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Full speech
IF this distaff were spoon Margery Mumblecrust. Dame Constance hath promised us g worser ale and white bred. Fit down to your work Tibet Like a good girl. Well, you will sit down to your work anon, I trust. And sweet malt makes jolly good ale for the nonce. Thanks to God, though your work stand still, your to ̄ g is not lame You were not for n ught nam Tyb Talk apace. I hold a groat you will drink anon for this gear. I hold a penny, you will drink without a cup. I did neither chide, nor complain, nor threaten. I did nothing but did his work and hold his peace. And I am well content. And I will not be long after: Tib Talk apace. Nay we will go both off, and see what he is. I c me anon sir. God yield you sir, chad not so much ichotte not when, ere since chwas boar chwine, of such a gay gentleman. I will not stick for a kosse with such a man as you. Nay I can not tell sir, but what thing would you? She doth very well sir, and command me to you. She command me to one last day who ere it was. I can not tell you surely, but one it was. Een so sir. What aileth this fellow? he driveth me to weeping. I am taught already. A peck? Nomine patris, have you so muc spare? Have you lads too. And have you cattle too? and sheep too? And how many years old be you? And what shall I show his your masterships name is? Yet let me somewhat know. Yea Jesus, William zee law, did he so law? Jesus, nomine patris, what a thing was that? A soar man by . Oh Lord, my heart quaketh for fear: he is to soar. God save his mastership that so can his men forgive, And I will hear them sing ere I go, by his leave. Nay I will by mine own self foot the song perchance. Pipe up a merry note, Let me hear it played, I will foot it for a groat. It shall be done. Shall I have some new gear? for my old is all spent. Yea? A lusty gay bachelor took it me of trust, And if you seek to him he will low your doing. If to sue to him, you will any pains take, He will have you to his wife (he say) for my sake. A ioyly man it is I wot well by report, And would have you to him for marriage re to: Best open the writing, and see what it does speak. He promised to give you a whole peck of gold. I would take a gay rich husband, and I were you. I Was never so shook up afore since I was born, That our mistress could not have chid I would have sworn: And I pray God I die if I meant any harm, But for my life tune this shall be to meam charm. Marry a great deal the worse it is for such as thou. Now by the token that God tokened brother, I will deliver no token one nor other. I have once been so shent for your masters pleasure, As I will not be again for all his treasure. I with my distaff will reach him one rap. Yond stood a man all this spac And hath heard all that ever we spoke together. A good sweet gentlema ̄ . You. Een so sir. Een so sir. Een so sir. Een so sir. And come hark in thine ear what to say. Een so sir. Here let him tell his a great long tale in his care. It shall be delivered. But if you speed, shall I be considered? and I am here too at le ̄ gth. Why were not thou one of the ̄ , say, That song and played here with the gentleman last day? What shall I have? The I trudge w to your letter.
Plot summary
Plot — Ralph Roister Doister
Ralph Roister Doister seeks Matthew Merrygreek’s help in wooing Dame Custance, who is already affianced to Gawyn Goodluck. They send her a letter using her nurse, Madge Mumblecrust, as a go-between, but Dame Custance will not read it. They also send her a ring, but Tibet the maid gets into trouble for accepting it. Merrygreek tells Ralph that Dame Custance has not only rejected him but disparaged his manhood; Ralph despairs, but is persuaded to try again. Dame Custance is persuaded in turn to hear the love-letter read aloud, but Merrygreek reads it without regard for the punctuation, and reverses its meaning: it seems to promise her an unpleasant married life. His hopes dashed, Ralph seeks revenge on the scrivener who composed the letter, but the fault is shown to lie with the reader of it. Ralph continues to press his suit, and arouses the suspicions of Gawyn Goodluck’s servant. Ralph and Custance prepare to use force against one another, and Merrygreek admits that he was only helping Ralph for fun. When the men and women do battle, he hits Ralph while pretending to attack Dame Custance. Ralph has the worst of it, and retreats in disarray. Gawyn Goodluck hears of his fiancée’s apparent disloyalty, but accepts Tristram Trusty’s word as to what really happened. He makes his peace with Ralph, despite Dame Custance’s doubts.