ARIOSTO

Why, I would have you leave your whoring. Oh young quat, incontinence is plagued In all the creatures of the world. When did you ever know any of them fat, but in the nest? ask all your Cantaride-mongers that question; remember your self sir. 'Tis concluded, ou are a fool, a precious one, you are a mere stick of Sugar Candy, a man may look quite thorough you Keep your hat upon the block sir, It'll continue fashion the longer. I will put on, why look you, Those lands that were the Clients, are now become The Lawyers; and those tenements that were The Country Gentleman's, are now grown To be his Tailors. Your switching up at the horserace, with the Illum- Shaking your elbow at the Taule-boord. Whereas if you had stayed at Padua, and fed upon Cow trotters, and fresh beef to Supper. Nay, be not you so forward with him neither, for 'tis thought, yowl prove a main partly of his undoing. You have certain rich city Chuffs, that when they have no acres of their own, they will go and blow up fools, and turn them into excellent meadow; beside some Enclosures for the first Cherries in the Spring, And Apricots to pleasure a friend at Court with. You have Pothecaries deal in selling commodities to young Gallants, will put four or five coxcombs into a sieve, and so drum with them upon their Counter; theyle searse them through Like Ginny Pepper, they cannot endure to find a man Like a pair of Tarriers, they would undo him in a trice. Oh terrible exactors, fellows with six hands, And three heads. Take heed of them, theyle rend thee Like Tenter hooks. Hark in your ear, there is intelligence upon you; the report goes, there has been gold conveyed beyond the Sea in hollow Aneres. Farewell, you shall know me better, I will do thee more good, then thou art aware of. 'Tis most true, I am but a stranger to you, but am Wished by some of your best friends, to visit you, And out of my experience in the world, To instruct you patience. Yes sir, I have had some crosses. That I am sir. You are merry. (angry. What should move you? Put forth that harsh Interrogatory, if these eyes Ever saw my wife do the thing you wot of. You are very conceited: But come, this is not the right way to cure you. I must talk to you Like a Divine. So I hear. Very devilish names All three of them: and surely I think, They were cursed in their very cradles, I do mean, When they were upon their Stocks. I will hear no more, Give me thy hand, my intent of coming hither, Was to persuade you to patience; as I live, If ever I do visit you again, It shall be to entreat you to be angry, sure I will, I'll be as good as my word, believe it. Why you whoreson fogging Rascal, Are there not whores enough for Presentations, Of Overseers, wrong the will o'th Dead, Oppressions of Widow's, or young Orphans, Wicked Diverses, or your vicious cause Of Plus quam satis, to content a woman, But you must find new stratagems, new pursuits, O women, as the Ballet lives to tell you, What will you shortly come to? The Devil take such Fees, And all such Suits i'thtayle of thee; see the slave Has writ false Latin: sirrah Ignorance, Were you ever at the University? Where, in a Pew of your Office? Non resident Subsumner: I'll tear your Libel for abusing that word, By virtue of the Clergy. She's mad my Lord, & would be kept more dark. By your favour sir, I have now occasion to be at your el bow, and within this half hour shall entreat you to be angry, very angry. Very fine words I assure you, if they were to any Only to you sir. Why very good, you will be presently As angry as I could wish. Lo, what you are come too: You that did scorn to trade in any thing; But Gold or Spices, or your Cochineele, He rates you now at poor John. Would you so? Yes, to weave seeming lace with the bones of their Husbands that were long since buried, and curse them when they tangle. Here's a Latin spoon, and a long one, To feed with the Devil. And old hunted Hare, she has all her doubles. You Mistress, where are you now? (tail. Your Tennis court slips, and your taken drink In a morning for your hight liner; where's the man, Would have had some dealing with you, that you might Keep counsel the better. What proof of this? O, it boar very bitter fruit at your last meeting. You will make your self a party in the Duel. What are these that interrupt the combat? Away to prison with them. I can play at chess, & know how to handle a rook. Whats here? o strange; I have lived this 60 years, Yet in all my practice never did shake hands With a cause so odious. Sirrah, are you her knave? Come, come, I know you for and East Indy Merchant, You have a spice of pride in you still. Pray my Lord give him way, you spoil his oratory else: thus would they jest were they feed, to open their sisters cases. Yes, Tailors in France, they grow to great Abominable purchase, and become great officers. How many Ducats think you he has spent Within a twelvemonth, beside his father's allowance? He learned that of and English drunkard, And a Knight too, as I take it. This comes of your numerous Wardrobe. Your losses I confess, are infinite, Yet sir, you must have patience. Sir, I am a Lawyer. You shall find I have. Make me Cuckold? All the sick horses in Italy Would have been glad of your lose them. Come, come, come, You gave those ships most strange, most dreadful, And unfortunate names, I never looked they prosper. Did