AMBIGUITY

I am in doubt, and I think cannot easily be resol ved, whither it were better living in Hell, where there is no day; or at my Master's, where there is no night: I cannot tell what any young Gentlewoman would answer to the blind Philosophers question. I am sure to me, Nullam videtur vo luptas nocturna: There cannot the least sleep harbour under my brows, but it is presently started with the loud cries of my Master. Melancholy keeps him always waking, and his envy will not suffer me to take any rest: Then my head hath scarce forgotten my pillow, when his buzzing Suitors swarming about me, sting my ears Like Hornets: Like ghosts on this side Cocytus, they flock thither in infinite multitudes, to be wafted over to Hell: I would they were all once shipped thither, and dispatched; they are so importunate, that I could curse Nature who hath given me two ears to hear them, and but one tongue (though that indifferent double) to and swer them. But at length I bethought me, she hath given me two legs to convey me from them. I would she had given me yours, you might not have seen your man. I have Sir, and I have not. (not. I have brought Sir, but not as you bid me. Nay Sir, I thought it better to bring two Viols at one going, than at twice going one Viol. There were two of water of the same colour, and I have brought them both. Here sir. Yes Sir. Master, you have seen Death's dance in Boccus, Mere chants, Vittulers, Vintners, Tobacco-men, Informers, Pro jectors, all those that mourned at Tigellius his Funeral; Ambubaiarum collegia, Pharmacapolae, I am sure you know them. Your loving Son, if his purpose hold, will ease you; you shall not think A nam upon your shoulders, he will make your head light enough. Yes me thinks; before he spoke in Verse, now he scannes not his words. Young Lord you were best to stay; they go to seek one whom they know not where to find. Now I hope to make my Master dote as much on me, as his mad father does on him, if I can convey away this purchase. My young Lord, if you will go with me, I will led you to such a Library, as all Hermenia yields not the Like again. Of all sorts. The best Logic, Rhetoric, & Philosophy that can be. Why you shall find there Piscators Logic, But le Rhetoric. Oh sir, the only Rhetoric in price; You shall have too Magirus Physics. Bakers Arithmetic. And stay with me I hope, longer than you are will ling HE is not here: it's common to say, He is a true man that never deceives his Master: and I think it may properly be said, He is a rare Master that ne for deceives his man. This is not the first time my Master Fallacy hath sent me on such idle errands: He is right Like the fellow that when he had nothing to steal, filled his Pockets with Rushes: rather than he will deceive no bo die, he will deceive me. But let him take heed he play not Like the mad fellow Ajax, who when he had left nothing else to kill, slew himself: and so when he can no longer cozen others, he'll cozen himself: His golden Letters, written with and Angels quill, will do him no good: But here I think he comes; no, it is Distinction: This Villain I can no more endure than Demosthenes could Phocion: he is the fatal Axe of all my Policies, the of all my subtle Devices. Well, I must adventure on him, delay may prove dangerous. How now Distinction, what news is stir ring? What are there windows in my breast? this fellow knows my heart. Not I Distinction. You may mistake me. My Master Fallacy by me kindly greets you Sir, and would have met you here himself, but was detained with extraordinary business, and desirous more closely to impart his mind unto you, by these his Letters does express the same. I doubt not but it'll do; o there is great hope: some think the mediation of Angels may help in Heaven; I am sure Angels are the best intercessors in Earth: when they be come Orators, there is no doubt of propitious audience. There is no reading to the golden Legends: This Chryso stomes Style is most persuasive. Hath he done since? I think if it had been longer, it would not have seemed tedious. I will Sir. How now Description, didst thou see our Soon reign Sophime? That's a sign my words are most significant, which is no small commendation. Why not double and true? Thou answerest not what I ask thee. But see here comes mad Discourse, he will make us admirable sport. Nor I, if he were in his wits. 