BUTLER

And brought you Letters Sir. The old news Sir, the Ordinaries are full, some Citizens are bankrupts, and many Gentlemen beggars. Towards Wakefield, where my Master's living lies. Do, fight: I love you all well, because you were my old Master's sons, but I'll neither partly you, nor be partaker with you. I come to bring my mast, news, he hath two sons born at a birth in Yorkshire, and I find him together by the ears with his brother's in a Tavern in London. Brother and brother at ods, 'tis nought: sure, it was not thus in the days of charity. Whats this world like to? Faith joust Like and Innkeepers Chamber-pot, receives all waters, good and bade, It had needs of much scouring. My old mast kept a good house, and twenty or thirty tall sword and Buckler men a bout him, and y faith his son differs not much, he will have met tle to, though he hath not store of Cutlers blades, he will have plenty of Vintners pots. His father kept a good house for honest men, his Tenants, that brought him in partly, and his son keeps a bade de house with Knaves that help to consume all. 'Tis but the change of time: why should any man repine at it: Crekits, good li ving, and lucky worms, were wont to feed, sing, and rejoice in the father's chimney, and now Carrion Crows builds in the sons Kitchen, I could be sorry for it, but I am too old to weep. Well then, I will go tell him news of his ofsprings. Your brother means to lame as many as he can, that is a beggar himself, many live with him in the Hospital. His wise sent me out of Yorkshire, to tell him, that God had blessed him with two sons, he bids a plague of them, a vengeance of her, crosses me over the pate, and sends me to the Surgeons to seek salve: I looked at least he should have given me a brace of Angels for my pains. A plague on his fingers, I cannot tell, he is your Brother & my master, I would be loath to Prophesy of him, but who soere does curse his Children being Infants, ban his wife lying in childbed, and beats his man brings him news of it, they may be born rich, but they shall live Slaves, be Knaves, and die Beggars. Guess you, he bid a plague of them, a vengeance on her, & sent me to the Surgeons. And he was and honest Gentleman. The Moors the pity. Sooth I'll tell you, your brother hath hurt us, We three will hurt you, and then go all to a spittle together. Well I do pity you, and the rather because you sale, you would feign live honest and want means for it, for I can tell you 'tis as strange here to see a maid fair, poor, and honest, as to see a Collier with a clean face. Maids here do live (especially with out maintenance) Like Mice going to a trap, They nibble long at last they get a clap. Your father was my good Benifactor, and gave me a house while I live to put my head in: for I would be loath then to see his only daughter, for want of means, turn punk, I have a drift to keep you honest. Have you a care to keep your self so, yet you shall not know of it, for women's tongues are Like siues, they will hold nothing, they have power to vent. You two will further m Perhaps thou speakest righter then thou art aware of: well, as chance it, I have received my wages: there is forty shillings for you, I'll set you in a lodging, and till you hear from us, let that provide for you, weel first to the surgeons, To keep you honest, and to keep you brave, For once and honest man, will turn a Knave. A man had better line a good handsome pair of gallows before his time, then be born to do these sucklings good, their more the milk not wrung out of their nose yet, they know no more how to behave themselves in this honest and needful calling of Purse-taking, then I do to piece stockings. See if they do not quake Like a trembling. Asp-leafe, and look more miserable then one of the wicked Elders pictured in the painted cloth, should they but come to the credit to be arraigned for their valour, before a worshipful bench, their very looks would hang they, and they were indited but for stealing of Eggs. By the Moon patroness of all purse-takers, who would be troubled with such Changelings, squat heart squat. I so suckling, so, stir not now, If the peering Rogues chance to go over you, yet stir not younger Brother's call you em and have no more forecast, I am ashamed of you, these are such whose father's had need leave them money, even to make them ready withal, for by this hilts, they have not wit to butten their sleeves without teaching, close, squat close. Now if the lot of hau ging do fallen to my share, so, then the Father's old man drops for his young masters. If it chance it chances and when it chances, hea