SIMPLICITY

They say there is preferment in London to have, Mass and there be isle be passing and brave: Why isle be no more a miller, because the maidens call me dusty pole, One thumps me on the neck, and another strikes me on the nole: And you see I am a handsome fellow, mark the comporknance of my stature, Faith isle go seek peradventures, and be a serving creature. Marry isle clare thee, to London, would thou didst go there. I marry should it, for I love honest company. Cause thou art and honest man isle tell thee, my name is Simplicity But lady I stand still behind, for I am none of their compan . I faith, I am simplicity, and would feign serve you. Hear you sir, I would request to liver this letter, to your good wholesome mistars lady Lucar. Marry of my coossen Sincerity. Faith coossen, hes such a tester in and semblation knave; that he'll do nothing less some bribery he have. Theres a great many such promoting knaves that gets their living, With nothing else but facing, lying, swearing and flattering. Why he has a face Like a black dog, and blusheth Like the back side of a chimney. I was not for nothing thy Godfathers a cogging gave thee. But here comes his mistress lady Lucar, Now coossen isle liver your letter. Mistress lady Lucar, heeres a letter for you. Yes by saint Marry. How say you coossen, she reads your letter? And you can flatter, perhaps you shall speed better. My lady axes you when you will take possession of your house, and lend the rest of the money. Faith no, for they would eat it if they could get it, when they are a hungry. But you may be happy, for you have sped well to day You may thank God and good company that you came this way, The parsonage of S. Michels, bir Lady if you have nothing else, you shall be sure of a living, beside a good ring of Bells. Coossen, isle tell thee what thou shalt do, fell the bells and make money, Coossen, you said that some thing to me you would give, When you had got preferment of Lucar to live: And I trust you will remember your poor coossen simplicity, you know to lady Conscience and cry body I did speak for you. Marry on this fashion, with both hands at once, you shall see when I get meat. I believe coossen you be not hungry, that you stand prating, Faith isle go do him a pleasure because the hath needs. why and h le needs have meat eat, a shall see how isle feed, I believe he will not did me come again to him, Mass and he do, a shall find a fellow that has his eating. What Semblation swear not, for thou swearest by that thou couldst never get: Thou have honesty now? thy honesty is quite gone: Marry thou hadst honesty at xi. of clock, but it went from you ere noon: why, how canst thou have honesty, when it dare not come me thee? I warrant Semblation, he that has less honesty than thou, may defy thee: thou hast honesty sir reverence, come out dog, where art thou? Even as much honesty as hath my mother's great hoggish sow: No faith thou mayest put out mine eye with honesty, & thou hadst it here, Hast not left it at the alehouse in gage for a pot of strong beer? Duck eggs, yes isle carry them, and it as many as this would hold. Mass 'tis gold indeed, why, wilt lend away thy gold, hast thou no more needs? I think thou art grown plaguy rich with thy dissembling trade, But isle carry my lady the gold, for this will make her well paid. But what shall Conscience gown do, shall I carry it back again too? Faith I told thee thou caredst not for Conscience nor honesty: I think indeed it will never be the death of thee. But isle go conspatch my arrant so soon as I can tell you, For now I would gold, I would feign have some good meat in my belly. Why isle go with thee, for I must dwell with my Lady. Oh Fraud I know thee for a deceitful knave, And art thou got so bon acion and brave? I knew thee when thou dwelled at a place called Gravesend, And the guests knew thee too, because thou wast not their friend, For when thou wouldst bring reckoning to thy guess, thou wouldst say twice so much, and swear it cost thy dame no less. So thou didst deceive them, and thy dame too: And because they spied thy knavery, away thou didst go. Then thou didst go into Hartfordshire to a place called Beware, And because horses stood at hay for a penny a night there, Do that thou couldst get nothing that kind of way, thou didst greaze the horses teeth, that they should not eat hay And tell the rider his horse no hay would eat, Do the man would say, give him some other kind of meat. Sir shall Igiue him ates, fitches peas barley, or bred, But what ere thou gaust him, thou three quart S when he was in bed, And owe thou art so proud with thy filching & cozening art, But I think one day thou wilt be proud of the Rope and the Cart: take a w see fellows counsel Fraud, leave thy cozening and filching. Now I have it in my breeches, and very well can tell, That I and my lady with mistars Lucar shall dwell. But if I be her serving fellow, and dwell there, I must learn to cog lie, foist and swear. And surely I shall never learn, marry and it to lie a bed all To that kind of lying I should give a good say. Or if it to eat ones meat, then I knew what for to do. How say you strra, can I not, isle be drudge by you? A goodly Gentleman Ostler, I think none of you all believe him. Friend Usury, I think we are welneare at our journeys end: But knowest thou whom I have espied? Marry there was never a scutcheon, but there was 2 trees rampant And then over them lay a Sour tree parsant, With a man Like you in a green field pendant, Having a hempten halter about his neck, with a knot under the left ear, because you are a younger brother. Then sir, there stands on each hand holding up the crease, I worthy Ost ers hand in a dish of grease: Beside all