CITY WIFE

Why how now Woman, a'th old disease still? will it never be better? cannot a Woman find one kind man amongst twenty? ah the days: I have seen, when a Woman's will was a law: if I had had a mind to such a thing, or such a thing, I could have had it, but twa's never better since men were Purse-bearers. Truly, and commonly are all such fat men: isle tell thee Gossip, I have buried six, I six husbands, but if I should live to have as many more, as I know not what may happen, but sure idem never have such a fat man: they be the most unwieldy men, that women shall not want a soar stomach that's troubled with them I war rant her. I, and what say, they are their wives head, well, if he be the head, she's the body, and the body is to bear the head, and the body is to bear the purse. No, would he were, little thinks the husband what goes through the wives hand, washing, wringing and rubbing, up early, down late, & a thousand things they look not too. A coil! why have you not a tongue in your head? faith if you win not all at that weapon, ye are not worthy to be a Woman, you hear not the news abroad: I more at least I warrant you. Miss us! no faith, but would all woe men were of my mind, they call us the weaker vessels: they should find vessels of us, but no weak vessels I warrant them. No, I warrant you, you never come abroad, this is to be troubled with a fat man, he never comes a broad himself, nor suffers his wife out of his sighed: ye shall ever have a fat Host, either on his be ̄ changed at the door, or in his chair in the chimney, & there he spits & spaules a room Like twenty Tobacco takers, o fie on them beasts. Tush, fear nothing woman, I hope to make him so again: alack, alack, how fell you out, all at head? o Butcher! are you hurt in another place? Is not this Gentleman hurt to? And great reason they have for it, but a wise man will put in a Woman's hand, what? sheele save that he spends. Nay this is but shallow, marry I have a Ruff is a quarter deep, measured by the yard. By the standard, you have a pretty set too: how big is the steel you set it with? What? she shall not come yet, if you lay down the bucklers you loose the victory. O woman! the most hard favoured news, and without all conscience, they say there's a statute made any woman that buries her husband, is not to marry a gain of two months after. He savours of a kind of Gallant, but not of a Courtier. I half a month, winter nights are long, and cold, isle tell you, I have buried six, and I thank my good fortune, I ever knew the next ere the other was in his winding sheet. God buy you, Gods so, I have forgotten wherefore I came: a word ere you go, the party ye wot on come mends him unto you, he that met the other party in the white felt, the yellow scarf, and the round Venetian, when the other party kissed you, and I broke the jest on him: when he said, kisses kindeles Coals, and love searches. Nay, the concourse will light on him for it I warrant. Nay, when shall I see you abroad, seldom i'm sure. It well ye kept him out, for if he had entered on your stony Guard, he would have spoilde your Capital. I fear not, put both your concupiscences in me for that matter. God buy you. Exeunt O woman, did your child's child ever see the Like, nine men to be buried too day, that drunk healths last night. They say one is your guest Philantus, Now well fare your hearts, by my truth 'tis joy to a woman, to see men kind, faith you courtiers are mad fellows, you care not in your humours to stab man or woman that stands in your way, but in the end your kindness appears. Of his charge, died he not able to purchase a Winding sheet? I, and it more seemly you were at your own house too, your wife cannot go abroad but you must follow, husbands must be fringed to their wives Petticoats, I pray you tarry you, isle go home. Why I hope your husband is able to main taine you better: are there not nights as well as days? does he not sleep some times? has he no pockets about him? cannot you search his breeches? any thing you find in his breeches is your own. I and more, why should she not? why what is his is yours, what's yours, your own: Or if all fail, you may hire a good suit at a Jews: or at a brokers, 'tis a common thing and speci Alley among the common sort. Heel be horn mad, & never able to endure it: why woman if he have but as much man in him as a Maribone, heel take the burden upon his own neck, and never discover you Let me help you woman. What qualities hath he Accutus? See, see, the extravagant of his arm is bru said to, alas how could you quarrel so? Ah good hearts! would I had stood between you when he let fly so violently. Until you had had armour on. Hang him, regard him not, theres hem ming indeed Like a Cat, (God bless us) with a burre in her throat. Exeunt Conjure him Fryer. I, your Dog or Bitch: Or solely your sword, better a bade tool then none at all. We make no doubt of that, come into a chamber, you shall lie down a while, perhaps yowl be stiff anon, then you shall use your legs, the more you strive with it, the better, alas good hearts. Exeunt Out all as, where's my Gosip? o woman! have you not herd the news? Fit, nay if there were but good standings, we care not. And truly by his head one should be mine. I warrant he ran mad for love, because no good face could endure the sighed of him, and ever since he rails a gainst women Like a hot shot. Good hearts, how many were there of them? And if she cannot help you, few can, she knows what belongs to a Tent or a bruise, and experi ence is good in those cases. A pox on your hemmings, do you think we care for your hemmings, What woman? passion of my heart, tell me your grief? Thats pretty in good truth, & must Diana be naked? Alas we shall see nothing, would I were near now he stands forward. Sure the middlemost was my husband, see if he have not a wen in his forehead. I warrant this fellow has as many eyes as a Lamprey, he could never see so far into the world else. Well, he was a proper man i'faith. I, I, mine Host, you are well employed to give a man counsel against his wife, they are apt enough to ill I warrant you. By my troth methinks he should be alive, I could find in my heart to feel his flesh. I'll not dance I, must you come to the Court to have horns set on your head? I could have done that at home.