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Full speech
¶Those two First syllables, might be put out, And then thou hittest my name without doubt. ¶Put away no good, and see how it will frame. For if thou do put away no good, There rests no more but neighbourhood. ¶Nay I will have them both two left out, Because of my name men should stand in doubt: For if no good neighbourhood I be nam, Then of all men I shall be blamed. And if that good, to neighbourhood I have, Men will say I do it praise to crave. So I will leave out both no and good, And will be indifferent sole Neighbourhood. ¶Sir my coming, is for occasions two, The First is for your council, what were best to do, In a matter which I have lately begun, If I shall proceed, or else leave it undone. The second is, if I shall proceed, That you will stand my friend if I need. ¶I thank you sir even with all my heart, And I trust also that Help will do his part. ¶Then sir this is the matter, if it shall please you give ear, I have a neighbour who dwells to me somewhat near. Who hath a Tenement, commodyous and feat, To which Tenement I bear a love very great. This man my neighbour as far as I can learn, Hath in his Tenement but a short term, Four or five years or there about, Which term you know, will soon be worn out. Now sir might I in reversion, a lease thereof have, I would give the Landlord, even what he would crave. ¶Master Greediness, a man whom you know right well, He is one which never did money hate. ¶And then to your pains I will gladly see. ¶As you say, I wish that I may it find But I doubt that of my purpose I shall miss, By reason of one thing, and that is this: My foresaid neighbour which now holds the same, Hath be there a long dweller of good name and fame. And well he is beloved both of young and old, Wherefore not only the neighbours with him will hold But also the Landlord, I am in great doubt, Will be therefore unwilling to put him out, And but a stranger among them God wot. ¶In deed my money as a neighbour will agree, With any man wheresoever it be. And I my self would be a neighbour to, And therefore the ather I do that I do, For if it were not to be a neighbour by them, I wiss I would not take a house so nigh them. ¶Sir, if that herein my friend you will stand, I will give you therefore even what you will demand. ¶Tush man for money I will not spare, ¶Why sir but will you not walk with us thither? ¶Then sir adieu till we meet again, Doubt not but I will consider your pain. Come Help shall we go.
Plot summary
Plot — The Tide Tarrieth No Man
Courage advises a variety of characters to embrace short-term gain, since the tide waits for nobody: he encourages Greediness to ignore spiritual advice, helps No Good Neighbourhood to acquire a neighbour's house unjustly through bribery, recommends Willingto-Win-Worship to get into debt rather than leave the court and his ambitions, and advises Wantonness to get married against her mother's wishes. The results are bad: Willing-to-Win-Worship finds himself worse off than before; Greediness's tenant, No-GoodNeighbourhood's rival, is evicted and left homeless in his old age; Greediness oppress~:s his debtors, one of whom is arrested at a sermon; and Wantonness marries Wastefulness. Christianity is corrupted by riches and policy, and Greediness dies in despair. Despair encourages Wastefulness, who has spent all his money, to commit suicide, but Faithful Few saves him through prayer. Finally Authority intervenes, Courage is arrested by Correction, and Christianity is reformed.