this, on the helmet stands the hangmans hand, Ready to turn the Ladder whereon your picture did stand: Then under the helmet hung tables Like chains, and for what they are I cannot devise. Except it be to make you hang fast, that the crows might pick out your eyes. Nay come and go with me, good honest man: For if thou go with him, he will teach thee all his knavery, there is none will go with him that hath any honesty. A bots on thy ma lay beard, I know thee thou art Dissimulation, And hast thou God and honest men coat to semble this fashion? I'll tell thee what, thou wilt even semble & cog with thine own father: A couple of false knaves together, a thief and a broker: thou makest towns folk believe thou art and honest man in the country yet dost nothing but cog, lie, and foist with hypocrisy. You shall be hanged together and go alone together for me, For if I should go the folks would say, we were knaves all three. Now all the cards in the stock are dealt about, the four knaves in a cluster comes ruffling out. Nay and they sing, isle sing too. Why to our vittails, what else have we to do? And mark if I cannot eat twenty times so much as you. Yes they will be sure to win the devil and all, Or else theyle make a man to spue out his gall: Oh that vile Usury, he lent my father a little money, & for breaking one day, He took the see simple of his house and mill quite away: And yet he borrowed not half a quarter so much as it cost, But I think if it had been but a shilling it had been lost: So he killed my father with sorrow, and undid me quite, And you deal with him sirs, you shall find him a knave full of spite, And Simon I pierce I. Simony too, he is a knave for the nonce, He loves to have twenty livings at once: And if he let and honest man as I am to have one, H le let it so deer that he shall be undone. And he seeks to get Parsons livings into his hand, And puts in some odd dunce that to his payment will stand: So, if the parsonage be worth forty or fifty pound a year, He will give one twenty nobles to mumble service once a month there. What rascal is he, that speaks by us such villainy? Why, then lady Love will you have me than? But shall I be your good man? I but I would be your goodman, & swap up a wedding with speed Yes isle serve you, but will you go in to dinner, for I am hungry? I wis, do thrust out mine eyes with a Lady. Yes faith coossen Sincerity, isle do any thing for thee? What wouldst thou have me do for thee canst tell that? Mass I cannot tell what shouldst do for me, except thou wouldst give me a new hat. Why then I marvel how thou dost do: Dost thou get thy living amongst beggars from door do door? Indeed coossen Sincerity, I thought thou wast not so poor. Yes I'll do so much for thee cousin, but hast thou any here? Let me see coossen, for I can read: Mass 'tis bravely done, didst thou it indeed? Mistress Conscience, I have a matter to bequest you too. Marry my cossen Sincerity, would bestre to scribe these papers here That he may get some preferment, but I know not where. Mass my coossen can say his book well, I had not thought it, Hes worthy to have a benefice, and it will hit. Here is the right picture of that fellow that sits in the corner. I think yowl make me serve to be a washing block for you. I would do it for you, but am afraid yonder boy will mock me. as my lady is got to dinner already, I believe she rose at ten of clock she is so hungry. What if I should come to dinner, is there any good cheer? Why, art thou called Hospitality, & hast no better cheer than that Faith and thou hast no more meat for so many, theile never be fat, what if my coossen nay my self alone to dinner should come? where should my lady and the to dine? for I would eat up every crumb. Thou art and old sir dost thou keep no better fare in thy house? Hast no great bag pudding, nor hogs face, that is called souse e speaks well coossen, lets go to worser nner with him. the old man shall not think but we will pleasure him. Faith he might have richer fellows to take his partly, But he shall never have better eating fellows if he would swelte his heart. Here be they that will eat with the proudest of them. For my mother said I could eat as much as five men. Nay I am sure the gift of eating is given to me, For our Maids would never believe I put all the meat in my belly, But yonder comes a Knave, my lady Lucars cogging man, Give me your letters coossen, isle prefer you if I can. Why then you are a fool coossen Sincerity, Give me am then, for I know he'll do it for me, Now cossen dismember your friends, seeing two livings you have One that this man promised, and another that lady Lucar gave. Mass yowl be a jolly man and you had three or four more, Lets beg apace coossen, and we shall get us great store. Do thou get some more letters, and isle get them scribed of mistars Love and Conscience, And wele go beg livings together, wele beg no small pence. How sayest thou coossen wut do so much? If we can speak fair and semble, we shall be plaguy rich. Come lets go to dinner coossen, for the Gentleman I think hath almost dinde. But if I get victuals enough isle warrant you isle not be behind. You think I am going to market to buy rost meat, do you not? But see how you are deceived, for well I wot, I am neither going to the Butchers to buy mutton, veil nor beef, But am going to a bloudsucket, and who is it? faith Usury that thief. Why sirs, it no marckle he vndood my father that was called Plain dealing, when he has undone my Lady and Conscience too with his usuring. Trust him not sirs, for he'll flatter bonacion and soar, till he has got the Bakers vantage, then he'll turn you out of door. Why, 'tis nothing for thee, thou dost not deal with such kind of beware. Sirrah