SIMPLICITY

Fly, flame flirt: why? Can a fly do hurt? Goodman Simp. for I am married, & it Like your mastership, And you are mast. Fraud too, a pox on your worship. I see, a fox and a false knave have all one luck, the better for banning, And many of you crafty knaves live merilyer than we honest men. No, I am one more than is in the deck, but you'il be smelled as soon as you begin to speak, I'll see what they'il say to me: hear you you women, wives, widows, maids, men's daughters, What shall I call you? these four fellows (hark you, shall I call you afty knaves) make me believe that you are the three that were the three fair La die of London. Tut, I knew you and Ostler, and a thief beside, you have rubbed my horse heels er now for all your pri e: but Ladies, if you be the three ladies, which of you dwelled in Kenned street? one of you did, but I know not which is she, you look all so Like broom-wenches, I was once her serva ̄ to, I'll never be ashamed of her though I be rich, & I she be poor, yet if she that hath be my dame, or he that hath been my m ister come in place, I'll speak to the ̄ sure, I'll do my duty, which is Lady Consc ? Lady Lucre, you love and apple, take heed the Caterpill consume not your fruit. 'Tis usury. aloud in her ear . Birds of a feather will fly together, but when they be taken then are they bake, yonder comes a customer, I'll to my stall: Love, Lucre, and Conscience, blindman buff to you all. What lack you? What worser you lack? Ten shillings every penny. Oh Master Fraud, speak to him to let me go: Alas, I am undone, ther's all the wealth & stock I have. Clubs, clubs, nay come neighbours come, for here they be, here I left them, arrant thieves, rogues, cozeners, I charge you as you will answer, prebend them, for they have undone me, and robbed me, and made me the poorest free man that ever kept a ballad stall: I seek not them, I seek for Fraud that robbed me. we came too late to find your losses. Exeunt. All hail, all rain, all frost, & all snow, be to you three Lord S of London on a row: Read my supplantation and my suit ye shall know, Even for Gods sake above, and three Ladies sakes below. Come on M. Didligence, I have be seeking you, as a man should seek a load of hay in a needles eye. Owe me? Tush, no man, what do you talk of owing? Come, and yet I must have some certain sigillatum & deliberatum in prae sentiam. Do you not understand sir? Forty pence and furniture by my Lord pomps pointment, against the wedding day: to be one of the show-makers, I do not say shoemakers, and yet they be honest men. How now, Have I beated his lips? have I warmed his nose? and scorched his face? Let me see, how looks the villain? Have I burned him? Very few ashes if there be any, you may see what a hight thing anger is, I think that the Torch did not waste him so much as my wrath: well, all London, nay, all England is beholding to me, for putting Fraud out of this world, I have consumed him & brought him to nothing & I'll tread his ashes under my feet, y to no more Frauds shall ever spring of them: But let me see, I shall have much anger, for the Tanners will miss him in their leather, the Tailors in cutting out of garments, the Shoemaker in closing, the Tapsters in filling pots, and the very oi stermen to mingle their oysters at Billinsgate, yet it is no matter the world is well rid of such a crafty knave. My Uncle hath so I ween, for its and angry old fellow When his gall runs over: children good day, Whose pretty lads are you three? I'll not swear till I have told you: one, two, three. Me boy, why? I am beshrewed already, for I am married. Yea, I would thou hadst her, if thou couldst stay her tongue, And I am too old, but in good earnest good boys, be not angry, that I call you boys, for you are no men yet, you have no beards And yet I have seen boys angry for being called boys: Forsooth they would be called youths: well, yet a boy is a boy And a youth is a yout : well, if you be not ashamed of the boy, Good boys, whose yes are you? A pretty spoken Child and of a pretty wit. It is more then I know, then is thy name wit boy? Now of mine honesty welcome, for I have wanted thee a great while. So have I too, but she learns me little wit: my wife I mean Well, all this while I stand here my wares are not abroad, and so I may lose both my customers and market. Truly Child, I sell Ballads: soft, whose wares are these that are up already? I paid rend for my standing, and other folks wares shall be placed afore mine, this is wise indeed. They are fine indeed, who sells them, can you tell? Is he free? Chapmen, no that's true, for you are no men, neither Chapmen nor chopmen, nor chipmen nor shipmen, but if you be chappers, chop