ven and the Sheriff send me a good rope, I would not go up the la there twice for any thing, in the mean time preuentious, honest preventions do well, off with my skin, so you on the ground, and I to this tree to escape the Gallows. Do follow, if I do not deceive you, I'll bid a pox of this wit, and hang with a good grace. I am sorry there was not four to would made even money now by the Devils horns, 'tis Sir John Harcop. Theirs Nobody I perceive but may lie at sometime for one of them climbed this ways. Gathering of Nuts, that such fools as you are may crack the shells, and I eat the kernels. Sir John Harcop, my Noble Knight, I am glad of your good health, you hear your Age fair, you keep a good house, I would fed at your board, and been drunk in your buttery. A shrewd lose byr'lady sir, but your good worship may now see the fruit of being miserable: You will ride but with one man to save horse-meat and men meat at your Inn at night, & loose three hundred pound in a morning. And I say sir, I wish all miserable knights might be sir ved so: For had you kept half a dozen tall fellows, as a man of your coat should do, they would have helped now to keep your money. Marry, I will tell you sir, Coming to the top of the hill where you (Right worshipful) were robbed at the bottom, & see king some a scuffling together, my mind strait gave me there were knaves abroad. Now sir, I knowing my self to be old, tough, and unwieldy, not being able to do as I would, as much as to say Rescue you (right Worshipful,) I Like and honest man, one of the Kings liege people, and a good subject Nay it so sir. And I tell thee (setting thy worsh. knighthood aside) he lies in his throat that sa es so: Had not one of them a white Frock? Did they not bind your worships knighthood by the thumbs? then fagoted you and the fool your man, back to back. Why then so truly, came not they into this wood, but took over the Lawns, & left Winno steeple on the left hand. So, If this be not played a weapon beyond a Scholars Prize, let me be hist at. Now to the next. Come out you Hedge hogs? Do not belly me, If I had my right I deserve to be han ged fort. But come, Down with your dust, our morning's pur chase. Three hundred pound: A pretty breakfast: Many a ma ̄ works harden all his days and never sees half the money. But come, Though it be badly God, it shall be better bestowed. But do you hear Galants, I would not taught you this trade to get your livings by. Use it not, for if you do, though I escaped by the Nut tree, be sure yowl speed by the Rope: But for your pains at this time, Theres a hundred pounds for you, how you shall bestow it, I'll give you instructions. But do you hear, Look you go not to your Gilles, your Punks, and your Cock-tricks with it, If I hear you do: as I am and honest thief, though I helped you now out of the Briers, I'll be a means yet to help you to the Gallows. How the rest shall be employed I have determined, and by the way I'll make you acquainted with it. To steal is bade, but taken where is store, The faults the less, being done to help the poor Good, I would met my flesh-hooks together. Thats a bait for me. From these Crabes will I gather sweetness: wherein I'll imitate the Be, that sucks her honey, not from the sweetest flow ers, but Timb the bitterest: So these having been the means to beggar my master, shall be the helps to relieve his brother's and sister. Fair fallen you Gallants. Will you be made gallants? Let your wives agree of that after, will you first be rich lie married? Rich in beauty, rich in purse, rich in virtue, rich in all things. But Mum, I'll say nothing, I know of two or three rich heirs. But Cargo, my fiddlestick cannot play without Rozen: Avant. For Kex, dryde Kex, that in summer would been so liberal to fodder other men's cattle, and scarce have enough to keep your own in Winter. Mine are precious Cabinets, and must have precious Jewels put into them, and I know you to he Merchant's of Stockfish, and not men for my market: Then vanish. Tut, she of Lancashire has fifteen hundred. And then she the bright beauty of Leystershire, has a thousand, nay thirteen hundred a year, at least. Beside, she the most delicate, sweet countenanst, black browd gentlewoman in Northamptonshire, in substance equals the best of em. You were best play the parts of right fools, and most despera ̄ to whoremasters, and go together by the ears for the ̄ ere you see them. But they are the most rare featurd, well faced, excellent spoke, rare qualitied, virtuous, and worthy to be admi read gentlewoman, (I that must be one, though they want all the rest) And rich