there is no beceit in a bag pudding, is there? nor in a plain pud ding pie: Sirrah isle tell thee, I will not tell thee, and yet isle tell thee, now I man ber me too: Canst tell, or wouldst know whither with this parliament I go? Faith even to S ckswill thy fellow Usury I am sent, With my lady Loves gown, and lady Conscience too, for a quarters rend. Now Gods blessing on his heart, why it time he were dead He was and old churl, with never a good tooth in his head. And he never kept no good cheer that I could see: For if one had not come at dinner time he should have gone away hungry. I could never get my belly full of meat, He had nothing but beef, bred and chief for me to eat. Now I would have had some Pies or bag puddings with great lumps of at: But he did keep my mouth well enough from that. Faith and he be dead, he is dead, let him go to the devil and he will. Or if he will not go thither, let him even lie there still. I'll never make a lamentation for and old churlde, For he has lived a great while, and now 'tis time that he were out of the world. Faith Hospitality is killed and hath made his will, And hath given Dissimulation three trees upon a high hill. Sirrah, if thou shouldst marry my Lady thou wouldst keep her brave. For me thinks thou art a plaguy rich knave. This is as my coossen and I went to M. Nemos How e, There was no man to id a dog drink, or to change a man a ou e, But lady Conscience (nay who there) scratch that name away, Can she be a lady that is turned out of all her array? Do not be called no more lady, and if you be wise, For every body will mock you, and say you be not Worth two butter fly . No faith M. Conscience isle not for and I should fell broom, the Maids would coossen me too competually with their old shoo e. And too I cannot work, and you would hang me out of the way. For when I was a miller, Will did grind the meal while I did play. Therefore isle have as easy and occupation as I had when my Father was alive, Faith isle go even a begging, why 'tis a good trade a man shall be sure to thrive. For I am sure my prayers will get bred and cheese, and my singing will get me drink. Then shall not I do better than M. Conscience? tell me as you think. Therefore God Pan in the Kitch n, and God Pot in the buttery, Come and resist me, that I may sing with the more meliositie. But sir , mark my cauled countenance when I begin, But yonder is a fellow that gapes to b e me, or else to eat that which I sing. Why thou art a fool, canst not thou keep thy mouth strait together And when it comes sna at it as my father's dog woe do at a liver. But thou art so greedy, That thou thinkest to eat it before it come j thee. Simplicity sings, and sperience does prove, No biding in London for Conscience and Love, The Country hath no pear. Where Conscience c mes not once a year And Love so welcome to every town, S wind that blows the houses down. Sing down adown, down, down, down. Simplicity sings it, and spertence does prove, No dwelling in London, no biding in London for Conscience and Love. Now sirrah, hast eaten up my song? and you have you shall eat no more to day, For every body may see your belly is grown bigger with eating up our play. He has his belly but I am never a whit the better, Therefore isle go seek some victuals, and member for eating up my song you shall be my debtor. But fellow beggars you coossen me, & take away at the best meat. And leave me nothing but brown bred, or sin of fish to eat. When you be at the alehouse, you drink up the strong ale, and give me small bear: You tell me 'tis better than the strong, to make me sing clear. Indeed you know with my singing I get twice as much as you, But and you serve me so you shall sing your selves, and beg alone for me. look how greedy they be, Like dogs that fallen a snatching, You shall see that I shall have the greatest alms, because I said nothing Fraud knows me, therefore he'll be my friend I am sure of that: they have nothing but lean beef, you shall see I shall have a piece thats fat. Master Fraud you have forgotten me pray you let me have my share, Oh sir, I saw your arms hang out at a stable door. Oh yes sir, your arms were known a great while ago, For your elder brother Deceit did give those arms too, Marry the difference is all, which is the knot under the left ear. the Painter says when he is hanged, you may put out the knot without fear. I am sure they were your arms, for there was written in Roman letters round about the hempten collar, Given by the worthy valiant Captain master Fraud the Oh lar. Now God be with you sir, isle get me even close to the back door. Farewell Come beggar, and wily Will, lle beg with you no more. Why, but must I be whipped master Constable indeed? You may save your labour, for I have no needs. Indeed master Constable, I do not know of their ealing. For I did not see them since we went together a begging: Therefore pray you sir be miserable to me, and let me go, For I labour to get my living with begging you know. Why master Constable, if a sheep go among wolves all day. Shall the sheep be blamed if they S eale any thing away? Indeed it fraud so it was, it was not I, And here he comes himself, ask him if I lie. M. Constable, must the countenance carry out the knave, Why then if one will face folks out, some fine repar meant he must have. Nay but tell me be you both right handed or no? Marry if you should both be right handed, the one would hind the other, then it would not be done finely according to order: For if you whip me not with credit it is not worth a pin, therefore I pray you M. Constable, let me be whipped on the skin. I was afraid you would have worn out my cloth with whip ping, then afterwards I should go naked a begging.