pers or chippers, you are but chapboyes, and chapboyes you are double. Then your three little laughs will make one great laugh: Because you have two chaps, and upper chap and a neither chap. Indeed, good will is a great matter, Why? you are not in love boy? Charity? alas poor child, thou in chariti , would, would, now must I laugh. Then I owe you nothing for laughing, & you hear me the No, you may be maddle, coddle: well heres three passing fine lads, if a man were able to keep them all: let me see wealth, o that's a sweet lad: then wit, o that's a sine lad: Will, o that's a pretty lad. Will, wit, and wealth, God lend ye health. I would I could guile heir masters of two of them. If I had Fraud here that served Lady Lu credit, he would teach me: he would teach me to tice one of them from his master: which of them now, if a man should steal one? will ? Nay, I care not for will outsep he be good will: Wit, a pretty child, but a man can not live by wit: wealth, yea marry sir, I would I could win that wealth, for then I need neither will, nor wit, nor I needs fell no Ballad but live Like a mouse in a mill and have another to grind my meal for me, I'll have a fling at one of them anon. Well remembered pretty lads, you may see, children can teach old folks, I am and unthrift indeed: well, my wares shall out now. But sir , how fell you your wares, how many of these for a groat? Then they are Like ripe plums upon a rich men tree that set men's tooth a watering when they be not to be bought: but what call you these things? Cushens, alas it were pity to fit on such fine cum hens: but come my boys if you'il buy any of my wares, hers my stall, and Ill open and show strait. Why, you can not mend it, can you? What a brag boy is this to comparison with a man, but boy boy, I will not lay six Ballads to six groats, but I will lay six Bal lades to six jerks at your buttocks, that you shall not sing so well as I. I not let you? Is that spoken Like wit? It is spoken Like a Woodcock, how can I stay thee if thou wilt sing out thy throat? Neither of your companions, for that's ask my fellow if I be a thief. Best of all, for I mean plainly and will pay if I lose, hers my six Ballads, they be ready: now how shall I come by your six stripes boy? Tush, your copesmetés shall not judge: friend, what say you, which of us sings best? to one of the auditory. Why wilt thou not buy my voice? Read and then shalt see. Not read & brought up in London, wru st thou never to schols Thou wast the more fool: if thou cannot read I'll tell Thy , this is Tarltons picture: didst thou never know Tarlton What was be: a prentice in his youth of this honourable ci ty, God be with him: when he was young he was leaning to the trade that my wife uses now, and I have used, vide lice shirt, water-bearing: I wis he hath tossed a Tankard in Cornehil er now, if thou knewest him not I will not call Thee ingram, but if thou knewest not him, thou knewest no body: I warrant hers two crackropes knew him. Didst thou? now give me thy hand, I love Thee the better. you child, did you dwell with him sometime? wit dwelled with him indeed, as appeared by his rhyme, And served him well, and will was with him now & than, but soft, thy name is wealth, I think in earnest he was little acquainted with that e Oh it was a fine fellow as ere was born, there will never come his Like while the earth can corn. Oh passing fine Tarlton I would thou hadst lined yet. If a man had a casting net, he might catch all you. Now you bade fellows, which of you had such a word as gentle fir I am glad you are out of prison, I thought you had forgotten me, I went a begging from you till he bedles snapped me up, now I am free and keep a stall of Ba lades, I may buy and fell, I would you had as good a gown now as I Can ried once of yours to pawn to Usury here. A score wife? you mean for the Alehouse, do you not? I would have her examine me thereof no further, for I am in too far there, more then I would she should know. I have five shillings in money, two shillings in wares, or thereabouts, and I owe two shillings and eight pence upon the score, how much is that? five shillings, two shillings, and two shillings and eight pence. Wife, what hard luck have we that cannot make x. shillings now to gain x. pound: why, x. pound would set us up for ever. Nay good master Usury take all my goods and l to me go, No sir, I would have but laid them to pawn for five pounds to him. I thank you Master Fraud: I'll not go so far, but I'll be near to hear and see what the meaning of these fellows in this canvas should be, for I know Fraud, Dissimulation, and simony to be those three: here I think I am unseen. Simplicity hides him near them. Oh do you