Gallants, as are from the utmost parts of Asya, to these present confines of Europe. Faith, 'tis to be doubted, for precious pearl will hardly be bought without precious stones, and I think theres scarce one indifferent one to be found, betwixt you three: yet since there is some hope you may prove honest, as by the death of your father's. Father's you are proved rich, walk severally, for I knowing you all three to be covetous Tug-muttons will not trust you with the sighed of each others beauty but will severally, talk with you, and since you have deigned in this needful portion of wedlock to be ruled by me Butler, will most bountifully provide wives for you generally. Why so, and now first to your Sir Knight You see this couple of abominable Woodcocks hear. You herd me tell them, I had Intelligence to give of three Gentlewomen. Now indeed Fit I would but the performance of one. And her I do intend for you, only for you. Now sir, she being but lately come to this town, and so nearly watched by the jealous eyes of her friends, she being a Rich heir, least she should be stolen away by some dissolute Prodigal, or desperate estated spend thrift, as you would been Sir. True I knowt, & intend now but to make use of them, flat ter with them with hopeful promises, and make them needful instruments. You would hit it which thus must beeffected, first by keeping close your purpose. Of which your following happiness, if they should know either in envy of your good, or hope of their own advancement they make our labours known to the gentlewoman's Uncle's, and so our benefit be frustrate. Which done, also but this, being as you shall be brought in to his company, and by my praising your virtues you get possession on of her Love, one morning step to the tower, or to make all sure, hire some stipendiary priest for money: for Money in these days, what will not be done, and what will not a man do for a rich wife, and with him make no more ado but marry hit in his lodging and being married, he with her and spare not. Enough, meet me at her lodging some half and hour hence: hark she lies. Fail not. I will but shift of these two Rhinoceros, With some discourse of hope to wive them two, and be with you straight. So now to my tother Gallants. Why look you. I had all this talk for your good. For you know the knight is but a scuruy-proud-prating-Prodigall, licentious unnecessary. Now you herd me tell him I had three Wenches in store, Hear me, though he may live to be and Ox, he had not now so much of the Goat in him, but only Hope's for one of the three when indeed I would but two, and knowing you to be men of more virtue, and dearer in my respect intend them to be yours. And win a kind of desire, as women are soon won to make you be beloved where you shall First kiss, then Woe, at length Wed, and at last bed my Noble hearts. Wenches bona robes, blessed beauty's, without colour or counterfeit: Away, put on you best Clothes, get you to the Bar bers, Curl up your hair, walk with the best strouts you can, you shall see more at the Window, and I would vowed to make you. Both Fools, and I'll want of my wit but I'll doot. As arrant knaves if I keep you company, Oh, the most wretched season of this time, These men Like Fish, do swim within one stream, Yet they eat one another, making no Conscience To drink with them they poison, no offence, Betwixt their thoughts and actions have control, But headlong run, Like and vnbiaest Bowl, Yet I will throw them on, but Like to him, At play knows how to lose, and when to win. Oh, are you come. And fit as I appointed: so, 'tis well, you know you knes, and have instructions how to bear your selves: All, all is fit, play but your partly, your states from hence are firm. Gods preciour Sir, the hell Sir, even as you had new kissed, and were about to court her, if her Uncle's be not come. But 'tis no matter Sir, stay you here in this upper cham ber, & I'll stay beneath with her, 'tis ten to one you shall hear them talk now, of the greatness of her possessions, the care they have to see her well bestowed, the admirablenes of her virtues, all which for all their coming, shall be but happiness ordained for you, & by my means be your inheritance. Have I not promised to make you. Go to then, rest here with patience, and be confident in my trust, only in my absence, you may praise God for the blessed nes you have to come, and say your prayers if you will, I'll but pre pare her heart for entertainment of your love, dismiss them, for your free access, and return straight. Now sir, you would herd her Uncles, and how do you like them. Well then, since you