'Twere sitter you were in the Island of Anticyram. If you be not, you deserve to be in the ship of fools. You are monstrously deceived, it's nothing but the house goes round with you. I'll go talk with him. My Lord , what Paradox is this, are the Heavens made of Marble. Somewhat it was, that in the time of , and as Livy reports, in the 200. year of Room, it reigned. But what think you of the Sun? If the Sun be gold, I will the sooner believe Seh nus, that there are a people which see him not in half and year; I know some who see not Gold once in twelve Months. But what is the Moon Sir? I think scarce that Sir. Sure that mettle is not of her Nature; it is often at the wain, but never at the full in my purse. They are happy, whose Nativity these stars favour. But how came you to learn all this? I believe you have been with Menippus, as far as the Moon: your talk favours of Lunacy. A most strange Traveller; I fear you will come a non to the greatest depth in Hell: it's time for me to leave you. Now will I blow up this fellow Like a soap bubble. It is necessary for great men to keep some fools as well as many knavs, They will never dispute their business. And must I frame inditements. 'Tis well I must play the Scrich-owle and proclaim misfortunes, while you become the Mercury of more pleasing messages, employed in tuning the strings of love. I'll think upon it if it be but to sharpen my wits. And prithee noble Ignoratio Surnamed Elenchi; wilt thou prove Pan der and procurer to any man, thy person promises more grace, stain not thy worthiness with so base employments. So I think verily, and therefore thou didst undertake it, Thy brave spirits scorn such service. Thou dost know thy self. Methinks thine own Idaea should be thy only Mistress. Why then should not these parts raise thee, Nature and Fortune have conspired about thee. Take but this opportunity, and triumph over the world. I warrant 'tis some admirable plot. Out upon it, work by witchcraft, it'll never prosper. Whats that. Then be ruled by me. Thou knowest our master now is called the great Sophism. And thou art Ignoratio Elenchi. Now thou art employed upon and honourable message. Proclaim thy self Ambassador. We will help that too; Thou hast his letters, open them, learn to pronounce them, take his person, frame his posture, speak as if thou Wertenberg the man thou seemest, she will not choose but and swear expectation. Besure thou act this before good company, a contract is nothing worth without witness. I will not fail thee, go and make thy self most rich lie fine. I care not if I cross my master in this project, we Crea tures of the lower region, never do worse then when the higher bodies grow in conjunction. If the master once fry in a husband dish affection, the man may freeze and starve in expectation. Thou shouldst have starched thy beard, or God some Bearskin on thy head; at least have powdered thy hair Like and Ashwednesday penitent; one devise now would do most and mirable. Nay 'tis soon done, 'tis not so much as a Majors feast or Citizens christening. Thou hast herd how Simon circumvented the Trojans. (Yes, a great leaden-Asse) No, but you must counterfeit your self a captive, stand with your hands fast bound and legs entangled, That will signify your inthraldome. The Lady pity king your restraint, will untie your hands, and wrap you in her arms; then may you enclaspe her girdle and untie the true-love-knot of her virginity. It would do excellent, Nox & Amor, Darkness and Drunkenness, Blindness and Love, are ever well matched. I'll help thee. Now, how canst thou speak? It must be louder, she will not endure a chamber voice, thou must yawn Like one that gapes for a Benefice: open Like and Oyster, that she may gather the pearls of thy speech. O that we had some Pebble-stones, such as Demosthones used; but hold, it may be this will serve; Spare my fingers he gags him. but while I tell a hundred. I warrant thee this will make thee Like a chirping Sparrow. Now will I leave the Coxcomb to advent ture, and 'tis full time. What black Herald comes here. My Lord, I have contrived the accusations. My Lord, Forgetful of her honour, mighty Truth, In base and mean attire hath walked the streets, Yea, which hath made my modesty to blush, Stark naked hath she oftentimes appeared, And flying better presence, usually With children, and gross-pated long-tongued fools, And poor distracted persons hath been found, On Tavern benches plunged all in Wine, By senseless drunkards lovingly embraced. She oft hath sucked impure and loathsome breath, From their unclean and foul stink-belching throats, With most disgraced-esteemed heretics Conversing always: never was she seen Amongst religious, far more glorious And fair appearing holy Confessors. The heavens, stars, the Regions of the air, The land, the Sea, Scientiam hath seen, But is a stranger in what most concerns The country, families, or private good. She is become the only patroness Of idleness, and self consuming sloth. The quickest spirits, fit