not perceive the subtlety? why sir, the Woodmongers hires these poor men to go up and down with their betles & wed ges on their backs, crying, have you any wood to cleave, and laugh to see them travel so laden with wood and iron: now sir, if the poor men go two or three days and be not set a work (as sometime they do) the Woodmongers pay them and gain by it, for then know they there's no wood in the city, then raise they the price of billets so bye, that the poor can buy none. Now sir, if these fellows were barred from as king, whither there were wood to cleave or not, the woodmongers need not know but that there were wood, and so billets and faggots would be sold all at one rate, down with this trade, we shall fit a cold else my Lords. No, a For ferit him, for if I could find him, I would make him fast enough for cozening me of ten shillings for certain copper buttons and rings, I thought to have be a haberdasher, and he hath made me worse than a haymaker. Truly I am pleased to take a good Angel for ten shillings, speciously of such a debtor as M. Fraud: but now I am to be pleased otherwise, that is, to see him punished, I promise ye the people love him well, for they would leave work and make half oli ay to see him hanged. Oh Singulariter Nominativo, wise Lord pleasure: Genetivo bind him to that post, Dativo, give me my torch, Accusat. For I say he's a cosoner. Vocat. Oh give me room to run at him. Ablat. take and blind me. Pluraliter, per omnes casus. Laugh all you to see me in my choler adust to burn and to broil that false Fraud to dust. You said you would laugh but a little, but you laugh a great deal, why do you laugh so much? Nay, my name & mine honesty is all one, it is well known He's a very fool that cannot beguile me, for my name is simplicity. And whom serve you wealth ? So that Usury and and ass are two of the profitablest beasts that a man can keep, yet th'one hath sharper teeth than th'other. But you are as ill, for you are monsters. I see many of these old proverbs prove true, 'tis merry when knaves meet: Oh it is great pity. No, that you do live. Faith even Like two mice in and amberie that eat up all the meat, and when they have done, gnaw holes in the cupboard. He shall do well that gives thee a coat, but he should do bet ter, that could take of thy skin. Fraud is as ill as a cutpurse, by the mass. More honestly then all the rest of thy company: for when I might beg no longer, as begging was but bade, for you c soned me once of and alms, I fell to tankard bearing & so os a wife of the same science. painful penury, then God I my freedom's, and feeling my shoulder grow weary of the tankard, set up and easier trade to sell balla S. not till you speak for I am afraid of him that's with y e woman n Marry, but hear you motley-beard, I think this blindfold buz zardly hedge-wench spoke to you, she knows you though she see you not, hark you, you women, if you'il go to the alehouse, I'll bestow two p ts on you, and we'il get a pair of Card and some company, and win twenty pots more, for you play the best at a game called smelling of the four knaves that ever I saw. No I thank you heartily, I'll beg no more, I can not be with you though I would for I am married to painful penury : Look now my proud stately masters, I may if I will, & you would if you might. No, Fraud never loved Conscience since he was and Ostler. You do the wiser, for his face looks Like a cloakbacke: I promise you the wenches have learned to answer wittily, Hers many fair proffers to Lucre, and love, But who clothes poor Conscience, she may fit long enough. Friend you have not stolen them, but you make them, well, I'll buy them ithe open market, and then I care not, here is ten shil lings, deliver me the wares. What's your name? Adieu Monster: Adieu fool, sell such gold buttons & rings for so little money, good Lord what pennyworth these strangers can of ford: now wife let me see, x. pound, when we have ten pound, we'il have a large shop, and fell all manner of wares, and buy more of these, and get ten pound more, and then ten pound, and ten pound, and twenty pound, then thou shalt have a taffeta hat and a guarded gown, and I a gown and a new cap, and a stik doublet, and a fair house. Tush, I shall sell them afore night for ten pound, gow wife, gow, I may tell you I am glad this French fellow came with these wares, we had fallen to eramining the Ale-skore else, and then we had fallen cut, and the ale wife and my wife had scolded: Well, a man may see, he that's ordained to be rich, shall be rich: gow woman. Exeunt I sir? Why alas I bought them of a stranger, and old French man for good gold, and to be worth ten pound, for so be told me, I have good witness, for