatest hate, and inequality To love and reconcilement I have wrought, And should my self despair? despair dull fools, Fallacy cannot be but fortunate. But here comes One of my sworn supporters, 'twere full time I were delivered of their tedious service; I think I am able now to stand alone. Thanks trusty faithful Opposition. But with what success? How stands the Commons to our Reign affected? And it shall be my care To recompense their loves with our deceit, For I do hate ingratitude as death: I do, Lord Opposition. I well weigh How much I am obliged to any; and for you, Dear Lord, I would I were the Monarch of the world. Why my Hope's are clear, But yet my thoughts are somewhat overcast, To think that I should hazard, with my self, The yet unthanked loves of all my friends. Were't to be tried out by our wit, or words, I could be confident; but boisterous force is. Yet though I doubt, I fear not, and my friends With patience will attend the main event. Lord Opposition, there's not any man Hath greater interest in me than you; And therefore look into my deepest thoughts Scientiam but even now hath sent me word, That notwithstanding all her promises To Demonstration, she could be content, To place her best affections upon me: But first intreats me to remove one le . None but Judicium is witness to her vows, Were he dispatched, she were resolved for me. Why, good my Lord, what would you have me do? I prize your friendship at my kingdom rate, Yet somewhat must esteem my reputation: At least be pleased to meet in some disguise: 'Twas was his request to 'escape from conscious eyes, If he survived, me conquered, he might take Some mask upon him, which small liberty, Presuming if I pleased on the Like, I granted him. Then be persuaded to anoint thy blade With this enchanted oil, it's strong in virtue. Nay, but hear a word: Let me entreat your faithful secrecy, And above all things, see you keep it close From Contradi ion, lest he second you. Well, I perceive that you have vowed to make Hermenia's Lord your vassal. Is he gone? Now I could break with laughter. What his harebrained son? I'll send to meet him, o 'twill do me good, To see the villains tap each others blood. Dear Contradiction, use all secrecy, And for my credit get thee some disguise, Nor speak to him by any means, thy voice May shame us. This will do well, for I must take some course To satisfy this overcurious age. But what news hearest thou stirring? So! what dangerously? I did think so much. These fighting fellows will never hold their hands Till they have pulled some vengeance on their heads But thank thou Heaven for't, if thou miscarry, Assure thy self that thou art only left To be the heir of my prosperity.