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Full speech
I, farewell, fair weather after you. Your blessing quotha? I'll not give a single halpennie foe Who would live under a Mother's nose & a ong A Maid cannot love, or catch a lip clip, or but heers such tittle tattle, and do not so, and and be not so found, and do not kiss, and do no I cannot tell what, And I must love and I hang fort: A sweet thing is love She sings. That rules both heart and mind, There is no comfort in the World To Women that are kind. Well I'll not stay with his: stay quotha? To be yielded and iold at, and tumbled, and tumbled, and tossed and turned as I am by and old Hag, I will not, no I will not i'faith. But stay, I must put on my smirking looks and smiling countenance. For here comes one makes bominatio ̄ suit to be my sprus husband. Why William whats the matter? Nay William I would be loath you should do so for me. Faith I care not greatly if I do. Why then heers my hand. I'faith, i'faith, I canot tell what to do, I love, and I love, and I cannot tell who, Out upon this love. For what you what? I have suitors comes huddle, twoes up on twoes, and threes upon threes, and what think you troubles me? I must chat and kiss with all comers, or else no bar gain. Well I thank you William, now I see y are a man of your word. No William I know you did not, But I had thought you had forgotten me. Peace here comes my Granam Midnight. Here Granam, at your elbow. Granam: if you did but see him dance twoulde do your heart good: Lord, twould make any body love him, to see how finely heel foot it. Granam, give me but two crowns of read gold, And I'll give you two pence of white silver, If Robin the devil be not a water witch. Marry I'll tell you why. Upon the morrow after the blessed new year, I came trip, trip, trip, over the Market hill, Holding up my petticoat to the calves of my legs, To show my fine coloured stockings, And how finely I could foot it in a pair of new corkt shoes, I had bought: And there I spied this Mounsier Muff, lie gaping up in to the skies, To know how many Maids would be with child in the town all the year after: Oh 'tis a base vexation slave, How the country talks of the large ribd varlet! Why his face can never be at quiet, He has such a choleric nose, I durst hasworne by my maidenhead, (God forgive me that I should take such and oath That if William had had such a nose, I would never halov'd him. I'faith William weel have a merry day ont. Why Granam, look where he is. I, say it and spare not. Faith, I am none of those that love nothing but Tum dum diddle If he had not been a merry shaver, I would never have had him. Why so I will, but we must have more company for witnesses first.
Plot summary
Plot — Wily Beguiled
Grip the usurer wants to marry his daughter Lelia to the foolish son of his neighbour, Ploddall, in order to gain control of Ploddall’s extensive land-holdings. For her part, Lelia loves the scholar Sophos, but Grip doesn’t think him rich enough and warns the young man off. The fathers agree and Churms the lawyer is engaged to draw up the marriage contract. Churms persuades Grip to let him visit her to intercede for Peter Ploddall, and also agrees to act as an intermediary woeer for Sophos; but all the while his objective is to win Lelia for himself. Meanwhile he engages Robin Goodfellow to provide Peter with a fake love-philtre for Lelia, and to frame Sophos for rape so that Lelia will fall out of love with him. Robin in turn plans to cozen Churms of Lelia and Grip of his money; but his plotting is overheard by Grip’s son, Fortunatus, who has just returned from the wars. Fortunatus finds the despairing Sophos sleeping in the woods, and listens to his woes. It becomes clear that Churms is double-crossing Sophos, so Fortunatus lays a plot. At her brother's behest, Lelia arranges to abscond with Churms, who capitalizes Grip’s debts at less than their true value in order to finance the elopement. While Fortunatus and Sophos are waiting ===== PAGE 368 ===== to.intercept Churms, Robin tries to frighten Sophos by dressing up as the devil, but Fortunatus beats him and forces him to admit his misdeeds. When the eloping ‘couple’ arrive, Fortunatus intervenes and asks Lelia to choose between Sophos and Churms; she chooses Sophos. They take up temporary residence in a hermitage while Fortunatus straightens things out with their father. Grip learns independently of Churms’s treachery - both amatory and financial - and despairs. Fortunatus offers to prevent the elopement and bring Lelia back, provided that Grip agrees to her marrying Sophos. He does, and Fortunatus fetches the happy couple home.