my own wife was by, and lent me partly of the money. Of and old French man, the old French disease take him. In France I think, for he told me he was to go over the next tide, or the next day, my wife can tell as well as I, if you think I lie, for she was by. Nay, if I lose my ears, I care not for my freedom's, keep you my freedom, so I may keep my ears, is there no remedy for this M. Usury? Peradventure I can, if you'il let me go into France to seek him: There is diverse pieces of work in that box, pray you give me some of my goods again, a ring or something. Did a so? I am glad I have found the french man, now I'll raise the street, but I'll have my wares again, & prove you as you were, ever both false knaves I believe. Exit sim. Oh I am undone, robbed, spoiled of all my stock, let me see, where be they? Keep every street and door, same all that comes for Fraud that cosoner. I am robbed Oh my boys, my pretty boys, I am undone, saw you no thieves, nor no crafty knaves, what be all these? Pray for me my boys, I thin shall hang my self I come ever too late to speed. Cannot you three tell, and the suit to you three? I am glad a simple fellow yet, can go beyond you three great Lords of London. Why my suit, look ye, is such a suit, as you are bound in honour to hear, for it is for the puppet Like wealth, I would have no new or dears, nor new sciences set up in the city, whereof I am a poor free man, and please you, as you may read in my bil there, simplicity freeman. But my Lords, I would have three old trades, which are not for the common wealth, put down. they be not three what lack yees, as what do ye lack, fine Lockerome, fine Canvas, or fine Holland cloth: or what lack you, fine Ballads, fine Sonnets: or what lack you, a purse or a glass, or a pair of fine knives: but they be three, have you anies, which me thinks are neither sciences nor occupations, and if they be trades, they are we ry malapert trades, and more than reason. What fault? I promise you a great fault, what have you or any man else to do to ask me if I have any old iron? What if I have, or what if I have not? Why should you be so saucy to ask? No my Lord, no. I may not call you fool: it is to mark the houses where such stuff is, that against rebels rise, there is harness and weapon ready for them in such and such houses, and what then? the rusty weapon does wound passed surgery, and kills the Queens good subjects: & the rest of the old trash will make them guns too, so it is good luck to find old iron, but 'tis nought to keep it, and the trade is crafty, and now my L. policy, I speak to you, t'were well to put it down. Yea, and worse: It is, have you any ends of gold and silue ? this is a perilous trade, covetous, and a ticement to murder, for, mark you, If they that ask this should be evil given, as Gods forbad they see who hath this gold and silver, may not they come in the night break in at their houses, and cut their throats for it? I tell you, gold and sil ver hath caused as much mischief to be done as that, down with it. Why? For this ointment, these shells, these pleasure, do you not know this Countu mountus cum this worser mihi ? No words quoth a, that's a state test, would you be coson'd so? See you Then fellow with the torch in his hand? One the falsest villain that is in this land, Let him be laid hold on that he run not away, And then ye shall hear what I have to say. Oh Master Fraud, welcome to the buts, Now I'll have my ten shillings in spite of your guts, The French Tanker consume you, you were and old Frenchman, Dam goll buttoone, goll renga, bugla lase, you coson'd me than, My Lords I beseech you that at tyborn he may otter, For in steed of gold, the villain sold me copper. Ye, you may see it is a good thing to have wit. wealth? Marry wealth is better. Not for silver nor gold? why hang they then in the open market? Marry child, I have chipping Norton a mile from Chapel oath heath, A lamentable ballad of burning the Popes dog: The sweet Ballad of the Lincoln shire bagpipes, And Peggy and Willy, But now he is dead and gone: Mine own sweet Willy is laid in his graven la, la, la, lan ti dan derry, dan Dam dan, lan ti dan, dan tan derry, dan do. Nay then I care not if thou keep stakes. Then let's lay no wager but sing for good fellowship. Oh boy, who is the elder? Hast thou not herd give Flounders to thy elder? And thou art no Cinque Port man, thou art not wit free, the fineness was within, for without he was plain, But it was the merriest fellow and had such jests in store, that if thou hadst seen him, thou wouldst have laughed thy heart soar. I'll tell thee my lad, come hither, if thou wilt be ruled by me thou shalt pay nothing, I'll give it Thee, if