Like her, and by my means, she shall Like you, nothing rests now but to have you married. Tut, thats sure yours when you are married once, for 'tis hers by Inheritance, but do you love her? Would you sworn as much. How shall I know that. Upon your knees. Will live with her. Marry her and maintain her. For her forsake all other women. In all degrees of Love, either to Court, kiss, give private favours, or use private means, I'll do nothing that married men being close whoremasters do, so I may have her. And yet you having been and open whoremaster, I will not believe you till I hear you swear as much in the way of contract to her self, and call me to be a witness. Enough. Thus at first sighed, rash men to women swear, When such oaths broke, heaven grieves and sheds a tear: But she's come, ply her, ply her. I'll steal away and leave them, so wise men do, Whom they would match, let them would leave to woe. What so close? 'Tis well, I would shifted away your Uncle's Mistress, but see the spite Sir Francis, if you same couple of Smel-smockes, Wentloe and Bartley, would not scented after us. What but be married straight man. Tut, I never fail at a dead lift, for to perfect your bliss, I have provided you a Priest. Oh Gallants are you here, I would done wonders for you come mended you to the Gentlewomen, who having taken note of your good legs, and good faces, have a liking to you, meet me beneath. Why Mistress, how is't? how is't? Oh perjury. Good heart I pity you, You shall not be so cruel to your self, I have the poor Servingmans allowance, Twelve pence aday to buy me sustenance, One meal aday I'll eat, the tothet fast, To give your wants relief. And Mistress Be this some comfort to your Misery's, I'll would thin cheeks, ear you shall would wet eyes. What is prodigality? Faith Like a Brush That wears himself to flourish others clothes, And having worn his heart even to the stump, He's thrown away Like a deformed lump. O such am I, I would spent all the wealth My ancestors did purchase, made others brave In shape and riches, and my self a knave. For though my wealth raised some to paint their door, 'Tis shut against me, saying I am but poor: Nay, even the greatest arm, whose hand hath grast, My presence to the eye of Majesty, shrinks back, His fingers cluch, and Like to led, They are heavy to raise up my state, being dead. By which I find, spend thrifts, and such am I, Like strumpets flourish, but are foul within, And they Like Snakes, know when to cast their skin. Where are you Sir? Heeres fellows swarm Like flies to speak with you. Snakes I think Sir, for they come with stings in their mouths, and their tongues are turned to teeth to: They claw Villam nously, they have eat up your honest name, and honourable re putation by railing against you, and now they come to devour your possessions. Mantichoras, monstrous beasts, enemies to mankind, that would double rows of teeth in their mouths. They are Usurers, they come yawning for money, & the Sheriff with them, is come to serve and extent upon you Land, and then cease on your bo die by force of execution, they would begirt the house round. Beside Sir, heres your poor children. Come with fire and water: tears in their eyes, and burning grief in their hearts, and desire to speak with you. What shall we do sir? Your wives come in sir. The Moors the pity. What heart not pities this? 'Tis not the aim of gentry to bring forth, Such harsh vnrellisht fruit unto their wives, And to their pretty pretty children by my troth. Sir I must tell you, your progenitors Two of the which these years were servant to, Had not such mists before their understanding, Thus to behave themselves. I, I, will. I 'tis, I will tell you 'tis ungently done Thus to defame your wife, abuse your children, Wrong them, you wrong your self, are they not yours? Her whom your are bound to love, to rail against, These whom you are bound to keep, to spurn Like dogs, And you were not my master, I would tell you. Put up your Bird-spit, tut I fear it not, In doing deeds so base, so vild as these, 'Tis but a Kna, kna, kna. Tut howsoever, 'tis a dishonest partly, And in defence of these I throw off duty Peace honest Mistress, I will say you are wronged, Prove it upon him, even in his blood, his bones, His guts, his Maw, his Throat, his Entrails. 