for Actium, Being dulled in fruitless speculation: Yea many of her most admired strain, Puffed with conceits of their all knowing skill, Have run stark mad, or in a vilder vein, To damned Atheism have been inclined. Lady Opinion seeks to insinuate, And win good liking with the vulgar sort To them, since pleasing objects she propounds, And with most curious art and industry, Does both invite, and entertain their loves. Prudent and virtuous axioms she hath made Distasteful seem, and Paradoxical. She sometime simple, most times subtle is, But now deceitful, straight deceivable, And only constant in inconstancy. Sir, I hear that Lord Opposition and Contradiction have hurt each other. Yes, so 'tis said. Oh Sir, the Heavens intend me no such happiness, the scurvy Apothecary Aequipolency hath with his curiosity drawn out the rancour of their wounds, and no question is made of their recovery. Nay, which is as strange, he hath made them friends, and now they nothing but exclaim against you, except it be sometime when they rail against me for your sake. Again Sir, as I was coming hither, I was told that Analysis had let mad Discourse blood, which I laughed at, thin king his head was light enough before. You must answer your self for me. Sir, I mean you must answer by your self, I have some skill in accusing, but none in defending. At your command. Could I so easily be well assured Of your great care to rule, as reads our state, I should as gladly thank, as now most loath, Condemn your forwardness, and would you knew How I dislike these courses t'ane of you. But I do hear you banished have the realm My trustiest and best known Councillors. If it be so, I thank thee Fallacy, And do commend thy wise bestowed care. Shall I expect you here? So, this makes me think what I shall be, careless what I am, and forgetful what I was, I seem half invested in my Hope's already. Those sword and buckler fellows I hope will never get his favour more: and now the joys of Hermenia, are not equal to those in my bosom. I would the proudest enemy I have would find me in this fashion, O I could look upon them most dis dainfully—will no body come. Lord Fallacy, my master, is not here; His leisure serves not ordinary comers; But if you have some earnest suit to him, My means may prove your chiefest furtherance. You thank me, what unmannerly and untaught grooms are these, how unacquainted with the phrase and method of the court, I looked they should have answered in a language better un derstood of great men's favourites. And must you speak with him? I know no business of men of your fashion, but I may have the the hearing of it, suffice it you, I will vouchsafe you answer. What, mean you as you speak? Hath Fallacy used me thus, and forsaken me in my extre mity. Fallacy hath your cloak, I have it not, He must not be of our Council, if Opposition should chance to come. What's that Sir? Indeed you say true, he does mistake me that thinks me other than and honest man. Why Distinction? it's not you can find fault with my honesty. Why say you so then? Come, come Distinction, if I have been faulty, you know no man is born without faults. Come prithee, thou art always disposed to cross me, but I will not fallen out with thee for a King dome. Sir you shall know my hands be free. Yes, I will Sir. No, good Distinction, I love thee too well; I'll draw my Purse, with all my heart, to do thee good. That I have, my deer Oudeteros, and if thou wilt go with me, I will draw them both; the one to pay for the wine we will drink, the other to thank thee for thy Company. Does your feeling serve you any better? Is not that best? So Plato would have his Citizens. Then be Like Scaliger and , who had four and twenty tongues should have had no place in his Commonwealth. Oh wonderful operation, two or three drops of this Wine fuming into his head, turned his brains Like the fans of a Windmill, and then his tongue Like a clack began to talk on both sides; every thing was taken duplici ter; he talked pure Scot, and Thomas Occam and Cajetam might have learned some new School-learning from him: but this storm held not long, ever a still calm followed this vi olent tempest; and he fell fast asleep, and I think I was not long uncasing the Fox; he was so ready but now to give a double interpretation of every word I spoke, and I think (to be quits with him) I shall make more than a single use of this Cloak: first by this shift I have left him to pay for the Wine, then by this disguise I may unsuspected come to deliver my Master's Letter at the Bench, if Opposition come not before: But I think mine eyes are dazzled; he is here, and I saw him not. Why double hand? I hope I have not four hands.