you not call one, The Storms Defiance; Another, The Scourge of the Sea; and the third, The great Leviathan? Well, take it on my word then, Your place will not long be empty. Do you call this a Brief? Here's as I weigh them, some fourscore sheets of paper. What would they weigh if there were cheese Wrapped in them, or Figdates. Me thinks you prate too much. I never could endure and honest cause With a long Prologue too't. Hadst thou been drunk so long, Hadst done our Court better Service. Cry you mercy, do I so? And as I take it, you do very little remember, Either womanhood, or Christianity: why do you meddle With that seducing knave, that's good for nought, Unless the to fill the Office full of Fleas, Or a Winter itch, wears that spacious Inkehorne All a Vacation only to cure Tetters, And his Penknife to weed Corns from the splay toes, Of the right worshipful of the Office. Woman, yare mad, I'll swear't, & have more needs Of a Physician then a Lawyer. The melancholy humour flows in your face, Your painting cannot hide it: such vildsuits Disgrace our Courts, and these make honest Lawyers Stop their own ears, while they p'ead & thats the reason Your younger men that have good conscience, wear such large Nightcaps; go old woman, go pray, For Lunacy, or else the Devil himself Has taken possession of thee; may Like cause In any Christian Court never find name: Bade Suits, and not the Law, bred the Laws shame. I advise you, take their proffer, Or else the Lunacy runs in a blood, You are more mad then she. And angry fellow that would do thee good, For goodness sake it self, I do protest, Neither for love nor money. Are you angry yet? Take heed you do not crack your voice sir. Now the mettle comes to the Touchstone. Room for the bag and baggage. Come closer to the business. For a Iulipe. No? This Law business Will leave me so small leisure to serve God, I shall serve the King the worse. Stay, I do here first make protestation, I never took fee of this Romelio, For being of his Council, which may free me, Being now his Judge, for the imputation Of taking a Bribe. Now sir, speak your mind. How young? of five and forty? He that should have married your daughter? It was a plot belike then to confer The land on her that should have been his wife. A guard upon him for the death of Contarino. What say you to this Leonora? My opinion is, That this late slander urged against her son, Takes from her all manner of credit: She that would not stick to deprive him of his living, Will as little tender his life. Go when you please: what should move you Be thus forward in the accusation? Stay sir, be well advised, There is no testimony but your own, To approve you slew him, therefore no other way To decide it, but by Duel. Weel take order for her. Proceed then to the battle, and may heaven Determine the right. How insolently has this high Court of Honour Been abused! How now, who are these? She's a black one indeed. No more: attend the Sentence of the Court. Rareness and difficulty give estimation To all things are i'th world: you have met both In these several passages: now it does remain, That these so Comical events be blasted With no severity of Sentence: You Romelio, Shall first deliver to that Gentleman, Who stood your Second, all those Obligations, Wherein he stands engaged to you, Receiving only the principal. Next, you shall marry that Nun. Contarino, and Romelio, and your self, Shall for seven years maintain against the Turk, Six Galleys. Leonora, Iolenta, And Angiolella there the beauteous Nun, For their vows breach unto the Monastery, Shall built a Monastery. Lastly, the two Surgeons, For concealing Contarino S recovery, Shall exercise their Art at their own charge, For a twelvemonth in the Galleys: so we leave you, Wishing your future life may make good use Of these events, since that these passages, Which threatened ruin, built on rotten ground, Are with success beyond our wishes crowned. Your dainty embroidered stockings, With overblown Roses, to hide your gouty ankles. Very well, may it please this honourable Court, If he be a bastard, and must forfeit his land for't, She has proved her self a strumpet, and must lose Her Dower, let them go a begging together. You may see now what and old house You are Like to pull over your head, Dame. Have the Knights weighed, And measured their weapons? Well sir, now I must claim your promise, To reveal to me the cause why you live thus clouded. Most true, and I am glad the King has herd on't: Why they use their Lords, as if they were their Wards; And as your Dutchwomen in the Low-Countries, Take all and pay all, and do keep their Husbands So silly all their lives of their own estates, That when they are sick, and come to make their Will, They know not precisely what to give away From their wives, because they know not what they are So hear should I repeat what factions, (worth: What Batfowling for Offices, As you must conceive their Game is all i'thnight, What calling in question one another's honesties Withal what sway they bear i'th Viceroys Court, You'd wonder at it: 'Twill do well shortly, can we keep them off From being of our Council of War. You the Defendant charged with the murder, And you Second there, Must be committed to the custody Of the Knight-Marshall; and the Court gives charge, They be to morrow ready in the Lists Before the Sun be rissen.