'Tis better then a knave of three and twenty, You if you were a master. My coat sir. Sfut when you hate, 'tis but a threadbare coat, And there 'tis for you: know that I scorn To wear his Livery is so worthy born, And live so base a life, old as I am, I'll rather be a beggar then your man, And theres your service for you. My heart not suffer me to leave my honest Mistress and his pretty children. What will you do to them Sir. No, but and honest servant Sir will take this coat, And wear it with this sword to safeguard these, And pity them, and I am woe for you, But will not suffer The husband Viperlike to pray on them. That love her, and have cherished him as these, As they have you. I will not humour you, Fight with you, and lose my life or these Shall taste your wrong whom you are bound to love. I will not, but will stay and wear this coat, And do you service whither you will or no. I'll wear this sword to, and be Champion, To fight for her in spite of any man. No, I desire it not, I'll pay you duty even upon my knee, But lose my life, ere these oppressed I'll see. In I know not if it be good or ill, That with this endless toil I labour thus, 'Tis but the old times Ancient conscience That would do no man hurt, that makes me doot, If it be sin that I do pity these, If it be sin I have relieved his Brother's, Have played the thief with them to get their food, And made a luckless marriage for his Sister, Intended for her good, heaven pardon me. But if so, I am sure they are greater sinners, That made this match, and were unhappy men, For they caused all, and may heaven pardon them. Sir William, kindly welcome. Sooth he's within sir, but not very well. The hell of sickness, troubled in his mind. Whose inside I do guess turns to his good, He shall not see it now then, for men's minds Perplexed Like his, are Like Land-troubling-winds, Who have no gracious temper. Whats the fryght now? What is't revealed man? Heart, who would rob with Sucklings: Where did you leave him? I'll stay his journey, least I meet a hanging. Theres one in civil habit sir, would speak with you. Sir? I will sir. I see his mind is troubled, and have made bold with duty to read a Letter tending to his good, have made his Bro the friends: both which I will conceal till better temper: He sends me for his wife and children, shall I fetch em. I will obey him, If any thing does happen that is Ill, Heaven bear me record 'tis against Butlers will. Heres your wife and children sir? Yes I will go, but I will be so near, To hinder the mishap the which I fear. Look who are here sir. They are your brother's and alliance Sir. Yet look Sir, Heeres your Brother's hand in hand, whom I would knit so. Ease prom see of succeeding joy to you, Read but this Letter. Which tells you that he knew he did you wrong, Was greeud fort, and for satisfaction Hath given you double of the wealth you had. And that he knew, Your sin was his, the punishment his endue. Heaven is, and has his gracious eyes, To give men life not Like intrapping spies. Well I will not curse him: he seeds now upon Sack & Anchoues with a pox to him: but if he be not feign before he die to eat Acorns, let me live with nothing but pollerd, and my mouth be made a Cooking stool for every scold to set her tail on. Ride with more men, good knight. And what will you do Mistress? Squat heart squat, creep me into these Bushes, lie me as close to the ground as you would do to a wench. Where? But beneath in her Chamber. I would filled his hands with Coin, and he shall tie you fast with words, he shall close your hands in one, and then do clap your self into her sheets and spare not. Down, down, 'tis the only way for you to get up. Thus in this task, for others good I toil, And she kind Gentlewoman weds her self, Having been scarcely wooed, and ere her thoughts, Have learned to love him, that being her husband, She may relieve her, brother's in their wants, She marries him to help her nearest kin, I make the match, and hope it is no sin. They are yours, and you are theirs, meet me beneath I say. By this they are wed, I and perhaps have bedded, Now follows whither knowing she is poor, Heel swear he loved her as he swore before. I am now go king to their place of residence, situate in the choicest place in the City, and at the sign of the Wolf joust against Gold-smiths-row where you shall meet me, but ask not for me, only walk too and from and to avoid suspicion you may spend ome conference w h the Shopkeepers wives, they have seats built a purpose for such fami liar entertainment, where from a bay window which is opposite, I will make you known to your desired beauty's, commend the good parts you have. And having seen & kissed the gentlewo. how do you Like his? Oh Sir. I cannot brooked no longer, Sir you do not well in this? Pisht, pisht. He is of seemly rank sir, and calls himself By the name of Doctor Baxtor of Oxford. Stay him, stay him. What will you do sir.