thou wilt dwell with me, and I promise thee this counsel is for thy prefarming, hadst not thou better serve a free man of the City, and learn a trade to live anon there day, than to be a serving boy in thy youth and to have no oc cupation in thine age, I can make thee free if thou wilt be my pron tice. I cry you mercy M. boy, then your master is free of the lords company and you serve him that you may be a Lord when you come out of your years. Thy name is wit, wilt thou dwell with me? Yes, for want of a better. No, for want of a better mistress, she was as very a fool as I We dwelled so long together that we went both on begging. No, why whom serve you Will ? And whom serve you wit ? You should be served all with my Lord Birchley if you were well served, these lads are so lordly that louts care not for them: for wealth serves Pomp, Wit serves policy, and will serves pleasure. wealth, will you buy this picture for your Lord? Show Tarltons picture, Gramercy good will, my wife shall love thee still, And since I can neither get Wit nor wealth, Let my wife have her will, and let me have my health. God forgive me, I think I never name her, but it conjures her, look where she comes, be mannerly boys that she knock you not with her staff: keep your own counsel, and I'll make you laugh. What do ye lack, what lack you. Stand away these boys from my wares, Get you from my stall, or I'll wring you by the ears. Let my customers see the wares: what lack you what would you hau bought. Wife, must I not dine to day? If I must not eat, I mean to drink the more. What I spare in bred, in ale I'll set on the score. How say you my lade? And do I not speak wisely? Yea, I thank God though she be poor and scarce cleanly, yet she is homely, careful and comely. Farewell good M. boys ene heartily, ene heartily, heartily. And hear you will, I thank you for your handsel truly. Pretty lads, hark you sirs how? will, wit, wealth. I forgotten to ask you whither your three Lords of London be courtiers or Cittiners? Citizens born and Courtiers brought up, I think so, for they that be born in London are half Courtiers before they see the Court, for finesse and manerlinesse o passing, my manners and misbe haviour is mended half in half since I gave over being a mealman and came to dw ll in London : you may see Time doth much, Time wears out iron horseshoes: Time tears out millstones: Time sea sons a pudding well, and Time hath made me a free man, as free to bear water and fell Ballads, as the best of our copulation: I would have thought once my horse should have be free as soon as my self, and sooner too, for he would have stumbled with a sack of meal and lain along in the channel with it when he had done, and that some calls freedom's, but it's but a dirty freedom's, but you may see, bade hor ses were but ades in those days: But soft, here comes customers: What lack you, what is't you lack, what lack you? Come along and buy nothing: fine Ballads, new Ballads, what lack you? I cry you mercy M. Injury, M. usury I meant not you, That will not Usury do, he will first take 3. score pound in the hundred. Will you banish them as readily as I can name them? the first is, h we you any old iron, old male, or old harn is? Yea, is it not? might you not do well to make me of your counsel I believe I could spy more faults in a week, than you could mend in a month: No marry, for you three must be married suddenly, and your feast must be dres : Farewell my Lords, farewell my three Lords, and remember that I have set each of ye a fault to mend: well, I'll go seek M. Dilige ̄ ce that he may give me forty pence against the feast sir reverence: Exit Wise enough to tell you, I, & yonder's my stal, but bewar I lose nothing, for if I do, I'll lay it straight to some of you, for I saw none so Like the ves I promise you, since I set up. Will you master Usury, that's honestly spoke. Would, that's no gramercy to cloth her with another men cloak, But I see you have a craft in the doing M. Usury, Usury cou rs Conscience with Frauds cloak very cunningly. tush, they needs ask no such question, many a man hath delight to show what he hath, the trad is a ticing trade, down with it: that is the craftiest of all, wherein I am disbus's, for that goes under the colour of simplicity, have you any wood to clean? Then it will be with him as it is at a great man house in dinner time: he that knocks when the door is shut comes too late, You have a good pawn there, good master Usury be good unto me. Oh Lady Conscience that art married to Lord pleasure, Help thy servant simplicity to recover his lost treasure: A boon my Lords, all for Love and Lucre sake, Even as you are true Lords, help a false lout to take,